Tossing and turning in bed, I gave up on the notion of sleep. Honestly, I'm surprised I haven't woken Rick up with all my moving. I've been up for hours, and sleep hasn't claimed me yet, so what's the point anymore? I sat up and rubbed my face. We attacked the compound two days ago, and I haven't been the same since. I don't know what it is, but something feels off. At first, I thought it was guilt since I killed seven people, but it was either them or me. I've never lost sleep when it was justified—hell, even when it wasn't justified, I still didn't lose much sleep.
Moving, I couldn't help but hiss in pain at the achy feeling in my abdomen. Touching my sore stomach, I lifted my shirt and frowned at the bruises that littered it. Letting the fabric fall, I rubbed my eyes and lightly groaned. I need to find something to get my mind off things for a few hours. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stretched, my shoulders popping.
"June?" I looked behind me and smiled as Rick called out for me, his hand searching my side of the bed. I leaned over and kissed his cheek, brushing his wavy locks back. "What's wrong?" I watched as he opened his eyes and squinted against the light.
"Nothing, mi amor," I whispered, "Just can't sleep," Rick rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes, a hum escaping him.
"What time is it?" I looked down at my watch and smiled, knowing it was too early for him.
"Seven in the morning," Rick grumbled at my answer and slung his arm across his face. "Go back to sleep." Rick groaned again and reached out for me, uncovering his face from the dark confines his arm brought him.
"I'm here to talk if you need it," He reminded me, his voice thick with sleep. I smiled and leaned over again, quickly kissing his lips before pulling away. Rick hummed again and smiled, keeping his eyes closed.
"I know," I whispered and jumped out of bed, "Don't sleep in too late," I laughed and grabbed clean clothes from the dresser beside me. I dressed and left the room, lightly descending the stairs and going to the bathroom. Once there, I turned on the light and grabbed the brush, tearing through my knots. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and looked over my face, eyeing the healing bruise surrounding my left eye. Besides being beaten on by that guy, I was relatively untouched, but he got a lot of good hits in. I touched the bruise and frowned, hating the yellow tint that started to pop up around it. There was nothing I could do about it, but I liked it better when I couldn't look at myself.
I closed the door and looked around the silent house, frowning again. Everyone sleeps soundly while I can't even find a few minutes of peace, making me envious. I wrapped my hands around my stomach and held onto myself tightly. There's nothing for me here. Walking forward, I picked up my boots from the entryway, slipped them on, and exited the house. The sun shone brightly, not giving my eyes enough time to adjust. I hissed and squinted, raising a hand to shield my eyes from the stupid flaming ball in the sky.
"Hey!" I looked forward and smiled at Daryl, "Why're you up this early?" I walked down the porch steps and approached him, my arms finding their way back across my stomach.
"Couldn't sleep," I muttered, watching as he adjusted a bolt on his bike. I still can't believe he found it! I wonder what happened to the people that robbed us, though? Are they dead? Daryl wiped his hands on a rag and looked at me, his eyes squinting against the morning sun.
"Carol told me about what happened—about how you snapped that girl's neck," Daryl muttered, his eyes glued to my face and watching my expressions. I squeezed myself tighter and kicked a rock by my feet, looking down at the pavement.
"Not the first time I've killed someone," I muttered.
"She also told me how you took out the other two," Daryl resumed, "Three people with your bare fists?" I smiled up at him and shook my head.
"Not with my bare fists," I corrected, "And technically seven if you count the ones we set on fire and the guy I shot." Daryl shook his head and reached forward, clapping me roughly on the shoulder.
"I'm here—" I held up a single hand and smiled at him, forcing the gesture.
"I know!" I interrupted, "You and Rick have been watching me like a hawk since we came back. I'm fine, I swear,"
"You say that, but do you mean it?" Daryl muttered. Do I mean it? I mean, despite everything, I'm fine. Killing those people isn't what's keeping me up at night. I don't want to say, 'cause what if I'm wrong and I've been worrying myself sick for two days for nothing? I unwound my arms from myself and reached for the man, wrapping my arms around his midsection and burying my head in his shoulder.
"Thank you for worrying about me," I started, my voice sounding muffled, "But there's something I have to figure out for myself. I'll let you know once I do," Daryl wrapped his arms around my neck and held me, letting me embrace him for a few minutes.
I pulled away from him and forced another grin, reassuring him I was okay. I gave him a small wave and started down the street, happy to have guys like Daryl and Rick in my life. I'd be dead without them, literally.
I aimlessly walked, not thinking about where I was going, but found myself in front of the infirmary. My body moved on its own, going on autopilot as I knocked on the door. Denise answered the door and smiled at me, her eyes widening at my sudden appearance.
"June, come in," She quickly said, opening the door enough for me to enter, "How can I help you?"
~*~
I walked out of the infirmary, my mind racing like a bat out of hell. My arms found their way around my stomach again, and a smile graced my lips before worry consumed me again. How could I be so stupid? I put myself in these dangerous situations time and time again. I don't think! I looked at my watch and pursed my lips, realizing an hour and a half had passed since I first left the house. More people were walking around, each greeting me and earning a head nod from me as I acknowledged them.
"June!" I turned and bit my lip, focusing on Michonne as she raced towards me, "I've been calling out your name for a few blocks. Are you okay?" I looked at her and smiled, reaching for her hand.
"I'm good. I just have a lot on my mind," Michonne nodded and started walking again, her eyes firmly ahead of us.
"Wanna share?" Michonne asked, earning a shake of the head from me.
"Not really," I sighed and ran my free hand through my hair, "But tell me something," Michonne turned to me and smiled, swinging our hands playfully in between us, "Jacob?" I watched as her smile widened, her cheeks flushed, her gaze tearing from me. So, I was right all along! He finally won her over!
"It's new," Michonne blushed. I don't think I've ever seen her blush this much before! It's so out of character for her!
"How?" I exclaimed, "When?" Michonne let go of my hand and bit her lip, her hands finding their way to her cheeks to conceal the color gracing them.
"A few days," Michonne answered, "Before the compound," I felt like an ecstatic teenager all over again as she finally admitted everything, gasps and giggles escaping me.
"I'm honestly surprised, 'Chonne," I giggled as we continued walking down the street. She stuffed her hands in her pockets and gave me a mischievous look, her smile widening.
"Me, too," She admitted. Suddenly, her eyes widened, and she lightly smacked me on the arm, her smile dropping altogether, "Have you been able to talk to Selena and Carl lately?" I furrowed my brow and looked ahead. Why is she asking me this? I talk to them every single day.
"I kinda live with them," I laughed, "Of course I do," Michonne let a smile spread across her lips again and held her hands up in mock surrender as I stared at her. Did something happen to Carl and Selena?
"I'm sure it's nothing," Michonne smirked, quickly changing the subject. What's happened? I couldn't focus on our conversation as we walked around, my thoughts filled with curiosity. What did she mean?
~*~
I climbed the stairs in our house, silently pushing the master bedroom door open and closing it behind me. I checked my watch and smiled—it was a quarter till ten, and Rick was still peacefully sleeping. Slowly, I kicked off my boots and padded towards the bed, gently lowering myself next to him. I turned onto my side and watched him sleep, admiring how peaceful he looked. It's rare to see him this relaxed.
Sluggishly, his blue eyes opened, and a smile graced his lips as he saw me. His hand gingerly brushed my cheek as he scooted closer to me, his arms wrapping around my waist. I wiggled closer to him and buried my head in his chest, my arm finding its way around his midsection. We stayed motionless for a few minutes before Rick finally let out a hum.
"What time is it," He croaked, his voice still dripping with sleep.
"It's almost ten," I answered back. He let out another hum and held onto me tighter, his nose burying itself in my hair.
"It's a good thing there isn't much to do today," Rick said. I smiled as his hand started to trail up and down my spine, leaving trails of electricity in its wake. It was my turn to hum in response. He was right. We don't have much to do today other than guard duty and gardening or attempting to garden. I can tell it stresses Maggie out how nothing is taking and growing, but we'll get it. I'm optimistic we will.
Rick's hand rested on my shoulder and pushed me, eliciting a chuckle as I landed on my back. His body hovered over me, encasing me in his warmth, and a smile spread across his lips. I felt my breath hitch in my throat as his hands trailed down my body and paused at my thighs. Gently, he grabbed my thighs and wrapped them around his waist, his blue eyes darkening as our clothed groins rubbed against one another.
"Dad, June," Carl's voice rang out from the other side of the door. Rick let out a small groan and climbed off me, plopping down next to me.
"Yeah," Rick answered, bringing the blanket to his chest, "Come in." Selena poked her head in first, her teeth showing as she smiled at us and entered the bedroom. Carl entered after her with Judith in his arms, his bandage looking freshly changed.
"Judith was fussing, so I got her," Carl told us, "Is it okay if Selena and I take watch?" I sat up and extended my arms for Judith, smiling at the baby girl as she leaned towards me with her little arms trying to reach for me. I looked at Rick and shrugged, giving him the power to decide. I don't see the harm in letting them take a few shifts occasionally, and it's not like they're going outside. Rick sighed and grabbed Judith's hand, playing with it as he thought about his response.
"We won't go over the wall," Selena added, her big brown eyes on Rick, almost pleading with him, "We'll take the shift together. We just can't be doing nothing around here, you know?" I pursed my lips and studied the two teenagers, remembering what Michonne had briefly mentioned. I hate how she didn't tell me what was going on. Every time I asked, she avoided the question.
I looked over Selena's face, my eyes taking in every feature, every curvature, before landing on what appeared to be a bruise under her jaw. Did she get into a fight? No, I would've heard something if she did. She doesn't like Enid, but the girl doesn't seem to have much fight to land a hit on Sel. Next, I turned my gaze to Carl and studied him, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. Damn, I wonder what it is!
"Fine," Rick finally answered, "Why don't you guys go take over for whoever's there now? It's not going to be a full shift—I'll come get you two in a few hours,"
"Thanks, Rick!" Selena beamed, dragging Carl out the door with her. I chuckled and looked down at the baby in my arms, my heart racing. Judith babbled and reached for my face, her lips glistening with saliva. Her warm and somewhat sticky hand landed on my cheek, and a giggle escaped her lips. I can do this.
~*~
I sighed as I trudged through the woods with my knife in hand. I glanced at my wrist and sighed again as it flashed 2:22. Technically, I shouldn't be out here, but I couldn't stay inside the community for another minute. I felt like I was going stir-crazy. Rick had gone to relieve Carl and Selena about forty minutes ago, and he never returned, so I dropped Judith off with Michonne and Jacob and decided to come out here for a few minutes, maybe an hour. It's funny; I would've killed to have days off in a row back when the world was okay, but now I feel useless if I'm not constantly busy. It's like even the walkers have taken a day off! I haven't seen any in the twenty minutes I've been out here.
I'll walk for a few more minutes, and then I'll go back home. Who knows what Rick will do if he finds out I'm sneaking out? Damn, I wish Daryl would've told me he and Rosita were taking Denise out earlier; I would've gone. Hell, I would've gone with Eugene and Abraham to check out that one building Eugene's been talking about for a few days. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, anxious to do something.
I don't know why I'm feeling this way. It's strange. I groaned and decided it was time to go back home. Unconsciously, I wrapped my arms around my stomach again for the millionth time and reflected on my life these past few years. I never would've thought my life would end up like this. I always assumed I would continue working for the history museum and live a quiet life. If love had found me, I would've embraced it fully, but it's strange to think of myself falling in love with someone who isn't Rick. I wonder who the lucky guy would've been if the world never ended. I didn't have anyone special before, so I don't think I would've found someone. It's not like I was rushing to fall in love either way. Hell, I didn't expect to fall in love after the world went to shit. It's weird how these things work out.
The wall stood tall before me as I grabbed the footholes and climbed. Grunts escaped me as I climbed, the wind slapping me. I climbed over and descended, frowning once my feet hit the ground. Looking around, I made sure no one saw me and slowly circled to the front, walking the main street towards the house.
I turned the doorknob and walked into the house, my eyes darting around. It appeared that no one was home yet, and I didn't want to grab Judith just yet. Jacob is always so happy when Judith's around—I guess it reminds him of his daughter. Throwing myself onto the sofa, I sighed and rubbed my stomach, wincing slightly. They really did a number on me back at that safe house. I just hope everything will be okay. A noise upstairs startled me, making me sit and look toward the source. Is someone here? I rose to my feet and approached the stairs, hearing what sounded like giggles. Slowly, I climbed the stairs and listened for more noises, realizing they were coming from Carl's room.
"Carl?" I practically whispered. My stomach churned as something told me I shouldn't open the door, but I ignored it and slowly twisted the knob. I pushed the door open and immediately gasped, instantly covering my eyes. "My eyes!" I practically screamed as the image of the two teenagers burned in my brain.
"June!" Selena screamed. I uncovered my eyes and looked at the two teens, watching as Carl scrambled to put his jeans on. Selena remained motionless, her head in her hands and the blanket wrapped around her body.
"I-it isn't what you think," Carl immediately stuttered, his lone eye frantic as we made eye contact. They're naked and in bed! What else could this be? I shook my head, trying to get the image out of my head, and turned. If I didn't need to throw up earlier, I feel like I need to now.
"Both of you," I started, my voice wavering a bit, "Downstairs now," I quickly ran down the stairs and pulled at the ends of my hair, desperately trying to get everything that happened in the last minute or so out of my mind and failing epically. I was worried something like this would eventually happen! I'm so stupid for not paying more attention or implementing rules for them. But I'm not even around 24/7 to ensure they follow those rules. Carl and Selena entered the living room, their eyes downwards and their faces red. What do I even say? What do I do?
"Before you start, June," Carl started, his eye finally meeting my face, "Can you not tell my dad?" I let out an unsure laugh and paced, still uncertain of what to do. I've never had to do this before! I rubbed my temples and looked at the two teenagers, my mind quickly filling with those cursed images.
"How long?" I quickly asked. Should I tell Rick about this? That would be the best thing to do, right? "How long have you guys been...." I trailed, unable to complete my sentence. Selena rubbed her arm and sat on the loveseat, her face blushing furiously.
"Um," Selena murmured, "Not long... a few weeks, maybe?" I took in the information and continued to pace, still debating whether I should tell Rick. Finally, I sat down and looked at the two teenagers.
"You know the pullout method doesn't prevent pregnancy, right? And the calendar method definitely doesn't work," I told them, scolding them. But it's the truth! I sound hypocritical because Rick and I aren't the safest, but I have to remind them of the fire they're playing with! We can't have another baby around here, and it's not like abortion or adoption is on the table for anyone anymore. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat, suddenly feeling incredibly guilty about my thoughts.
"We're safe," Selena grumbled, her arms crossing in front of her chest, "We asked Jacob for condoms, and he gave us some," Ah, so that's what Michonne was trying to tell me! I rubbed my temples and threw myself on the sofa, still taken aback by this situation. Carl and Selena are fifteen—they're still too young! But at least they're safe, right? Maybe I'm overreacting? It's obvious they like each other—it's been obvious for a long time now. I guess I'm just surprised at how quickly this has progressed. Also, where did Jacob get the condoms from? As far as I know, there's none in the pantry or the infirmary, and Glenn and Maggie are necessarily using them, either. Maybe Abraham has a large stock of them? Damn, that's something Rick and I should've looked for harder, then we wo—I couldn't finish my thought and looked back at the two teenagers.
"I'm not going to tell Rick," I muttered, running a hand through my hair, "I don't think there's anything I can do to stop you guys from—" I cut myself off and shook my head, still in disbelief, "As long as your being safe and smart about it. You don't want to be in the same boat as Maggie and—" I couldn't complete my sentence. It was like the words got stuck in my throat.
"And?" Carl asked, his lone eye scanning my face. I sat up straight and felt my chest shake.
"You don't want to be in the same boat as Maggie and struggle to take care of a baby," I finished, watching as he squinted at me, "It's not easy, you know. I don't even know how we're doing it with Judith," Selena looked at me studiously but said nothing. Silence drifted between us, and I watched Selena's face light up, her mouth opening to say something. Then, the front door slammed open, and Daryl rushed in, his chest heaving rapidly. I jumped to my feet and looked at him, startled by his appearance.
"June," Daryl breathed, "I need you and Rick to come to the infirmary. We've gotta talk,"
~*~
The night air breezed past Rick and me as we sat on the porch, silently thinking about everything Daryl told us. That guy who robbed us in the burned-down forest is alive, and he killed Denise. It's safe to assume he's working with those guys tracking him down all those weeks ago. How are we going to tell Tara about Denise? She's out with Heath and won't be back for a while. I rubbed my face and let out a groan, stressing about it.
At least Eugene was okay, and the bullet only skimmed him. Why can't things ever go smoothly for us? Is that too much to ask for? Rick sighed heavily and walked over to me, his hand extending my way. I grabbed it and let him pull me up, my head finding his shoulder once I was on my two feet. Rick wrapped his arms around my waist tightly and squeezed me, his lips connecting to my head to place a kiss on my forehead. We started to sway, the familiar tune of Close to You by the Carpenters escaping Rick's throat as he hummed. I tiptoed and wrapped my arms around his neck, remembering that day he told me he loved me. It's the same day we lost the prison. So much happiness was clouded by the darkness the Governor brought.
"We'll deal with this tomorrow?" Rick quietly asked me, "There's not much we can do right now," I nodded against him and held him to me closely, enjoying how close he was. "Are you okay, sweetheart?" Am I okay? Will we be okay? I've never felt so scared and conflicted before in my life, but something deep within me screamed at me that everything would be fine. I looked up at the handsome man I got to call my boyfriend and genuinely smiled, the first one in two days.
"As long as I'm with you," I breathed, "I'll always be okay,"