700 Days into SAO:
There weren't many times in my life where I felt happy. Even before I got trapped in SAO, I was a pretty gloomy kid. I would just hold up in my room all day and play video games by myself trying to escape from the real world that I hated so much. I didn't have any friends. I didn't participate in sports or any after school activities. I went to school...didn't say a word to anyone...got bullied, occasionally, and then came home and locked myself in my room to play video games. It was a pathetic fucking life, absent of any happiness.
I was staring up at the ceiling of Asuna and I's log cabin, lying on my back in our king-sized bed that we shared. Asuna had fallen asleep while being on top of me and her head was resting on my bare chest.
What I'm feeling right now...could it actually be...genuine happiness? I thought to myself. It almost feels...weird. I'm trapped in a video game world where I could die at any moment but, despite that, I feel happier right now than I ever have in the real world.
I glanced down at Asuna, who was fast asleep and smiled.
It must be her. Asuna...she's my happiness.
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Present:
I forced my eyes open, both of which had dark bags under them. I stared at the ceiling of my room in the real world. I heard a knock on my door and my sister's voice telling me that it was time for school. I rolled onto my side, pathetically, and debated whether or not I even wanted to attend school, today. I knew, deep down, that I didn't really have a choice in the matter but the last thing that I wanted to do was go to that place...without Asuna. Hell, I didn't feel like doing anything until she woke up. Life without her...was absolutely pointless.
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The government had this "great idea" to build a new school, specifically for all of the SAO survivors to keep a close eye on us. In addition to attending our normal classes, all of us had to get continual psychiatric evaluations and many of us had to attend therapy sessions because of the trauma we had experienced in SAO. Luckily for me, I was able to hide a lot of the sadness and trauma I was feeling and didn't have to attend any of the stupid therapy sessions. They would have been a waste of time, anyways. Nothing they could have said would have made me feel remotely better. It wasn't like they could force Asuna to wake up. The only thing that they could do was prescribe me a bunch of fucking pills and try to get me to forget about Asuna. They would want me to move on from her but how could I? Asuna was everything to me...she was the only person that I had ever met, who was able to bring me a shed of fucking happiness. Forgetting her would only make me feel worse.
I walked through the hallways of the SAO survivors' school with my head hung low, avoiding eye contact with any of the other students. The last thing that I wanted was one of them to talk to me. Even though, I did my best to ignore them, I could still hear the other students talking about me as I walked by them.
"Damn, isn't that the Black Swordsman? He was the best player in SAO, right? He doesn't look like much in the real world."
"He was nothing but an overpowered piece of shit in SAO. All he did was make the rest of us look bad."
"The guy doesn't look like he's eaten anything in days. It's kind of sad."
I tried not to let their conversations bother me but, before I could reach my classroom, a boy my age got in my way, preventing me from going any further. He was both taller and more muscular than me and he had his arms folded across his chest.
"I need to get to class", I mumbled, without looking up at the kid.
"Hey, where's your little girlfriend from SAO?" the boy asked, mockingly. "What was her name...oh yeah, the Lightning Flash...Asuna. You two were pretty inseparable. Let me guess, she saw what you were like in the real world and decided to leave your pathetic ass. Can't blame her. With looks like hers, she's probably moving onto better things. Maybe, I might have a shot—"
I grabbed the boy, who was larger than me, by the collar of his shirt with both of my hands and slammed him into one of the lockers in the hallway and glared at him with the intent to kill.
"Hey, what the hell is your problem? It's not my fault your girl doesn't want to be seen with you, anymore!"
The boy retaliated by punching me right in the jaw, sending me to the floor of the school. The boy stomped his cleats into my face several times, before he was stopped by a couple of other students. Blood was already coming out of my mouth and I was sure I would have a lovely bruise on the side of my face, later on in the day.
"Look at the Black Swordsman, everyone! He may be a total bad ass in a video game world but in this one, he's just a fucking loser!"
"Don't call me that stupid fucking nickname!" I yelled, angrily, as I picked myself up off of the floor. "I hate that name. I've always fucking hated that stupid name!"
I didn't know why I was getting so angry. Hell, I wouldn't have even called it anger at the boy, who punched me. It was just frustration at myself for being so weak.
"That's enough, asshat", a female voice chimed in as I heard light footsteps, approaching.
The boy, who had punched me craned his neck while being held back by a couple of other students to look at the voice, who insulted him. The voice came from a girl, who was the same age as me, who had dark brown hair, light brown eyes and freckles covering her face. Her name was Rika Shinozaki but Asuna and I always called her Lisbeth ever since when we first met her in SAO. She was a blacksmith in the game and she actually crafted my best sword for me. On top of that, she was Asuna's best friend from SAO so it made sense that she would get involved when Asuna's name was mentioned. It didn't make me feel any better, though. I had become so fucking pathetic that a girl, who was smaller than me, had to stand up for me and Asuna.
"For your information, Asuna hasn't woken up, yet, so why don't you stop being an asshole and just leave Kazuto alone", Rika explained as the boy frowned at her in response. "Don't you think he's going through enough right now?"
The boy did nothing but growl in frustration, causing Rika to sigh.
"If you want to attack me, I have no problem laying your ass out in front of everyone but I'd prefer to avoid that, if at all possible."
"Fine, I don't want to waste my fucking time on a worthless blacksmith and a gutless, wannabe hero. See ya around, Black Swordsman."
The bully finally walked away while a couple of other students stayed by him to make sure he didn't change his mind and attack Rika and I. Rika turned her attention to me and shook her head in disapproval but gave me a reassuring smile.
"Come on, I'll take you to the nurse before our classes start", she offered, kindly.
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"It's going to definitely swell up", the school nurse observed as she placed a bag of ice on the spot on my cheek that was punched.
I slouched over while sitting on a chair in the nurse's office while Rika stood next to me.
"Kazuto, on another note, have you been eating well?" asked the nurse, concerned.
"I eat enough", I grumbled.
"You do look pretty skinny...I mean skinnier than you usually are", Rika observed.
Not wanting to worry either of them, I figured the best course of action would be just to lie.
"I...just haven't been feeling very well, lately...stomach bug or something. Once it's gone, I'll start eating again. Promise."
"Okay, I want you to keep ice on that area for the next couple of class periods and come back and get a fresh one, after that. Alright?"
I nodded my head, yes, and the nurse left to go write me a note, explaining why I was late to my first period class.
"I never realized you hated that nickname so much", said Rika, sadly. "You never seemed to mind it when we were in Aincrad. Then again, I guess it's a bit different now that we're back in the real world. Still though, getting in fights and eating like shit isn't going to make you feel any better. I know you're worried about Asuna and I am too but—"
"Then why haven't you been visiting her?" I asked coldly, with my head facing the floor. "I thought you two were best friends in Aincrad? Did that change when you woke up? Did you realize that you didn't need Asuna anymore because you already had enough friends in the real world? I bet you don't even give a shit that Asuna hasn't woken up, yet."
Instead of getting a response, I got a well-deserved slap on my other cheek that wasn't being iced. I could tell, without even looking up, that Rika was on the verge of tears from my comment.
"The reason I haven't visited her is that it breaks my heart just thinking about her not getting to wake up like the rest of us. If anyone deserved to wake up from that hell, it was Asuna. I get that you're suffering but don't be so fucking dense that you think you're the only one suffering, asshole! Asuna was my friend and I worry about her every day! I just know that being a dickhead to everyone around me won't bring her back. Try to take better care of yourself, Kazuto."
Before I could say I was sorry for my harsh words, I could already hear Rika's footsteps as she left the nurse's office.
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"You look like hell, kid", a deep voice claimed as my head was resting on the bar counter. Behind the bar counter, a tall and buff African American man that I had met in SAO, stood in front of me. He was a bartender in the real world but back in SAO he was a merchant, who sold weapons, armor, potions and things of that nature. His name was Andrew Mills in the real world but I couldn't help but call him by his name from SAO which was much easier to remember, Agil.
I felt a strong slap against my back, causing me to sit up straight, that came from the man in his early thirties that was sitting next to me at the bar, whose name was Ryoutarou Tsuboi or Klein, as everyone from SAO called him. He had brownish red hair and stubble of the same color on his cheeks and chin. In front of him, he had a bottle of some kind of alcohol that I didn't recognize while I had a soda in front of me because I wasn't old enough to drink, according to Agil. It was still nice of him to let me sit at the bar area, though.
"That's a hell of a shiner you got there, Kirito", commented Klein.
He was referring to the large bruise on my cheek from the strike I had received earlier, courtesy of a bully at school.
"Got it at school...not a big deal", I answered, solemnly.
"Damn, you haven't even been back at school for that long and you're already getting in fights?" questioned Agil.
I shook my head, no.
"It wasn't a fight. Some guy punched me and stomped my face with his cleats...that was all there was too it. I didn't fight back. What's the point?"
"What the hell are you talking about? Why didn't you kick his ass?" asked Klein in surprise.
"He was right", I answered.
Both Klein and Agil looked at me with concern in their eyes.
"Compared to how I was in SAO, I'm a nobody in this world. I'm weak. Pitiful. Even if Asuna was awake, she wouldn't want anything to do with my ass. If she could see me now, she wouldn't even recognize me. Asuna didn't fall in love with this pathetic fucking loser, she fell in love with the Black Swordsman. She didn't realize, though, that there never really was a Black Swordsman. Even in SAO, I was never a bad ass. I was still just a scared nerdy boy with social anxiety, just like in the real world. SAO just allowed me to hide it better. Maybe, it's a good thing that Asuna isn't waking up. It would probably crush her to see what kind of guy I am in real life."
"Don't be so hard on yourself, Kirito", comforted Klein. "Believe me when I say that we were all putting on a show when we were trapped in SAO. We had to in order to survive. Shit, do you think I had the confidence to lead an entire guild in the real world? Hell no. I'm just a nobody who works a shitty job and goes home to drink and masturbate."
"I don't know if you noticed but I'm not an axe wielding brute like I was in SAO", Agil claimed. "I'm nothing more than the owner of a dying bar that barely has any business these days. But that doesn't make my wife love me any less...and I seriously doubt that Asuna's feelings for you will change just because you aren't the cool hero in this world. Hell, it's actually pretty unlikely that Asuna is exactly the same in this world as she was in SAO."
I slouched over, usure of what to say to either of them. I appreciated their kind words but I felt like if I spoke on the topic any further, I would just bring them down. Klein put a hand on my shoulder.
"No matter what happens, Agil and I got your back, Kirito. We both owe you our lives for getting us both out of SAO. We'll be right by your side until your girl wakes up. Promise."
"Without you, I wouldn't have been able to come home to my wife, Kirito", Agil explained. "Her and I both owe you a ton. Try to do me a favor and keep your head up, alright?"
The only words I could muster was a quiet, "Thank you."
I checked the black watch that was on my wrist and noticed that it was getting late.
"I...have to get going", I said as I got up from the bar stool I was sitting on. "It's getting pretty late and I still need to pick something up on the way home."
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700 Days into SAO:
As I stared up at the ceiling of Asuna and I's log cabin, contemplating if I deserved to feel such happiness or not, I could feel Asuna lifting her head off of my chest to look at me with her tired eyes.
"Why aren't you asleep, yet?" she asked, groggily.
"Just got a lot on my mind, that's all", I responded.
Asuna's necklace that had a small blue crystal on it dangled around her neck. I held the blue crystal in my hand and she smiled. The blue crystal was actually what was left of the little girl, who we had taken in, Yui. Asuna and I learned that she was a form of Artificial Intelligence that was created by the game's creator, Akihiko Kayaba, and her purpose was originally to help address mental health issues from players in the game. Unfortunately, when Kayaba decided to change SAO into a death game, this forbade Yui from getting involved with the other players and resulted in her collapsing as she couldn't stand watching all of the suicides and not being able to do anything about it. When we first found her in that forest...all of her memories of this were gone but, eventually, they did return to her when she ended up saving Asuna and I in a difficult dungeon. After assisting us, she was almost deleted from the game but I was able to give a nice "fuck you" to Kayaba and managed to hack his stupid Cardinal System that SAO was run on and put all of Yui's programming into the crystal that was now around Asuna's neck. Asuna decided to save the crystal item to her nerve gear so that even outside of SAO, the item could still be accessed by her, in case there was a way to bring her back.
"It seems like you always have a lot on your mind", Asuna said in a tired voice. "You stress too much, Kirito."
"I mean, we're stuck in a death game where we could die at any moment", I reminded her. "Aren't you stressed too?"
Asuna thought for a moment and then rested her head back on my chest.
"I used to stress all of the time...when you first met me in that dungeon on the first floor, I was practically beaten down by so much stress that I had lost the will to live. It...took me a long time to find that motivation to live again but, somehow, you managed to help me find that motivation. That's always been the thing that's attracted me to you. The thing I love most about you. No matter how tough things get...no matter how scared you might feel on the inside, you always find a way to keep moving forward. Over this last year or so I've tried to follow your example and...if I hadn't...I honestly don't think I would have made it this far."
Asuna grasped the crystal necklace in her palm, gently.
"I know that you'll find a way for us to get out of SAO and I know that, one day, you'll find a way to bring Yui back as well so she can live with us in the real world. I believe in you, Kirito, and I always will."
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Present:
I made sure that the noose around my neck was tight enough so that it wouldn't slip off of me. I stood on top of a stool that I borrowed from the kitchen. I was pretty sure that my sister and parents were already asleep. That was reassuring since I didn't want to wake them. Without realizing it, drops of water dripped onto the carpet of my room, under the stool I was standing on. I was crying...of course, I was crying. I guess I was nothing more than a big fat fucking baby all of the way until the end. As I stood on the stool with the noose tightly wrapped around my throat, the last thing I could think about was that conversation that I had with Asuna in Aincrad...and how wrong she was about me.
"I...I'm so sorry Asuna", were the only words I could manage to speak, before I kicked the stool out from under me and felt the insane pressure of the rope around my neck choking the life out of me.