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Hello! Yep I'm editing this story now~ I felt like I was too vague at some points you know.. and the infamous typos...
Sooo I was being d e p r e s s e d outta nowhere, and out of curiosity went and listened to some 'sad playlist' on spotify, despite never having done that before. Then I got this idea.. haha prepare some tissues i legit cried WHILE writing it. am i just weak and sensitive? nAh no way pfft.
it's alright to cry hehe
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“Please come again!”
I hope so. . .
Felix thought, and displayed a small smile as he bowed back at the store-worker as he left the departmental store.
Stepping out, he was met with the starless night, and people occupying the streets. He breathed in the busy night air. People walked past him, minding their own busy little lives. Of course, they were all but by-passers in each role-play called living they starred in, meeting once, and never to meet again.
It's interesting how the people who you see once, all have their lives sometimes. On one little street, one person could have had a promotion, and the other just been dumped. One could just have recieved a shoking news, the other just having their normal day. Walking in small steps, dreading to reach their destination, or skipping happily there. Either way, they couldn't care. They just couldn't. They simply didn't have the rights to.
Lies fill our world. Each of us, in our own different ways, actors. Or in other words, liars.
A couple closely walking together passed by Felix. His eyes glued on them. they seemed so... in love. Adoration was clear between them, and Felix could only stare at them as they walked past him.
“Chan and I used to be like them...”, he thought, memories bringing tears.
Oh how happy he was when Chan asked him to be his boyfriend. How full of joy he was when the older and he, decided to live together. Though, all that seemed to be so distant now, so.. unreal. Like the happiness he used to feel was but just memories.
His laughter seemed to be non-existent nowadays. Dull eyes usually visited by tears, and lips that never showed genuine smiles; a heart that seemed to feel nothing but numbness.
He spent his days fighting with Chan, every little mistake brought up in their arguments. He wondered when he and Chan last kissed, last slept together on the same bed, last even share a normal conversation that didn't end with a petty argument. He couldn't remember.
He sniffled, eyes brimming with tears as he tried to hold them back. He wiped stray tears that escaped with his sleeves.
He accidentally dropped some medicine as he wiped, and bent down to take it back when he was beat to it by another hand.
He looked up at the person who took it, and he saw a boy, taller than him holding out the sleeping pills with a soft smile.
Felix took it from his hands, muttering a small thank you, to which the boy replied, "It's no problem! By the way, I've been seeing you around here a lot.. Do you live nearby?”
Felix was taken aback at the sudden conversation the taller had initiated, but replied in a small voice.
“Y-yeah just nearby..”, he said, although not fully the truth, it wasn't a lie either.
“Ohh hey by chance if we see each other again, do you want to get some coffee? Or anything, really”
Felix's eyes widened. Was he being hit on?
“I- uh..”, Felix couldn't even reply, too taken aback.
“Oh right by the way I don't have any bad intentions.. I have a boyfriend if that helps, and I wouldn't cheat on him even if I was given the chance.. I love him..”, he was quiet for a second, a soft smile on his face and it was clear he was whipped.
“OH I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Yeonjun”, he held out his hand. Felix was unsure, but slowly lifted his hand to shake it.
“Oh uh.. okay sure. If we do see each other again, that is”, Felix finally said.
Yeonjun smiled.
“Okay! I hope we see each other soon then! Bye!”
Yeonjun shouted running off.
“Alright..”
Felix started walking towards his house again, the weird interaction confusing him, but he was glad Yeonjun wasn't hitting on him, he did have a boyfriend he was going home to after all.
Boyfriend..Chan..
Reality hit him, and he once again got reminded that he in fact did have a boyfriend, a boyfriend he never even shared his feelings with anymore, a boyfriend who he only argued with..
The thoughts in his head distracted him of his journey, as his legs led him to his shared apartment. He stopped in front of the door, standing still for a moment to sigh, opening the door when he tapped in the password.
Empty. No, the apartment wasn't empty, but inside, he was. Berry came up to his feet, welcoming him as her ears flapped around.
He took off his shoes and patted Berry, not even bothering to look around, as Chan would be watching television in the living room. Slowly, he made way to the dining table, putting the bags on it.
He took the toiletries out, and left the others for later.
Chan stared at his boyfriend who was now going towards their bedroom.
He wanted to make up, he really did. But every time he made an attempt to do it, it always led to an argument. It was frustrating to not be able to hold his boyfriend, his lover. He hated their situation. He despised how every second they spent together seemed to be used by their useless quarrels.
He hugged the throwpillow every night, trying to replace Felix's warmth with it, but alas it wasn't the same. He cried every night, unable to sleep. The sleeping pills he took seemed useless at that point.
He wanted whatever shit was going on to end, and tell the boy how much he loved and cared for him. But jealousy and pettiness overtook their inner, real thoughts, words they wanted to say coming out more different than they intended, coming out with venom.
But not anymore, this was coming to an end. He made a plan, buying stuff for Felix to make up. Plushies and cake, the freckled boy's favorite things. Smiling to himself, he thought of how happy they would be again, when his thoughts were interrupted with their bedroom door slamming open, revealing a tear-filled Felix holding the plushies intended for him. It was clear to see, yet another misunderstanding.
“What is this?”, he asked breathlessly, his teeth clenched.
Too shocked to reply at the moment, Chan just stared.
“I ASKED WHAT THIS IS CHRISTOPHER!”, he shouted this time.
“Felix calm down–”, Chan attempted to calm him down, but it was useless.
Eyes red with tears streaming down his face, Felix screamed, “ANSWER ME!”
“Lix please calm down first–”
“YOU'RE EVEN CHEATING ON ME NOW?! AND WHY'RE YOU PUTTING THIS ON OUR BED? WHAT? YOU TRYING TO SHOW OFF?!”
His shouts filled the room as Chan desperately tried to calm down Felix first before speaking.
“Felix those are for you!”, Chan shouted back. Those words landed in deaf ears, only echoing back, Felix being too heated to think rationally.
“Are you seriously fucking lying right now Christopher Bang?!”, Felix said with wide red eyes. He tsked as he looked away.
“Felix I'm telling the fucking truth! Why the hell aren't you believing me?!”
Anger finally took over with frustration.
Felix laughed sarcastically as he answered, “If you were fucking believable I would motherfucker! How do you expect me to believe you when I know you would take the smallest chance you get to go fuck another person?! You could at least try to be subtle you piece of shit!”
Their argument only got more heated, and Chan was now clouded with anger, logic and reasonable thoughts thrown out the window. Words of betrayal and accusations were exchanged, along with denials.
“Don’t act like you weren't all over Jeongin last week!”
“Lee Felix do not bring him into this!”
“Or what Bang?!”
“He's fucking innocent! But what about you huh?! Weren't you and Changbin basically eye fucking each other the other day?!”
“He's my best friend! Why are you having those disgusting thoughts?!”
“You fucking were don't you dare deny it with that bullshit!”, his voice was equal to a lion's roar, his veins visible on his neck and forehead. Their shouts echoed in the empty halls outside. Surely, the neighbours could hear them, but they didn't try to come and stop their little quarrel now, as it had become normal.
“You know what?! I'm done with your bullshit!”
“What makes you think I'm not?!”
Felix flipped him off as he went inside their bedroom, slamming the door.
Chan stood alone in the living room, standing still for a moment before finally breaking down. He fell on his knees, tears streaming down his face. His sobs and sniffs being the only noises available. Why can't he do anything right? Why does life hate him so much?
“Why god why..”, he asked, head buried in his arms with the never-ending tears.
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thoughts?