I stood inside the church, my mind still going a hundred miles an hour. My anxiety hadn't died down, and it was becoming evident to Rick that something was heavy on my mind. He probably thinks it's unease about the whole situation we've gotten ourselves into, and I won't tell him otherwise. I stood at the altar with Rick, my attention on all the people in front of us, but unable to process anything Rick said. I studied their faces, watching some expressions contort with fear, determination, and annoyance. My stomach turned again, and I took in a silent breath, focusing on that instead of trying to pay attention to Rick and his rambling. I love him with every fiber of my being, but sometimes, he goes on and on. A shuffling near the back grabbed my attention, my eyes settling on Morgan as he looked up at us.
"Are you sure we can do it?" Morgan asked hesitantly, "That we can beat them?" I suppressed the overwhelming nausea that threatened to overtake me and found my voice for the first time since Rick called this meeting.
"What this group has done, what we've learned, what we've become, all of us—" I looked around and pursed my lips, retaking a deep breath, "Yes, I'm sure." Morgan looked to the ground before refocusing on us, his lips pursing.
"Then all we have to do is just tell them that," Morgan shrugged.
"These people won't compromise—" Rick started but was interrupted by Morgan.
"This isn't a compromise," Morgan shifted his weight onto his other foot while he looked at us, "It's a choice you give them. It's a way out for them and for us." I bit my lip as bile started to rise in my throat, forcing me to swallow heavily as I tried to push it back down.
"We try and talk to the Saviors. We give up our advantage, our safety," Rick stressed to his friend, "No, we have to come for them before they come for us. We can't leave them alive,"
"When there's life, there's a possibility," Morgan states, sounding like one of those pro-life commercials or billboards they used to put up everywhere. My nausea started to subside, and my stomach growled, making me silently groan. If it's not one thing, it's another.
"Of them hitting us," Rick raised his voice slightly.
"We're not trapped in this," Morgan snapped, "None of you are trapped in this," I scratched my face and looked down, tired of all this back and forth. From what Rick told me, I knew Morgan had a new outlook on life. He now thought all life was valuable, whereas he had lost his mind and tried to kill anyone back then. It's strange seeing how someone can do a complete 180.
"Morgan," Rick sighed, "They always come back,"
"They come back when they're dead, too," Morgan pointed out.
"Yeah, we'll stop them," Rick stressed, "We have before."
"I'm not talking about the walkers," Morgan breathed, his eyes landing on the floor with a faraway look.
"Morgan wants to talk to them first," Rick said. They have ears, don't they? I'm sure they followed along, "I think that would be a mistake, but it's not up to me. June and I will make rounds and talk to the people still at home. We'll talk to the people on guard now, too, but who else wants to approach the Saviors? Talk to them first?"
"What happened here," Aaron jumped up from his place on one of the pews, "We won't let that happen again," He looked at Morgan and pursed his lips, "I won't." He turned his attention back to us and gave us a nod. Still annoyed, I touched my growling stomach and stood tall with Rick.
"Then it's settled," I nodded with Rick, dropping my hand, "We know exactly what this is. We don't shy from it; we live. We kill them all." Silence droned on for a few seconds between us, my stomach being the only noise to be heard, "We don't all have to kill, but if people are gonna stay here, they do have to accept it."
I stepped down from the altar and stalked towards the door, pushing it open and sighing with relief. I circled towards the back of the church and hunched over, trying to figure out if I was hungry or needed to puke. It could just be something I ate before we left for Hilltop, and my stomach is just turning sour. I let out a deep breath and straightened out, my hands on my stomach as I started towards the house.
~*~
I lay on the sofa, my arm covering my eyes and a hand on my stomach as it still went crazy. Carl and Selena silently read in the kitchen, giggling at whatever was in their comics. Judith let out a slight coo in her sleep, the sound coming through the baby monitor on the coffee table beside me. Rick, Daryl, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie, and Jacob were with that guy, getting a better idea of the compound before we go tomorrow. I assume they're at Daryl's place, but I don't know.
My stomach churned uncomfortably again, and bile started to bubble up to my throat. I shot up and raced towards the bathroom, startling Carl and Selena as I made my mad dash. Hunching over the toilet, I heaved up my stomach's contents and groaned. Suddenly, warm hands massaged my back as I remained hunched over, making me groan again.
I flushed the toilet and stood up, walking over to the sink to rinse my mouth. Glancing in the mirror, I saw Rick staring at me worriedly. His lips were in a tight line as he watched me, and I could almost see the gears turning in his head. I swished my mouth and spat the water in the sink before turning to look him in the eyes.
"I don't want you going tomorrow if you're sick," Rick murmured, closing the distance between us and embracing me. I smiled into his shoulder and shook my head, knowing there was no way he would be able to talk me out of this.
"Nope," I quipped, "I'm going tomorrow, and there's nothing you can say or do that'll convince me otherwise," Rick groaned and pulled away, his thumb and index finger grabbing my chin to force me to look at him. "I'm sure it's just something I ate," I told him, trying to reassure him, "It'll pass by tomorrow," Rick frowned and sighed, knowing he wouldn't win this one. He leaned forward to kiss me, but I turned my head, his lips connecting with my cheek.
"I just threw up," I reminded him, "At least let me brush my teeth," Rick pouted like a little boy, his arms wrapping around my hips as I turned and grabbed my toothbrush. Tomorrow's going to be a long day.
~*~
I sat in the back of the RV with Michonne, my head on her shoulder and my eyes closed. I wish sleep had been able to claim me, but I've been up and thinking for the entire forty minutes we've been driving. The annoying part? We're not even going to this compound yet; we're stopping a little more than fifteen minutes away to find a walker resembling Gregory. The RV started to slow, forcing me to open my eyes as Rick slammed his hand on the horn, prompting all the others in cars behind us to slam on their horns as well. I sighed, got up, adjusted my holster, and moved towards the door.
"Aaron, Rosita," Rick called out as we filed out of our vehicles, "You start here. We'll peel off every quarter mile and meet back here in a couple of hours," I approached Rick and stood by him, crossing my arms in front of my crazy stomach. I watched as some of the group started to branch off in different directions, my hand reaching for my knife. Gabriel approached Rick and me with a rifle slung across his shoulders. It's weird seeing him with his clerical collar and holding a gun.
"There's no turning back now," I reminded the holy man. Gabriel smiled at me and closed a single eye as the sun peeked through the clouds and hit him in the face.
"I could walk," Gabriel shrugged with a smile, "Maybe run a little, maybe a lot," I shared a smile with him and looked behind us, "I wanted to learn, and you two taught me for a reason." Rick shifted on his feet and pointed to the clerical collar on Gabriel's neck,
"Why are you still wearing that?"
"It's still who I was, I think," Gabriel muttered, a sudden smile reappearing on his lips, "And it'll be harder for them to see me in the dark," Rick and I chuckled, the two of us tapping Gabriel on the shoulder before walking in the other direction. I looked up at Rick and nudged him, gaining his attention.
"I'm going to head out with Heath," I told him, hoping that Heath would agree to join me, "You take someone else—like Michonne or Jacob," Rick pursed his lips and placed a hand on my rumbling stomach.
"You feeling okay?" I nodded at him and gave him a tight smile, tiptoeing to place a kiss on his lips.
"I'm good, Grimes," I whispered as I lowered myself down, "See you right now," Rick nodded and held my hand, reluctantly letting it go as I started to walk in the opposite direction. I walked towards the cars and held my knife loosely in my hand, my eyes glued to Heath as he listened to whatever Glenn told him. I approached the two men and nodded at them, my attention diverting to the tall man with dreads and glasses.
"I'm going out there. Wanna join me, boys?" They nodded and silently followed me through the woods, our footing light as we kept our eyes peeled for any walkers. We walked silently for ten minutes before the familiar sounds of growls penetrated the still air. I bent down, keeping low as I peered around the trees, spotting a small group of about five walkers. I looked at the men and nodded, moving around the group to attack from the rear.
Letting out a small whistle, I gained the attention of all five and rushed forward, my knife diving into a walker's skull while Glenn and Heath took out two more. I pulled my knife from the hard bone and focused on the walker nearing me. My foot shot out to kick it down. I straddled the dead being and plunged my knife into its frontal bone, cringing at the smell that assaulted my nostrils. I stood up and shook my head, a vision starting to swirl around me as dizziness struck me.
"You alright, June?" Heath asked as I stumbled over my feet. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, letting the dizziness pass. When I reopened my eyes, Heath and Glenn looked at me worriedly.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I looked down as soon as the world stopped spinning and eyed the walker closer to Glenn, "That one could pass for that asshole," Glenn looked down and studied it, his face still filled with worry.
"Yeah," He nodded, "Maybe. If we, um, cut the hair, trim the beard. If it's dark," I placed my hands on my hips and licked my lips, taking deep breaths. Heath tapped my upper arm, his eyes on me. I nodded at him and looked down at the walker, mentally comparing it to Gregory. It could pass for him, and we're lucky it's gonna be dark out.
"We're gonna kill those people," Heath said, looking uneasy, "Tonight. Look, I've been lucky. I haven't had to do it before. Have you?" I shifted uncomfortably on my feet and looked at the ground. I've killed too many people to count at this point. As fucked up as it sounds, it gets easier to do.
"I've been lucky, too," Glenn answered.
"Are you nervous?" Heath asked. I looked up and noticed both their eyes darting to me, looking for an answer. I've been the only one between these two that has taken someone's life. I wrapped a hand around my wrist and looked at them, thinking of how to put it.
"Have you ever seen something that afterward, you didn't want to sleep? And you weren't hungry because you could see it when you closed your eyes?" Both men looked down and gave me nods, reverting their attention to me. "It's similar to that. It gets easier each time, as fucked up as it sounds. You have to realize it's either you or them," I looked down at the walker again and pointed at it, "That one is fine," I nodded and started walking ahead, leaving the two men to decapitate the walker.
~*~
"We're gonna take a look around," Rick started as we assembled by the vehicles a few hours later, "Try to get a feel for how many people are in there." I sat on one of the vehicles with Daryl, my head against his shoulder, as exhaustion started pounding on my door. "We like how it looks. We go in. A couple of hours before dawn—the guards outside'll be tired. Everyone inside'll be sleeping," Rick's eyes stopped on me, furrowing slightly as I readjusted my position on Daryl's shoulder, "If we don't like what we see, we head back, make a new plan. They don't know who we are, and we'll keep Jesus in the shadows," Rick looked around the group, taking in every single expression, "This is how we eat," He reminded us, "We'll roll out at midnight."
I sighed and looked up at the ragged man, a smile spreading across my face as he glared down at me. I brushed his hair out of his face, a frown encasing me as my stomach flipped. Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me? Daryl wormed out of my grip and gently pushed me away, his lips in a tight line as he examined me.
"You don't look too good," I snorted and leaned against my knees, my head turning to look at him.
"Geez, thanks," I teased. Daryl reached forward and touched my forehead, his lips turning downwards in a deeper frown, "I'm fine, Daryl. I'm just tired," Daryl rolled his eyes and flicked my forehead, the slightest of smiles tugging at his lips.
"Tell Rick to let you sleep more instead of keeping you up all night," I groaned and buried my face in my knees, feeling my face flush. I reached over and lightly punched him in the shoulder, still embarrassed.
"I'm going over there," I muttered, hiding my face behind my hands. Daryl chuckled as I hurried off the car and towards Rick. Rick stood with Jesus and the guy, whose name I still needed to learn, and grabbed Rick's arm. Rick smiled down at me and wrapped it around my shoulders, pointing at the heads. It shocked me how much they looked like Gregory. We might get away with this after all!
"That one's the closest," Jesus said as he pointed to the middle head, "But the nose isn't the same." I weaseled out of Rick's arm and looked at the head. He's right. I grabbed it by the hair and balled my right fist, punching the head square in the nose a few times. Rick smiled at me, while the other two looked disturbed as I shook my hand.
"He fought back," I explained, "He broke your hand, right?" I asked the guy with a smile.
"I guess there's no reason to be subtle about it." Jesus nodded. I wiped my hand on my pants and rose to my feet, quickly burying myself under Rick's arm again. The guy looked at Rick and me. His lips pursed tightly as he stared at us.
"What?" Rick asked, squeezing me into him.
"The Saviors, they're scary, but those pricks got nothing on you guys," The guy turned and started walking away, his head shaking.
"Thanks?" I called out, earning a small chuckle from Rick.
"You alright there, June?" Jesus asked me. I turned to him and gave him a forced smile. Truth be told, I don't feel the best, and I should've stayed at home, but I can't miss this. It's a stomach bug. "You're looking kind of pale," I swallowed thickly and nodded, avoiding Rick's gaze. He nearly pleaded with me to stay behind today—I'm just surprised he didn't threaten to cuff me to a pipe to prevent me from coming.
"I'm fine," I reassured the guys, still avoiding Rick.
"Maybe you should stay back?" Jesus suggested, "You look like you're either gonna puke or faint at any moment." Jesus looked up at Rick with questioning eyes, "Isn't Maggie staying back to keep an eye on the perimeter while we go to the compound? Why doesn't June hang back with her?" I pursed my lips and wanted to scream when Rick looked down at me. I could see in his eyes that he wanted me to do that. I didn't want to argue with him, so I nodded.
"I'll stay back," Damn you, Jesus!
~*~
I lay across one of the seats in the RV, my arm shielding my eyes as I started to worry about our people. I gave them big hugs before they went, but something tells me something will go horribly wrong tonight. Maggie paced in the RV, her eyes squinting as she looked outside while Carol watched the both of us with worried eyes. I sat up and frowned, hating that I gave in so easily. I should be out there with them! I should be contributing and fighting alongside our people. Carol let out a small chuckle, leaned back in her seat, and crossed her arms in front of her chest, her blue eyes twinkling in the darkness.
"You'd rather be out there," Carol stated. I rose and walked towards the door, needing fresh air. Maggie and Carol followed me close, their guns held tightly as I slung my automatic gun across my shoulders and stepped out in the cold night. I walked towards the rear of the RV and leaned against it. My eyes scanned the line of trees, remaining glued to the compound on the other side. Maggie and Carol approached me and scanned the wilderness, their lips pursed. I don't like this hanging back and waiting thing. A loud alarm pierced the quiet night, forcing me to push off the RV and look at the source of the noise: The Compound.
"Stay here," I commanded, mainly speaking to Maggie as I slung the gun forward and gripped it.
"I'm coming with y'all," Maggie quickly interjected, running up and joining me when I started towards the trees.
"No!" I yelled in unison with Carol. Carol ran forward and grabbed Maggie by her arms, trying to pull her back. She's pregnant—she shouldn't even be out here, to begin with! I stepped in front of her and shook my head, blocking her path while Carol tugged on her arm.
"I have to!" Maggie nearly pleaded with us.
"No, you don't. You don't have to," Carol told the pregnant woman. I agree with Carol. Maggie and Carol should hang back while I go out there.
"Yes, I do!" Maggie argued, flashing a look at me. I shook my head and looked at the darkness around us, anxious to get to the compound.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Carol asked her.
"What am I supposed to do?" Maggie asked, frustration seeping into her voice.
"You're supposed to be someone else!" Carol raised her voice. What is this? Is Carol projecting her guilty feelings onto Maggie? A walker stumbled from the woods, forcing me to act and grab my knife from its holster. I tackled the dead being down and stabbed my knife through its head, protecting the two women with me. The alarm blared around us, making my heart jump with fear and anxiety.
"You two are staying here," I hissed at them, "Maggie, you're pregnant. Why are you here?" I snapped, finally losing my cool. I shook my head and looked behind me, my eyes widening as a man rushed us. I grabbed my automated weapon and shot him in the shoulder once, "Go back," I yelled at the two women, stalking forward with my gun raised. I aimed for his head, my finger on the trigger.
"Stop! Or they're both dead!" A new voice screamed from behind me. I turned, glaring at the two new women who pointed their guns at Maggie and Carol. Two women, if I can take one down and throw my knife at the other, we'll be fine.
"Guns and knives on the ground now!" Maggie and Carol obliged quickly, their eyes on me the entire time. Slowly, I fingered the handle of my knife and tried to calculate my chances against these two new women.
"That's a nice knife," I turned and looked at an older woman, her gun directly in my face, "For a murderous bitch," Three now? Well, that certainly changes things. Still, I didn't listen and kept my weapons, glaring at the two women before me.
"We've got a tough one here!" The strawberry blonde one laughed. I gritted my teeth and swallowed, trying to recalculate my chances. A hand grabbed my shoulder and forcibly spun me around. My face erupted in pain as the man from before punched me.
"Stupid bitch," Was the last thing I heard before I lost consciousness.