"You're not focusing."
"I'm trying—" But you smell so damn good. It makes me just want to—
"I heard that."
I peeked one eye open, and Draco failed to stay serious as the corner of his mouth curled up into a smug grin.
"Well, it's true. You're making this very hard," I mirrored his smirk.
"A good Occlumens must maintain control despite distractions. A strong shield will keep weaker Legilimens out of your mind, but someone with enough experience will break through eventually. By then, you'll be too exhausted from trying to keep them out that you won't be able to keep anything hidden. They'll have access to everything in your mind."
We had gotten back into our routine of Occlumency training after my drunken breakdown. I had neglected it, and with all the conflicting thoughts and emotions I was trying to bury, my head was a mess. Once everything was back in order, I started feeling like myself again.
Taking the next week off of classes also helped. After downing a couple of potions to combat the nasty hangover I woke up with that Saturday morning, I sought out McGonagall to let her know I was going to take a couple of days to myself. I could see the relief in her eyes, but she just nodded and said she would inform my other professors.
I felt like I could breathe easier when I wasn't being stared at constantly by rooms full of people. Of course, I still received stray looks and heard murmurs in the corridors on my way to the Library or Astronomy Tower and in the Great Hall during meals, but I was able to clear my mind and block them out easily.
By the middle of the week, however, I started getting bored being alone all day. Draco seemed keen to ensure I took the whole week off, so he took it upon himself to keep me occupied by spending the next few days teaching me a new Occlumency technique.
"So," he continued, "you have to trick them. The more ways you know how to, the better protected you are against anyone in any situation."
"I know, I know," I sighed, "You've only explained it a hundred times," I mumbled, but he definitely heard as he arched an eyebrow, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.
"Well, go on then," he waved one hand in front of him before tucking it back into the crook of his other elbow.
"What?"
"You say you know them," he shrugged. "Prove it."
I narrowed my eyes. He knew I couldn't stand to have my knowledge or abilities questioned, and he was using it against me.
You're going to regret that.
I stood suddenly, causing his brows to draw together slightly in confusion. I walked the few feet across the empty classroom that separated us, and his expression quickly changed from confused to surprised as I straddled and sat on his lap, our noses almost touching. My arms bracketed his shoulders as I gripped the back of his chair, and his hands went instinctually to my hips.
I stared into his eyes, unblinking, inviting him in. Then, a moment later, my mental door rattled.
I pushed all the most important jars back as far as they would go into the dark depths of my mind, where they would be hidden and protected. Leaving the jars full of inconsequential information out in the open for a would-be intruder to sort through, letting them think they were gaining something. This technique could be used on someone I willingly let into my mind or someone trying to break in.
For the sake of practice, I pretended Draco was someone trying to break in. I put up a convincing fight to keep the door tightly shut but slowly started weakening my shield until he was able to break through.
Once inside, I let him rifle through the contents of the less important vessels, but as a regular inside my mind, he knew some were missing. So when he started looking deeper, I employed another tactic.
I drew forward a specific memory, letting him only see a glimpse before swiftly whisking it away into a random jar and quickly rearranging everything on that shelf. The impression that I didn't want him seeing the memory immediately drew his attention, and he descended upon the newly reorganized shelf. One by one, he quickly re-scanned the contents of each container, looking for what I had just hidden.
While his mind was preoccupied chasing the bait, I slowly removed one hand from the chair back and gently placed it on his shoulder, careful not to draw his attention to my movements. When he got to the last jar on the shelf, he ripped it open, knowing it held what I was trying to hide.
When he finally found what he was looking for, he dove right in, and I had to suppress my chuckle as not to give away my ruse. Because what he was now consumed by was the memory of a particularly steamy rendezvous we had one night.
We had left the Library late, giving ourselves just enough time to get back to the common room before curfew. Draco was teasing me about a question I had gotten wrong while we were studying, so I decided to turn the tables and utilize his tried and true method of getting me to shut up.
I grabbed him by his tie and pulled him behind a tapestry and into the hidden alcove. I pressed a chaste kiss to his mouth to silence him, then ran a trail with my lips down his jawline and neck. My fingers loosened around his tie and slowly slid down his chest. The only sounds coming out of his mouth now were breathy moans.
Meanwhile, back in the empty classroom, my strategically placed hand was mirroring its path from the memory, only pulling Draco in deeper.
My hand continued its journey south until I reached his waistband. I tugged on it, popping open the button, and slid my fingers inside. They trailed down, down, until—
Draco suddenly ejected himself from my mind and grabbed my wrist. His molten silver eyes bore into mine, and his breathing was shallow beneath me.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I said innocently, "was I making it hard for you to focus? You know, Draco, a good Legilimens must maintain control, despite—" my eyes flicked down to his unbuttoned pants, "—distractions."
His eyes darkened, and I had to keep myself from physically shivering as a chill ran down my spine.
He wrapped his free hand around the back of my neck and pulled me in, crashing his lips into mine. I abandoned my initial task and reached both hands up to cup his face, kissing him back with equal fervor.
He paused, and I felt his smile on my lips, triggering my own as I pressed my forehead to his and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"You did well," He said, a little out of breath.
"Well, I have a good teacher."
He chuckled softly, then tilted his head back to look at me, and his smile faltered. "Are you sure I can't talk you into taking another week off?"
I shook my head. "I'll go stir crazy if I spend one more day alone in my dorm room. I'm ready to get back to my classes."
Draco nodded. I knew he didn't like that answer, but I also knew that he wouldn't argue with my decision.
I placed a hand on his cheek, and he leaned into my touch. "Thank you. For everything."
The corner of his mouth turned up, and he pulled me in and pressed a slow, tender kiss to my lips.
He broke away and lifted me as he stood up, then set me on my feet. "Let's get some dinner and then get you back to the dormitory so you can get plenty of rest before tomorrow."
I rolled my eyes but leaned into him and smiled as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led us out of the classroom and towards the Great Hall.
—————
"You'll see, El, by the end of Easter holiday, you'll be able to out-fly any player on the Hufflepuff house team," Theo promised as we all rounded the corner out of the Great Hall from breakfast and headed for Charms.
"That's not saying much," Blaise scoffed, "But, Nott is right, you'll have the three best flyers at Hogwarts teaching you. If you still can't fly by the time we get back to school, then I'm afraid you're a lost cause." He teased.
"I can't wait," I gritted out with a fake smile.
I had gotten out of every attempted flying lesson so far since Draco gave me the broom for Christmas, but it seemed like I wouldn't be able to avoid it any longer. However, I couldn't complain. Two weeks away with my friends was exactly what I needed right now, and I was looking forward to seeing Narcissa again. I could do without seeing Draco's aunt, though.
We walked in and took our seats just before Flitwick started class.
"Settle down, students, settle down! Alright, class, today we are going to be reviewing the Bubble-Head Charm. Now, let's hear some possible uses, and don't be afraid to think outside the box!" The Professor prompted cheerfully atop his riser of books.
A few hands shot into the air as murmurs and snickers ran through the room from side discussions about some of the more creative uses of the Bubble-Head Charm. Blaise had more than a few ideas of his own for activities he was dying to try underwater.
"Brings a new meaning to breaststroke, yeah? I mean, really, the possibilities are endless. You could get her legs—"
The classroom door suddenly opened, and Professor McGonagall walked in, drawing everyone's attention and cutting off Blaise's thoughts.
"Excuse me, Filius, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need Miss Blaylock." Her cat-like eyes scanned the room until they landed on me.
My stomach dropped. I glanced at Draco, who had sat straight up at the mention of my name, and now looked between McGonagall and me with his eyebrows drawn together. I stood to leave but only took a couple of steps before she stopped me.
"Bring your things, dear." She said, her voice giving nothing away.
I turned back and quickly scooped up my books and shouldered my bag. Draco looked like he was about to get up and walk out with me, so I gave him the most reassuring look I could manage.
"Don't worry. I'll see you after class, ok?" I whispered as I discreetly laid my hand on top of his clenched fist and gave it a quick squeeze. His hand reflexively opened to my touch, and the pads of our fingers ghosted along each other as I pulled away.
He pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded, but I felt his eyes on me the entire way as I followed McGonagall out of the room.
I had a feeling this had something to do with my parents, seeing as it was important enough to warrant calling me out of class, so I was surprised when the Professor didn't lead me towards the Headmaster's office, but instead in the direction of the dungeons.
"Professor McGonagall? What is going on?" I asked with a sidelong glance, trying to read her face.
She looked at me, and her expression tightened as she seemed unable to form a response. Just then, we turned the last corner to the Slytherin common room and found Snape waiting near the hidden entrance.
He waited until we were closer to say the password, then motioned McGonagall and me to enter before he followed us inside.
The common room was empty. Most everyone was in class, and the few lucky enough to have a free period first thing Monday morning were likely still asleep. I stopped in the middle of the room and turned to face both professors, waiting for either of them to tell me something.
Professor McGonagall took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak, but when the words still wouldn't come out, she let out a heavy sigh and looked to Professor Snape, so I turned to him as well.
"Miss Blaylock," he began, "Professor Dumbledore received a Floo call from MACUSA officials this morning regarding your parents' case. They have concluded their investigation and have apprehended the person responsible for their deaths."
"My aunt?" I asked, almost sounding hopeful.
"No. A wizard they had captured and sent to prison many years ago who was recently released."
"Oh," was all I said as my shoulders dropped. I should have been relieved that it wasn't my father's own sister who killed my parents, but at least if it had been her, all of this would have been for a real reason. Their deaths would have meant something and wouldn't have just been the result of some random person's revenge.
"Since you are still underage, you now fall under the guardianship of your next of kin."
My eyes went wide. "You can't be serious?" Snape's silence suggested that he was. "She's been on a MACUSA watchlist since she was a teenager, my parents wholeheartedly believed she was a danger to me, and now they're just going to let her be my legal guardian?"
"She has never been convicted of a crime, and she could not be linked to the death of your parents. Therefore, as your closest living relative, legally, they cannot keep you from her." The Potions professor seemed to conveniently forget our conversation that one evening in detention when he stated that he believed my parent's concerns were valid.
My mouth hung open in disbelief. Snape acted like he couldn't care less about this ridiculous technicality, but at least McGonagall's pursed lips implied that she agreed with me.
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Whatever. It doesn't really matter. I turn seventeen less than six weeks after this school year is over. And I already have living arrangements for the summer, so I'm not going back to the States."
"Miss Blaylock," McGonagall finally spoke, and her tone reminded me of that day in Dumbledore's office, "I'm afraid you won't be finishing this school year at Hogwarts."
My back stiffened. "Excuse me?"
"Your aunt has...requested that you return to America. To Ilvermorny." McGonagall didn't even try to hide her contempt.
"Well, tell her request denied! I'm not leaving! I'm not going back!" My voice grew louder as my panic rose.
No, no, no.
"We can try—"
"Minerva." Snape cut her off. She snapped her eyes to him and looked annoyed, or angry, or both. She stared at him for a few moments longer until she finally let out a defeated sigh that might as well have been a punch to my gut. She turned back to me, and her sad expression had returned.
"I'm sorry, dear. There's nothing we can do. Hogwarts and the Ministry of Magic would be seen as uncooperative. International magical relations are fragile, and we cannot risk damaging those bonds." Her words sounded regurgitated as if they belonged to someone else. My guess would be Professor Dumbledore.
I stared at them in shock. I had spent the last few months battling my nightmares, and now I found myself wishing this was one of them. I waited, hoping and praying that I would wake up, but Snape seemed to have no interest in wasting any time.
"You are scheduled to arrive at the MACUSA headquarters through the Floo in the Headmaster's office in twenty minutes."
My heart dropped into my stomach. "Today?! I'm leaving today?! In twenty minutes?! But—! I can't—! I—!" Panic rose with the bile in my throat, and I felt like I might throw up or pass out, maybe both.
"I suggest you pack your things in a timely fashion so that you are not late."
My panic bubbled into rage at his dismissal, but his bored expression stayed firmly in place despite my glare. Before I did something stupid like pull my wand on a professor, I spun on my heel and stormed up the stairs. Slamming the door to my room, I leaned back against it, trying to think of any way around this.
But, I came up short. If I tried to leave, Snape and McGonagall would stop me before I ever made it out of the common room, and if I just stayed in my room, they would come and get me. And leaving out the window obviously wasn't an option.
Why the fuck does our house have to be under the damn lake?!
I sank to the floor and fisted my hands in my hair, fighting back the tears.
Then the realization hit and stole the breath from my lungs. I wouldn't get to say goodbye to Draco. Or Pansy. Or Blaise. Or Theo, or Daphne, or Tracey. Charms wouldn't be over for almost another two hours, and by then, I would be back in America. They would come back and find all of my things gone along with me. I couldn't let them think this was my choice.
I jumped up, haphazardly waving my wand towards my wardrobe so that all of my clothes and belongings would start packing themselves while I took care of more important things.
I tossed my bag on the bed and dug out a few pieces of parchment and a pen, trying to hold myself together so my writing would be legible.
Pansy,
I don't have a lot of time. Everything is so fucked. My aunt is now my legal guardian and is making me go back to the U.S. and I can't do anything about it since I'm still underage. I'll be ok. It's only until August. I will be back the day I turn seventeen, if not sooner.
Please, please promise me that you and the guys will make sure Draco doesn't do anything rash. I'm leaving him a letter too, but just please remind him that I didn't want to leave, and that I'll be ok, and that I will be back.
I'm so sorry I didn't get to say goodbye. I look forward to you yelling at me about it when I get back.
I'll write as soon as I can.
-El
I folded her letter up and set it aside as I started on Draco's. There was so much I wanted to say, but that would make it feel like a permanent goodbye, so I kept it simple. Right as I was signing off, a tear escaped from my eye, and I cursed as it fell and stained the parchment.
I wrote both of their names on the outside of the letters and placed them on my bed along with a couple of things I was leaving as a guarantee to Draco that I would be back.
As I stared at the letters, I felt like I was about to crumble into a million pieces. The feeling was only made worse when I turned and found my wardrobe open and empty and my luggage packed and waiting at the end of my bed.
I snapped my eyes shut and started taking deep breaths. I wouldn't let myself walk through the corridors a blubbering mess. I started putting lids on all my open jars and tucked them away securely. I shut my mental door and bolted it, adding a few new locks for good measure.
I let out one long, final exhale and opened my eyes, all my emotions now under control.
I cast Reducio on all my suitcases, shrinking them to easily fit into my bookbag, which I slung over my shoulder before heading for the door. I refrained from taking a last look around the room as I walked out.
This will not be the last time I'm here. I will be back.
I followed the professors through the empty corridors, dragging my feet on the off chance that Flitwick would let class out early or that Draco would just leave to find me. I became less hopeful with every step closer we got to the Headmaster's office.
When we finally arrived at the familiar gargoyle statue on the seventh floor, McGonagall and Snape stepped onto the staircase ahead of me, but I hesitated. I searched back and forth down the hallway, praying that a head of white-blonde hair would appear. I strained my ears, hoping to hear footsteps running up the stairs or down an adjacent corridor.
When it remained silent and empty, I tried to convince myself that it was better this way. That it would be almost impossible to go if I had to pull myself from Draco's arms. Or that if my friends were here, they might literally start a riot to keep me from leaving.
I took in a steadying breath and climbed onto the moving staircase.
McGonagall was waiting by the door when I reached the top, though she looked almost disappointed when I appeared as if she had hoped I had taken the chance to make a run for it. Through the doorway, I could see Snape standing with Professor Dumbledore near the fireplace.
At this point, McGonagall wasn't even trying to mask her disagreement with the situation, which was made clear by the look she gave me when she rested her hand on my shoulder as I slowly entered the room.
"Miss Blaylock. Lovely to see you again," Dumbledore said as if it were any normal day and we were about to share a morning cup of tea.
"Likewise, Professor. Though, like the last time we spoke, I wish it were under different circumstances."
The Headmaster nodded his head with a tight smile, and McGonagall squeezed my shoulder before dropping her hand away, silently validating my comment.
I approached the fireplace just as it sputtered and green flames roared to life, indicating the connection to the MACUSA headquarters was now open.
I stared at the neon blaze and tried to still my now racing heart.
Maybe they were wrong about her all along.
Maybe this all really was for nothing.
She will probably understand me better than anyone, having experienced the same bias and discrimination from the family her entire life.
Maybe if I just explain that I actually want to be here, she'll let me come back.
I kept running positive scenarios through my head until Dumbledore cleared his throat, and my attention was drawn to him.
He gave me another tight smile as if to say he didn't want to rush me but that I was only delaying the inevitable.
I nodded in understanding and took a step towards the fireplace before I stopped again and looked back at him.
"Professor Dumbledore, I just want to say thank you again for letting me come to Hogwarts. If given the option, I would like to return. Preferably this year, but if not, once I am seventeen and can choose for myself. I would very much like to complete my seventh year and graduate from Hogwarts."
His eyes twinkled as he peered over his half-moon spectacles. "You will always be welcome at Hogwarts, Miss Blaylock."
The fire hissed impatiently as I nodded in thanks, then turned back and continued forward.
I paused at the edge of the hearth and summoned my typically excessive confidence. I threw one last look over my shoulder at the professors and took in their expressions. Dumbledore's was encouraging, McGonagall's was worried, and Snape's was...
My eyebrows drew together slightly as I had expected his face to be blank and uncaring as always, but that was not what I found.
I could almost see the wall behind his eyes, and at that moment, I felt so stupid that after all our lessons, I was just now realizing that he may not actually be as cold and callous as I always thought, but instead, he was just occluded—all the time.
But, despite his superior abilities, just this once, I saw the muscles ripple as his jaw tightened. Whatever emotion was strong enough to slip past his unmatched shields made me consider that maybe I was childish for being optimistic about what I was about to walk into.
The thought doused my confidence and had me almost turning to beg them not to make me go. To maintain my dignity, I fortified my own shield with a deep, calming breath and stared back into the fireplace before I took the last couple of steps.
As the cold flames swallowed me, I made one final, silent promise to the professors, to the group of people I cared about most currently sitting unaware in Charms, and even to the castle itself.
I will see you again.