Every vein pumped fury around my body and carried it directly to my heart. I liked to believe that I was a decent human being. Sure, I sinned like everybody else but I've never felt anger like this. Never had my thoughts corrupted by murderous intentions. Until now.
A week! That was a new track record for me. The Maines would be calling Janet tonight and telling her to find a new placement for me because they couldn't hack the trouble and it was all his fault.
I contemplated the many different ways I would kill Arlo Peers.
I would steal his clothes when he changed for soccer practice and sit them in a tub of dog food. Then somehow I would kidnap him and leave him in the middle of the forest so he could get mauled by coyotes and wolves.
Or I would simply drop a piano on his head from the science block rooftop and flatten him like a cartoon character. Either way, I wanted to kill him.
"I'm leaving the classroom momentarily, I trust you'll behave yourselves and not leave. After all I can find out where you live." Mrs Roberts joked from the front of her classroom, she directed her statement towards Arlo, not me.
I glanced down at my letter, we had both been instructed to write an amicable letter to one another during detention or else we couldn't leave. Mine basically turned into hate mail.
"Hey!" He whispered from behind me, I ignored him. "Hey, hey Blossom!" I ignored him again.
"Blossom?" I raised my middle finger up to him and carried on writing my stupid letter.
Silence filled the room for five blissful minutes.
"Pssst Blossom, what are you writing?" His annoying voice yet again interrupted the peace.
"Would you shut up?!" I replied aggressively, of course I shouldn't have expected him to follow the rules of detention. What did I think got him here in the first place?
"Jesus Blossom, why are you always so uptight? Is it the celibacy thing?" I almost cracked my neck turning around to face him so fast.
"What the fuck did you just say to me?" I knew exactly what he said, I was just daring him to repeat it.
How dare he have the audacity to invalidate my hatred for him just because I choose not to open my legs to anything with a pulse, like I'm assuming he does. Sex wasn't everything.
He got up and walked over to my table, taking a seat at the desk right beside mine. I watched him like a hawk watches her next meal.
"I'm just wondering if the reason you're always so angry is because you're not getting any." He smirked at me again and I couldn't control my outpouring anger. "Or is it just that time of the month?" He added injury to the insult.
Before I could truly think about my actions I raised my hand in the air and slapped him right across the face. The movement surprised both him and me.
We both sat still for a few seconds, just staring at one another. His cheek was reddening in the shape of a hand and very slowly he touched the mark and held his cheek.
"Ow." He mumbled.
"Arlo back to your seat." Mrs Roberts walked back in and interrupted the tense atmosphere. "Fearne would you like to come to the front and read Arlo your letter?"
"Gladly." I walked to the front of the classroom holding my letter. I kept my head held high, my chin pointed, my shoulders squared and my posture straight. He folded his arms and swung back on the two legs of his chair, a pink mark fully visible on his cheek.
"Dear Arlo" I begun. He rolled his eyes and appeared disinterested. "I want you to know that you make me a better version of myself and I wholeheartedly thank you for that."
He arched one brow and straightened himself out on the chair so all four legs were touching the floor. He leaned forward draping his long arms over the desk but still looked as casual as ever. His knee bounced up and down, unable to remain still.
"I know you probably doubt that but it's true. I vowed to hold onto my virginity, a concept you're too dense to understand but boys like you only solidify my reasons because why would I want to participate in anything that could screw my life up just like you screwed up your parents?"
"Fearne." Mrs Roberts interrupted harshly.
"Sorry Mrs Roberts, I'll do better." I reassured her innocently. Arlo didn't take his eyes off me, he remained quiet and sucked in his lower lip. Holding it in place so he didn't smile, frown or react at all to my cruel words. His leg was distracting, why was he always so fidgety?
"I've noticed the way you carry yourself Arlo, you're not a shy person. In fact, you love being the center of attention and you're good at it. People talk so highly of you, even when you're a dick to them. You flirt with everyone and that makes them feel special. It keeps them hooked on you but you'll never commit to the likes of Hannah from homeroom when you've got the likes of Lexi from god knows where.
You are a heartbreaker. All the lead up but never the commitment. You probably can't count the amount of hearts that you've broken for two reasons. One - there's too many and two - you can't count that high.
I think it's a front you wear well, the player. You keep everyone at a distance with mocking tones and sarcastic comments, never truly letting anybody see the real you because you're scared of not living up to their expectations.
See you're a lot like Rapunzel, instead of letting your hair down you just let people down. Your parents. Your friends. Your family. Your teachers. Yourself."
"That's enough Fearne!" Mrs Roberts interrupted again.
"I'm almost done Mrs Roberts, I'll wrap it up nicely" I gave her a warming smile and carried on. "It's easy for people to like you. But I'm not buying into your bullshit. Just seeing your face gets under my skin and prickles me alive like I've fallen into a pit of vicious nettles.
I can't stand it when you look at me. I can't stand it when you speak to me. I can't stand it when you're in the same room as me, so it's a good thing that you've probably gone and got me kicked out of yet another home."
I glanced at Mrs Roberts, she didn't look happy with me. Neither did Arlo. But I carried on.
"I'm really trying to end this on a positive compliment and with a pretty face like that I'm sure you're stupid enough to believe I've just given you one.
Anyway, I know you're eager to read out the letter you wrote for me but before you do I just wanted to point out that you're stealing precious oxygen from this planet, I think you owe a bigger apology for that. Love you accidentally, Fearne."
The room fell into an awkward silence. Mrs Roberts breathed heavily and Arlo made no efforts to move, except his knee which continued to bounce. I sat back down at my desk and smiled to myself proudly.
"Arlo?" Mrs Roberts prompted.
I heard his movement but I didn't turn around. He looked over his letter as if reading the words back quietly before saying them out loud. I waited, thickening my skin for anything that he was about to throw at me. It was nothing I wouldn't have heard before anyway.
He looked up from his paper, brown eyes meeting blue and then he folded the page.
"Blossom." He started. I sighed, of course. "Your whole stance is fake." I wiggled myself back in the chair to sit upright and I clasped my hands together over the desk.
He continued folding his stupid paper.
"You don't believe half the shit you say but for some reason you're forcing yourself to, I don't know what you've been through in life but somewhere down the road someone has warped your mentality and now you're lost, not knowing who or how to be."
I felt the familiar suffocation of negative emotions. How did he know? The water was clogging up inside my mouth and nose, building in my lungs, just like it has many times before. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. This boy, this stranger was outing me, exposing me and I had no idea what I had done to make it so obvious.
"You try and portray yourself as this perfect little angel but everybody knows the devils colour is red. You want more. You want to feel alive. You want to suck the air into your lungs and finally understand the reason for breathing."
I swallowed hard and fought back the negative feelings. He was being so causal with his whole manner, not even looking at me. Instead just folding the paper over and over again as he exposed my unspoken truth. Then he stopped and stood up straight, looking directly at me. I folded my arms in a bid to protect my heart.
How could he know me so well when he didn't really know me at all?
"You want to fly." He clutched the paper between his finger and his thumb, then he soared it through the air.
I flinched backwards slightly as the paper aeroplane landed on my desk and I looked down at it, terrified of picking it up and reading whatever was written.
"But you're shit scared of falling."
He nodded his head at the letter, very slowly and carefully I unfolded it then cast my eyes over his scruffy handwriting.
Dear Fearne, I'm sorry you got covered in paint. I really didn't mean to spill the pot over you but I can see how you thought that I did. From Arlo.
He changed what he wanted to say after he heard my letter? He knows my name is really Fearne? I looked back at him in confusion.
"Your whole stance is fake." He repeated. "And I'm going to prove it, I'm going to make you want to break your celibacy vow."