𝟘𝟛𝕩𝟙𝟚
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It was a little bit after 10 when Natalie woke up that Saturday morning. She was working the night shift the previous night and she had gotten back home at 6 am. Thankfully she was off that day and she could enjoy some peaceful time with her daughter. But a surprise was waiting for her just downstairs.
Natalie put a jacket on as she walked down the stairs, feeling the chilly air of Seattle in her house. She looked around seeing that all the windows were open. Amber never opened the windows in the morning. And then she heard chatting coming from the kitchen. "Honey, who are you talking to?" Natalie asked and as she entered the kitchen she saw her mother sitting there with Amber having breakfast. "Mom?" Natalie exclaimed.
"Well, you finally woke up."
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Natalie rubbed her forehead as her mother, Cara O'Connor kept on going on and on about how one of her daughters was getting a divorce while the other was travelling the world. Cara O'Connor came from an Irish family. Proud of her roots, she never changed her last name to Turner. She loved her family and her home and a part of her was upset that her daughters never got to know the town she grew up to. At least one of them had the accent. Natalie loved going to Ireland. She had spent too many summers there. She enjoyed being with her relatives. But being with her mother, not so much. She loved her mother and she had been helping her a lot, but a part of her was glad that she moved away from her when she left San Francisco.
Cara was not an easy person. She was the type of person that always wanted to be right. She was a typical mother. A little overprotective, a little judgemental of everything that you did , always tries to feed you.
"I just wanted to have an easy morning with my daughter, that's all I wanted, but no I have to sit here and hear you tell me how terrible sorry Isaac is." Natalie told her mother. Amber decided that it would be better to not be anywhere around them at that moment. She loved her grandmother but she also knew that there was no one else that could angry Natalie like her. And she just locked herself at her room once again. Her new house had been a battlefield the last few weeks. And every time things seemed calm, the rain just came right back.
"Honey, I know this is hard but you can't just tear your family apart, Amber has to be with her father. She needs a real family."
"What do you know?" Natalie argued. "You and dad had been happily married until his last breath. He was not like Isaac. How can you tell me that I am tearing my family apart, after what he did? You're supposed to be my mother!"
"Well, me of all people knows, okay? I know." Cara admitted to her daughter.
"Dad had cheated on you?" Natalie always had a soft spot for her father, especially since she lost him earlier than she was supposed to. She just held on the fact that he had the chance to meet Amber. But losing him was one of the hardest things she went through. It had been years since then, but she still cried at night at the memory of him.
And to learn that the man she thought that it was the greatest person on earth had cheated on her mother, just crashed her. Her father couldn't be like her ex husband. She couldn't believe that.
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Cara explained how her husband had an affair with the same woman for years. She told her how she forgave him. And after the younger of their daughters were born, Isabella - Natalie's little sister- he stopped all of it at once. He never saw her again and he became the father and husband Natalie remembered him being.
But Natalie was still wished that she had never found out about it. She desperately needed to talk to someone about it. So the next day she found Addison drinking coffee as she worked on her computer. "So my mom's in town. She just keeps on trying to convince me that I can't go through a divorce with Isaac, that I should give him another chance. And my father had cheated on my mom. So I guess it runs in the family you know?" Natalie rambled but Addison didn't even look up at her.
Callie joined them a second later. "George kissed me." She announced. "Yesterday. One minute he was holding a urine bag, the next minute he's kissing me. Do you think he's just freaking out about his dad?" Natalie didn't say anything back, too lost at her own problems. "Yeah, you're right. He's probably just freaking out. I shouldn't hold him to it.
"What?"Addison let out as she was staring off into space.
"Did you not just hear a word I said?" Callie complained. "I'm pouring my heart out here."
"She did the same to me. It's all about her, you know. It's all about...Everything's about Addison." Natalie rolled her eyes, remembering how many time she heard Addison going off about either Derek or Mark.
"I aborted Mark's baby." Addison stated.
"It is all about you. Floor is all yours." Natalie said and Callie nodded in agreement.
"About 8 months ago I peed on a stick." Addison continued. "And I wasn't even going to tell him. But then I did...tell him. And he went out and he bought this insane Yankees onesie. And a calendar and marked the due date. Which I should mention was today." Natalie couldn't help but feel bad for Mark. She had ran into him earlier and he looked terrible. And now she knew exactly why.
That pregnancy was Mark's first chance to have something really. He had felt that for the first time, he could be something more. He, Addison and that baby. But God's plan was different. Or at least Addison's plan. And Mark was spending that day, being the worst version of himself. Letting his feelings consume me in every possible way.
"You didn't want a baby?" Callie asked her.
"I wanted Derek. I wanted to have a baby with Derek. I never thought I'd end up alone."
"You have not "ended up" anywhere." Natalie reminded her. She kept telling herself the same thing, every day.
"You're right. I know. I just...sometimes it feels that way you know. This is one of those weeks it feels that way." Addison sighed.
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The day Natalie returned to the hospital after her day off, was the day that George found out that his father was not going to make it. He was on life support and the O'Malleys had to make a decision.
George walked to the nurse's station where Natalie, Bailey and Richard were. Natalie looked at the younger man worried. He somehow reminded her of her sister, which she hadn't seen in too long. "Why did you do it? Why did you do it once you saw the cancer had spread?"
"George... George" Natalie tried to calm him down as he continued yelling at the other doctors.
"He asked you right?" George realised. "He asked you to do it no matter what?"
"We have to honor our patient's wishes." Chief Webber replied calmly.
"You said you would be straight with me. He could have lived for weeks or months. We could have had months with him. My mom...she could have had months with him." George cried.
"He wanted a chance to fight the cancer George. It was his choice." Natalie tried again, remembering how her father had done the exactly same thing. He wanted to fight, even if it meant that it would kill him. So that was what happened.
"He didn't know any better!" George yelled. "You knew better! You shouldn't have done it. You shouldn't have done it!" He stormed out and Natalie followed behind.
"Five years ago, I lost my father. He had a heart disease and he didn't want to tell me because he knew that I would work myself up to save his life, because you know I am a cardiothoracic surgeon, I could save his life. But he didn't want to worry me. He didn't want our last moments to be like that. He fought until the last minute. Just like your father. You should be proud that he didn't give up. Just remember who your father was to you and hold that for the rest of your life." George's father wasn't the only one she was referring to. "I am really sorry you have to join the dead dad's club, George."
"I... I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't."
"Yeah, that never really changes."
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Callie and Natalie were in the nurse's station when they saw Mark. They both looked at him. And Mark looked back at them and then he realised. "She told you."
"Uh yeah." Callie confirmed while Natalie just gave him a half smile.
"You think I'd be a terrible father?" Mark asked and Natalie didn't feel like she should answer that. She wasn't sure about her own father after what she had found out.
"Oh I don't...I don't...are you...okay, do you like kids?" Callie asked him.
"I don't know. Depends on how loud they are." Mark replied making Natalie scoff, knowing how loud kids actually are. All of them. Even Amber, who people just kept saying that she a quiet kid. She wasn't.
"Okay. Do you like your family? I mean, are you a family kind of guy?" Callie continued.
"I don't really have a family. Derek was my family."
"Okay. Well, what about birthdays and anniversaries? Do you remember those kinds of things?" Callie asked. She was really helpful sometimes. But for Natalie that wasn't something that made a good father. Not remembering anniversaries. Her father could never remember anything, but he somehow he always showed up from every little thing. And all the big moment of hers and her sister's lives.
"No." Mark shook his head. "I don't know. Sometimes. Isn't it the same with all men?"
"No. Some men just like kids. To some men, family's everything." Callie had a small smile to her face, thinking about the person she loved.
"Right, and you know these men?" Mark asked her.
"I do. I know one." Callie smiled and walked away to find the person she was talking about.
"I would've made a terrible father." Mark muttered to himself and this time Natalie looked at him. She felt like she should say something, but she wasn't sure what. "You have a daughter." Mark looked back at her.
"Uh, yeah."
"Would I have been a terrible father? You have a daughter, you should know the answer to that." Mark said and he tried to not look sad, but Natalie could see exactly how he was feeling. And no matter how much she didn't like him, she didn't want to say the wrong thing and hurt his feelings more.
"I don't know Mark." Natalie shrugged. "I don't know anything about you other than you like sleeping around."
"So that must means that I'd be a terrible father, right? I would have been. I don't know what it's like to have a family. And since no one has given me the chance to find that out..." His voice faded out. It was one those days.
"My ex husband liked sleeping around Mark. I don't think he is a terrible father. I only hope that he won't end up breaking Amber's heart." She paused and glanced away from him for a second before her eyes set back on him. "Having a child is also a lifelong commitment that takes lots of love, energy, and patience. To have a child, it means that you're ready to give to them the best part of you." Mark looked deeply at her as she spoke. Only then noticing that her eyes were not the same colour the one with the other. One blue, one green. "We all have something good to give. What do you have? Maybe start from there. Maybe it's time to see under the... sleeping around part."
"You wanted to say manwhore, didn't you?" Mark realised.
"Uh, yeah. A little bit." Natalie admitted, a small smile on her face.
"I know you want to go home to your daughter but can I buy you a drink? Half an hour tops. I could use a friend."
"Uh" Natalie thought out it, "the hell with it, I am trying to get away from my own mother and her constant I didn't raise you to get a divorce. So let's do this."
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Half an hour became one and the duo was laughing and chatting and just kept having a good time. And as much as Natalie didn't want to admit it; she started liking Mark. He made her laugh and she hadn't been doing much of it lately. She never expected that she would be at a bar drinking and laughing with a person like Mark Sloan. But she could never do anything more than that. It was not an option, not in that moment at least.
"So you and Derek are friends." Mark pointed out as the conversation started quieting down.
"That we are." Natalie confirmed. "We bonded over cheater partners and snake best friends." Natalie gave him a "what did you expect look" and took a sip from her scotch. That was her drink, or wine for when she was drinking at home. But as a cardio surgeon she knew that whiskey can help boost the body's defenses against heart diseases. It also made her feel more of a badass, but she wasn't going to admit that to anyone.
Mark looked at her, impressed with how well she could handle the same drink he always drank as well. He was impressed by her generally and he couldn't hide it. So he continued with the question he actually wanted to ask her when he brought Derek up. "So between me and him who would you choose?"
Natalie raised her eyebrow taken aback. "Are you seriously asking me that Mark?"
"I am." He confirmed. Mark and Derek were always competitive with each other and Mark just took the competition one step further. "You see Derek and I in front of you, you know nothing about us. But one of us makes you fall in love with just one look. Who is it? Me or him?"
"Everything has to be a competition with you, huh?" Natalie shook her head, not wanting to answer that question. There was no way she could ever sleep with either of them.
"Life's so much more interesting like that. So tell me."
"Derek reminds me of my ex." Natalie started. Derek was obviously more loyal than Isaac ever was, but they both had that dreamy thing going on. So she could never even imagine herself with Derek. "He has all the great hair like Isaac and it's just a no. And then there's you. But I can't say you, because I am not feeding your ego. So I got no answer for you."
"Come on. Give me something." Mark insisted. He just wanted to hear her say his name. Nothing more.
"Why?"
Mark looked right at her, not taking his eyes for a second. And as he looked at her, he forgot about Addison for just a second. He forgot one of the reasons he moved to Seattle. Because there was something about her and he didn't know what. "Because I need a reason to stay in Seattle."
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Natalie ended her night with Mark shortly after what he had told her. She wasn't sure what to think of it, but she couldn't even think about starting something new. Especially when she hadn't even actually gotten a divorce. And especially with Mark Sloan. She was sure that he would cheat on her within the first week. And she promised herself that she was going to be more cautious with men. And doing anything with Mark was against all odds.
When she unlocked the door of her house, her mother was behind the door waiting for her. Natalie cursed under her breath. Cara crossed her hands on her chest and looked at her daughter. "You're late. You leave Amber all alone for so many hours?"
Natalie walked towards the kitchen, Cara following behind. "Okay, no, just, I am not giving you a report mom." Natalie argued with her mother. "I knew Amber was with you, I took one emergency case, big deal. I saved someone's life. I am sorry for that." You're 32 and you're still lying to your mother about where you've been, nice one, she thought.
Cara sighed. "Just come on, you need to eat something."
"I am not hungry." Natalie declined whatever her mother had cooked for dinner.
"I said eat!" Cara said sternly and placed a plate she had saved for her in the fridge, in front of her. Natalie huffed and sat down, not feeling like arguing with her. They stayed silent for several minutes before Cara talked again. "Sweetheart, I am just worried, okay? I am sorry. I am really worried. You're alone over here. Everyone is all the way to San Francisco and you're here and I hate that."
"Mom, I am fine. Everything is just fine." Natalie reassured and put the fork down, after two bites of the food. She couldn't really eat and it was late.
"I don't want you to go through this alone."
"Just yesterday you were telling me that I teared my family apart." Natalie reminded her, not understanding a word that came out of her mother's mouth. "That you took dad back after he cheated on you and that I am wrong for asking for a divorce. You put the blame on me. He broke my heart and you blamed me." Natalie walked out of the kitchen again and went back to the living room, trying to get away from her. But of course Care followed her.
They were now both sitting on the couch. "I was wrong, okay?" Cara admitted and a gasp escaped from Natalie's lips. Her mother never admitted that she was wrong. Something she got from her. "I was wrong. You are doing something I should have done. But I couldn't. I am sorry. I am really proud of you, I am just worried. Maybe I should move in Seattle. Make sure you and Amber actually eat and that you're not killing yourself to work."
"No, please don't." Natalie didn't mean to sound so desperate. But she couldn't have her mother around all the time. "I love you mom, but please don't. Amber knows how to cook. Honestly better than I do. And she can take care of herself. She's smarter than I ever was her age. I wish I was smarter."
"Yeah, but if you were smarter in that age you would have never have her." Cara pointed out.
"That's true, she's my whole world."
"I know, honey. Come here." Natalie placed her head on her mother's lap and let her play with her hair. She just needed to not be an adult for a minute. And for the first time in the last days she was thankful her mother was there.
"I miss dad." Natalie admitted. "I should have been angry at him and I am. But I also miss him a lot. I don't think he was a terrible father, you know? Maybe he was a terrible husband but he wasn't a terrible father, right?" Natalie looked up at her mother, a worried look on her face.
"No, he wasn't." Cara smiled softly. "He loved you and your sister so much that he stopped the affair he had. But the damage was already there for me."
"The damage never goes away, huh?" Natalie sighed and closed her eyes, feeling more relaxed that she had in the last few months. There was nothing that could replace the mother's love.
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ɪ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ꜱʜɪᴘ ᴍᴀᴛᴀʟɪᴇ, ɪ ᴅᴇᴄɪᴅᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ɪᴛ ʀᴇᴍɪɴᴅꜱ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ʙᴇᴀᴄʜ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛʀʏ ʟᴏʟ ʙᴜᴛ ɴᴀʀᴋ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴀʟꜱᴏ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴏɴᴇ! ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴍᴏᴍᴇɴᴛ.
ɪ ᴀʟꜱᴏ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ ᴏᴜᴛᴇʀ ʙᴀɴᴋꜱ ʏᴇꜱᴛᴇᴅᴀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʟɪᴋᴇᴅ ɪᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ᴀ ꜰꜰ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴊᴊ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɪ ꜱʜᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ ʙᴜᴛ ɪꜰ ɪ ᴇɴᴅ ᴜᴘ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ɪᴛ ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴜʏꜱ ᴡɪʟʟ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ɪᴛ ʟᴏʟ
ʟᴀꜱᴛʟʏ, ɪ ᴘᴏꜱᴛᴇᴅ ᴀ ᴍɪꜱᴄ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴀᴍ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴏꜱᴛ ʀᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ꜱᴏ ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴜᴘ ꜰᴏʀ ɪᴛ ᴄʜᴇᴄᴋ ɪᴛ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ.