I step inside the room, mentally preparing myself for being alone with Harry tonight. Yes, I've been alone with him before, more than once, but this time is different. This time, it is going to be weird and awkward because I know that I tried kissing him yesterday and he turned me down. Yet there's also the part where I found out that he stares at me a lot and it seems to Niall that he likes me. Confused is the word for what I feel. Confused whether or not I like Harry or hate him. Confused whether Harry likes me or hates me.
"Took you long enough. I almost pressed play," Harry says. He is standing in the kitchen until he notices me walking back toward the couch. I stay quiet - Opposite of my thoughts. I can't stop asking myself about my feelings toward Harry and his toward me. Should I talk to him about it? Or will I just look like a fool?
"Liv?" Harry sounds concerned and I hadn't realized I was sitting on the couch, focused on a blank wall behind the television.
"Huh?" I turn my attention to Harry. "Oh, yeah. Sorry. I told you, you could've just pressed play."
Harry looks at me suspicious, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I lie. He squints his eyes as if he's trying to read me better.
"What's wrong with you?" I divert. He laughs and leans back on the couch, across from me, as if dropping his question. He presses play on the movie and I don't watch it. At all. My eyes may be focused on the two people on the screen, but my mind and attention is elsewhere.
Should I apologize to Harry for kissing him and tell him it was the alcohol? That's one question sticking in my head. I have to say I'm very embarrassed about what I did more than anything. Well, tried to do. My stomach turns at the thought of being rejected by him and my cheeks heat, even though no one is making fun of me for it. The thought alone makes me quiver.
What Niall said downstairs has completely been thrown from my head by the time the movie is over. There is no way that Harry likes me, if he didn't want my kiss from last night. As Harry sits up from his position and turns off the television, I make my decision just to apologize to Harry and tell him the alcohol was to blame. If I was completely sober right now, I would not be doing this, but with the small amount of alcohol still in my bloodstream, I'm brave enough.
Harry glares at me when I look at him and before I can even speak, the words disappear from my head. Whys he looking at me like this? Is he going to bring up the kiss before me and make fun of me?
"What?" I stutter, not able to speak loudly from his stare.
"She dies?" He mumbles and I laugh when I realize my paranoia is out of control. He's just upset about the movie.
"Oh...." I chuckle. "Yeah, she dies."
"Why would you let me watch that?"
"It's my favorite movie."
"Favorite movie?" He looks lost. I chuckle, but then stop when I remember that I need to tell him.
"Harry, can we talk about something?" I ask, nervously. Harry only stands from the couch.
"How is that your favorite movie?" He doesn't even acknowledge that Im trying to talk to him about something else.
"They finally get together and Harold agrees to their love and punches the Duke in the face and then she dies!? That's a horrible movie!" He yells and stomps his foot like a kid.
"Harry." I breathe, not caring if he liked the ending of the movie or not.
"No, seriously. I'm mad at you now for making me watch that." His voice is serious, but his eyes give away that he's only joking. One of his dimples forms on his cheek, completely giving it away that he's only kidding.
"Harry, can we talk about..."
"I need something to eat now, I'm going to eat my sorrow away," He interrupts me and blocks my question before walking into the kitchen. My blood begins to boil when I realize that he's doing this on purpose. I bet that he knows that I want to talk about last night, but he clearly doesn't want to. it makes me more embarrassed, but with how annoyed he's making me, I spring up from the couch and follow him.
"Harry, if you don't let me talk, I'm going to...." I try to sound threatening. "I'm going to punch you. We need to talk about last night." I say and by the way Harry stops walking and doesn't turn around to face me, tells me I was right. He knew that's what I wanted to talk about and he was trying to block it.
There's silence in the room and I'm standing two feet behind him. I move around the bar and sit down on the stool. He finally moves toward the fridge and pulls out left over pizza that I saved in there.
"You want a slice of pizza?" He says, and I slam my hand on the counter.
"Harry! What the hell!? Stop! All I wanted to say was that I'm sorry for trying to kiss you yesterday!!" My voice completely raises and when the words leave my lips, I want to run and hide. That's not how I wanted to bring it up, but he just makes me so mad.
Harry's face turns a little confused and he puts back down the piece of pizza he grabbed from the box, "What?"
"I'm sorry for trying to kiss you. I honestly don't even remember much from last night except dancing with Louis, I think. I don't know, but Coco said that I tried kissing you and I would just like to apologize. I assure you that it was only the alcohol." I feel a lot better, saying this, but the look on Harrys face confuses me.
"What?" He repeats and I roll my eyes.
"Can we just not make a big deal of it? Harry keeps his eyes focused on mine, with his eyebrows furrowed deep. I can't tell if he's thinking or is mad. Either way, it's unbarring.
Harry doesn't say anything and instead diverts his eyes to the ground. He looks deep in thought. I wonder what's going through his mind. Maybe he doesn't even remember me trying to kiss him. If that's the case then I'm the biggest idiot ever. I could've just left it alone.
"Can we drop it please? You don't have to say anything," I say, but I really wish he would say something. He keeps his focus on the ground and I can feel myself start to ramble out of nerves.
"I mean it's not like I find you attractive or anything." His eyes close and his head drops aliitle more and I completely regret what I said.
"Not that I wouldn't find you attractive!" I quickly state, to make him and myself feel better. "I actually kind of had a crush on you." The words fall from my lips and i completely regret ever even bringing this up. Im such an idiot.
Harrys head shoots up and a smirk is being held back from his lips, "What?" He says the same thing he's been saying these last two unbearable minutes.
"I don't any more!" I stutter and Harry starts to laugh, making my checks heat up from embarrassment. I feel like such a fool and with him now laughing at me, it just makes it all the worst.
"Oh my god, I'm done with this conversation," I say, covering my eyes with my shaky hands. I feel Harry walk around the bar toward me and he pulls my hands down to my sides. He's still laughing, but it's very light and I keep my eyes darted to the ground so I don't have to look at him.
"What did Coco tell you exactly." He emphasizes the exactly.
I look into Harrys eyes and they seem serious. "That I was drunk and I tried kissing you, but you pushed me away."
Harry lets out a breath and looks down at the ground before running a hand through his hair.
"Is that what happened?"
"No, that's not what happened." He shakes his head and looks at the ground as if he's upset. I'm completely confused and straighten my stance to show power in my words.
"Then what happened? Why would she lie?"
"Nothing happened," Harry says, bringing his eyes to mine. "I didn't even see you at all that night. I was with Coco. She was probably just trying to make you embarrassed because she likes me."
"Nothing happened?" I smile, happy to hear that.
Harry hesitates, looking me weirdly in the eyes, "No."
"Oh thank god." I let out a breath and walk around Harry and toward the kitchen sink to gather up some water to soothe my dry throat. Im so glad that Coco was lying, but it makes me a little annoyed that she did. She shouldn't have a problem with me getting with Harry.
I happily drink my water, embarrassed free and set the glass down before looking at Harry. He's eyes are once again darted to the ground with sad eyes. It's confusing me slightly, but I don't want to ask him what's the matter. Im sure he's just wondering why Coco would lie like she did.
"So what's for Christmas Eve?" I say, changing the topic quickly. I can't believe Christmas Eve is tomorrow. I seriously need to call my parents and see how they've been and wish them a good Christmas. I really wish I was with them, but when I think about leaving Harry alone my chest hurts.
His father will be busy Im sure and I'm too afraid to ask about his mother. My dad said that Mr. styles nor Harry speak to her, but I don't know why. I'm pretty sure Harry is an only child too.
"Watch Netflix," Harry says, finally looking up to me. His tone is low and slower than before like he's upset.
"Pah-ha. Very funny, Styles," I say trying to enlighten his mood. I know he's only joking, but I wonder why he seems so upset.
"I know. Uhm, I don't know. We can do whatever you want," he says. "I'm going to go to bed though."
Harry walks toward the bedroom door without a goodnight and shuts it quietly. Im confused and a little hurt that Harry just went to bed. I kind of wanted to hang out with him longer and maybe watch another movie, especially knowing that I didn't try and kiss him yesterday. Why did his mood change all of a sudden though?
Walking to my bed/couch with this in my mind, I begin to strip out of my clothes and into pajamas. When settled in bed I call my dad and check up on everyone. He tells me everything's wonderful and Jacob laughed hard at my dads silly faces for the first time.
"What are you and Harry doing for Christmas Eve tomorrow?" My dad asks. He's speaking quietly because my mom just put Jacob to bed.
"I don't know yet. Something I hope."
"How's he treating you? Have you done anything fun?" My dad sounds worried.
"Yeh, we've done some fun stuff and he's cool, I guess."
Harrys bedroom door opens and I turn my head and look over the couch to find him walking into the kitchen. He's wearing a white shirt and grey boxers, telling me he's going to bed. I was kind of hoping he came out here to watch a movie with me till I fell asleep.
I look back up to the ceiling when my dads voice comes on the other end.
"Are you upset you're not getting any presents?" My dad laughs. "Im not sending you any. Thats expensive."
I can hear Harry getting a glass of water.
"No, I don't care. You know I don't like presents."
"Your mom said that you've been wanting a moped tho, huh?" My dad reminds me.
"Awh, yeah. I want a moped so bad!!" I laugh. "That way I don't have to buy a car or take the bus everywhere I go."
"Well, maybe we'll buy one later in the year. We don't really have the money right now with all the hospital bills."
"Oh, dad don't worry about it. It's just something I want, not need. I'll buy one myself eventually."
"Alright." I imagine my dad rolling his eyes at me.
"I'm going to go, dad." I say when I hear Harry close a kitchen cabinet. Im going to just ask him if he wants to watch a movie. It's kind of late, but I'm not that tired.
My dad and I share "I love you"s before we both hang up the phone. By the time I sit up from the couch, Harry is already in his room again, leaving me to watch a movie alone tonight.