Harry.
- One week later -
"That's great, Harry, one more!" Pete urged me as I lifted another weight. Sweat was dripping off of my forehead, my hair held back with a bandana as I stood in the gym at the mansion, in front of the mirror, lifting weights with my right arm.
The strain in my muscle was excruciating, but I wanted to practice and get back to my old physique as soon as possible. When he told me I could drop the weight, I did immediately and it landed on the floor with a loud thud while I let out a breath, closing my eyes and relaxing my body as my arm felt heavy.
"Lots of progress already." Pete commented with a nod as he scribbled some stuff down, "You should rest now for a few days and I'll come back on Monday to train again. Sounds good?"
Pete was part of the gang but had a physiotherapist education before that. It had been about a week since my surgery, and I had been trying to lay off the oxy and use training as a pain relief. It had been frustrating to see my body not co-operating in the way I wanted it to.
Pete patted me on the shoulder as I was still catching my breath. "When can we start boxing?"
"Think that's a bit too much of a direct hit on your muscle. I'd start with weights first, bicep curls and all before doing any sort of thuds like that. And don't train without me, you'll overdo yourself." He pointed at me sternly and I rolled my eyes before shortly nodding.
I reached for the sling, placing it around my shoulder to support my arm before I exited the gym and made my way towards the bedroom Violet and I shared.
She was on the bed when I walked in, nose buried in a book.
She had finished Pride and Prejudice by now and had moved on to reading the Harry Potter books. Again.
Violet was wearing sweatpants and a large sweater even though it was such a hot day today and she usually opted for dresses then. I wondered how on earth she wasn't burning up right now.
"Hey." I smiled and she lowered her book to slightly smile back. "Hi. How was it?"
"Fine, really need a shower though." I breathed, wiping my forehead with the back of my hand. She didn't say anything as she was back to reading her book, and I walked over to her side of the bed, snatching the book out of her hands. It was Prisoner of Azkaban – no surprise there.
Violet frowned upon my action, reaching her arm up to grab her book back but I only held it higher, a slight smirk on my lips as she seemed very unamused by me breaking her reading time.
"Join me." I mumbled and she let out a sigh, "What?"
"Join me," I repeated, "in the shower."
Violet froze slightly, dropping her arms as she stopped reaching for the book and she diverted her eyes away from me. "I already showered this morning."
"Two showers a day never killed anyone." I answered coyly. We both knew the shower wasn't for showering anyways.
"I'm really tired, Harry..." She breathed, "going to make it an early night."
I noticed her heavy eyelids and pale skin. She did look tired. She had been looking tired for days now even though all she did was sleep.
I frowned slightly at her excuse, but decided not to push it. "Okay." I muttered, giving her the book back and she smiled thankfully as I let out a breath and disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door behind me but not locking it, in case she changed her mind.
It had been like that all week. I had honestly hardly seen her since getting out of the hospital. She seemed to always be curled up in the bed, on the far right side as I slid under the covers on the left side.
When I tried to cuddle her, she'd say she didn't want to hurt my shoulder or break the closed wounds on her back. Or it was too hot or the position was too uncomfortable. Or that I ended up kicking her at night which she wanted to avoid. It was always something.
She woke up from nightmares more frequently now, usually around three times a night. I didn't blame her for being tired, even though I had suggested she took more time off from the RSP. She insisted on going back to work merely two days after we got out of the basement, meaning she was gone for half the time.
I had suggested we took a little vacation, just the two of us. Get away for a while, even if it was just the weekend. We had never done that, just a few days of uninterrupted time with one another, besides that one week at her apartment. That didn't count since I was a zombie for most of that.
She had said no.
The nightmares were violent and consisted of her screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night, thrashing around in the sheets before she shot up with a gasp and cried for a bit, wobbling towards the bathroom to calm down in there.
She insisted on doing it alone, one time even snapping at me for attempting to comfort her. Violet during her nightmares was a league of her own, completely unpredictable and so extremely on edge. She sometimes spent hours in the bathroom after having a nightmare, preventing me from coming in. I usually eventually fell back asleep after a while, and I never noticed her coming back into the bed.
She told me she dreamed about the fire more these days, but I had a feeling that horrible nightmare had been accompanied by another. Something definitely happened in that basement. The lines on her back and stomach had faded for the most part, just a few little scratches on her back that were well on their way to heal completely.
When she went to work I'd then get a text in the afternoon, informing me she was going to hang out with Abby. She'd only return late at night and go straight to bed then, hardly speaking three words to me.
Violet had been driving herself to work these days, yearning for some of her freedom back after the impromptu gang attacked her. I trusted no one at this point, so it was either her driving herself or me driving her, which she protested against.
I had a tracker on both the car and her new phone, but refrained from using it after she had begged me not to. She deserved privacy after feeling that violated for so long.
Once in the shower, I let my mind drift back to the week we'd had. The hospital bed was uncomfortable enough for me to give it up after one night, yearning for my own mattress and sheets, and most of all yearning for Violet's presence next to me. The six nights without her were the worst I'd slept in a long time.
I didn't like sleeping alone.
Yet now she was next to me in the bed and it felt like I was more alone than ever. She was basically a zombie next to me.
I missed Violet. She hadn't been the same ever since they had taken her into that basement. Every time I tried to talk about it with her, she shut me out and claimed she was fine while she was most obviously not. She had been distant, quiet, reserved with me. I had been trying to joke around, cheer her up, but the most I got was a faint, forced smile that didn't reach her eyes.
It was different. She didn't want to talk about it, no matter how many times I tried. My protective, controlling personality told me to talk to Abby about it, or to drag her to a therapist, but I also wanted to respect her privacy and her choice for taking time.
She hadn't kissed me once. She hadn't touched me once. When I attempted to, she flinched and backed away, coming up with some bullshit excuse of being tired.
She was always tired.
My injured shoulder relaxed under the hot water of the shower, and I had quickly checked my stitches in the mirror, which all seemed fine. I was healing up nicely, thanking God that Chase had only hit me there and that the bullet went in and out immediately, not damaging anything.
I was definitely lucky.
Louis had informed me that Violet had thrown a right fit upon arriving at the hospital, so much that they had to sedate and restrain her. Twice.
It was another thing I wanted to talk to her about, but we didn't talk anymore.
I sighed in annoyance when I noticed my hardened erection, turning my face upwards to let the water hit me straight. From just being in her presence, she got me hard. Even though we had hardly spoken three words, she hadn't touched me and she hadn't even shown any skin, I was aching for her.
She had to so much as breathe near me these days to have this effect. I missed her so much that the faintest amount of contact was enough to excite me and have me aching for her.
My hand closed itself around my length, feeling some sort of relief from my own touch, even though I preferred hers. I imagined Violet in the shower with me, remembering vividly all the times we had fooled around in this very shower.
She was usually playful, grinning and teasing in here with me. Under the stream of hot water, we kissed and touched and felt each other's wet bodies. She already looked absolutely stunning naked, but with the glistening drops of the water on her, she simply looked glorious.
Too glorious for me to ever resist.
I missed her.
I quickly changed hands, my right arm being too sensitive for this sort of workout. I instead rested it against the wall, bracing myself as my eyes closed and I let my imagination run free.
Violet.
Naked.
In the shower with me.
Her hair wet, clinging to her face, her skin glistening in water drops. The shower head pulsating against her clit, her cries and moans as she came hard and clenched around me, the look of pure bliss on her face when she did. Back arched, lungs deprived of air, legs tight around my hips when I brought her to her climax.
It was my favourite thing to do. The moans she let out, the whimpering of my name, sounded like music to my ears. It was my favourite song.
I bit down on my lip when a grunt escaped me, left hand tugging on myself as more memories flooded my brain. All the times I'd had her, specifically the time she tied me to the bed and rode me.
"Fuckin hell." I muttered, a new spark of arousal gliding over my spine when I remembered that specific moment. She had never looked hotter to me than she did that evening. Fucking glorious in the dim light of my old bedroom in the apartment, red lingerie, eyes dark with lust as she teased and tortured me. But I had loved every second of it.
I sped up my pace, stroking myself in firm tugs as I hunted for my orgasm, needing some sort of relief for my frustration. If I didn't, I'd snap at her and we'd get into a fight. She seemed to have this constant look of anxiety on her face, and I knew if I'd raise my voice even the slightest bit, she'd break. I didn't want to make her cry.
My mouth hung open, lips parted and heavy breaths coming from my throat as my arm started to ache. My hair was wet and dangling in front of my forehead, the steam in the cabin adding to the image in my head of Violet being here with me. I almost could feel her hands on me, sliding around my back and neck so effortlessly, tugging on my curls, her lips against mine.
"Holy shit – fuck!" I choked quietly as my orgasm hit me, my body shuddering as my hips rolled against my fist and my other hand smacked against the wall. I squeezed myself harshly, feeling the spurts of my release leave me in waves as my legs tensed to cope with the feeling of the tight knot of my stomach unravelling.
I groaned in aftershocks until I felt myself softening and it was all over.
And I was in the shower again. Without Violet.
She always locked the door when she came in here. Even if it was for a shower, or a quick pee-break or when she dealt with her nightmares during the darkest hours of the day. She never left the door open.
It had made me a bit paranoid, thinking she was hiding something. I hadn't seen her bare back or chest or stomach, ever since before she got taken. Was her body maimed? Did they hurt her in ways she hadn't told me? Was that the thing she had been hiding under her many layers of clothing?
I exited the shower with a sigh, draping a towel loosely around my hips as I opened the door again. I wanted to see if my nakedness shocked Violet, if it did anything for her. But she was curled up on her side beneath the sheets, back facing me when I walked in. I didn't know if she was asleep already, maybe she was faking it.
Either way, she didn't acknowledge my presence as I walked over to my closet to grab some pyjamas. Once dressed, I headed downstairs for a smoke. Violet didn't care if I was in the bed or not, so why should I.
The cigarette hung loosely from my lips as I was seated on the front steps of the mansion. The sun had gone down a few hours ago, and I knew Violet had early shifts this week which is why she usually went to bed earlier.
I wondered if she was different at work, or just her usual, kind self. I couldn't imagine her having the energy to hang out with the kids each time and not say a word to me. She had to be cold there too. People had to notice.
Abby had to notice.
We definitely all did.
The meeting yesterday felt awkward. Violet hardly talked to anyone, not even Eleanor or Isobel. She stood with them as they chattered, glass of champagne untouched in her hands.
She had worn a wide, black dress that covered up most of her skin. Her shoulders had been hunched, arms crossed as if she was shielding herself from the outside world.
The dance we did was the most contact all week. I had looked forward to it, feeling the need to feel her beneath my hands even if it was for such a brief period of time and for a bloody formal dance. The way she flinched when my hand rested on the curve of her waist, had made me frown.
I knew she had told me she usually felt calm whenever I was with her, it was the same feeling I got when she was with me. But lately, our connection just seemed off. I couldn't pinpoint what it was, because she never talked to me.
She was shutting me out completely.
The dance was usually a goofy moment for us since we both found it incredibly stupid. I usually let my hand slip to her ass, provoking Gabriel a bit while Violet and I made funny faces at one another.
But just from touching her waist on Sunday, she looked like she could cry. She avoided my eye contact, routinely taking the steps she knew so well by now as I almost saw her pulse thumping in her throat.
The second the song stopped, she walked away and excused herself to use the restroom, leaving me alone on the dancefloor.
Niall had shot me a frown and I shrugged back at him.
I blew out the final puff of smoke as I dreaded going back upstairs. It was like falling asleep with a stranger next to me. And I wanted to help, but I didn't know what to do.
Violet hadn't moved from her position when I entered the bedroom and brushed my teeth before sliding under the covers. Her back was facing me, and I contemplated for a moment cuddling her before I could hardly stop myself and shuffled closer to her side.
There were a few blissful seconds where she didn't fight my touch, where she didn't squirm away from my arms as they curled around her midsection. I smelled her signature shampoo, pressing my lips to the skin of her clothed shoulder as I quickly entwined our legs. She didn't protest.
It was only a few seconds later she woke up from her sleep though and rolled around, sliding out of my arms. She let out a sigh. "Harry, I'm tired." She muttered.
She was nearly falling of the bed by now, wanting so badly to not be touched by me that she'd consider dropping herself before she was ever in my reach. She was facing me now, but her eyes were low as she hugged the thick jumper around herself.
"You're always tired." I mumbled back, "Can't I just... hold you?"
She didn't answer me, and the silence was deafening. I felt completely and utterly rejected in a time where I needed her for comfort. I had been without her for six days too. I had been worried sick, out of my mind, looking for her. I had knowingly walked into a death trap to save her, and I had taken a bullet to the shoulder.
I needed comfort too. And I needed it from her.
"Vi, baby, just talk to me." I pleaded, stretching my hand out to brush some hair away from her face. She nibbled her lower lip, relaxing her shoulders only when I pulled my hand away again. "There's nothing to talk about."
"We never talk anymore." I retorted, my voice slightly louder than I intended it to be.
She cowered away slightly from the volume but recomposed herself, clearing her throat. "Work has been busy."
"Cut the bullshit, Violet. What did I do?"
A shaky breath fell from her lips, and I could tell she was on the verge of crying when she rolled her lips inside her mouth and blinked a few times. "You didn't do anything. It's not you."
"Well... then what? Please, I want to help, I know something happened in that basement, I... I want to help. You have to talk to me." I sounded desperate, my eyes pleading with her to give me some love. I needed something.
Violet broke into silent tears, her shoulders trembling as she inhaled sharply and tears leaked from her shut eyes. It made me stretch my arm out to hold her waist and tug her against me, but the second I did, she gasped and her arms pushed back against my chest. "N- Harry, no."
I frowned deeply, not taking my hand away but she only fought me harder, her voice growing louder and more panicky as she used all her might to move away from me. "No!" She shouted.
I eventually let her go and she was panting with wide eyes, crawling back to her side of the bed. "Please, just... just don't touch me."
Her voice was weak and trembly as she mumbled out the words and curled up into a ball again. I was shocked on the other side of the mattress, only inches away from her but it felt like miles.
It felt like a thick, brick wall had been built in this bed, separating one side from the other. Or rather, separating her heart from mine. I pursed my lips together and nodded to myself. "I won't touch you."
She let out a breath. "Thank you."
"But you have to tell me why." I quickly added, "did they... hurt you? Are you injured? Did they touch you?"
Violet quickly shook her head, sniffling a few times as she tugged the sheet higher over her body. "No. I can't... I can't explain. I just need space."
Space.
"From me?" I frowned, feeling my heartbeat hammer in my throat as I dreaded her answer. All the initial fears I'd had about Violet not wanting me anymore, not loving me anymore, were becoming a reality. I suddenly remembered vividly the conversation I'd had with Niall that one night outside this very mansion.
Violet couldn't look at me and it was all the answer I needed. My shoulder wasn't the thing hurting anymore as I scooted away from her in the bed, until we were both on far ends of the mattress, still facing one another.
"Do you not love me anymore?" My voice was small and Violet quickly shook her head. "No, I do. Harry, I really do. But right now..." She sighed in defeat.
I gulped audibly. "You need space." I finished the sentence for her.
***
I walked out of Marcus' house around three in the afternoon, feeling lighter and like I could breathe again after the session. My shoulder was painful in the sling, but I didn't want any more painkillers.
Like Violet had said, oxy was highly addictive and I was hardly through my coke addiction. Marcus was a big help still, and I enjoyed the talks I had with him.
I needed to keep a clear head, even though laying off the drugs got harder and harder with Violet so absent in my life. I mean, she was there but she wasn't really. She said a few nights ago she still loved me, but I didn't feel it. I didn't feel anything from her right now.
She had gone to work the next day and even picked up extra shifts on the weekends to fill in for a sick colleague. She seemed to do everything in her power to spend as little time with me as possible. She joined the meeting on Sunday, but barely interacted with anyone again. Not even Ian.
The dance felt stiff, all of her muscles tense as I rested my hand on her waist and felt her hand in mine. She couldn't scramble away quickly enough, excusing herself later to go to sleep early from her headache. She had walked up the stairs in the same black dress she wore the week before.
She was a ghost, a shadow of what she used to be, and I missed her personality, her voice, her laughs. I missed her body, I missed the closeness. I had always been an affectionate person, she knew that. I always had a hand on her, and I loved cuddling more than anything. Right now, I didn't have any of that.
Louis picked me up from Marcus since I still wasn't allowed to drive, Pete's orders.
I hopped into the Range Rover, shaking my hair slightly to get the rain out of it. It was a grey, gloomy day in London today, yet it was still hot.
"Did Ian enjoy the rest of his weekend? Have you heard anything from him today?" I asked.
Louis nodded. "Dropped him off this morning. He had fun, the good weather was a bonus for the weekend."
"Did you see Violet?"
"Harry..." Louis sighed, shaking his head, "I'm not going to bother her about this stuff at work. Try to keep it separate."
I clenched my jaw, running my good hand through my hair as I looked out the window, seeing the city go by as we drove through it. Louis was an excellent driver, much better than I was – although I'd never admit it.
The rest of the drive was silent. I felt agitated again. I knew Louis didn't want to talk about this, and didn't want to get in between whatever was going on between me and Violet.
Once arriving at the mansion, I headed straight upstairs to the bedroom. I felt the need to talk to Violet, even if she didn't want to. I knew she needed space. But I needed answers. This was a two way street.
I was ready to snap, but frowned when I saw the empty bedroom. The bed was the same how I left it a few hours earlier. She hadn't been here yet. There was nowhere else she'd be besides this bloody bedroom. She never went to any of the other rooms the mansion had, besides the kitchen to eat.
I knew she liked music, and she had beamed once I showed her the movie theatre. Yet she hadn't set foot in either of those rooms to keep herself occupied once. She was always in bed.
I checked my phone, expecting a message from her that she was around Abby's house, as she did almost daily now. I didn't have any messages, and my frown only deepened.
"Violet?" I called through the hallways as I opened a few doors and checked a few rooms. Everywhere was empty. I hurried downstairs, checking some of the seating areas and the kitchen, but found those silent and empty as well.
I dreaded knocking on Gabriel's door, but I did anyways. He opened with a frown and I sighed. "Have you seen Violet?"
"No."
It was all the conversation I needed from him, so before he could start something I turned around and walked back towards the bedroom.
I was aware that she needed space, but I decided to call her anyways.
The fact that her phone went straight to voicemail made my heart only beat faster. It felt too familiar.
With the impromptu gang out of the way, we didn't really have any big enemies as of this point.
But there was no telling who we could trust. It had turned out we had more allies than enemies, and Gabriel had very much redefined his power by executing literally everyone he thought had been spying on us.
The gang was down in numbers by now, but he was recruiting heavily and being more careful with who he let in. Trust was scarce around here these days, but I couldn't blame him. It's the reason I let Violet go to work by herself now. I trusted her more than any employee of Gabriel's right now.
I called her again, but it went straight to voicemail once more.
"Fuck it." I muttered to myself as I opened the app to track the car and her phone, seeing that both of them were registered to Abby's house. Why hadn't she called me or texted me?
My shaky, impatient fingers dialled Abby's number. She and Violet were the only women's numbers I had in my phone. She picked up after the second ring. "Hello?"
"Hi," I cleared my throat, "It's Harry. Look, I don't need to talk to her if she doesn't want to, but just tell me if she's with you or not."
"Are you talking about Violet?" Abby answered and I frowned. "Of course."
"Harry... I haven't seen Violet since the day after the hospital."
My heart stopped as I held my breath, the information hitting me like a truck. I nibbled my lower lip. "I'm coming over."
Before she could protest, I ended the call and exited the mansion again, going against Pete's advice and getting in my car anyway. It wasn't a manual, so I could get away with using only one hand for this short drive. Abby's house was in a nice neighbourhood, and I remembered it from when I was supposed to pick her up for the meeting but she sent Violet instead.
The beginning of it all.
I pressed my pointer finger to ring the bell, waiting impatiently before an elderly woman opened the door. "Hello?" She asked with a smile.
I forced one back. "Hi. I'm here to see Abby."
"Are you her boyfriend?"
I chuckled and shook my head. "No. I'm Violet's boyfriend."
"Nana! I've got it!" Abby urgently joined us, slightly out of breath as she gave the elderly woman a stern look and motioned for me to get in. I stepped into the house, the scent of pancakes hitting me straight as Abby lead me upstairs and into what seemed to be her bedroom.
"What's so urgent that you couldn't ask me over the phone?" Abby sat down on her bed, crossing her one leg over the other. Her blonde hair was in a messy ponytail and it looked like she had the remains of make-up still hanging under her eyes.
I couldn't even remember if she was scheduled to work at the bar yesterday. I hadn't been there in a while.
"I can't find Violet." I sighed.
"What do you mean? W- Do you think she's taken again?" Abby's voice shot up a few octaves as she instantly seemed to be in a panic. I shook my head quickly. "No, her car and phone are registered... here. You said me you haven't seen her in over a week?" I sat down on the bed next to her, resting my elbows on my knees but quickly sitting up straight again when I felt the strain in my shoulder.
Abby nodded. "She called me when you were in surgery. And she explained everything. I obviously knew she was gone because you told me, but she sort of told her version of it. Without any details. I saw her the day after, visited her at the mansion while you were still in hospital. She looked... I don't know, Harry, she didn't look good."
"She's hardly left the bed. All she does is sleep and go to work. And we haven't talked or... We haven't done anything. She's shutting me out." I sighed in defeat, admitting my fears out loud.
"Well, it's not the first time. Violet's... not really in touch with her emotions, I'm not sure if you've noticed that yet."
"Yeah," I dryly chuckled, "that's an understatement." Remembering how long it took her to admit her feelings for me or tell me about her parents and brother, or how she used to shut me out when she had nightmares.
"Honestly... You just have to give her time. It's happened before. If you try to pry anything out of her, or push her, she'll only close off more."
"You've seen it before?"
Abby nodded. "I've known her for a long time, Harry. I knew her when her parents were still alive and she was close to James. After that whole thing... She was the same as now. She was physically with me, but emotionally she was miles away. It took her months to recover from that. And she just wanted to be left alone, which I fought against but it only made things worse."
"You fought?" I asked, turning my head to watch Abby.
"I did. I was concerned, worried. Much like you are right now. But I learned that it's just how she copes with stuff like that. You have to give her time, and space. You have to let her come to you. She will, eventually. It might take a while, but the best thing is just to leave her be for now."
I fiddled with my thumbs. "I'm not sure if I can do that."
"You have to. It'll only take longer if you don't. I know it sucks, and I know you want to help, but the best way to help is just to do as she asks you."
"Fuck." I mumbled, rubbing my forehead, "I can't believe she's been lying to me. She's been telling me she's here with you like every single day." She clearly hacked the tracker app.
Abby shrugged. "I think she just needs alone time right now. The minute I saw her face, I knew this was going to happen. She'll come back to you, and to me, I'm sure of it. She knows how to take care of herself and she knows how to cope. It might not be the healthiest way but it works for her. Of course, at the mansion, she's never on her own. So I suppose she just hangs out somewhere else by herself."
"So I'm just supposed to do... nothing?" I asked quietly. I felt vulnerable in this bedroom with Abby. Like I was on the verge of crying. I needed comfort, and I needed it from Violet.
Abby slowly nodded. "I'm afraid so."
"I don't understand," I sighed, palming my face, "she continuously told me nothing happened in that basement and they didn't hurt her."
Abby was quiet for a moment, as if deep in thought until she spoke again. "Harry... She was tied up and held in a dungeon for six days. Even if they didn't physically hurt her... That does something to a person, don't you think? How would you cope?"
Her question struck me. It had happened to me, and it was far longer than six days. And I coped horribly, getting into a drug addiction that took years of my life away. All I did was run away from my issues instead of facing them.
At least Violet was facing hers.
I cleared my throat. "How long did it take her after the fire?"
"Well," Abby sighed, and I already knew her answer would be bad, "about four months. It wasn't just the fire though. It was the hysterectomy, it was the scars, it was losing both her parents and her brother in one day, it was losing her house, all her memories, all pictures. It was moving in with her grandmother who didn't give her any love... It was a lot."
I knew a lot of Violet's hardship, but she had always just given me bits and pieces of them throughout the months we'd been together. She had never told them to me in one sentence, and hearing from Abby right now just how much had actually happened in one day... It was horrible. All the things Violet had struggled with, had happened simultaneously for her. Giving her no time to recover.
I flinched in surprise when I felt Abby's hand on my shoulder, and I instantly relaxed a little bit. It was this sort of touches that I yearned from Violet. I shot her a thankful smile. "She's lucky with a friend like you."
Abby chuckled. "Never thought I'd say this, but she's also lucky with a boyfriend like you. And I think most of all, we're lucky to have her. She'll come back, Harry. I promise."
I knew Abby had never been the biggest fan of mine and Violet's relationship. After all I pursued her first before faith decided differently and pushed Violet in my direction. Abby knew me on a different level than Violet did, and had only known me as the drug addicted asshole I used to be, which didn't make it a surprise that she wouldn't want her best friend dating me.
But I felt that in surprising Violet pleasantly, I had also surprised Abby pleasantly. I knew the two of them shared everything and had no secrets. The way Abby behaved towards me, showed me that Violet said nice things about me to her.
"She said she still loves me." I shrugged, trying to see the silver lining. Abby dropped her hand from my shoulder and frowned. "Of course she does. I think that's the main reason she's closing off. She feels it would hurt you more to lash out. It's a bit fucked up, but Violet's a giver, Harry. Her taking time and space is a huge deal. She never puts herself first."
I slowly nodded, not completely satisfied with this answer.
Violet might be a giver, but I was a control freak who felt the need to know where my girlfriend was at all times. And I was affectionate and I needed hugs and kisses to make me feel better. Giving her time and space was completely going against my own nature.
Part of me felt like she was selfish for doing this. She wasn't the only one in that basement, she wasn't the only one who went through shit.
"I'll try."