"It's really amazing. Oh my god! I cannot believe you cooked this" said Louis while taking a bite of the steak in his plate.
Harry sat next to him smiling. Both of them had taken a shower and settled back on their date table in loose sweaters and boxers. Harry's curls were still slightly damp with water.
Louis cut a piece of steak and raised it to Harry's mouth who happily accepted.
"I missed you" said Harry with a pout.
"Me too. But tell me, when did you even get time to do all this"
"Came back early and cooked. Pretended to disappear once you were back, while I was actually at Liam's. Then, set everything up once you left"
"No wonder none of them replied to me when you were missing. I was so mad!"
"Well I wanted to surprise you. But I guess, you surprised me more" said Harry with a blush. Louis raised his eyes from his plate to look at him and turned pink, aware of the fact that he hadn't given Harry a chance to even speak, basically pounced at him the moment he saw him.
"Let's just say that you looked very handsome in the maroon suit" said Louis smiling sheepishly and feeding him more food.
"Yes, for like all of the 30 seconds I had it on"
"Curly, do you want me to dig a hole here and burry myself in it? Is that what you want? Because I am inching closer to doing it." Louis said and Harry laughed throwing his head back, clutching his chest. Louis just stared in awe, the way his hair moved, his dimples became prominent and his eyes almost watered.
He wanted to watch Harry laugh forever.
And it was this thought that scared him. He felt his own smile falter, he knew Harry would notice so he quickly turned his face towards the food and continued eating.
"How are you even hungry? I thought you went out to dinner. I thought I'll be lucky if you manage to have a few bites"
"Oh please, you had ghosted me. I was so angry, I don't even remember the taste of anything I ate, which was very little by the way. Poor El tried so hard" said Louis and Harry's smile dropped immediately. He turned his face away from Louis.
Louis let go of his fork and got up. He swung his leg around Harry to sit on his lap, facing him.
"No need to get jealous Hazza, you are the only one who has access to this Hot Bod" said Louis and pointed at himself and clicked his tongue.
"Hmmm.." stared Harry locking his arms around Louis' lower back.
"Seriously, we JUST had sex and you are jealous of my beard?" at that Harry smiled and softened his eyes.
"But umm...was it. You know? Okay?....Alright?" said Louis bringing his lower lip between his teeth.
Harry chuckled and leaned in and kissed him.
"Did you not hear me screaming?" asked Harry.
"I am pretty sure some more people must have heard it too. But, God, I'd love to get used to it" said Louis only to make Harry turn more pink and hid his face in Louis' chest.
"Hey? Are you excited to see what I've got you?" said Louis covering Harry's face with his hands.
"You got me something?" said Harry excitedly pulling back, his eyes lighting up.
Louis nodded and jumped out of his lap and ran out to his room and came back with a bag full of his presents. Harry excitedly looked through the paper backs, pulling out item after item.
"Oh, a Burberry coat! I love this.! Oh and the Versace scarf! I swear Lou, you are spoiling me" said Harry, not really making eye contact. He continued to shuffle through the items, smelled them, felt them against his cheeks and then ran around trying them on. Louis meanwhile cleared the table and came back to join Harry in his room.
Harry had placed everything on bed and clicked pictures. Louis felt like he could melt looking at Harry being so excited and happy.
Harry tied a scarf around his hair with Louis' help. They sat on the bed facing each other cross-legged.
Harry clicked a selfie and smiled at his phone.
"You look SO precious" said Louis and pulled Harry's cheeks.
"Really? Yo think I can wear it like this?" said Harry blushing.
"Of course Hazza! Come here, I love you.." said Louis kissing Harry's cheek and Harry instinctively replied
"I..." and then stopped.
Louis' breath hitched. He froze and stared at Harry, too afraid to move. He thought any movement, any eye twitch, any change in smile might break the fragile air lingering between them. He was well aware that Harry hadn't told him he loved him, yet. Although, he knew, he was 99% sure that Harry loved him back, but he was careful never to stop and think about why he never said it. He knew if he went down that path then his overthinking brain will end up murdering him. But hearing Harry almost say it cracked all corners of Louis' brain. Was he going to say it? Is it going to sound as encapsulating as he thought? But the fact that Harry stopped mid-way was deepening the cracks in Louis' head.
"I.....am very fond of you" said Harry after a brief pause smiling awkwardly.
Louis exhaled the breath he was holding back and smiled shaking his head. Well, today was not the day, and it was alright.
"But you didn't have to get me so many things Lou. Honestly this is all....."
"Of course I did! You are my first boyfriend" said Louis shyly.
"Umm... What?" said Harry raising his eyebrows.
"Yess" said Louis proudly.
"Okay.. Is that supposed to be your big romantic line?" said Harry looking annoyed. Louis didn't understand why.
"What? I mean, do you not want to be called...that?" said Louis internally panicking, thinking he just embarrassed himself while Harry did not even want anything to do with him. He was crazy thinking about all the possibilities about the two of them together while Harry Styles was just passing his time and was in fact straight and maybe was just a best friend and.......
"Did you not hear yourself?" said Harry and Louis just looked at him with confused blank face.
"First boyfriend?" Harry continued trying to jab common sense into him.
"Yeah...You are my first boyfriend? What's with.....Oh. Oh... Oh No...That's not what I...." said Louis. His brain wires finally connecting with each other to complete the circuit.
Harry crossed his arms and sat with a look of defiance.
"No! No... I meant that I have only ever had girlfriends. I didn't mean....! God I am so bad at this, no wonder Christie makes fun of me" said Louis pressing his palm on forehead.
"Babe, No. I am not.... I can't even.. I am not even sure if I will like any other....You...It's...." struggled Louis and Harry finally laughed taking Louis' hands in his.
"It's okay! I am joking. I know what you mean. Thankyou!"
Louis blinked once slowly, mouth open.
"Seriously Harry? Are you trying to kill me today? I am sensitive!" said Louis and laid down on the bed with his back towards Harry, pouting.
Harry laughed and cleared the bed, switching the lights off. He curled himself over Louis's back and spent the next hour making it up to him with kisses and apologies until they fell asleep, tangled with each other.
x____________x______________x
The next morning was a promotional interview for the boys at a radio station. Harry wore one of the jackets that Louis got him and proudly told Liam, Zayn and Niall about it. Louis blushed and wanted to die, he didn't like to appear as a big mush in front of the other guys. Ah, but watching Harry bouncing around in a black jacket with golden leaves made him happily lose all masculinity in his system. He wanted to sit and look at Harry the whole day and play with his curls.
Following that day, for every event and activity, Harry wore something that Louis bought him. Either a t-shirt, jacket or scarf. And Louis wore the watch he got him. For an oddly exhilarating reason, he wished Harry could always have something on him given by Louis and wanted to have something from him on himself. He knew he could not express his love for Harry openly, no one could 'know' they were together, so he felt like the only way he could claim Harry was by watching him wear his presents. It was oddly satisfying. It made him think about how Harry would look like with jewellery on him, given by Louis, some day.
Louis and Harry thought that not interacting with each other in public had surprisingly become easier for them. Their relationship was like a shared, sacred, untouchable secret. It belonged to no one else, no one had to know. Only Louis and Harry were the two owners of this beautiful shell and they could do whatever they want with it.
While it was difficult to manage time and space when in public, they still enjoyed stealing glances at each other, smiling to themselves and texting in intervals. And.....yes, sex made everything better. Louis' not gonna lie, but the fact that he could devour Harry when they were alone or get teared down by him, was an equally effective method to keep their relationship under wraps. It gave Louis a contentment, not sexually, but emotionally; that Harry was his and only he knew what he looked like at his most intimate circumstances.
The boys arrived at the studio for an interview. They were supposed to leave for tour after a day, their schedule was completely packed between recording and events etc. They were barely sleeping 6 hours, and Louis and Harry were hardly getting 3-4 hours of sleep.
They took their seats on the stage where 5 chairs were set up in a row. They sat at their spots in order of the place cards with their names on; Zayn, Liam, Louis, Niall and Harry. The interview was generally uneventful, with them talking about their tour dates and next album plans. Louis was already tired, hungry and thirsty. He signaled the staff to bring him water. Before the staff boy could turn around to obey, he raised two fingers to tell him that he needed two bottles. The young boy came back with the bottles and gave them to Louis. Louis nudged Niall to pass one to Harry. They both drank water in sync.
"So, the fans have practically forced us to ask, which of you guys are single at the moment?" the host asked smiling.
Argh always the same drama.
Louis couldn't help but take a slow, long breath. He was already mentally exhausted at the prospect of lying again. Louis remained silent while Zayn and Niall raised their hands. And oh, Louis noticed that Liam didn't raise his. Interesting, he took a mental note to pester him about this. Maybe, the boys were right, Harry and Louis really were completely engrossed in each other these days and were totally oblivious to whatever was happening around them. He was feeling slightly guilty for not being updated about Liam's love life until he realized....
Fuck.
Harry didn't raise his hand either.
And Dafuq? What is happening? Why must this stupid curly kid ALWAYS do this.
Of course, the interviewer immediately picked up on Harry, completely ignoring Liam because Harry Styles was the macho, the youngest, ladies' man...the perfectly capitalizable product. And Louis felt sick and angry.
"Oh. Mr Styles? So are the rumors about you and Kendall true? A little birdie did tells us that Ms. Jenner had come to your place for a party and she was seen leaving really late so to speak?" asked the Host, looking like he will just jump out of his seat and hop on Harry's lap.
Hah, only if he knew who sits on Harry's lap. Certainly not a person whose names starts with K.
"No it's nothing like that" said Harry shaking his head and smiling.
"But we didn't see your hand raised"
Dear God, why did you not give some sense to Harry? Why is he so stupid? Louis was getting angrier by the second.
"No no. Kendal and I are just friends, and we have met only like...twice. Let's not cause her trouble..." said Harry.
Sure Hazza, that's why you raise your hand. Louis didn't need these open implications from Harry for their relationship to mean more. Why didn't he understand that this will just cause more problem.
"Well they say, there are plenty of fish in the see" the Host commented
"Or...just the right one" said Harry and the crowd lost it. They cheered and hooted and Louis closed his eyes. So certainly, no ounce of awareness exists in this kid's mind.
"And, how would you describe this 'just the right one'?" said the Host now relaxing back in his chair, resting his head on his right fist to look at Harry intently.
"Well, there are a lot of things .."
"Come on, give us a few" urged the interviewer and Harry blushed while Louis got ready to pounce. He focused every cell in his body to be extremely cautious and to not move. Any gesture from him was going to be scrutinized and perceived in 100 different directions, so he just sat completely motionless. Didn't even blink his eyes.
"Um, I guess. A funny person"
Oh Godammit, thought Louis.
"Someone who is just...easy to talk to, and is goofy and makes you laugh you know?"
Oh for fuck's sake. He might as well just come and put a pointer hat on Louis
"Sounds like you have hots for younger and chirpy girls? Are we reading this correct?"
And so, that, that is borderline inappropriate and invasive. Also, the interviewer's clearly hinting towards Kendall. Surely, Harry should read the implication and just keep his mouth shut now.
"No, I'd actually rather prefer someone older" says Harry and bends his head down to laugh.
Louis couldn't help but snap his neck towards his direction. Harry looked so captivating, like a school kid talking about his first crush and Louis tried his best not to react but his heart ached. He wanted to feel excited, he really did, but all he could feel was dread. He knew this was going to come back to bite them, really hard.
He wanted to be in a world where Harry could drop as many hints as he wanted about Louis without worrying about anything, without Louis feeling guilty. But sadly, that was not the situation they were in, and they wouldn't be in for a long, long time to come. They couldn't risk this.
Far off at the corner of the stage he could see the Helena standing. She looked like someone had asked her for her body organs. She was breathing heavily and her eyes were wide. Louis kind of felt bad for her too, after all, she was just doing her job and acting on someone else's directives.
The live audience started to hoot, cheer and clap. And Louis bit his cheek and continued to stare at the ground. It was just a reminder of his helplessness.
The nightmare of the interview ended and the boys walked to the car to go back. Louis sat in the middle row of their Merc GLS and quickly put earphones on. He rested his head next to the window, and closed his eyes. Harry was sitting at the back of the car with Zayn and he wanted to avoid him for a few minutes to sort his brain. He needed to zone out. He didn't understand the need for Harry to be so impulsive, did he not understand what's on stake? He didn't want to think about it yet, and didn't want to discuss anything with the other guys, specially Harry.
They reached their complex and Louis shot out of the vehicle into their apartment, without looking back. He unlocked the house and went straight into his room. He was burning with anger and didn't know how to not lash out on Harry unreasonably. So he decided it would be best to avoid him for some time.
Except, it's not that easy, since Harry is just has stubborn and before Louis could shut his door a hand blocked it and pried it open.
"What?" said Harry looking equally pissed. He stood in front of Louis crossing his arms against his chest.
"You already know what" said Louis bringing his eyebrows together.
"No actually, I want you to verbalize your irrational fears please"
"You know very well these are not 'irrational fears' Harry. You know what's at stake, you still decide to act the way you do"
"Yes, I do because I don't want to conform by what modest says. I want to give them a hard time. I want them to run around in circles, I am not in any contract"
"It's not about my contract. You still are a part of the band's contract. There's a reason we have media handling workshops. We are not expected to act like the way you did. How can yo be so rash?"
"Rash? I was just messing around. And what our contracts state is that we can't give away any news without checking in with the management. Which I didn't! I just threw them around for a toss"
"Yeah because fans can't put 2 and 2 together"
"Louis, even if I sit on your lap in an interview, there will still be equal supporters and opposers on whether we are together or not. People will always theorize, let them!"
"Harry, why are you making things so burdensome than they already are? I don't understand why you have to do all this. We are happy the way we are, I don't need any grand gestures from you. Is it really worth all the stress and the meetings and....."
"Can't you just chill out? I don't care, let them come and talk to me. It's my problem to deal with Louis"
"That's the whole point! I don't want you getting involved in all this. I am trying to keep you away. You don't think they are going to come after you? After what you have done today?!"
Louis didn't realize until he heard commotion in their living room that him and Harry must really be shouting loudly at each other. One of the guys must be here to check on them, but he didn't care.
"I don't understand what's your problem. Can't you just act normal for once? There are so many celebrity pairs who have massive fan following. Do you think they walk on eggshells around each other out of fear of being misconstrued?"
"Are these 'celebrities' closeted?! What comparison are you even drawing? How can you not understand the gravity of the situation. You're just so childish and difficult sometimes, I swear..."
"Damn it Louis! As if it's easy being with you and your paranoia all the time. I just want to be able to be expressive with my partner...Just.....forget it" said Harry and stomped out of the room slamming the door behind. He was met with Zayn and Liam's disappointed looks. He ignored them and went to his room and locked it.
They heard the lock from Louis' room too.
Zayn and Liam both tried to speak to them but none of them came out of their rooms. After an hour of trying they left.
x____________x______________x
As if it's easy being with you....I just want to be able to be expressive with my partner
Man if words could kill, these were the ones that would end Louis. Why did he think that Harry was a 100% happy in this relationship? Why did he assume that it was now going to be a smooth sail?
Louis just lay in his bed. He didn't have dinner, he was sure Harry didn't either. He was trying to think things through. It was 3:00 AM.
It was all Zayn's fault. He nudged him to be more 'positive'. Bullshit, look where positivity landed him. He will kill Zayn.
But no, it was Louis' fault. Harry was young, younger than Louis. Of course he wants to have a normal, healthy relationship. Not the burden of complexities that come with Louis? Maybe it was just a phase for Harry? Maybe it was like forbidden fruit for him? Maybe he felt like a kid who was denied of candy, so, the candy appeared to be the most attractive thing to him which he wanted to possess. Until he realized the candy actually wasn't even that sweet. Maybe it was just sweet in the middle but surrounded by bitterness and intricacies. Now that Harry got a taste of the sweet part of the candy, he decided that going through all the bitterness wasn't worth it?
x____________x______________x
Harry woke up around 8:00 AM to message from Helena urging him and Zayn to be at the recording studio to go over some of their parts again. He thanked the opportunity, he didn't want to stay at home with Louis.
He was still irritated, specially after not having slept properly. What does Louis think of himself? As if he is ten years older than him and much wiser. He is too condescending sometimes and it irks Harry.
Harry got ready and left without checking on Louis. Zayn tried to get him to speak on the way over but Harry shushed him saying he wasn't interested.
Harry and Zayn reached the studio.. After Harry was done recording he was sitting outside while Zayn recorded. He checked twitter to see how the interview from the day before had blown up. And people did pick up on Harry obviously describing Louis as his partner. He snorted and switched his phone off. He had thought Louis and him would get a good laugh out of this, but now he knew the moment Louis comes across these, he is going to get more mad and text him 'told you so'. He didn't want to deal with all that.
"Hey? What a pleasant surprise?" heard Harry and looked over to see it was Taylor Swift.
"Oh, Hi?" said Harry and stood up from the couch to greet her.
"So, you're here to record? When do you plan the release?" said Taylor sitting next to him.
"Uh umm..I wouldn't know" said Harry running his hand through his hair awkwardly.
"Ah yes.. I understand. Management problems?"
"Shh,, I would like to keep my job?" joked Harry and both laughed.
"I am also here to record actually. But I guess Zayn will take some time. Do you want to grab a coffee from across the street?"
"Sure" said Harry and asked Helena to let Zayn know to meet him downstairs once he was free.
Harry and Taylor spent some time at the coffee shop. They laughed and chatted about upcoming music, tours and cribbed about their managements. Harry had a nice time in all. They walked out the coffee shop and got greeted by some fans who went crazy looking at the two together and asked for autographs. They both obliged and signed. Taylor was great with fans particularly, she was kind and clicked pictures for Harry and some girls herself.
Once they were done they walked back to the entrance of recording studio where Zayn was waiting. Harry didn't miss the scowl on his face. He figured it must be because he might have been waiting for long but couldn't reach him because of his phone being off. They reached the gate. Taylor greeted Zayn and then kissed Harry's cheek before they parted ways.
Zayn and Harry sat in their car to be taken back.
"Can you stop by 17black on our way please?" Zayn ordered the driver.
"What? It's 2 in the afternoon. Do you want to have a drink at this time?" asked Harry, confused.
"Oh I don't, but I think I'll need some because of you two babies. Fucking losers!" said Zayn in a genuinely annoyed tone and Harry got scared for a second.
"I mean, I don't want to talk about it. I was pretty clear..."
"You don't have an option Styles! Shut the fuck up." yelled Zayn and Harry moved away from him, towards his window.
Geez, there was going to be no negotiating with Zayn then. Guess he'll have to get this over with.
They reached the bar and took their table which was at the terrace garden. It was sunny and warm. Harry sat quietly and observed Zayn through his sunglasses; Zayn looked so done. He kept sighing and shaking his head.
"If you are struggling to get the words out, why don't you just keep them in? I am not interested in another lecture anyway"
"Harry. Why are you so stupid? I am struggling because it's too tiring to babysit you two. God it's exhausting."
"Yes yes, I am the stupid and immature one. Of course, tell me how I am wrong about messing a little at the interview? Go on.."
"Oh yes you were wrong. Definitely wrong. But you don't try to look at this from Louis' point of view. All he wants is for you to be out of trouble..."
"There! Just that! I am not a kid! What is up with you all treating me like one. I will be 18 in a few weeks. Give me a break"
"It's not about treating you like a kid. You don't seem to understand how manipulative management is, you are so easily getting played by them. Jesus, it's hard to believe you are so blind"
"I know everything Zayn. But I am not in a fucked up contract like Louis, I would like to take the advantage of that and make things maybe a little difficult for Simon"
"You are only making things difficult for Louis. Harry, why do you think we suddenly had to 're-do' our parts today at the recording studio? Right after your interview yesterday. And why was Taylor there?"
"You are also being paranoid Zayn. She was there for her recording..."
"Yeah right. And it's just a coincidence that she fits the narrative of your ideal partner that you told yesterday? Being older and all?"
Harry's mind wheels started to move. Why was Zayn making sense?
"But, no. You are telling me she was like a set up? But they can't do that, I am in not in any agreement with them"
"Precisely why they don't have to check in with you."
"But you think she knows? Why would she agree to this?"
"Louis is not the only artist stuck in a contract mate. You never know what kind of complicated deals others have with their managements. That's just how the industry works...sadly."
"Oh...." said Harry. He wasn't feeling very well to begin with, but now his mood died more. He stared at the table trying to connect the dots.
"Don't you see how they are trying to paint your image?" continued Zayn.
"I didn't think about all this"
"You should! You stupid fuck..."
"But Zayn, all this shouldn't bother Louis. I mean, something or the other is going to happen over and over. He acts like it's all my fault"
"You do make it more difficult with your stupid actions. He is trying, he has changed so much. Can't you see? And I know he is not best at communicating what he means but you are equally bad. Speak to him with an intention to sort things out! Not to react to what he is saying and yell!"
"Come on now, you're being biased because he is your best friend. He was unreasonable"
"His method, maybe. But you really just scratched his insecurity. Ever since the beginning of this, he has been taking one step forward and two steps backwards just so that YOU don't feel like you're losing your freedom. And yesterday you just proved that he is making you feel that way. That was really below the belt man"
Fuck.
Harry hadn't realized this. Shit. He sank in his chair and didn't speak for several minutes. Neither did Zayn. Harry opened his mouth a couple of times but closed again. He really was at fault this time. He never actually absorbed the fact how Louis had shed all his boundaries around him. God, what did Harry do in return.
"I really am terrible" said Harry.
When he didn't hear an insulting comment from Zayn in reply, he looked up at him. Zayn looked tensed and was staring at his phone.
"What?" asked Harry.
Zayn huffed and passed the phone to him and there it was; several pap shots of Harry and Taylor. A hashtag 'Haylor' that was already trending. He swiped through the pictures and saw how convenient they were. Not only that, the last picture of when Taylor kissed Harry's cheek, it was taken from an angle that made it look like they kissed on the lips. And the paps had very smartly left out Zayn from the frame. The captions of course said Harry and Taylor - the new celebrity couple, found in a private date at a cafe.
"Oh dear God.. I fucked up" said Harry.
x____________x______________x
Louis walked through the apartment, packing his stuff. He had to leave a day early for their first tour venue with Eleanor to keep up with publicity. He walked around like a zombie, forcing himself not to think about his argument with Harry. Despite his best efforts, he picked up the phone and went to twitter. He had to see the damage of yesterday's interview. The moment he opened the app he came across 'Haylor'. He sighed and scrolled through them while sipping his tea.
Liam had told him that Harry and Zayn were at the studio, so probably that's where they must have met her. But where is Zayn? And then he saw, the picture of Harry and Taylor kissing. Louis felt the floor beneath him shift. He sat at the kitchen table and put his cup down. He stared at the picture for at least 10 minutes. God, let this not be true. Why? What did Louis do?
He looked through all the pictures over and over again but they didn't make any sense. Louis shut his phone and kept it away. Don't overthink.
Don't think about it.
Is Harry really dating her?
Just don't think. No.
Is that it? That's what Harry wanted? There is no Zayn here, it looks like a date.
Don't think. Don't think. There must be an explanation. Paparazzi is manipulative and invasive and this is not a private date.
But they just had a fight yesterday. Harry didn't come to him the whole night. He left without a word in the morning. He still wasn't back. Maybe he is still with her. Maybe this is it.
As if it's easy being with you....I just want to be able to be expressive with my partner
And there he was, kissing Taylor Swift, without caring about anyone: the fans, the paparazzi. It didn't matter. Because Taylor is a girl, everyone accepted this happily. There were no speculations about them. There was just announcement. 'Harry and Taylor are dating...' Wow. He opened his phone again and stared at the picture. How close the two stood, how Harry's hand was comfortably wrapped around Taylor's waist. When was the last time Harry had his hand around Louis' back in public? Hell, when was the last time Harry had even touched Louis in public?
Louis' vision got blurry from looking at the picture, his tears welling up and making it harder to see. He shut his phone again and wiped his eyes. He was not going to cry. He will not cry. He took deep breaths.
Who was he kidding? There was never a happy ending to this. 'Against all odds' is just a movie concept, not reality. What did Louis expect?
Lying next to Harry, watching him laugh so hard that his eyes would close, his dimples would deepen. Having him cook, feed him, playing with his curls when he put his head on his chest until he heard little snores.
Lies. It was an illusion to normalcy. It was something louis could never have. At least, never again.
What would happen now? Can they live in the same house? Are they going to move away from each other? And then he couldn't stop them, the tears that started flowing out. He didn't want this, he didn't deserve this. What was his fault? He just went on a singing show and fell in love with the prettiest boy he ever saw.
Why didn't he deserve a future with him? Why did all this happen? He wished he never got a chance to be this close to Harry. He wished he was always just friends with him. He wish he could rewind the time, and everything would be normal. No complications, nothing. But it was too late now. Now he knew what Harry tasted like, he knew which way he would turn his head in while making the most intimate sounds, he knew what he smelled like early in the morning. He was going to lose all this.
He covered his face with his hands and sobbed. After what felt like hours of crying. he sat up straighter. Now anger substituting his hurtfulness. Harry should not have ended things like this. The least he owed to Louis was to closure, a conversation. Was that too much to ask for? Louis was just trying to caution him against their management's tactics, was he really that wrong? He just didn't want him to be stuck like he was. But maybe, Harry just never fell in love with him.
Right.
Harry felt stuck with Louis. Harry deserved happiness and freedom. He was going to be one of the biggest stars. So what if Louis wouldn't be there to witness it in a way that he wanted. He was never going to be the one to drag him down and miss out on life because of him.
He wiped his eyes and had water. He picked up the phone again and began typing.
I never meant to hold you back. It was never my intention to make you feel like you lost your liberty. You are right, you deserve every right to be expressive and open with your partner. I understand that I can't be that person for you, but I hope you'll always know that I never meant to hurt you. I hope one day you'll see it.
Louis quickly hit send before re-reading it. He knew if hew waited another 2 seconds he will chicken out. He switched his phone off and went back to his room. he quickly stuffed his clothes in a bag. He had to dart out of the apartment before Harry comes back. He couldn't face him. Not today. The tour was starting day after. That was the most important thing, the fans, the music, the band. He will NOT jeopardize the band. He would never let their relationship come in between their work.
Time heals everything, he just needs to stay away from Harry for a while and he will surely recover. With that he grabbed his bag and phone and walked out towards the main door. He came across the house keys and contemplated. He dropped them back in the bowl. He will think about this later, maybe he will go to his mom's after the tour for some time. He needed to. With that thought, he left.
x____________x______________x
Harry and Zayn settled their tab and walked out of the bar. Harry was jittery and nervous. He needs to run and make it up to Louis asap. Maybe he had already dropped a text? That's when he remembered his phone was off. He quickly took it out and switched it on.
I never meant to hold you back. It was never my intention to make you feel like you lost your liberty. You are right, you deserve every right to be expressive and open for your partner. I understand that I can't be that person for you, but I hope you'll always know that I never meant to hurt you. I hope one day you'll see it.
"Oh no.....No no no no no..." said Harry reading the text and ran towards the car. Zayn followed.
"What is happening?" asked Zayn alerted with Harry's expressions.
"No..this cannot be happening. I didn't mean for this to happen" He checked the time and the text was from an hour ago. He called Louis immediately and it went to voicemail.
"No fuck! No! God" said Harry and sat in the car, throwing his head back.
"What is it?!" said Zayn sitting next to him.
"Louis broke up with me" said Harry.
"Oh..pfft" said Zayn and relaxed.
"Why are you not taking me seriously?"
"Yeah sure"
"Zayn, I never told him I loved him"
"Sounds like the right time to tell him. Don't you think?"
Harry dropped the phone and covered his face with his hands. They reached home and he ran back in and unlocked the door. He ran around and saw Louis was gone.
"No no no!!! What the fuck! Where is he?!" he shouted after coming back out to Zayn. When he looked at him with confused expressions he ran to Liam's apartment and rang the doorbell about 11 times.
"Where is Louis?!" he shouted before the door was even fully open.
"What happened? Are you finally back to your senses?" said Liam as Harry entered in looking around frantically.
"Liam!" Harry shouted.
"He must have left already. For LA. Remember he was to go early with Eleanor?"
Harry sighed and sat on the floor, crossing his legs.
"It's alright. Call him?"
"His phone's off"
"It's okay, we will are going tomorrow. I am all in for a dramatic love confession by you" said Zayn.
"Why are you guys not worried? He broke up with me!" said Harry.
"Pffft. Yeah right. Get up now, go pack your bags" said Liam and pulled Harry up.
Harry went back to his apartment and noticed Louis' keys on the stand and became dysfunctional. he dropped on the floor, flat on his stomach, too dead to move.
Niall came and stayed with him at night because Harry just refused to move any limbs. He was in the same state for hours, continuously checking his phone until he got the sudden motivation to spam Louis.
Louis' phone was still off. That didn't stop Harry from sending texts and audios. Then he forced Niall to bring his guitar and play while sang over the voicemail. He didn't sleep the whole night and was the first one to get ready to leave next morning.
x____________x______________x
It was the first day of their concert. The stadium had started filling up. Louis was waiting in the car in the parking lot, smoking. He knew the other guys must be at the vanity van. He was guilty about not joining them, not cheering them up before the show but he was sure he will only end up being a menace because of his bad mood. He might in fact end up killing the buzz, he couldn't risk that.
He didn't know, rather didn't want to find out how Harry will react to his presence. Will he be guilty? Was he going to apologize? Or is he going to ignore Louis, pretend like he is a stranger. The latter thought made him shiver. So he decided he will wait out as long as possible and go back only when they are about to go on stage.
He sat around for another 20 minutes then reluctantly switched his phone on and then it started.
The calls, voicemails, texts even emails from Harry. He waited impatiently for the all of 5 minutes in which his phone stopped functioning with the influx of impeding texts. Once it synced, he quickly opened the texts.
4:40 PM Where are you?
4:45 PM Your phone's off! Louis!
7:00 PM I don't know when you'll read this, but Louis, I am so sorry. Please talk to me.
7:15 PM The pictures are fake. Please don't believe them.
8:00 PM I am sorry about the silly argument Lou. Please talk to me. I can't handle this.
9:00 PM Man, why are you so stubborn!!
9:30 PM Lou just talk to me once, please.
10:00 PM Lou, please call me..
Louis read over and over, he realized he was mindlessly holding on to the lit cigarette when it burned is fingers. He immediately threw it out and got out of the car. His heart was beating fast, too fast. He took several deep breaths. The last voicemail was from the next morning/same night? At 2:00 AM.
He hesitated before playing it, was he ready? Who is he kidding, he is so ready. He was ready on the day at X-factor auditions when a curly haired mother fucker peed on him. He paced around and pressed the phone to his ear to listen and heard.....guitar?
A tranquil, soothing strumming music was playing and Louis relaxed. The entire stress, uncertainty, pressure, everything left his body within the first few seconds. And then Harry began singing.
'Put a price on emotionI'm looking for something to buyYou've got my devotionBut man, I can hate you sometimes
I don't want to fight youAnd I don't wanna sleep in the dirtWe'll get the drinks inSo I'll get to thinking of her
We'll be a fine lineWe'll be a fine lineWe'll be a fine lineWe'll be a fine line
We'll be alright....'
Louis didn't realize when but tears were rolling out his eyes. Urgh, this stupid man and his stupid actions. He started walking back towards the 1D vanity, faster and faster until he broke into a run. He was grinning like an idiot now and all his bones could hear was 'We'll be alright'
x____________x______________x
Louis ran back and opened the door and saw all 4 of the boys slouched down on chairs/couch and gazing at their phones. They looked worried and Louis felt so guilty. He was being so silly, they must have been so concerned since Louis went MIA. He looked across the room to land his gaze on Harry. Who immediately stood up, mouth a little agape, breathing uneven. He was wearing black t-shirt and skinny jeans (just like Louis) with a brown head scarf and before Louis could open his mouth or walk up to him, before anyone could say anything the door opened and Simon entered.
The other three stood up too. Louis started getting a bad feeling, why was he here? He could feel the rest of them become tense and he wished he could make them all feel better.
"Boys! Lovely to meet you all. This is the start of a new season. Are you excited?" said Simon patting Zayn's back and Louis wanted to chop off his hand that touched him.
"Yeah.. Yeah Sure" said Liam and everyone else nodded with weak murmurs. Harry and Louis kept stealing glances at each other. He was sure Harry was trying to dissect Louis' brain, trying to figure out if he was angry. Louis wanted to scream that he wasn't, run up to him and comfort him. But right now he was panicking again, because Simon was here.
"The arena is full of 80 thousand fans who are here to see just you. It's completely packed. Like always, we were completely sold out. And, I have another surprise for you guys! Something that's going to sky rocket this event even further"
Louis' heart sank. Certainly, anything coming out of this man's mouth could not be exciting for them. He was getting more and more nervous, he felt angry at himself that his presence still impacted Louis so much. Is he going to go back to having panic attacks? God.
His face must have given it away because he felt Harry's hand come up to his lower back. When did he come to stand next to him? He reminded himself that nothing mattered, because they were together. And that's something that Simon could not change. He smiled and Harry smiled back, the smile that meant 'We're okay, we're together'. They both turned their heads back to Simon to listen to him and saw that he was already staring at the two. He blinked hard and continued.
"We have today, Taylor Swift joining you guys!"
Okay, what now?
"She is going to come out to surprise the fans towards the end. She will join you when you guys are on your last song. Then sing and dance along a little"
"How is this even going to go? She never practiced with us. Does she know what songs? Lyrics...?" asked Niall looking genuinely concerned. The remaining guys didn't seem excited either.
"Oh Niall, trust me, that doesn't even matter. it's the image that sells. The moment she is on stage with 5 young guys, the stage is going to catch fire. Even if she doesn't sing, even she just takes a round, people are going to go crazy"
"Yeah but, wouldn't it be better if we had like a run through or something?" asked Zayn.
"It's just one song! She is here already. Come on! You guys are all talented, get some spontaneity in life. Loosen up! You all have to put up a great show. There's a lot riding on you. You guys are the stars, remember that. I have pulled a lot of strings to make this possible, so let's make the most of it. Now go on, get to the stage we are on time" Simon said and ushered them to leave. Everyone knew what was happening, why she was here, but they weren't at the liberty to comment. They started walking outside.
"Louis, Harry, mind staying back for just a bit?" announced Simon and everyone's faces dropped further. Louis didn't have to look at others to know that they were all exchanging looks.
This was one of Louis' worst nightmare. Why did he ask Harry to stay back? What could he possibly want with him? Had Louis done something? Was he not careful, did something get out?
When it was just the three of them left, he started.
"Lads, I'll just cut to the chase. I know something's going on between you guys. I have had a few chats with Louis, but I thought I'll just address the elephant in the room and speak to you both together, directly" said Simon and paused hoping for some reaction from Harry and Louis. When he got none, he continued.
"See, I don't care what you guys do behind closed doors, but I'll be straight, please control all of that in front of the camera and public. I don't think you understand the severity of the situation..."
"I don't think we have even interacted for more than a few seconds in front of the camera in the past one year. What are you even on about?" yelled Harry which completely took Louis by surprise. While he was on the verge of having a panic attack, Harry was burning red. He had never seen him this angry (on someone else).
"Please... I have seen your interviews, I know what you do"
"Give me on instance? What did we do? Any interview?" yelled Harry. He was not taking any bullshit today and it was kinda made Louis proud. He started feeling confident too.
"You always hint at your 'ideal' partner to be Louis, it's not like we haven't noticed"
"What proof do you have? That can be anyone" joined Louis and Simon looked around. He looked even more annoyed that he wasn't able to intimidate the two.
"At the interview from day before yesterday, you passed on water to Harry. Just Harry. Everyone noticed!" he said and now all the nervousness evaporated from Louis' body to be substituted by fumes fueled with anger.
"Are you serious? It's just water?" Harry shot the scariest look ever at Simon.
"Since it's just water, you are perfectly capable of ordering some for yourself, young man. Why did Tomlinson have to?" said Simon.
Now that Louis thinks back, how does he explain to Simon that he knew Harry was thirsty because Louis was? Harry has water every 3-4 hours, and while they were at home, he would ask Louis to get some whenever he had a glass. And Harry did the same. Therefore, their 'thirst cycles' had synced. And so at the moment when Louis asked for water, he called some for Harry too, out of habit. If he gave this explanation to Simon, he was going to go bonkers.
"Simon, with all due respect, I don't think people are invested in our lives as much as you are. They don't care who is getting water for who" Harry said.
'Oh Harry, but they unfortunately are' thought Louis, although, he wasn't going to admit that in front of Simon.
"See, whatever I advise you, I do for your own good kids. You have your whole life and career in front of you..." said Simon and turned his body towards Louis. He stared at him and continued.
"You need to be very careful about the consequences of your actions, the impact it can have your image, on our sales. This is just the a stepping stone for you, you guys are young. You have no idea what it takes to create an empire. I am talking from experience, it takes sacrifice and diligence! Your 'relationships' will only help you so much when you are on your own. I would hate to see something like that happen to any one of you"
Simon had his intense gaze on Louis, piercing into his eyes. Louis felt the tingling sensations return to his body. But Harry could see through Simon's manipulative psyche. He knew he was trying to target Louis into thinking less of himself and cave in, like he always did, for others. And Harry's blood boiled.
"You are right Simon..." said Harry before Louis could say anything. He turned to look at Harry in shock, and he could sense Simon raise his eyebrows.
"You are right that we are quite young and this is just the starting for us. I hate to break the reality to you but we are not going to be a part of your label for the rest of our lives. Hell, maybe we aren't going to be a part of the band for the rest of our lives, who's to say? And when we are free, what will you do?" Harry said staring at Simon. And the fact that he was now a few centimeters taller than Simon really made his presence daunting and overpowering.
"Kid, you are what..hardly 18. What do you know about how long 'this' is going to last?" said Simon pointing between Harry and Louis and continued. "Bold of you to assume this will last, so much so that you are ready to put your career on line?"
"I'll speak to you about this in 10 years Simon. Until then, I'd like you to try and throw whatever you can at us. Let's see what happens?" said Harry and Simon visibly flinched. Louis was sure is organs forgot to perform normal bodily functions, he just stood there with mouth agape.
Harry walked over to the door and opened it. Louis didn't, he just stood dumbfounded, his legs forgetting what walking meant. The moment the door opened, they heard overwhelming screaming of fans cheering "Larry" over and over because probably the Niall, Zayn and Liam had gone on stage and only Louis and Harry were missing.
"Do you hear that Simon? It's the sound of your empire crumbling" said Harry and grabbed Louis' hand and good that he did because he was sure his knees had gone weak. Harry interlocked their fingers and walked outside. Louis followed like a wordless pup.
"What just happened?" said Louis when they were far away from the trailer. Harry stopped and turned around to look at Louis.
Before he could say anything they were ushered by the staff urgently to go on stage and start the performance. Harry grabbed Louis by his shoulders and kissed him, Louis couldn't even kiss back as his mind was still recovering from Harry bashing Simon on his face. But he looked around and saw around 3-4 staff members darting there eyes around, trying to appear inconspicuous.
"After the show" Harry whispered and they both ran on stage to take their mics and start the concert.
Needless to say, the concert went amazing. When the other three saw that Louis and Harry were smiling to each other and laughing, they relaxed too. While singing 18, Harry started directly at Louis and took a step back from the mic to mouth 'sixteen' and smiled. Louis' body burned, he tried not to let that show on his face but he was on cloud 9. Taylor swift joined them for the last song which was TWMYB and fans had a great time screaming and howling. She tried to go next to Harry and sing to him openly and sway but Harry couldn't care less. He was lost in himself, like in every concert. He ran around and danced, and Louis felt like he could combust with happiness just by staring at Harry being himself.
Once they were done with the show and walked back stage. Taylor came up to walk next to Harry, before she could say anything Harry quickened his steps and grabbed Louis' arms, dragging him away from everyone.
They went outside to the parking area which was relatively empty, they stopped and Harry put his arms around Louis' waist.
"I am so sorry baby" said Harry and kissed Louis' cheek. Louis locked his hands behind Harry's neck and smiled. This adorable man was his, that was all he needed to feel better.
"I am sorry too, I get overprotective sometimes"
"Hmm, that you do. But, you didn't give me a chance to clarify anything, Please don't do that again. If we have an argument, don't automatically assume that we are over and break up with me!"
"Hey, it's not my fault that you ended up going on a date with Taylor Swift out of nowhere?!"
"Oh for God's sake Louis. Are you dumb? How would I start 'dating' someone within 12 hours of fighting with you? Your dick is making you stupid"
Well, now that Harry puts it like that...
Louis let a laugh escape him and Harry joined the gesture.
"Well, I guess love makes you do stupid things" said Louis
"It does. It has turned me inside out" said Harry. Louis stopped smiling and stared into Harry's eyes. Did he finally just....?
"I love you Louis"
Louis' his eyes widened. He stared at Harry at loss of words. He felt like he was in a coma from years and was finally awakened. Like his life finally had meaning, purpose.
"Lou, I don't care if I can't express my love to you in front of everyone. What matters to me is that you are with me. I don't need any label or confirmation. I don't even need fans, money, fame. All I need is you. And I am not letting you go, not today, not ever."
Louis waited for a few minutes then once he felt oxygen return to him, he replied.
"Hazza. It's....It will be difficult. I don't know for how long..."
"Louis, I don't care if I have to wait 10 years, I can wait for a lifetime for you. Always"
Louis could see Harry's eyes become glassy. He could feel the genuinity, vulnerability, and love in his eyes. Louis smiled and stood on his tip toes to kiss his forehead.
"Just....please don't be stupid. We are going to have to be better communicators to be able to get through this..."
"I trust you, Harry Styles."
"Good" Harry said and pulled Louis closer. Their lips met halfway for a chaste kiss.
"When I am 28 then...Seems like a good year to announce our love to the world?"
"Hmmm..Sure, I like it. I like 28. I could get used to it"
"It's a promise then" said Harry and they both smile at each other. They press their foreheads together and then kiss one more time.
They'll be fine. They'll just be alright.