THIS IS THE FUCKING BEST CHAPTER EVERRR!
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Driving on my way to my therapy session, my mind was in a million places. As usual. Lately I've just been a complete mess. I thought about how much I was dreading the continuance me and Gabrielle's conversation. Already I was envisioning her with that damn notepad. That stupid pen. And all those fucking questions. Part of me was beginning to feel like this whole thing wasn't working out after all. I'm sad. I'm still hurt. I'm still alone. Recently, even showing up to these meetings has been such a task. I didn't look forward to therapy with Dr. Union anymore. I dreaded it.
I turned right on Duncan Street.
That date with Lazaro was another thing that weighed heavily in my thoughts. It's been a few days since he called. That made me a little anxious. I found myself wondering why he hasn't called. How was I supposed to finish this deal when he's dragging the time out? He was probably doing it on purpose. I was tempted to call, however I didn't want to come across as desperate. But I wanted this over as soon as possible.
I parked my car.
Maybe he didn't really have fun like he claimed. I wouldn't be surprised if I put him off. And for some reason, that thought bothered me a little. Then again, that probably was a good thing. Two additional dates would not be unnecessary; and this way I could still tell my friends that I tried. I fulfilled my part of the bargain. It all worked out for the better I guess.
I walked into the building, checked in with the secretary and headed upstairs for my session. I knocked on her door and Gabrielle gave me the okay to enter. She was sitting at her desk going through come folders. She looked up. Instead of her usual greeting-a warm smile, I was welcomed with an upset but concerned look. Clearly she was not too happy with me at the moment. Slowly, I made my way over to my chair and crossed my legs. My gaze was focused in my lap. Her's was on me. Time passed us by at an agonizingly slow pace. It might have been five minutes, but it felt more like twenty. I twiddled my thumbs and sighed.
"Can we get started already?" I asked after no words were exchanged.
She dryly flipped her notepad open. "Go ahead." She said sounding colder than normal.
I looked at her taken aback by her attitude. I was used to her getting the ball rolling. It was a bit jarring to see her so passive. She rested her chin in her hand which was propped up on her elbow against her desk. Blankly she stared at me waiting for me to start.
"Where do you want me to start?" I asked
She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. "Wherever you want." She said plainly.
I sighed, seeing that she would be mostly idle during this meeting. Picking the first memory that popped into my head. I closed my eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~
It was Valentine's Day. Shawn and I had been together for about 5 months now. And it has been a blissful 5 months. Each day was a new adventure, whether it was just chilling at my house, which is how we spent most days, or going out to dinner or a party. One specific party came to mind:
It was New Year's Eve; Solange had visited to spend that holiday with me. Shawn had this crazy blow out at his club and Solo, Kelly, Michelle and I had a ball in the VIP section. Liquor was at endless supply. This won Solange over immediately being the alcoholic that she was. She told me Shawn was a good catch and to 'hold onto that one'. Knowing that she also approved was a huge deal because, oddly enough she was very protective over me-especially when it came to men. Solange hated Boris when I was dating him, well maybe not hate. But she sure didn't like him. Whenever I would ask her why she would always just shrug her shoulders and say he gave her a bad vibe. Her comments were always brushed off by me. It seems now that she saw something that I didn't. Like she had a new sense. It must be that fact that she was now a new mother. She acted more like a big sister to me than a little one.
That night was so crazy because I had so much to drink. I still don't know what possessed me. Most likely it was the fact that Solo was in town and that girl brings out the inner wild child in everyone she crosses paths with. Drunk and semi-unconscious was how I recalled that night. It was later that I found out how Shawn had to haul my sorry ass home, where he stripped me of my vomit-stained clothes and tucked me into bed. A tall glass of water and two aspirins were already waiting for me when I woke up the next morning.
I shook my head laughing to myself as that memory randomly popped into my head. I was waiting for Shawn to finish cooking our Valentine's Day dinner. He wanted to do more. Something more special like buy me things, but I told him he was not allowed to buy me anything ever again. Not after he already gave me the world. It took a lot of pleading and kissing to get him to agree to a simple DVD and dinner. Once the food was cooked we had a nice, simple and free dinner. We talked. We laughed. It just felt like any other day. I loved it that way.
I had made my way over to the couch while he washed the dishes. The shrimp alfredo pasta that Shawn quickly whipped up really hit the spot. I lay lazily on the on my side and rubbed my tummy. And the dessert was so good: chocolate fudge brownies, courtesy of the grocery store. Shawn was a good cook, but a horrible baker. The brownies were my treat to him... and to my oven.
He finally met me on the couch after starting up the movie like I asked. It was some romantic comedy. I couldn't remember the name. Shawn pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me. He would narrate the actions for me, describing what the characters were wearing or what they were doing when they weren't using dialogue. I sunk deeper into his lap enjoying every minute of this laid back day. He was the only thing I needed today, not a box of candy or a teddy bear.
The movie ended and Shawn huffed. "That movie was so cheesy."
I chuckled, wiping a loose tear. "I thought it was cute."
"It wasn't cute. It was corny. I mean it was so predictable... like really what guy waits to tell the girl 'I love you' right on Valentine's Day." Shawn laughed. "That's original."
Thank god my back was facing him because I had a frown on my face. That was exactly what I was hoping to hear from him, especially today. My heart already knew that I loved him and I wanted to tell him for a little while now, but was hesitant. And it's a good thing I was. Hearing him joke about that, I had to admit, was disappointing. It made me question if he was in that same place as I am right now. Maybe I fell in love with him too quickly. This moment was a good reality check. I needed to slow down. Leaving my thoughts, I shrugged and feigned a laugh of my own.
"Yeah, I guess."
He stroked my arms. "So Bey, I made you dinner... don't I get a Valentine's Day gift too?" He asked.
I shook my head. "Nope! Valentine's Day ain't for men." I teased.
"Why not?" He whined sounding hurt.
"Because it ain't!" I childishly answered.
"Well that's not fair. Why don't ya'll women buy us something for a change?"
I shifted in his lap, turning myself around so that I was now straddling him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and puckered my lips. He gave me a short peck and I giggled at that wack kiss. Pulling him back in, I kissed him more tenderly; caressing the back of his head. Our tongues danced until I broke our kiss.
"I still ain't buying you nothin'." I mused
He sucked his teeth and tossed me off of his lap. I fell to my side and was cracking up.
"You didn't let me finish!" I yelled sitting up and slapping him.
"What?" He asked.
I reached over to him and opened my palm for him to take it. I stood to my feet, pulling him onto his. Counting my steps, I led him to my studio downstairs. He had never been to that part of the house. Once there, I let his hand go and carefully maneuvered around the room.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"Wait right there." I called out while I gathered some materials.
"Well can I at least turn the light on?"
I chuckled at myself, forgetting that I keep the lights off. It's not like I needed them.
"Sure."
I told him where the light switch was and I listened to him walk over to it and flick it on. Still didn't make a difference to me. I grabbed a small round table, placing it a few paces away from me. Then I went back into rummaging through my materials cabinet. In the mean time, Shawn was constantly nagging me about what I was doing. The nerve.
"I thought surprises make life more fun." I sarcastically chided.
"Only when I'm the one making the surprises." He rebutted.
I rolled my eyes. "Shut up."
I grabbed the bag that contained pounds and pounds of clay. I dragged it across to where I had placed the table. Standing up, I rubbed my lower back. That damn bag was heavier than I thought.
"Get the chair that is by my desk and bring it here." I instructed him.
There was some shuffling noise, a loud screech and then a thud right in front of where I was standing. I chuckled.
"Here." He said.
"Now sit down."
The chair softly creaked. "What are you gonna do?" He asked curiously.
Bending over, I grabbed two handfuls of clay and plopped it on the table. I repeated this until I had a nice big mound of clay. I reached over to where I approximated Shawn would be sitting-on my left hand side. I touched his face and playfully pinched his cheek. He chuckled and lightly slapped my hand away. I reached over to him again this time I ran my hands along his neck. I gripped it firmly.
"You trying to kill me?" He asked in a pinched tone.
I shook my head and laugh. "No I'm just tryna get an estimate of your neck width."
"Well you could've asked."
"That's not as fun." I joked.
After feeling it for some time, I let his neck go and pressed my hands into the clay. Kneading it. I removed a chuck from my pile and began to work at it, stacking it up to a taller pillar-like structure. I shaped and molded it until it form into his neck. I touched his again for comparison. It felt about right. I moved on to his chin and jaw line. It felt like he had a more rounded chin versus a sharp square one. Grabbing more clay and placed a chunk on top of the neck I formed and began to shape it. I went back and forth between him and the sculpture. And I clawed away any unnecessary chunks. Next were his lips. Those delicious lips. I took my time to caress them. He puckered his lips and kissed my fingers as I pressed against them. I was taking in their fullness. I grabbed more clay. I formed them. I revisited them and slightly slid my finger tips up to the space between his lips and his nose. I chuckled lightly to myself. My mother called this space a booger catcher. He had a deep one.
"What's so funny?" He asked.
"Nothing." I insisted, hushing him up. "Don't move."
I spent the next few hours recreating his image into this mound of clay. I smoothed and removed and reapplied and soothed some more. Bless his heart for sitting there for so long. There was no audible complaint though. Maybe he was too focused on what I was doing to notice the amount of time that elapsed. Giving the sculpture one last scan over with my fingers, I turned back to Shawn and touched his face. I made sure to cover every square inch. I nodded my head satisfied.
"Can I open my eyes now?" He whined.
I smiled. I had him close them when I got to the eyes. They remained closed ever since.
"Sure you can open them." I permitted.
I stepped back from the table and awaited his response. I shifted from one foot to another. He didn't say anything yet.
"Well?" I nudged.
"Bey I'm... wow." He answered finally.
I grinned and raised a brow. "Is it good? Does it look like you?" I asked excitedly. "Be honest."
The chair squeaked again. He was on his feet now. I listened closely to every step he took. He made his was to my right side.
"It's the spitting image." He whispered into my ear.
My smile only grew bigger. "Really?"
He laughed. "You should see us right now... we're basically twins."
I giggled thinking about how his face must be covered in drying clay.
"Awww I'm sorry."
He kissed my cheek. "Don't worry about it, lemme go wash my face. I'll be right back."
I nodded and listened until his footsteps were distant. I stood in place. Biting down on my lip, I touched the sculpture again. Caressing his cheeks, wishing I really could see it. I frowned a little. His footsteps thudded above my head. My bathroom was directly above my studio. I continued on, still feeling for any lumps or dents. Occasionally smoothing it out. Eventually Shawn came back and pulled me away from what I was doing.
"Will you leave it alone?" He chuckled and kissed my forehead. "It's perfect."
Playfully I pouted. "Okay."
He tilted my head up and I felt those soft lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around his waist. He pressed his pelvis into mine and cupped my behind-bringing us as close together as possible. I gasped. He continued to kiss me hungrily. When he pulled away, I felt like all the air had left my body. I felt light and I little dizzy. I smiled holding my lips. Shawn removed my hands from my mouth and held them. Our fingers laced. He began to walk me away from my spot.
"These are beautiful." He complimented. "How do you paint them?"
I smiled before explaining my little secret. "All the colors are scented."
"Each paints had a distinct smell so I could differentiate between the colors I was using. Blue smelled like blueberries. Red was cherry. Purple: grape. Green, like apples. Yellow smelled of lemons." I explained
"That's amazing." He said while he stroked my back.
I shrugged and shook my head. The caressing stopped. Then fumbling sounds started. It sounded like he was going through my materials or something. A loud ripping noise soon followed and shuffling after that.
"What are you doing?" I asked confused.
More paper sounds filled my ears. Then I felt him pull me towards him. The floor I was standing on was no longer tile. I rubbed my toes across the surface and a shifting noise was made. I think we were standing on the paper. Then I realized he laid out one of my canvas sheets on the floor. I slid my foot out as wide as I could. Seemingly he ripped out a large piece. Almost life size. Before I could question him, I felt his lips crashing against mine again. He roughly thrust my body on to his. His bulge was now brought to my attention. I moaned as his lips left a fiery trail down to my neck. I could feel my flesh pinched between his teeth as he nibbled right at my collar bone. I threw my head back allowing him access to the full extent of my neck. My skin tingled. I drew him into me, loving the sensation. His hand found its way at the tail of my shirt. Slowly I felt the fabric peeling of my skin. He ran his hand up and down my spine while continuing to suck on my neck. I pushed out many short, soft breaths and sighs from my lips. He fiddled with my bra strap. I bit my lip in anticipation. All I could think in my mind was 'this is it'. I knew tonight we were going to make love for the first time. The sound of the strap snapping sent a jolt into my inner thighs.
My breasts were now bare. There ready and open for him. My chest heaved in and out. I was panting. Shawn kissed my lips again while taking them into his hands. He massaged them, kneading them like they were his very own mounds of clay. He lightly twisted my nipples and I sucked in air. He kissed the center of my chest before letting one breast go to suckling on it. I moaned when the warmth of his velvet tongue met my nipple.
"Oh Shawn." I whispered gripping the back of his head.
The sounds his mouth made against my chest turned me on even more. He switched over to the other side, not wanting to leave that one unattended.
"Mmmmm." I hummed as he continued to assault my breasts.
At one point he pushed them together, forcing both into his mouth. My knees shook as he savored them. He spent sometime there, softly nibbling on them until he moved on. His next target.
Neglect.
His hands slid over my stomach and he tugged at my shorts. He held out the waist band so he could put his hand inside. I trembled when I felt his finger swipe through the folds of my other pair of lips.
"Damn baby... you're so wet." He groaned.
He pinched my clit and I yelped from the instant jilt of pleasure. He continued to softly curse underneath his breath. Then he inserted one of his fingers into me. It was when I noticed just how long they were. My legs parted like he was a key that open into my most sacred place. I clung to him, burying my face into his neck while he fingered me. I could feel my juices flowing over his finger and down my thighs. A hot stingy pulsating feeling throbbed in my center.
"You're so tight too."
He bit and tugged at my bottom lip. I pushed my tongue out to meet his. We stood there, tongues entangling while our lips barely moved. Both of us panting now. His fingers sped up and my moans rose an octave.
"Uh ooooooh shhhh ah."
I gripped at his shirt wanting to tear it off of him. He pulled his hand out of my short and assisted me. I ran my hand over his now bare chest and place a soft kiss on it. With rapid speed we finished undressing each other. And there we stood. Naked and vulnerable to each other. He kissed me deeply one more time before leaving me. The paper shifted under my feet.
"Wh-, where you going?" I breathlessly asked.
He can't leave me like this. I covered my chest and pressed my legs together. They struggled to stay close because they would slip and slide. I listened out for Shawn but he must have been purposefully trying to go unnoticed. He was being extra quiet. This gave me a chance to catch my breath a little. It was short lived, however, when I heard a couple of clonking noises. The canvas rustled beneath me again.
"We're gonna make some art." He softly replied.
And the smell of cherries infiltrated my nostrils. I sniffed again. Red. I smiled until I felt him smear the paint across my chest. I held still trying to make out the pattern he was drawing-two opposing curves. I closed my eyes. Still trying to feel what he was doing. He began filling in the shape, repeatedly making that same curving motion and I smiled. It was a heart. He took my hand and pulled me down a little, dipping my hand into the bucket of paint. I brought my palm up to my nose. Blueberries. I reached over to his chest and drew my own heart on his chest.
More shuffling noise.
I was caught off guard by the feel of his tongue grazing over my pussy. I gasped and whimpered. He gripped my thighs, pulling them apart. He plunged his entire face between my legs and I moaned with my head thrown back. His tongue swirled and circled over my pearl. The pleasure proved to be almost unbearable. I couldn't take it. I tried to push his head away, but he only tightened his grip.
"Ahhhhhhh, oh my god....oh my mmmmmm, shawn!" I cried out.
He briefly pulled away and shhhh'ed me, telling me to pay attention. He steadied my trembling legs and with his two thumbs split my slits apart. His tongue flickered over my clit lightly and I felt a pressure building up into my groin. I firmly bit into my bottom lip trying to fight back my moans, though a few deep ones managed to escape. He then began to twirl his tongue in an intricate pattern. I closed my eyes again trying to pay attention. He pressed his tongue down, swirl it around and pull away before doing it again.
"What does that spell bey?" He gruffly moaned over my bulb, the vibration of his voice stimulating it.
He proceeded to perform the same sequence as I struggled to focus. It just felt too good. Eventually I started to make it out.
S...H
"Uhhhh god!" I moaned.
A...
I could barely control my hands which was still trying to fend him off, but he fought back.
W... N
I gasped before screaming out the answer. "SHAWN!! Oohhhh Shawn, Shawn, Shawn!!" I repeated over and over again.
"Whose pussy is this?" He whispered.
He dipped his tongue inside of me, lapping up all the juices like it was sweet nectar.
"Huh? Whose pussy Bey?" He repeated darting his tongue in a swift jabbing motion.
"Oh god it's yours... its yo... uhhh." My voice trailed off.
Satisfied he stopped, leaving it throbbing. He kissed me, repeating what he did down there in my mouth. I could taste me on his tongue.
Breaking our kiss, he moved away again. God I didn't like this game anymore. I just needed him inside. I shivered when I felt his pour the paint all over the front side of my body. He quickly spun me around as I was registering what was happening. Then poured more of it on my back. The coolness of the paint made my hot skin tremble. Slowly the liquid slid down my body, I could feel it slipping between my cleavage, gushing down my thighs, sliding down the crack of my ass and forming a puddle around my feet. Shawn then handed me a bucket of the same blue paint and I did the same, dumping the contents onto him. I tossed the empty pail to the side as he scooped me up and positioned me on my back and spread my legs wide. I held my breath when I felt the head of his penis tapping at my entrance, as if he was asking to be let in.
"Shawn please...uh put it in." I begged no longer able to take the teasing.
"You sure you want this?" He continued on with his game.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
He tauntingly tapped the head against my clit. I groaned.
"I need it." I whispered.
He firmly held my hips, elevating it a little and finally entered me slowly. I gasped and arched my back feeling him fill me-inch by inch. At the same pace he pulled completely out of me and I sighed. He repeated this process, completely inhabiting me and then abandoning me. Leaving me craving him.
"Shawn give it to me." I commanded.
He laughed a sinister laugh before plunging deep into me. I closed my eyes as he penetrated my body. He laid his weight completely on to me so that I felt the strong impact of his strokes. God he was so big. I tightened my legs around him and he continued to dig deeper. My entire lower half tingled. I tried to grip his back but my nails slipped on the paint. The sound of our skin colliding against each other bounced off the walls and hit my eardrums. It was music to me. Shawn grunted, slid his arms underneath me, and pulled us closer together. His paced quickened and his strokes hardened.
"Uh bey." He moaned in my ear. "you feel so good." He whispered kissing my lips.
I slapped my hand onto the canvas, needing something to hold onto. Our bodies continued to crash roughly into each other. The way he was so forceful contradicted how he normally was-smooth and gentle. It was a beautiful contradiction. I instructed him to go harder. He obliged me. My body snaked underneath him, my back arching and caving into his strokes. Eventually he pulled away, carefully propping me onto my hands and knees. Before my body could miss him, he re-entered me from the back. I clawed at the paper beneath me feeling him dipping deeper into my honey pot. I hunched over pressing my face on the floors taking it all in. He reached over and placed his hand between my legs, simultaneously stimulating my clitoris. The stroke of his hand and his dick were in sync. I was in sexual heaven.
My legs felt numb now and my knees buckled. My pelvis crashed against the floor. Shawn simply propped me up again and continued on with his pace. I pressed against the ground with the little strength I had left and proceeded to meet his strokes halfway. Shawn moaned deeply, sending a rush of quivering sensations all over my body.
"Yeah baby, do that...mmmm throw it back." He moaned.
And I did as he said, thrusting back as hard as I could, leaving us both moaning in satisfaction. He continued to talk nasty, dirty things in my ear which only encouraged me to fulfill everything he asked. He pulled my hair, snapping my head back and I released a series of high pitched moan. I sang his name to anyone who wanted to hear it.
He pulled away and strategically placed us into a new position. He was sitting upright and I was straddling him, my feet planted behind him. Holding onto my hips, he guided me up and down his shaft. I tightly pursed my lips and tilted my head back. Eventually he let go, allowing me to take over. I wrapped my arms around his neck and grinded my hips in a circular motion. I loved that he wasn't shy about his moans like some other guys who were so quiet. He wasn't afraid to let me know that I pleased him. And by the sounds of it I was pleasing him well. With all the energy I had left, I made love to him as vigorously as I could. We bucked and rocked and continued to make purple. A rhythmic spastic feeling erupted in my core. I felt my walls clenching around him, entrapping him deep inside. Shawn screamed out. I clasped his face and kissed him viciously. I knew I was approaching my peak.
"Oooooohhhhhh god!" I bellowed.
He laid back, teetering me forward and thrust his hips upward taking over again. He pumped faster, gripping my waist tightly. He was nearing his peak too. I could tell by the way he wildly penetrated me. The pelvic contracting increased in speed and I felt myself getting light headed.
"Ohhhhhhh shawn I'm gonna cummm!" I cried.
"Cum for me baby." He grunted, releasing his own moans.
Pinching my eyes, I felt myself losing all control. He trembled beneath me and at the same time we released our colors. We clung to each other, muscles tense. I felt like I was suspended in time for a second, floating on a high that I've never felt before. A few seconds later we both collapsed, breathing heavily. I lay on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me. We stayed like that for quite some time, until Shawn picked us both up.
"Come on, I need to make one more finishing touch." He whispered kissing my temple.
He positioned me on my knees along the side of the canvas. He was hunched over me. Then he took my hand and dipped two of my fingers into another container of paint. I smelled it. It smelt like tar. It was black. Using my hand as a paintbrush, Shawn began to write on the bottom of the paper. I paid close attention to the motions he made.
T.H.E.A.R.T
He dipped my fingers back into the pail.
O.F.L.O.V.E
He gathered more paint.
M.A.K.I.N.G
He made us both put our signatures on it before kissing my cheek. My heart soared and swelled with so much love. Tears spilled out of my eyes
.
"There, finished." He softly spoke.
"How does it look?" I asked sniffling back tears.
He nuzzled into my hair, hugging me close from behind.
"It's a masterpiece."