Head fuzzy and ears pounding, Ellie buried her face in James' pillow when she woke up. She was uncomfortable still in last night's clothes which had all twisted in her sleep, yet it seemed there was nothing she could do about that when she felt so weak. Not only did she regret drinking as much as she did, but memories of everything that happened last night came flooding back in an instant. Groaning, she balled the duvet in her fists and tried to focus on anything but the fact that Flora Buchanan was probably sleeping soundly in the next bed over.
The swooshing sound of James' bed drapes opening made her stir again, but the light they let in had her cringing with more groans. Bed dipping next to her, someone placed a careful hand on her side to try and coax her awake.
"I've got something for your head." James kept his voice gentle, "From the seventh years. It's even brought Wormy back from the dead."
Ellie wanted to laugh, but she didn't have the energy - from the looks of Peter last night, he'd have needed the strongest potion known to man to prevent his hangover. With a little help from James, she managed to get herself sitting up, knees tucked into her chest and head resting against the headboard. She felt rough, but a majority of that was emotional drain. As soon as the subtle queasiness in her stomach settled, Ellie downed the purple coloured potion quickly, praying that the seventh years were skilled in brewing. She shut her eyes again as she waited for it to dull her thumping headache.
"Don't look at me like that." Ellie could feel the pity rolling off James in waves even if she couldn't see his expression.
She wanted nothing of the sort. No sympathetic glances, no words of comfort. What had happened, had happened, and all Ellie knew was that it hurt. But no one could know that, the handsome boy who'd shattered her heart in particular, for that meant she'd cast aside her Aunt's words.
Camille had made it clear that pining wasn't the way forward, and she understood that, but that didn't mean it was easy to follow through with. Sirius meant everything to Ellie, and even with them so young, she was sure he always would in some way or another, so letting him go was never going to be easy. And loving him when he was snogging other girls seemed even harder. But 'I know it's difficult, honey, but relationships like this always are. Give it time and then if you think that he's moved on, you will have to as well. You have been friends for a very long time, that will never change, but you might have to find another boy to love in that romantic way' is what Camille had said, and Ellie was starting to believe that's what she might need to do.
"They've not emerged yet. Still sleeping I think." James told her, "I can wake him up. Get him to kick her out if you want. He'll be pissy with me, but I'll hold his potion hostage until she's gone. I think he'd rather no headache than his new girlfriend."
"Maybe she can make him feel better by snogging his brains to mush." Ellie grumbled, trying to pretend she was more annoyed than heartbroken. That looks less pathetic, she believed.
"I don't know what to say to make this better..." Her messy haired best friend had never been so gentle, the no-filter James Potter she knew was nowhere in sight.
"It's not your responsibility to do his damage control. "
"But I don't want you feeling like crap."
"You're too good for this world, Jamie." Ellie grinned slightly, the potion starting to take effect, "Besides, me and Padfoot aren't together, so it's not like he's cheated on me. He can do what he wants, Godric knows half the school would jump at the chance to get with him."
"Yeah, but you know why he shouldn't have."
"Why's that?"
"Don't be like him." James shoved his glasses up his nose with a scowl, he'd had this denial talk too many times, "You guys are- Well, you're it. He's messing you around."
Ellie averted her gaze, picking at her fingernails restlessly. This was not the type of heavy conversation she wanted to have when she'd just woken up, let alone after a crazy night partying. The situation with Sirius since she'd returned from France in the summer was confusing enough, and now it felt like it was all spiralling out of control. She wanted nothing than to go back to how things were before feelings got involved, for having him as her best friend was better than not having him at all. Which was what it felt like they were slowly creeping to with his hot and cold demeanour recently.
"Am I pathetic if I say that I feel replaced?" She mumbled.
"That's your spot in his bed, Cubs. It has been since first year."
"Girls shouldn't even sleep in the boys' dorms."
"But you have. Nearly every night. With Padfoot." James punctuated every phrase with a point of his finger, "'Cause that's your way and you love each other. I won't hear any different and I'm so mad with him."
"Don't be." Ellie leant forward to grab his hand, slumping to rest her forehead on his shoulder, "Deep down, I'm mad with him too, but I don't think he knows what he's doing. He hasn't since them, no matter what facade he's put on. We've all tried to help him, guide him I suppose, but you know what he's like. Right now, Pads is doing his own thing and I need to let him do that. We all do. The idea of him and Flora make me sick to my stomach and I don't want to lose him to her, but for now I think that's how it's gonna be."
Truthfully, Ellie was exhausted. Her stamina in their game of chase had given out and her smile had lost that catch me if you can smirk. If Sirius was going to be reckless, she'd let him, she no longer had the energy to reign him in, nor even fan the flames of his impulsivity. And if he wanted to see other people, she would too. Camille had said that 'experimenting' was a good thing, and Ellie was very aware the only person she'd ever kissed in her life was Regulus, once and she didn't even kiss him back. She knew that could get her into all sorts of troubles with boys, but if she was careful, no real harm could be done. Ellie wasn't about to give herself up to anyone, but she was entitled to just as much fun as any other teenager.
Fun had to be exploited whilst it still could be, for the beautiful girl had this horrible feeling that the war was slowly starting to consume their lives more by the day.
"But what about what you need?" James questioned, running one hand through her hair soothingly.
"Maybe emotional space will be good for me and Padfoot for a while. Things are too intense when it's just us, so I think learning to be less dependent on each other can only be a positive."
"And about feeling replaced?"
"That's Sirius' issue. It's on him if he gets a nightmare and there's no one to comfort him the way he needs." Ellie's words were harsh, but there was so much pain behind them, "He pushed me away, not the other way around. I just hope Flora, or whoever he decides to settle with, is worth the loss."
"They won't be." James replied solemnly.
He wasn't speaking about Ellie as his best friend, the sister he never had, family. He was talking about the fact that no one, and he meant one one ever, would see Sirius the way Ellie always had done.
From that first time they'd met on the train and she'd flung her arms around him, it was clear she would stop at nothing to learn everything about him, get as close as possible to the boy who looked so terrified of the too-friendly girl. Ellie went on to tear down near to all of his walls, be the keeper of secrets that were only shared in her sole presence, forgive him for all his mistakes eventually. She'd succeeded in reducing Sirius Black to nothing but the flesh on his bones, and now it had happened once, the handsome boy would never let it happen again.
As soon as Remus stirred, he was dragging Peter over to James' bed too, all four of them speaking in hushed whispers as they waited for movement from behind Sirius' drapes. The clever thing to do would have probably been to just leave, but all of them held a certain curiosity to what would happen when the maybe-couple emerged.
Even if Flora sleeping in Sirius' bed was purely innocent, that didn't matter to Ellie, she was finished being messed around regardless, and James kept them busy by listing off everyone he thought might be a suitable match for her. With his extensive list of qualities he was looking for in a potential boyfriend for his best friend, it ended up with there not being many people he deemed subtitle.
Ellie prayed he wouldn't start interfering in her love life. Right now, she didn't need long-term commitment, she wanted something casual and flirty.
Peter had been in the middle of explaining why there was no way that Ellie couldn't find a boy as quickly as she wanted one, something that had been making both of their cheeks turn pink, when there was movement from Sirius' bed and all conversation ceased. The drapes shut around the bed billowed as if someone on the other side was catching them as they stretched, and then a leg appeared between one of the gaps - Sirius never failed to end up half hanging out of bed by the morning. Muffled groans similar to those Ellie had woken up grumbling made it clear the handsome boy was suffering for all that he'd drank last night too, but James never moved to grab his phial of the purple cure.
"Cubs..." Sirius' gruff voice in the morning was like a stab to Ellie's chest. They could all hear him shuffling around in bed, and then his leg disappeared back into the drapes, "Cubby? You awake? I feel like shit."
He sounds like it, all the other Marauders agreed. Though none of them quite knew how to react to the fact that Sirius clearly didn't remember bringing Flora to bed. He'd woken up like he did every other morning.
"Good job he's probably too hungover to pounce on her as Padfoot." James grumbled under his breath.
"Hmmm." A higher pitched tone replied to the handsome boy lazily, sounding as if she wasn't even properly awake.
"Let's stay in bed all day." The more Sirius spoke, the less Ellie thought she'd be able to sit there and listen. He thinks he's talking to me, "Why'd you smell like... flowers?"
There was a sudden fumbling which sent the bed drapes flying everywhere and then Sirius fell with a smack against the floor. He rolled around with pained groans, eyes shut tight and arms wrapping around himself protectively as Remus was up in an instant to help. James almost laughed, but he knew this wasn't the time, and Ellie was thoroughly pleased that him taking someone else to bed had come back to bite him.
"Gerroff." Sirius grumbled, shoving at Remus as he tried to pull him off the floor.
"You're hungover and you just fell out of bed. Stop being a baby and let me get you up so you don't look so bloody pathetic." The lanky boy retorted, yanking his arms more harshly than he would've done originally.
"Where's Cubby?" Sirius asked as soon as he was in a sitting position, his eyes still clamped shut, "There's some- There's a- A girl. Not her."
"Flora Buchanan." Remus' voice was taught, "Remember her?"
"D'she snog me? Last night?"
"Yup."
"D'she come to bed with me?"
"Yup." Remus was about as ready to smack the handsome boy as Ellie was.
"Then where's Cubs?"
"I'm here."
Sirius' eyes shot open wide at her voice, but then his face scrunched up at the sudden light and his hands came up to try and block out the sun spilling in through the windows. It took him a moment to adjust, but when he finally did, his gaze fell on Ellie immediately. He noted she was still in last night's outfit, her hair as wild as it usually was when she woke up, still as beautiful as ever.
A switch flicked in Sirius' brain when it didn't seem she was remotely fazed by the fact that Flora Buchanan was fast off in his bed right now - in her spot.
"Did you sleep with Moony or Prongs? Wormy was pretty out of it, right?" He tried to be as nonchalant as possible.
"Prongs." She mumbled, dropping her gaze.
"Good. Didn't want to think you had to be on the floor." Pushing himself up, ignoring Remus' hands out to help him, Sirius turned back to his bed. He threw open the drapes as he tried not to think about the pounding of his head, before leaning over to place a very deliberate kiss on Flora's cheek, "Morning."
"Siri?" The pretty brunette stirred at her wake-up call, one of her hands snaking up around the back of his neck straight away.
"D'you feel alright?" Sirius cursed himself for how slurred his words were, how unconvincing.
The other Marauders all watched silently as Flora rose. She stretched like a tabby cat might from waking up after a snooze in the sun, well rested and no sign of discomfort in sight. In fact, it looked as if she could've just been nodding for five minutes from her appearance - long chocolate hair still pin straight, her dress hardly crumpled, no make-up smeared anywhere. Eyelashes fluttering and cheeks red from Sirius' wake-up call, she looked the vision of perfection. An impossible task for anyone who'd spent a long night squished with someone else in a bed made for one, after drinking near gallons of butterbeer.
Sirius sat himself next to her as they mumbled between themselves, Flora's gaze never leaving the handsome boy once. She might as well be drooling, Ellie thought bitterly, but she stopped staring when she realised the others were watching her with pity. A challenging raise of her eyebrows got them all moving, for none of them knew what to say. Remus in particular feeling just as dejected as Ellie looked.
He knew he never stood a chance, though that didn't make the rejection hurt any less. But he focused on looking for his shoes he'd kicked off haphazardly as he came to bed last night, just as the others all got themselves ready to go down to breakfast.
Pretending that his glasses needed cleaning, James took the opportunity to not have to watch Sirius make Flora giggle in the next bed over, and Peter did his best not to look either - the smallest Marauder had never quite understood the appeal of all the lovey-dovey stuff. With Remus crawling under his bed for his shoes, this left Ellie with nothing to do but sit awkwardly before the couple who seemed completely unaware that they weren't the only ones in the room.
Flora only had eyes for the handsome boy, as if the rest of the world around him turned to a blur, and Sirius had purposefully placed himself with his back to his friends. Ellie wanted to scream for them both to get out, but she knew she had no right. Instead, she went searching through James' clothes strewn across the room for a jumper which smelt clean. Remus would've been a safer option to ask for clothes, but the lanky boy hadn't emerged from looking under his bed yet.
Just as Ellie had found what she thought was a clean jumper on the floor, an emerald green one, someone was shouting her name. She didn't register it at first, for no one inside the walls of the boys' dorms ever called her by her real name, but then she felt everyone's eyes on her.
"Oi, Cubby! Are you with us, or lost in that head of yours?" Sirius was grinning at her like a madman, too amused by her absent state to register the reason for her distance. This feels too much like fourth year, she thought, I'm reliving those weeks with Jessica Arnell, "Flo was asking if you had any clothes she could borrow?"
"Just so I can change before I leave. I don't want people to think that... Well, you know. Would you mind? I'll get them back to you as soon as possible." Ellie was sure her teeth were rotting at the very sweetness of Flora's words. She couldn't understand it, not when this fifth year was supposedly Mary's bully. That was reason enough for her to not want to share her clothes with Flora, but instead, she stuck with the more obvious truth.
"No one will bother." Ellie tried to act as normal as possible, "The Gryffindor boys are used to seeing me come and go, sometimes in my old clothes, sometimes in these lot's clothes. They won't think anything of it."
"Well, that's because it's you." There was something sinister behind Flora's fluttering eyelashes this time. Perhaps her mask was slipping already.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Remus had opened his mouth before Ellie could reply, shuffling out from underneath his bed especially to scowl at the fifth year, "If you're insinuating that-"
"Give over, Moony." Sirius cut in with a flap of his hand, "She only meant that Cubs is different. The other lads know well and good we don't sleep with her. It could look bad on Flo though, especially with her brother kicking about as Head Boy. Do you have any clean clothes?" He looked to Ellie once more, no awareness for the way he'd just cast her aside.
"You know I don't." She replied immediately, expression neutral but eyes challenging him to insist that she be friendly. I dare you, sea green roared.
"Well, then pass us that." Sirius gestured to the jumper in her hands, "It's mine."
"You don't wear this colour." Ellie didn't know whether he was lying to fight back or going straight for out-right humiliation by snatching something off her to give to Flora. Both seemed equally as cruel.
"Check the label. I'm not arguing with you, my head's throbbing. Have you been to see the seventh years yet, Prongs?"
Whilst James reluctantly fetched Sirius' phial of the purple potion that would mellow his hangover, Ellie fumbled with the jumper to find the label the handsome boy spoke of. She did it begrudgingly, already feeling like a fool, but there was nothing like the embarrassment of when she finally did see what he was talking about. Written in French, she couldn't understand what the label said, but that was a sure sign enough that this jumper belonged to Sirius - it was probably designer and cost Walburga a fortune when she brought it for him. That made sense of why Ellie knew she'd never seen him in it ever. But there, embroidered behind the first label, where the initials S.O.B, and now she definitely couldn't argue.
"I'm surprised you didn't recognise it. My darling brother has a matching one." Sirius was taunting now.
"I don't wear snake-" James exclaimed suddenly, but he cut himself off before anyone else had to, "You meant Regulus..."
Ellie had a mind to slap Sirius, she really did. But how could she when as soon as she got near, those stormy grey eyes would be boring into her. And he'd flinch as soon as I raised my hand... She balled the jumper up and launched it at him violently instead. The handsome boy only chuckled.
"Here." Remus was at Ellie's side in seconds, one of his own jumpers held out to her, "We'll get a head start walking to breakfast." For his own sanity as well as hers, "Prongs, Wormtail? Are you ready?"
Only when his friends left without him did Sirius' expression drop. Flora no longer seemed to exist at his side as he stared at the door wondering why Remus didn't ask if he was ready to go to breakfast too.
Luckily for all the hungover Gryffindors, it was a Saturday, so that meant no lessons to contend with whilst everyone was nursing queasy stomachs and sensitive heads. This left the table of the lions in the Great Hall uncharacteristically quiet, and the four Marauders huddled closer than usual were no exception. They all hunched over mugs of tea or coffee after they'd ate, speaking under their breath and casting periodic glances down the hall every time a new student came in. As an outsider, you'd suspect they were planning something, a prank maybe or some form of escapade, but they were doing nothing of the sort.
Sirius never came to breakfast, and none of them saw Flora arrive either. They'd waited for him a little while before deciding that he was probably too busy with her to actually emerge from the dorm room - Ellie vowed never to go near Sirius' bed again unless she knew the sheets had been cleaned.
James was the most frustrated with their fifth and finally member, but that was only because he was actually vocalising his annoyance. He ranted and cursed and he never stopped scowling once, though the more he spoke, the more it seemed like James was only bothered because he was worried Flora would start to take up too much of Sirius' time. Peter stayed silent, reluctant to join in on the talk about whether they suspected their friend had made a girlfriend out of the fifth year, and Ellie and Remus were stuck in some conversation of eye contact.
No words passed between the pair, but they knew what each other was thinking. The bastard. Though along with hostility toward the handsome boy, Remus saw something else behind Ellie's eyes, almost as if she were asking him a question, one he was clueless about.
With a day to fill and moods considerably low, the group were at a loss at what to do. Something that perhaps never happened to the Marauders. They were surprised to find their dorm room empty when they decided they needed to brave going up there for some supplies - Remus was desperate for a book to get lost in, James had left his snitch on his bedside table and was panicking it might find a way to fly itself off somewhere.
Absolutely no sign of Sirius, or Flora, they reclaimed the room as their own, spreading themselves everywhere. This was strategic in case the maybe-couple returned and wanted some privacy, for it meant they wouldn't get it here. The three boys made sure to occupy their sections of the room more loudly or fully, whilst Ellie lay flat on her stomach in the centre of the room and worked away secretly on her Lycanthrope Legislation.
Like every other time they'd waited for Sirius today, the handsome boy didn't show, and eventually James became far too restless. He managed to convince Peter to trek down to the Quidditch pitch with him so that he could book the field out for Gryffindor team practices well in advance. Someone had to be productive on this miserable day. That left Ellie and Remus in comfortable silence, one scribbling away furiously as the other thought up new words in his mind based off the descriptions lay out before him.
Yet Remus found it more difficult than normal to just relax, for more than one reason, but mainly because of the eyes he kept feeling on the top of his head. Whenever he dropped his gaze to his book, he sensed Ellie staring at him, but then as he went to catch her, she'd no longer be looking. He didn't know why, but there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that she was trying to ask him that silent question again as she was doing earlier.
"What's the matter?" Remus asked gently when he was finished being examined. He patted the spot on his bed in front of him, gesturing her over, and Ellie slammed her sketchbook shut immediately. She was sat criss cross opposite him in seconds, still staring, "Is this about Padfoot? Is there something on your mind?" Remus saw her think for a moment then she shook her head, looking unsure, "Then tell me why you've been shooting me daggers since breakfast."
"I've not been shooting you daggers." Ellie fired back hotly, catching him off guard.
"But you have been staring."
What happened next, Remus would never have predicted. In fact, he was sure that anyone who'd ever met the Marauders would tell you it was the last thing that would happen. Besides maybe Peter ever snogging anyone. There wasn't much time for Remus to think, let alone formulate some form of response. But what could he say? What would he say if he was actually capable of words?
He'd never had to worry about what he might do if one of his best friends tried to kiss him before.
There was only desperation in Ellie's eyes, she didn't mean any malice. One moment she was sat perfectly upright, and the next her lips had been right in front of his, just millimetres from letting them brush. She'd snaked her hand around the back of his neck, but her touch was still gentle, she wasn't tugging him closer or not letting him move away. When she hesitated for a moment, right before their lips went colliding, Remus had seen the flash of distress wash across her features. Almost as if she knew that what she was doing was so wrong, but she'd gone through with it anyway, and he'd not been quick enough at dodging her.
Wide eyed and frozen to the spot, it took Remus a good while to process what was happening, and all the while, Ellie's fingers slipped deeper into his sandy hair. Her lips were warm against his, soft and inviting, like the first kiss of summer sun on your skin. But he knew better than to let Ellie Gryffin pull him into her intoxicating world - people didn't return from there.
As carefully as possible, Remus pushed her off, knowing that there was a very fragile girl behind her closed eyes.
"Cubby..." He coaxed her to look at him, his hands still holding her shoulders, but as soon as she opened her eyes, the waterfalls were streaming.
Vulnerability like this, emotions, weren't Remus' strong suit, but he knew exactly what was going on. And he couldn't blame her. Not for taking him by surprise, not for using him, not for kissing him. The beautiful girl who used to preach that she'd be single forever, just wanted desperately to be loved.
"You don't want to kiss me." Remus whispered, reaching up to cup her cheeks as he wiped her tears away.
"Yes, I do." Ellie sobbed. She was trying to pull herself together, but only unravelling more and more, her words catching in her throat, "I really fancied you in second year for a while. James'll tell you. I pushed the feelings away at the time."
"But you don't fancy me now." Wanting to be as close to her as possible, but not trusting that she wouldn't throw herself at him again in this hysteric state, Remus rubbed constant soothing circles on her cheeks, "You fancy Sirius."
"He doesn't care about me."
"Don't be a fool. Yes, he does."
"No, he doesn't. But you care about me though, and you make me feel so loved... I really want to kiss you."
Remus' heart shattered at her words, for he'd never heard her sound so lost. To anyone else, it would've sounded pathetic, pitiful, maybe even naive of the way love worked. Yet all he saw was her broken soul. The beautiful girl left cast aside and confused so many times, only to finally have been replaced. There was no space for Remus to wallow in his own feelings for Sirius, for he really wanted to be the person that could console her through this. He wanted to love her with his everything and make sure she never felt unwanted again. But Remus knew he couldn't be that for her, no one could be.
There was no one else like Sirius Black.
"You don't want to kiss me. We both want to kiss Pads."
The was silence. One where Remus wished for the ground to swallow him whole. The words had slipped out in the heat of the moment, he'd not meant to say that to her. He'd not meant to admit that aloud ever. What felt like a swarm of bees settled in his stomach, and they slowly buzzed their way up into his chest until they were constricting his air way. They muffled the rapid thumping of his heart, making his ears ring and lungs work ten times harder to get breath in and out. Remus had to shut his mouth quickly to prevent from hurling.
Ellie leant away from him, her tears ceasing to fall as she pushed his hands off her face.
"You want to kiss Padfoot?" Her words felt too blunt, and Remus shook his head furious, unsure of how to cover this one up, "You just said so."
"I- It was a mistake, I didn't mean it like that..."
"Yes, you did. You like Padfoot." Ellie was so matter of a fact, emotionless and unwavering, that Remus questioned whether she'd truly been crying just moments before. Her whole demeanour had flipped, like someone had snapped their fingers and given her a brand-new personality. It was beyond unnerving.
Ellie Gryffin who was always so warm and caring was now robotic and cold, more walls up than Remus had ever thought she was capable of. The beautiful girl never really shied away from expressing her emotions, and the other Marauders could read her like a book, which was only ever confirmed with her love to talk. But now, she was empty and silent. Those big sea green eyes of hers had clouded over so that Remus wasn't even sure she was seeing him.
The way she'd pushed him off, almost recoiling at his words, had struck fear into him. All he could do was wait for her ultimate disgust. For her neutral expression to morph into one where her lip was curled and her nose stuck in the air. If it wasn't bad enough that this was the way he'd revealed that he thought he liked guys as well as girls, it had also been whilst she was distraught over the handsome boy that Remus fancied too.
Everything was a mess, and Remus felt distinctly similar to how he did when his friends all found out he was a Werewolf. Head spinning, anxiety peaking, the urge to race out of the room and never return, pack his bags and bid Hogwarts farewell. Whilst Remus was sure that his feelings weren't something he could be kicked out of school for, he knew he wouldn't be able to be there if his friends were all sickened by the sight of him - Ellie and Sirius in particular.
"I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry, Cubs." Remus didn't know what else to say, and his own tears began as jumbled words started to flow out of him, "I don't know why I feel like this, and I'm terrified, and I can see that look you're giving me. You're disgusted... I've never liked a guy before, I don't know what this means, so please don't cast me aside... This doesn't- I'm not- I'm not some freak 'cause I like Pads. It's- it's not a choice, it just happened."
Ellie recoiled again and Remus went green, but he did not expect what she said next.
"Why would you think I'd be disgusted?"
"Because- 'Cause-" Remus spluttered for a reply, "Because people don't always like people like me..."
"Hey, Moony, look at me." In seconds Ellie melted, it now her turn to cup his face gently. Her warmth was back and so was her caring nature, but Remus couldn't do as she asked. The shame that squashed his heart was unbearable, and he sat there shaking his head constantly no matter how hard Ellie tried to bring his gaze to her, "I've done this with Marlene, supported Marlene. Why would I treat you any different?"
Whilst she knew she wasn't the voice of authority in these matters, Ellie wanted to say everything that she could to make Remus feel comfortable, but she also knew that was something that could become patronising quickly. The last thing she wanted to do was act as if she understood everything he was going through, because as much as she wanted to, there was a difference between educating herself, listening and not making assumptions, and experiencing it first-hand. Ellie had lots of love to give, but she knew she'd never like girls the way Marlene did, so she couldn't explain anything to Remus. But she could be there to be whoever he wanted her to be.
"We've also lay this freak business to rest, so don't you dare bring it back up again. Nothing about you, and I mean absolutely nothing, makes you a freak. Whether that's who you fancy or the fact you're a Werewolf." She finally got Remus to look at her, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his, "You have so much light to share with this world. Your soul in sunny, even if we call you Moony... Everything about you is exactly what- who do Muggles say? God? Everything about you is exactly as God intended, and who are we to argue with something like that?"
"I just- I can't- What will other people think?" Even despite Ellie's words, Remus was still shaking his head, cheeks blotchy red. Not only was he cast out of the wizarding population for being a Werewolf, he'd now be cast out of the Muggle world too. He wasn't religious, Remus didn't believe in the God that Ellie spoke of. How could he when his life was one subjected to nothing but exile? Surely that's not what anyone could intend for someone, he thought bitterly, I must've been a mass murderer in a past life to end up with this fate.
"People are cruel and degrading and they like to point fingers at that which they don't understand. Wizards are prejudice, Muggles are bigots. But if anyone says anything to you ever about liking boys, they can answer to me." In that moment, Remus saw what was left of the lioness in Ellie - the female ready to go out and hunt prey for the better of the pride, "I won't have it. Not for Marls liking girls and not for you with boys. The rest of the world will spit their disgusting lies about homosexuality, but I promise you Remus John, you'll never hear it from me."
Ellie didn't even get a chance to take a breath before he'd flung himself at her, sobbing more furiously than she'd ever seen anyone cry. The boy who liked his own personal space squished himself so close to her, that she was sure he was trying to make them one. Remus' face tucked into her neck and he balled the back of her jumper into his fists, as if he didn't hold on tight enough, she might just slip away from him. Some figment of his imagination and not truly a real. Some angel.
"Can you..." Remus' voice was muffled by a mixture of sobs and the fact his face was buried, "Just don't tell the others. Please."
"But they were alright about-"
"I know they took hearing about McKinnon okay, but they're not close with her, this is different. This is me."
"They're not gonna-"
"They might all mean well, they might not mean to say something that upsets me, but inevitably they will." He pictured the horrified look on Sirius' face when he found out that Remus liked him; he could imagine just how overly supportive and patronising James would become; he imagined the way Peter would probably be sick with disgust, "I don't want them thinking I've ever secretly watched them change or something. I don't want them suddenly not being comfortable for us all to be together. I don't want questions, full stop. I'm still figuring this out for myself, and whatever good intentions they might have, Pads and Prongs are too brash, and quite frankly I think Wormtail's rather closed minded."
"If they didn't accept it, you wouldn't need them in your life, Moons." Ellie would never have thought that she'd say that there was a circumstance in which he shouldn't be friends with the Marauders, but she didn't believe there was anything else to say. Remus should never feel like he couldn't be honest with his friends, his family.
"I'll tell them eventually... I'm just not ready yet."
"You don't have to be. There's no pressure."
"Cubby..." Remus pulled away from their hug so she knew he was about to be deathly serious. She hummed in response, staring directly into his eyes, "I love you."
"I love you too, fellow scar face."
"You're such a pillock."
"Your pillock."
"Only 'cause I can't seem to get rid of you when you're throwing yourself at me like I've paid for it."
"Sorry..." Ellie flushed pink, unable to joke back and forth with him now that she'd been reminded of her foolish acts, "Camille said before school that- Never mind. I shouldn't be throwing myself at anyone... She also said, and I quote, 'as a Dubois woman you don't chase, you are chased.' Though when you say that out loud, it's rather obnoxious."
"Believe me, Cubby, there are plenty of boys that would gladly queue up for the privilege of just your smile. It's a pureblood royalty thing." Remus grinned, wiping the back of his hands across his cheeks.
But not the boy I want, Ellie thought, no care for how greedy or perhaps even ungrateful that made her. Sirius was 'the one' in her eyes. But he just so happened to be nearly half the school's 'the one' too.
"Can I ask how long you've liked him?" Knowing that Remus had specially told her that he didn't want any questions about this, she was cautious, but she had to know. And Remus knew that.
"Just since summer..." He replied, cheeks burning beet red, "He, um, got-"
"Really pretty?"
"Yeah, really pretty..." Ellie almost laughed when he cleared his throat awkwardly, but his expression turned serious again before she could, "Look, I know you guys are-"
"We're nothing." She cut in quickly. This morning she might've been jealous, but she'd moved passed that now, "We're not together. You can fancy who you want to fancy, I'm not angry."
"You're not?"
"You need to stop thinking I will be."
"But you love him..." And not in the way we've just said it.
"Yeah, but he doesn't love me, so he's fair game I s'pose." As nonchalant as Ellie tried to act, Remus saw straight through it, "I might cat fight you for him though, if it comes down to it. My patronus did change to his, just so you remember." She was joking, but her smile didn't reach her eyes.
"We couldn't cat fight if we wanted to." Remus snorted.
"What mangy mutts." She grumbled dramatically, "Does this mean you'll gossip about him with me? Lily won't even entertain the idea, and Alice and Mary fall into fits of giggles at just the mention of his name... That wouldn't make you feel uncomfortable, would it?"
With a kind smile, Remus shook his head, pretty eager to get a lot of things off his chest too. He'd never been one to fawn over people before, but Sirius Black demanded everyone to swoon.
"That thing you did. The, um..." He gestured to Ellie's eyes.
"The eyeliner?"
"I like the eyeliner a lot. It, you know..."
"Brings out his eyes?"
"He's got gorgeous eyes."
With lovesick sighs, they both lay flat on their backs, side by side on Remus' bed as they gazed at nothingness above them.
"I like his hair." Ellie declared too loudly. It appeared that when you were this deep in emotions, they were difficult to contain, and as she continued, her hands waved around above her wildly - just like James did whenever he spoke of Lily Evans, "When it's all messy after he's just woke up in the morning, or when he-"
"Ties it up in that bun."
"Ugh, it looks so good."
There was some hypocrisy in the way the pair sounded exactly like the other girls of Hogwarts that they found so annoying. The huddles of younger years who'd giggle about Sirius Black and all his handsomeness, those who placed bets on whether they'd get him to smirk at them, the select few extremely hopeful ones that believed they'd be the one that finally tied him down. In fact, they probably sounded exactly like Flora would when she spoke with her friends.
"He'sgotanicearse." Remus blurted as one, needing to say it aloud but too embarrassed to actually admit that he'd ever looked.
"Yeah, he's got a great arse." Ellie nodded solemnly, her voice an airy whisper.
A moment of silence followed where they continued to gaze at nothingness, their previous words hanging in the air. But then Remus twisted his neck to look at the beautiful girl, and suddenly they were in fits of laughter. Louder than any pair's ever, they squirmed around clutching to each other in pure hilarity. Remus' whole face and neck had gone red now he'd registered properly what he'd admitted, and Ellie couldn't believe that no one had ever caught either of them staring.
In all their ridiculousness of trying to calm themselves down and managing nothing of the sort, the lanky boy went rolling off the bed with a harsh thud, but he was too hysteric to care. The pair only laughed even harder, and that's exactly what they were walked in on doing.
Utterly dishevelled, trails of small red bruises stretching from his jaw down his neck and lips swollen, Sirius froze in the doorway of his dorm. He didn't even see Ellie on the bed at first, greeted by Remus splayed out in front of him laughing harder than he'd ever seen him do so. No idea what he'd walked in on, Sirius didn't even announce himself, slightly panicked that some prank in his absence might have gone wrong and left his friends in some form of insanity. Regardless of his flushed appearance, the handsome boy's high of having Flora all over him had now worn off, and he was more than ready to just curl up in bed - something he didn't think he was going to do considering Ellie and Remus' states. The annoyance that bubbled in him quickly over this, took even him by surprise.
Sirius would never admit it, not even to himself, but despite how good Flora's lips felt at the time, now he'd never felt so empty. And whatever was going on with his friends looked like it was a whole lot more fun. Fun that he'd missed out on.
"What's so funny?" He demanded without warning, and the room fell deathly silent.
Ellie and Remus shared a panicked glance, one Sirius didn't miss, but then suddenly, they burst out laughing again. Louder and more even uncontrollable than before, neither of them could compose themselves enough to even acknowledge his question. Remus clutched his stomach, Ellie had rolled to bury her face in the bed, and Sirius scowled. With a disgruntled huff, he strode over the lanky boy on the floor and to his bed, making sure his stomps were loud enough to make a point.
"Laissez-moi dehors ce matin. Laissez-moi dehors maintenant." He grumbled under his breath.
Not that anyone would've been able to understand him anyway. Not that anybody would've cared.