Disclaimer: Not mine.
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"Hell fucking no! No, no, no fucking way can this be happening, what a piece of shit, crap, bullshitting wanker …"
It was a blessing in disguise that the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were unable to catch any of the venomous rantings of the furious girl, or a simple detention would have been the least of the girl's worries, what with the vitriol spewing from her mouth descending into threats of murder and vicious torture.
Rose was not happy, and by not happy she meant that she was mentally reviewing her memories of the lethal spells used by the Auror department during times of high risk. She may have been an Unspeakable for the vast majority of her working life, though that was only after a brief stint as an Auror after the war, after which she'd realised her career choice as a confused fifteen-year-old was completely unsuited to such a jaded young adult.
Talent in the job hadn't been the issue, it was that her cynical attitude and aptitude with the deadlier spells encouraged nothing but suspicion in her character, not to mention her instinctual distrust of following authority figures. One of the things she'd loved about being an Unspeakable was that the department Head acted more as a supervisor who checked in every now and then, but ultimately left everyone to their own projects.
After just coming out of a war with Death Eaters still on the loose the Aurors had been given free rein to use deadlier force, and Rose had excelled in taking down her targets with deadly ease. With her magic unblocked she'd come face to face with the realisation that her core was actually grey rather than light, and the deadlier spells that the Aurors were using at the time worked better with her magic.
The point was that Rose Potter was an ex-Auror and Unspeakable with the developed mind of an adult, and her mind was home to a plethora of spells which weren't even used in polite duels due to what the spells had been developed for.
Spells which she was desperate to use on one of her new professors.
Rose had never had the best experiences with professors – Quirrell had been possessed by Voldemort and tried to kill her, Lockhart the fraud who tried to wipe her memory, Remus (sorry, Dad) accidentally trying to kill her, Crouch actually tried to have her killed at the end of the year, being tortured by Umbridge the toad, not to mention Snape's 'teaching' methods … Hogwarts should be glad that she'd never snapped and killed one of them.
Her new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor was a complete tosser who Rose hated on immediate sight. The condescending look pasted on the twat's face, the clear lack of a properly functioning brain, and the way he was so far up his own arse made the girl's fingers continuously twitch towards her wand, mentally reciting a castration curse.
Gilderoy Lockhart had been bad enough once, let alone a second time.
She had no fucking clue how the wanker had managed to get hired as the DADA professor again – even if it was the first time for him – but she was tempted to just give up and go home.
Flophart was a grade-A useless twat who couldn't teach a flobberworm, let alone hundreds of impressionable students at once, many of whom were taking their OWLs and NEWTs. She dreaded to think of the test scores at the end of the year, what with the combined 'talents' of Quirellmort and the fraud. She shuddered just thinking about it.
Speaking of shuddering, she hadn't realised just how inappropriate the man had been before; it was one thing to think the bloke was just a bit weird at twelve, but to see the man flirting with and winking at children was more than a little sickening.
"Ah, Miss Potter! You do look ravishing today dear, but I'm afraid not as ravishing as my pictures when I won Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile award …"
The self-important air and the beyond-creepy smile directed at her made her want to throw up in her mouth. She shivered remembering their first lesson, and how she'd subconsciously scooted closer to Blaise who she'd been sitting next to.
Said boy had also been none too impressed with the idiot judging by the look on his face, and he continually rotated and sat next to a different girl each time, seemingly in an attempt to be chivalrous and protect them from Lockhart's attention. Rose found it quite touching.
Blaise had banded together with the other boys from the study group and they all made sure their female friends weren't left alone to suffer the idiocy of their new teacher. The other boys in their year were also disgusted by Lockhart, but they also despised how the girls seemed to adore him.
Thankfully Rose's friends each had a brain.
Initially, Hermione, Hannah and Susan had all had pink cheeks whenever they saw the self-important prat, but they soon became disillusioned when they realised that, not only were his books full of inconsistencies – Hermione almost cried at how more books had failed her – but also how Flophart was utterly incompetent when it came to delivering a lesson and acting like a teacher.
He was unprofessional, disturbingly so, had no idea about the subject matter he was teaching, and didn't seem to care whether or not the students actually retained any knowledge. (Rose actually regretted killing the basilisk, if only so she could have had the idiot eaten by it.)
Every single one of Rose's friends was soon so thoroughly disgusted by the fool masquerading as a professor that they'd unanimously decided to start a siege on him and get him fired. The glint in Susan's eyes when she spoke about contacting Amelia with evidence had been rather terrifying to the other first years. Rose just felt irrationally proud.
She did feel a little bad that her actions may have been responsible for this mess.
Clearly her actions in this time period had resulted in Dumbledore's suicide, and no matter how many times she was told she was innocent she still felt guilty. Indirectly or directly, she was responsible for his death and the resulting emotional turmoil for the Hogwarts staff, which was the only reason she could think of for why McGonagall of all people had hired Gilderoy Lockhart. Not to mention having to balance teaching with her new Headmistress duties, as she hadn't found a replacement yet.
A – quite drunk – McGonagall had once told her that she hated Lockhart with a passion, and could never tell how the idiot had even been hired. There was no way that the woman was currently in her right mind with Dumbledore's death, and she was clearly so out of sorts she wasn't even paying that much attention to her hiring requirements. That or she was so relieved by her previous success with filling the gaps in the staff that she relaxed a little too much.
The History of Magic post had finally been filled with an actual human being, and the woman who'd been hired was quite a shock to Rose. Her name was Cassandra Yaxley, the daughter of the Death Eater Corban Yaxley who'd recently died after Voldemort bit the dust, and she was surprisingly gentle. The Headship of the family had fallen to her younger brother Cleon and the two siblings were happily enjoying life free from the control of a Death Eater. Cassandra was now free to do as she pleased, and she had begun a complete overhaul of the History curriculum that made many a student moan about their nap time disappearing.
The subject was now considered an actual lesson, and for those interested the classes had become something to look forward to. While DADA might be a bust this year the History reputation was soaring.
Professor Yaxley wasn't the only new teacher garnering praise however, as Potions was now being taught by an individual who was not only capable of teaching the subject, but also didn't care which House the students were in.
The elusive Horace Slughorn had come out of retirement once more.
The rotund man had originally retired just after the First War, after which Snape took over and begun systematically destroying the students' education and depriving the country of graduates with decent brewing skills. Now Slughorn was back and had already made waves by disregarding any previous House favouritism, and had bluntly lectured the snakes on how they were disgraces to the House of cunning – or so Dobby had reported back after spying.
The Slug Club was up and running once more and Rose had just received an invitation, though none of her friends had. She knew that Slughorn usually kept to the older students, and that if her friends were older there wouldn't have been an issue.
He might have had his favourites, but during the actual classes he genuinely helped every student regardless of House or family status, so while his suck-up nature was irritating Rose could appreciate how it didn't affect his teaching.
As it was, while Rose was ecstatic over finally having a decent History professor and a Potions professor who actually taught, she was downright pissed at having to deal with Lockhart again. Just because nobody else remembered him didn't mean she didn't, and her memories were more than enough to give her a migraine from remembering all the problems the moron previously caused.
There was no way she was going to deal with this again.
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"So what do we do about it?"
"Do?"
Millicent levelled an unimpressed look at Terry who blushed and looked away. Others might have thought the gesture romantic, but the friends knew that the Ravenclaws hated feeling unintelligent and responded with some awkwardness, or anger in the case of Rose. She knew that she tended to bristle a bit like her Animagus form when she was insulted, and for Terry he felt embarrassed.
The group was currently holding a 'council' of sorts about Lockhart, and how best to rid the school of his idiocy.
"Why don't we just set the Weasley twins on him?"
Everyone turned to Parvati with looks ranging from impressed to concerned.
Wayne looked concerned. "Don't you think that's a bit harsh?"
Daphne snorted at him and drawled, "I think harsh was leaving a bunch of untrained eleven-year-olds to handle a bunch of pixies because he'd run off cowering. Pathetic." Her huff was paired with a disgusted sneer that would have put Snape to shame.
Rose grinned a little remembering how the lesson with pixies had happened for the first-year class with all four Houses this time. Her friends were all much better prepared this time so they'd been able to defend themselves more and Neville hadn't been hung on a chandelier, but Zacharias Smith had been dropped in a tank of water in the corner and Rose nearly wet herself laughing.
"It might be harsh, but can you imagine the stupid man falling prey to those two day after day. I don't know about you lot but I'd pay good money to see that." Blaise's evil grin was mirrored on nearly every face, and even those who were usually calm were still viciously tempted to seek vengeance.
"But how do we contact them? They won't just help a couple of firsties if we ask, even if they want to prank him already?" Su's question was a legitimate query, and Rose was trying to figure out how to offer to talk to them when she caught sight of Blaise's knowing smirk directed right at her. She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach as her friend winked then opened his mouth.
"You could always ask Rose, she is their friend."
As he spoke multiple heads whipped around to stare at her with disbelief and confusion. They were all close friends but that didn't mean that Rose was all that open. Susan and Neville had known about her dads since summer, and Blaise had briefly met her parents at King's Cross, while Hermione was at the least peripherally aware of her family situation. The rest of her friends had no concrete knowledge about her, but had thought they knew all they could about her at school.
Everyone – other than Blaise, apparently – had no clue about her friendship with the red-headed twins if their faces were anything to go by, and she was pleased that she still had the ability to fool (most) people if needed.
"What? Since when? How come you didn't say anything?" Hermione's rapid-fire questions were accompanied with an affronted look at how her blonde friend had withheld information.
Rose mentally sighed. "Yes, I'm friends with George and Fred Weasley. I've been friends with them since before Halloween. I didn't say anything because I knew full well that you'd probably try and speak to them, and they'd probably rope you guys into something that you'd regret. They have a very peculiar sense of humour and if they find someone even the slightest bit interesting they use them as targets in their pranks.
"Not to mention that we've been working on a project together using notes from my dads when they were teenagers. They found something like a family heirloom of mine and I let them keep it, but we've been working on how to create new ones. It's something the three of us wanted to do by ourselves."
Her explanation finished with varying looks directed at her, though she was torn between being amused and being irritated at Blaise's entertained smirk. The 'puffs looked rather interested in their mystery project, while everyone else was looking at her shrewdly or in confusion.
"Can you do it?"
Tracey looked far too chipper and eager for talk of destroying someone's career, but Rose just nodded resignedly, knowing full well that the castle was soon going to be under siege.
When she later received twin manic grins promising untold pandemonium she couldn't tell whether she was looking forward to it or not
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Getting the twin menaces to agree to not try and figure out how she could help in their prank was surprisingly easy, but she supposed they felt indebted to her after meeting the Marauders. It wasn't that she would never tell them, but her Metamorphmagus powers were better kept a secret for now.
She was currently hiding in the toilets and changing her appearance; she slowly morphed into the visage of a woman who'd slain some creature before Lockhart appeared and Obliviated her; she changed her clothes and waited.
Rose had no idea what the twin devils were going to do, but if the grins on their faces were anything to go by it wasn't going to be good for Flophart. Especially because they'd managed to recruit Dobby somehow. Her faithful time-travelling friend seemed just a bit too excited whenever she saw him, but she decided to ignore her mental alarms and focus on scaring the shit out of the fraud.
Soon enough she heard the twat whistling as the came down the hall, as he apparently liked to walk around the castle and garner praise where he could. Wanker.
She casually made her way out into the hallway and stood there for a minute, letting her rage at the idiot's incompetence build.
"Hello, Mr Lockhart. Long time, no see."
He whirled around, and upon seeing the woman before him he paled and forced out a pathetic imitation of a smile.
"H-hello there. I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't r-recognise you Ma'am. Is there something I can help you with?" The combination of him stuttering and slowly backing away was pathetic, and Rose nearly snorted in disgust.
"Hmm, it's funny you should say you don't recognise me Mr Lockhart. I certainly recognise you. I mean, after hunting me down, wiping my memory, writing a book to get credit for everything I did … Are you sure you don't recognise me?"
He started whimpering.
"I suppose it is difficult to remember though, I mean, haven't you done this to countless others? I wonder, have you actually done anything you've claimed to do?" Rose made sure to paste a cruel, mocking smile on her face as she casually strolled up to the man who was backing away even quicker than before.
"I'm even more intrigued as to what the Ministry would say if they knew that you were nothing but a fraud."
It seemed as if the 'f-word' was something of a trigger for Lockhart, who let out a girlish shriek, screamed "NO!", and tore off down the hallway toward the twins.
She ducked into a classroom, turned back to herself with her uniform, and went through a secret passageway to where they'd hoped he would end up.
Upon arriving at the scene, she couldn't decide if she wanted to laugh hysterically or throw up.
Strung up from the ceiling and blindfolded, for everyone to see, was a naked Gilderoy Lockhart with cameras floating around him taking pictures every few seconds. He was spreadeagled, and his extremely-undersized … equipment, was on full display for all to see.
Whenever a picture was developed it was sent somewhere else, and judging from the shrieks echoing from around the castle she had a good idea where.
She ignored the squealing man and ran back to one of the hidden alcoves where she found the twins. She sat down, took one look at them, and burst into hysterics.
The three of them sat for a good while roaring in laughter, before the noise tapered off, only for giggles to permeate the space whenever they caught each other's eye.
The legacy of the Marauders was still going strong.
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Oh my god!! Did you guys watch the Eternals promo?? Angelina Jolie, Richard Madden, Kit Harington. Are they trying to kill us with hotness overload??
Sorry for the very late update I am just dealing with a lot personally. Adios.
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