Karsten IF
Chapter 1: Butterfly's Theory
The illumination of the moon had never gazed so bright over them before. The path to the vast grassy plains on which many a legend walked were barren to any soldier that would wish to look upon them.
The world darkened as night fell. The breeze soon intensified around the army as if signaling a storm despite the clear skies.
A mountainous trunk of darkened oak wood sprung from the ground in the middle of the grassy plains. The rustles of this colossal plant filled the world with its sounds, towering over the huddled group of men and adventurers and even reaching the clouds of the night sky.
The Great Tree of the Wanderer had its grand leaves rustling over the world beneath her, signaling a powerful whirlwind of air. A storm neared.
"It wouldn't be wrong to call what we shall be facing here a storm..." a person whispered to themselves, chuckling in amusement at the metaphor.
Not too far off from the Great Tree's trunk, groups of men and women were huddled around multiple campfires, the comforting heat of a single flame insufficient for such a large collection of people. They were all clad in armor, heavy on some and thinner on others. Every soldier in this army had their weapons sheathed to their sides, from energetic youths to grizzled elders.
Out of sight yet close enough to both, The Great Tree and the camping group beneath it, was a woman clad in metal armor. She seemed to be on her own; sitting on the grassy hill with her sword unlatched by her side.
She seemed to be in thought. Her eyes were staring upwards towards the moon above her, above the great leaves and the clouds that stuck below them.
"I see you're keeping a brave face as always, nyan!"
"Ah..." the woman was kicked out of their musing, turning slightly to meet the uniformed cat-boy with a warm smile present in her expression. "Ferris... You caught me at an opportune time. Come sit with me."
"It would be my honor, nyan!" The cat knight softly smiled and sat down on the spot his lady had patted beside her. He couldn't help but admire the amazing bravery she was showing at that moment, right before they faced a legendary calamity with naught but abysmal support from a makeshift barracks. To keep a confident grin on her face even while she was alone and away from the people she was leading was...
"You're amayzing, Crusch-sama!" the young demi-human cheered toward her with a bright smile, filled with adoration.
The beautiful battle-prepared woman only gave a graceful chuckle, finding it appropriate to reach her hand out and ruffle his hair between her gloved fingers.
"Honestly... Thank you, Ferris. I don't know how this will go for us, but I'm determined to see it through."
Looking at the green-haired beauty, Felix couldn't help but admire her once more; her words sounded like she was showing doubt and even fear, yet her expression seemed to be one of steeled resolve. He had known her long enough to be certain that this determination of hers was driven by a force a hundred times more powerful than any of their world's gods and monsters.
There was no stopping the duchess of house Karsten. She was noble, elegant, beautiful, kind, confident, and born to lead, to command.
Crusch Karsten would never be afraid or nervous. Doubtful, maybe. Confused at times, yes. But Felix understood her better than anyone in this world. And he knew fear was nothing more than a fly to swat away to his lady
"Honestly, this is why I don't get how those old men didn't drop this election nonsense and crown the rightful ruler of the kingdom as soon as they saw her. What a bunch of old fools~." Felix said, starting to teasingly move his hair against her gentle hand.
"I wouldn't call them fools if I were you, Ferris. They are the ones in power, after all. For the moment at the least." Crusch sounded bemused rather than admonishing yet there was a hint of firmness in her tone.
Faced with that, the cat boy only waved his hand in the air with a teasing smile. "Yeah yeah. Sorry."
Bothered by her knight's constant disrespect towards noblemen, the lady shook her head and sighed. "I know why you're here, Ferris. You don't have to try and distract me from my own doubts."
Being found out so easily, especially by his lady, was always heartwarming to him. The feline brunette was always one for intimacy of all kinds and something like that only served to show how close he and his lady were.
A smirk came to his face as if to say, 'oh well' and he replied, "I wouldn't call it a distraction per-say... I just want Crusch-sama to not be alone on such a lovely night, nyan!"
Feeling the warmth in his statement, the noble lady twisted her glove-clad fingers on the outlines of his ears affectionately. "Thank you, Ferris," Crusch responded to the young healer's loyalty, kind and gracious.
"Of course, of course! Pleasure is all Ferris's, nyan!" the boy said, seeming to melt under the lady's hand as a pleasurable smile grew on his face.
Sitting in silence with her knight, the green-haired royal candidate fidgeted in her armor, keeping her hand over her lap and glancing up towards the night sky.
"It's almost time..." The boy's fluffy ears twitched as his smile began fading away.
"Is the formation ready?" Crusch asked, glancing back towards the moon again while playing with Felix's hair unconsciously.
"Mhm. All of the troops are in place. All that's left is Old Man Wil and Subaru-kyun with Rem-chan."
Hearing this, the duchess turned her head and glanced back into the field of empty grass. Crusch focused her gaze around the masses of men and women that were standing while facing the further end of the flat plains, holding themselves with attention.
"Ferris, where do you think those three have gone to?" asked Crusch, not being able to find any of the people her knight had mentioned amongst the small army beneath the Great Tree.
Shrugging, the healer replied absentmindedly, "Beats me, nyan! Subaru-kyun and Rem-chan were walking around the big Tree and Old Man Wil went to fetch them."
"Wilhelm-dono went with them? That's good."
"Are you afraid the twyo might run off, nyan?" The boy in white robes asked while looking at his lady precariously.
The armor-clad noble lady shook her head for a moment, "That wasn't my train of thought at all."
Felix continued to stare at his lady, realizing that she wasn't going to add to her answer as she let her shoulders relax in place. Leaning backwards, Crusch allowed the breeze of the plain fields run across her skin and armor, cooling her nerves and increased heartbeat.
"W-What was your worry about then?" Felix hesitated for a moment to interrupt his lady's moment on the grass, but his curiosity got the best of him.
Crusch remained silent for a short moment, enjoying the few seconds her friend had so patiently graced her with. Then the duchess began to speak, her voice confident and clear, "Do you understand what we are about to meet beneath this tree tonight, Ferris?"
The lady's question was met with the boy's silence. Nothing was there except for a deep breath coming out from Felix's mouth.
"You've been holding that in for a long time," Crusch noted with a knowing smirk, noticing how much her healer had been keeping his panic and fear hidden to keep her from worrying about him.
Felix mutedly cursed in frustration. He'd forgotten that being so intimate with this lady also meant that she can read his negativity as well.
"- SIGH – I guess I was a tiiiiny bit nervous, nyan!" The catboy smiled nervously as Crusch chuckled.
"You're a wonderful friend, Ferris. Never forget that." Crusch grinned brilliantly and patted the boy's head. A boy she considered a little brother.
"Nyaaaan~~!" Felix's purr sounded out across the grass sea as he enjoyed this moment of calm beside the girl that had helped him through so much in his lifetime.
"We will fight the great calamity... If our information was correct. Here and tonight we shall finally rid the world of one terrible evil."
Although he loved the way Crusch always plastered the air with her confident overtone and her words that oozed charisma, Felix couldn't help but feel like this was all a bit too farfetched. His cynical nature would always force him to think unpleasant thoughts about the future, their future, and compel him to commit... unsavory acts against anyone that threatened his mistress.
"The White Whale... I'm going to have to slay it here... Do what the previous Sword Saint couldn't," Crusch murmured as she squinted her eyes that had been staring upwards, seemingly glaring towards the starry sky.
"Is... Is this about Old Man Wil's... love?" Felix inquired softly, obviously saddened by the mere thought of that story.
Crusch's fingers stopped toying with the boy's hair and moved to graze the lion emblem on the cross of her sheathed blade.
"Tonight is all about our loved ones, Ferris."
Crusch's whisper filled the boy's heart with rigidness as chills ran down his spine. The way his lady sounded her grief, worry, fear, heartbreak, determination, bravery, readiness to carry on with a proud stature... All of these were faced in one single whisper from Crusch as she thought about something that truly saddened her: someone she had lost before.
Felix understood immediately what had his lady so reminiscent so suddenly.
"You are still thinking about his highness, Fourier-sama..." Felix seemed to have been just as nostalgic as she was, remembering every moment he'd had with the prince.
"This is all to reach my goal, Ferris. I'm using Wilhelm-dono's need for a conclusion to his wife's story for my own needs. Every person's determination to fight on this field, every soldier's existence that may be erased... It will all serve my own selfish desire." Crusch's words were filled with imperturbable conviction as her eyes seemed to address wisdom right above what a young maiden such as her should survive.
"That's not true, Crusch-sama! Every person here has made their choice to help you on this expedition. You mustn't think this way or else... You might forget your own desire..." Felix trailed off, reminding his lady once more of the responsibility she had set out to do.
Glancing towards the starry sky once more, she had a look of recollection on her face. She withheld her indecisive frown and hid her disappointment at this answer as it did her nothing. Crusch addressed him while finally letting her fingers out of his soft locks of hair, "You're right, Ferris. I must be able to fight for both my goal and this great kingdom's destiny."
Seeing her fully standing now with her back straight and her head held high, the healer was more than relieved of his existing fear of the battle forthcoming.
"Alright, Ferris. Please call on Wilhelm-dono and Natsuki Subaru. If the boy's Metia is indeed correct, the White Whale shall be above us soon."
"Yes, Crusch-sama!" Quickly standing up from the grassy spot and taking in the pleasure of serving his lady's command, the healer knight was more than excited to run towards the back of the big log and call on the people there to join the rest of the battalion at the front line.
This was it... He would call both Wilhelm and Subaru to join up with him and his lady at the front of the army and wait for the dreaded monster of fog to show up in the sky.
He would have the utmost faith in his comrades and allies in the fight where he a better person in life, but... his hate for weakness and complete distaste for any possible threats to Crusch or Old Man Wil's goals and dreams made him a tad bit too overprotective.
"Ferris?"
Calling out to him as he remained standing in the same spot, Crusch looked at her frozen knight with puzzlement.
"Crusch-sama... If I may ask... Do you believe in Natsuki Subaru's promise to deliver this Whale tonight?" His voice shaking, Felix blurted out his statement that showed some form of distrust for the nasty-eyed boy in question. It wasn't that he didn't like Subaru... But he didn't like the thought of someone so hopeless and weak suddenly having Crusch's blind trust. Power didn't come from thin air; there was something else to this black-haired 'Knight' wannabe and Felix was distraught over what it was.
It could be all a ruse to finish his lady's camp off. It could be a plan to stab Crusch in the back and run away gleefully to that silver-haired half-elf. It could be something he hadn't even considered...
Felix's hands were clenched into fists as he stood there with his head held low.
"How do you know he's to be trusted?" He repeated the question in a quivering whisper. As if he thought the subject of this question was near.
As harsh as his words were, Crusch understood that it was a genuine worry that plagued her loyal knight's heart. It may have been her optimistic feelings that made her want to believe that what Natsuki Subaru had delivered her was the truth and only the truth, but she had been standing under the dark cape of the night without even considering that possibility. She was forcing herself to never think about the reasonable chance that this was all a ruse for something the boy's camp had planned.
"I never questioned it until now," she answered plainly, her eyes wandering towards the ground for a moment. "There is a real possibility that this was all planned." The duchess' eyesight suddenly wandered towards her troops and a forlorn expression covered her. "Thinking more about it... Natsuki Subaru never seemed worried about being in this battle as one with his... prowess should be."
Crusch's mind played an image of the inside of her mansion's grand hall. The armies from both the Karsten household as well as Anastasia's mercenary fighters gathered together, starting to mingle as they awaited her speech.
The black-haired boy was there too, watching everybody with a look of adherence and determination. She remembered the dark glimmer in his nasty eyes very well... as if he hated something so far away and yet so powerful. Crusch didn't think anything of it, but what set her off most was the boy's extremely suspicious answer once she had asked about his role in this fight.
"I'll run right under its nose and give you an opening!"
The duchess remembered how carefree and stupidly relaxed the boy was as he gave out his answer. She even told him that his answer brought her to question her Divine Protection of Wind Reading. That was something she'd never done in her life before, but his confident attitude mixed with the contents of what he spouted all the time was beyond perplexing.
She remembered the reason why she was standing on this grassy field, wearing her armor, and holding her cherished blade. Her mind wandered back when she has suddenly been placed in a precarious negotiation inside of her own office. Where the black-haired boy overthrew her plans and instilled his will on the line to win a good negotiable deal out of her.
It was as brilliant as it was reckless. Yet, Crusch couldn't fathom the tight feeling of mistrust that whispered to her. Subaru had sounded so confident that night yet he appeared oh so frightened... As if something really dark would follow him should he have failed to earn her appeasement in the negotiations.
Her blessing showed her that there was not a single lie uttered by the boy when he promised to give her the Whale and she wasn't about to start panicking about something going faulty with the Od now... But, the duchess could not help but have this feeling numbing her brain in regards to the boy.
Felix's words rang through her head and Crusch realized that she truly couldn't or more so shouldn't trust the black-haired youth so easily. Because for all intents and purposes, Crusch found Subaru Natsuki more than suspicious. His words, brimming with confidence and blind determination, yet at the same time, his hands trembling in fear and panic. His sharp nasty looking eyes held bags of misery beneath them which only served to poke holes in his fake cheerful facade every time she spoke with him.
Fake.
The boy was fake to her. Too many things contradicted one another in both his words and his behavior. The duchess found herself staring towards the far-off part of the hill, where the Great Tree cast its gigantic shadow according to the moon's light. Right where the boy was situated all this time.
As suspicion filled her heart, Crusch felt a compelling force of wind... pulling, pushing her.
"Ferris," The candidate called swiftly, eyes focused on the shadow-covered area behind the Tree. "Go on and make sure everything is ready for us to enter the field. I'll be there shortly."
The healer looked a bit startled at his lady's charged tone.
"Where will you go, Crusch-sama?"
The green-haired maiden raised her metal boot over the grass blades, walking with a determined gait.
"I need another talk with Natsuki Subaru."
She walked without glancing back towards the Tree's shadow, ready to quench her anxiety and fully comprehend why this boy was so worrisome to her. She needed to understand him and know what it was he was hiding.
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Once she had walked up the hill, she encountered overturned roots stemming from the ground that made it hard to navigate her walk around the Great Tree. But, having finally made it to the opposite side—where the Tree's colossal shadow loomed over the grass sea—Crusch managed to stand on one of the ancient root lines to gain a better downward view of the plains.
Whereas at the foot of one side of the Great Tree laid an army waiting and preparing for the fight of their lives, this side of the plains held nothing. The young woman took a moment to loom her gaze across the outline of the Tree's shadow, spanning across the hilly plains. It seemed as if this was a world of darkness from how massive the shadow's reach was. It was a truly vast emptiness.
'What a depressing view... Yet I can't help but appreciate its uniquely novel nature.'
The armored lady bit her lip in fascination, drinking in the sight and holding onto the root as she slid down to the grass. After she reached the ground, Crusch ventured deeper in the shadow's wake, feeling a newfound cold under the Tree's darkness.
'There you all are.' Crusch stopped walking further along the outline of the shadow, having noticed the people she was looking for standing to the side on the opposite end from where she stood.
She saw Wilhelm and the boy at the foot of a bed of flowers that looked almost magical in the moonlight, both seeming lost in their conversation. Such a sight greatly surprised the royal girl, whose eyes widened ever-so-slightly. She had never known the old man as one to talk much and, in her experience, he was damn near mute ever since she had met him, only replying curtly whenever he was spoken to.
The Duchess grew more fascinated once the usually cold and collected Wilhelm raised his fist to answer the boy's own with a bump of comradery. It was unusual for the knight to take to somebody so well.
Had Wilhelm really started trusting Subaru so easily? Was it because the boy brought the old man a perfect chance to fight the Whale? Did Subaru know how much this fight meant for the Sword Demon? Was it manipulation? What if the fight was never meant to be and it was truly a ruse? How would it be a ruse if the boy didn't lie to her in the negotiations?
And most of all... Crusch wanted to know why the boy gave her loyal old knight another fake smile... It truly aggravated the candidate. Her suspicion increased. The scene looked heartwarming but she could feel a sense of wrong oozing from the boy's stature.
She gave Wilhelm a moment to finish talking with the boy as, even with her doubts, she would not commit her retainer the disservice of cutting short his conversation with someone he seemingly so appreciated. After ensuring that the old man was set to take his place at the front of the formation he commanded, Crusch made her way up the shadowy hill, slowly moving closer to the oddly dressed boy and his blue-haired companion.
Her armor rattled as she walked, the sound of metal lightly scraping against metal overtaking the Great Tree's rustles in the wind, and it made enough noise to signal her presence to the nearby pair, gracefully allowing her to avoid the need to startle them with a loud 'hello'.
"Crusch-san?" Subaru glanced with surprise at the Valkyrie that suddenly showed up behind him.
"Hello, Crusch-sama. We're sorry if we were late to the preparations," the blue-haired maid said as she bent down into a deep bow, always sure to acknowledge the higher status of her superiors in every interaction.
Subaru looked a bit stuck for a second. He glanced at his companion and seemed to panic before awkwardly bowing his head to Crusch as well.
Receiving the bow's janky posture with a chuckle, Crusch sensed a bit of calm, relaxing her nerves.
"There's no need for any of this, Subaru-dono, Rem-chan. We are allies in this expedition. Formalities shouldn't get in the way of that."
Pleasantly surprised, the boy raised his head from his terrible bow and smiled at Crusch gratefully while Rem gracefully raised her head and kept her expression firm in silence and contemplation.
"I'm sorry to intrude on you both, you seemed to be busy conversing with Wilhelm-dono?"
Crusch noticed how the pair seemed to have this aura around them. A few moments ago, both of them seemed saddened as Wilhelm spoke to them about something and said feeling lingered in their expressions. She found herself wondering why they seemed to be down. Did they feel guilt? Maybe they were saddened because they would betray the old man somehow?
Now letting her paranoia get the best of her and making her suspicious of every single thing the boy and his loyal companion did before her, Crusch quickly straightened her back to stop herself from saying anything hasty. She needed their full comfort to be able to fish out any answers she could.
"Wilhelm-san... I won't lie, he's really an amazing guy. Honestly, I feel a bit bad for him, but I admire his determination a bunch!" Subaru had a warm smile as he said this while rubbing his head. Crusch didn't need skill in observation to notice that the boy seemed nervous and out of his depth as if Wilhelm's conversation weighed on the boy in some form.
This was blowing the fires of her discontent with his attitude.
Rem nodded to Subaru's honest words with a small sad frown on her face.
Clearly, they both were subject to the old man's desire to avenge his wife's death. No living person can hear that tale of love and tragedy between the Sword Demon and the previous Sword Saint and not feel overwhelming emotion.
"Determination is a very unruly thing, Natsuki Subaru. It could either be your tool for greatness or your undoing." Crusch's tone was one of warning and contempt, settling a sense of danger into her two conversing companions.
"Uh," Subaru looked taken aback by the sudden morbid tone the Valkyrie took with him. "That's, wise... I guess?"
Crusch shook her head and aimed an apologetic smile, "Forgive me. It seems I've been stuck in a reminiscent mood lately. Please think of it as a nervous mutter before our battle."
"S-Sure. Didn't expect you to be nervous too, Crusch-sama." Subaru chuckled nervously and rubbed his head. It seemed that the boy was also sweating slightly the more Crusch focused on him.
"Speaking of being nervous...". Crusch's tone took a much more serious one that set off the pair in front of her. "I had wished to speak with you, Natsuki Subaru."
Subaru nodded his head and remained standing there, waiting for the duchess to speak.
"Alone, if you don't mind," Crusch firmly pressed, her amber-eyes stuck on Subaru's own brown ones.
The nasty-eyed boy was surprised and even more panicked by this; the armored girl in front of him didn't sound or look like she had time to waste.
"Damn, all the women in this world are prissy, huh?"
Beside him, Rem almost stomped her shoe in the dirt as she took a step forward to Crusch. "I'm sorry, Crusch-sama. But Subaru-kun's caretaker must be there for him at all times. It is Roswaal-sama's orders."
"It'll be just a moment. I need to go over his tactics to fight in this battle so that we would be ready to take advantage of it." Crusch swiftly made up an excuse that seemed believable to both of them, but the blue-haired maid appeared to be stubborn that night.
"Then you shouldn't have a problem with his caretaker being there with you both during this talk, Crusch-sama." Rem firmly held her ground while meeting the duchess with a glance.
As both girls faced off under the Great Tree's shadow, Subaru suddenly decided to intervene.
"Rem... Please let me have a moment with Crusch-san," he said, a nervous smile aimed toward her.
Rem stubbornly glared back at him, "But... Subaru-ku-"
"It's nothing to worry about, Rem. Crusch-sama is an ally to us and she doesn't seem the type to just shank me behind this tree for no reason," he assured with a softer expression on his face. He seemed appreciative of the maid's worry in a way.
Crusch took notice and decided to assure the two herself.
"I don't know what that word entails but I assure you that no harm shall be done to any of my retainers by this blade. Even my temporary ones here today."
Subaru chuckled a bit and gave a thumbs up to the maid. "See? It's all good! Please wait for me at the spot we talked about. It will soon be time anyway."
Rem looked to be unsatisfied with this situation, but she nevertheless saw that the black-haired boy had made his choice and that she wasn't needed here. With a silent glance at the armored duchess, Rem walked away to the front of the Tree with a deep frown on her face.
While Subaru watched her stomp back to the troops, he couldn't help but sweat nervously as he remembered the few times that anger of the blue-haired girl was aimed at him.
"She seems attached to you."
Cutting off his recollection of those painful memories was the commanding tone and aura of the armored lady standing alone with him underneath the shadow.
"She's an amazing girl, that Rem. I wouldn't even be worthy of standing beside her had she not taken pity on me," Subaru whispered with a soft smile.
Crusch lazily blinked at the boy for a moment, "Do not talk badly about yourself like that, Natsuki Subaru."
"Hm?" Subaru glanced back to the unimpressed royal lady with confusion.
"Do not act as if her loyalty and passion for you are acts wasted on nothing. If you see yourself as a waste then do so. But if you are using the poor girl's feelings anyway then you may as well give her what she expects when she encourages you."
"What she expects?"
She held a look of confidence about her as she spoke, tearing through the boy's confusion and self-doubt with striking words alone.
"You must remember that these words and actions of hers are a debt. Every time you find yourself doubtful or lacking, you must fuel yourself to live up to her expectations."
Subaru blushed a bit, sheepishly glancing away into the far end of the terrain open to him because of the stamped hills.
"I never would've thought a girl like Rem would care so much for me. It's kind of too much to live up to sometimes."
"A girl is all about grit, Natsuki. You won't impress anyone with that low self-esteem," the Duchess sounded amused as she pointed this out, almost mocking him.
Subaru's blush ran harder across his face as the duchess smirked cruelly after her decisive words were spoken.
"Dah!" The boy ran his hands over his reddened cheeks, embarrassed.
The duchess delighted at the sight for a moment but kept her gaze sharp on the boy.
"Don't tease someone like that! It's bad enough I have feelings for two girls, I don't want to seem like a hopeless nerd that falls for every girl that acts nice with him!"
"You haven't had many interactions with women, have you, Natsuki?" Crusch couldn't help but push mischievously while glancing at him with fake pity.
Subaru growled from embarrassment, "Not if all women were amazingly beautiful as they are here!"
"Nice try. I would be fawning right now had your face not turned into a weird red fruit." With an easy smirk, Crusch smoothly retorted without effort, enjoying Subaru's deep groan of embarrassment. Felix was onto something... teasing this boy was indeed very fun.
The red-faced boy took a few seconds to collect his breath and let his face cool down. After a few more for recollecting his nerves, Subaru sighed and turned to the amused lady with a serious expression. "So... What did you really want to talk about?"
"Oh?" Crusch raised a brow, "You think my excuse for the maid isn't the real topic of this conversation?"
"I don't think that was a secret, Crusch-sama." The boy sighed once again while stretching his arms.
"You seem calm," Crusch noted swiftly.
"Not really, I'm sweating like crazy under my suit. I just want to be done with this so... What's up, Crusch-sama?" He faced the princess with his back straightened, ready for whatever she wanted of him.
"Very well then," the duchess stared deeply into the boy's sharpened eyes. "I want to know why you are fighting on this battlefield tonight."
"Huh?" Subaru uttered, blinking rapidly.
"Pardon me for being so blunt, but I don't see why a man such as yourself would be here. After the humiliation you've received in the capital, could it be that you want to sort out your pride? Or is it that you want to win your camp leader's favor back?"
"A... man such as me?" Subaru uttered again without a comeback. His reaction was one of surprise and frozen shock.
Crusch felt bad saying all of this. The boy didn't seem like the type to care about such things, but the fact that there was something else he was striving towards and the fact that she didn't know what that was gave her all kinds of uncomfortable suspicions about the boy's motives.
"Why would a person with no power, status, or apparent talent be here of all places? What makes you strive for this fight?"
She noticed the way his body stiffened; signs of panic and shock showed all over him. The boy oozed fear at this moment... As if she was calling out a magnificent flaw he's made and triggering a life or death instinct in the boy.
But in his eyes, those dark circular black spots had emotion in them... Something deeply disturbing to the green-haired princess. It was something purely evil. Like a point of madness no man shall ever come back from.
Crusch became more firm in her belief that this boy was hiding something dangerous.
And in one second, the boy's entire mood changed. His scared-looking face dropped swiftly into a tired smile that held no happiness behind it.
"Man, Crusch-saaan~ You're really good at driving people into a corner." Subaru breathed heavily.
More interested than ever with regards to the boy, Crusch pressed on, more curious about why his state was so... empty. "I would've thought you were about to argue in many different ways with me."
"Yeah... I should've put more of a fight but I would rather not try to lie and risk being caught by your Diving Protection of Wind Reading. I need all the help I can get and lying to you is going to make me lose your trust."
Subaru looked up at the giant Tree with a small frown. "To be honest with you... I'm not cut out to be here. Not at all."
Crusch's eyes narrowed. "Then why are you here, Natsuki Subaru? What is it you try to achieve by fighting an impossible fight?"
"Crusch-sama... Do you... Do you think I'm leading you into a trap or something?" Subaru's voice quivered with offense, his expression portrayed as such at the noble lady.
"It is within the realm of possibility... "
His heart didn't drop at her answer, surprisingly. He focused his mind on registering the way the duchess was staring at him: straight and beautiful. A dangerous glare in her eyes that told him how important his next few sentences will be for the armored candidate.
"W-Why?" Subaru was on the back foot now. He had nothing but concentration and apprehension in his expression.
"Let me ask again, much clearer this time, Natsuki." Crusch's gaze did not falter one bit, keeping steady upon the black-haired youth before her. "Why are you here, even though your life is the most in danger out of everyone present, even though you've recently gotten shamed and degraded throughout the royal court, even though your own master abandoned you in my house's care. Why do you persist in fighting with us today?"
"Is that all you want...? To know why a weakling is fighting?" Subaru mouthed in confusion. Although his body was still and his heavy breathing had gone down, his eyes were more emotive as they remained glaring right through her with heavy bouts of hurt and bewilderment in them.
"I could be helping Emilia-tan's camp with this... I could be winning back favor with that clown Ros-chi... Maybe I just want my pride and name to be recognized to piss off that stick Julius... Why wouldn't any of these be valid for me to fight here, Crusch-sama?"
With every word, the confused boy seemed more set on an angry tone with the duchess. It was not her fault, he just didn't understand why she came here to ask such an easily answered question. He didn't feel right at all.
This did not feel right.
"What is it you really want, Crusch-sama? Why have you come here?"
Subaru's hands trembled. He wasn't dodging or facing her head-on with his answers... He simply did not want to remember the reason he fought tonight. His answer was simple, yet it came at the enormous cost of remembering burdensome memories.
He deserved to know what the royal Valkyrie before him truly wanted before he paid that price for his simple stupid answer.
"What is it I'm here fighting for? Well, what is it that makes you so interested as to corner me here for the answer, Crusch-sama?" The boy's growl did not mask his weak choke. The dam was clearly breaking.
The royal candidate simply raised her eyes to meet with his dilated ones; hers were filled with obscene amounts of determination.
"I had noticed it before... Ferris had warned me about this once. Even Wilhelm-dono made note of it once he returned to me after meeting with you on his own."
Subaru's own glaring eyes stared her down, his mouth was shut yet his fists were shaking.
"This is something I had noticed when meeting you myself. And I saw the clear masking you've placed on it just to make me entertain your negotiations that night. I did see it, but I had ignored it in favor of what you've offered to me."
Now, he was growing fearful. This all sounded so ominous and heavy.
"Natsuki Subaru... Why do you act as if you're mad?"
"Why do you act as if you've lost your mind?"
"H-Huh?" Subaru's jaw fell as he lost control over his facial muscles and eyelids from the sheer horror the question brought upon him.
The unrelenting duchess took it upon herself to break through to her final point of the question's meaning.
"Your eyes show a complete lack of apathy as if they've seen worse things than most hardened warriors can attest to. Your sudden actions and bewildering comments to either help yourself or help others are, at the most, out of place or a downright fall into lunacy."
"...?!"
"I have noticed the darkness behind your fake smiles during our negotiations. I've seen fear, anger, and horror behind all of your cheery smiles and confident promises. My Divine Protection may not detect you lying, but I can still see what's clear in your eyes, Natsuki Subaru. Why would a normal commoner such as yourself be concerned with my battle here tonight? Why is it that you seem to be hiding so much pain and evil behind your smile as if you've seen hell's door?"
This was it... Crusch's final point to her question and the final piece she had been missing to understand this enigma called Natsuki Subaru.
What was this darkness he saw? Why did he cram it all into his mind to the extent that it oozed from his glaring nasty eyes whenever he tried to numb the pain with a smile?
She saw it all. She noticed it in the boy. And when Felix questioned his trust in Subaru, Crusch's mind could not stop nagging her with the curious questions she had about the boy ever since she made the deal with him.
Even if he brought her the White Whale tonight, she would still need answers for what Subaru was hiding and why he was so fake whenever he tried to show confidence before her. Before everyone for that matter.
And now, as she waited for her answer to the query, Crusch finally started to notice something else in his sharp eyes. The madness was present in full force, but there was a new glint inside of the optics of the boy's soul...
He looked so lost of hope.
He was downright shattered.
"I-I had promised... Am I really this tainted...?"
"Everything Rem had said to me, the promises I made to both her and Emilia... All that I promised to do to save them... It won't mean anything if I'm gonna be asked the same question at the end."
"Why do I act insane..."
Why did this question spring up in a loop that hasn't even begun? Why must the highlight of his worst loop so far haunt him in such a way?
Did he really become so broken and so haunted that people will only look at him the same way that green-skinned walking corpse did?
His disgust with himself was so apparent already, did he really want to also appear this way to everybody around him? What if Emilia noticed his scars... Rem...
"Hm... Too direct, I suppose. But this reaction of his is certainly... worrying."
Crusch observed the sheer play of emotions that danced across the boy's face. He voiced words but they were all mumbled into a mess. She gave him a few seconds to stop his rambling and stand there with a rigid face, quiet.
And then he asked.
"Do you see me... as if I'm acting? Like I'm just not really... me?"
Crusch only gave a nod to the whispering question on the boy's lips.
She had noticed him... She had seen him try to shake off a horrible trauma with a fake smile or an exaggerated display of optimism many times since he came into her household. And her curiosity brought her here under the Tree right before the most important battle of her life just to understand what this boy was hiding all along.
It was a small wish she wanted to adhere to just to fully enter this battle without any small regrets. It was self-satisfaction that brought her here before this boy to ask him about a dirty secret that was clearly collapsing his mind from his facial expressions alone.
Crusch just wanted to understand the boy better because she simply felt like it. This was the butterfly's wing flap.
And Subaru's trembling fist was the storm.
"Of course I'm not me anymore..." Subaru seethed in anger.
Subaru was playing every detail to every death he had to endure to get here in his mind. He had to see horrors beyond anybody's imagination and had to spill his guts out to the world only to be rejected by the one he chose just because she wanted him to be better.
He promised Rem on that hill that he would save everybody, but that did not mean that his rage at both his weak self and the monsters that led him through so many bad ends was quelled.
He was broken. He was weak. He was dead but still alive.
And if people could still see that fact even though he tried his best to hide it... They could go fuck themselves. It was not his fault that he had bags underneath his tired eyes.
Amber-colored eyes narrowed on him, focusing until his trembling fists stopped so suddenly.
"Crusch-sama..." Subaru called in a surprisingly calm way. Crusch was bewildered that his entire demeanor changed so suddenly as if he found the best answer he can give to himself before anyone else.
The flames of her curiosity were stoked as the sharpened eyes of the boy looked up toward hers with no mask or caution behind them. She could see the raw despair yet horrific determination to fight back inside of Subaru's soul.
It was the most fascinating thing she had ever seen.
His eyes were filled with so much evil yet looked to be seeking impossible hope.
"Who is this man?" Crusch thought to herself in bewilderment as Subaru's entire expression turned into a darkened frown that showed his twisted side.
"Crusch-sama..." Subaru stepped forward, closer to her armored self than she had realized, staring at her with malice he was not directing towards her. "I am not acting mad... Even if you feel that I am faking my smiles. Even if I don't like myself at all. Even if I am a failure in every sense of the word... I am not a mad man. And I will prove this to all of you."
"What are you...?" Crusch could not finish her confused question as the boy's rambling stopped for one second. His face held a small, pathetic smile of sincerity.
"I'm not the way he saw me anymore. I'm not that useless as to sit down and watch every bad thing happen while doing nothing but cry about it. I made a promise to Rem. I made it to myself." The boy's hand held onto his shirt as he grasped at it, his knuckles whitening.
"What was that promise?" She found herself being more than confused at his wording and his weird rambling. But she could not deny that his eyes never looked more hopeful than they did at this sudden change of his. It was riling her own determination up.
"I promised to save them all."
The Valkyrie's breath hitched for one moment as she stared into the pools of darkness that held such powerful hope and will.
Subaru's smile erased her doubts as it was not the overconfident one that she was used to from his fakings... It was a small, weak, tired smile that was not noteworthy to anyone but herself. Because this smile was so real. She was now seeing the pure version of Subaru's mentality in a single smile. A weak soul that was trying its best to grow through something very dark.
And Subaru's depression and despair was the darkness to his smile and soul.
And yet he kept it firm, he kept it genuine. Real.
Finally, she saw him for who he is.
Just a depressed kid with such a powerful spirit to make things right.
"I'm going to be better, you see. I have people that need me on the other side of these fields, Crusch-sama! I must do this for them... for myself."
She remained silent, watching as Subaru weakly raised his fist in the air and pointed his finger to the sky in such an endearing pose.
"I am Natsuki Subaru, Emilia's self-proclaimed knight, and I want you to trust me because I need all the help I can get to be better, Crusch-sama!"
And before the stunned duchess could say anything, his pointed finger suddenly dropped pointing towards her as he moved his arm down.
"I need to be better than a mad man because a mad man can not be Rem's or anybody's hero!"
Crusch was more than shocked by the answer she had received.
It did not show on him but her Divine Protection did not activate once during his whole stunt.
She had to admit it, he was more endearing when he wasn't faking being happy. Even if he was depressed and haunted as he clearly showed.
"So interesting..."
Beneath the Great Tree's shadow, because of her curiosity to learn more about this ever so endearing boy, a declaration was given to her when she didn't even expect it.
Crusch Karsten was even more curious about this boy that seemed so out of this world of hers.
"... You shouldn't be nervous about me, Crusch-sama."
Softly, he spoke. His smile showed her genuine sincerity and friendliness.
"You can trust that I want the same thing as you... I want to save everyone from undeniable evil as well!"
As he gave her a reassuring thumbs-up, the duchess couldn't help but feel confident to snort at his words. "While it is a somewhat charming idea, I can't help but be ashamed to disappoint you, Natsuki Subaru. I am not here to be a hero. I'm simply doing what I must to achieve absolute victory in the Royal selection. You mustn't act as if I'm leading these people to their deaths for nothing."
"Is that why you are so paranoid tonight, Crusch-sama?"
"...?"
Subaru held a gaze of reassurance and comfort in his eyes as he finally seemed to latch on to what the duchess was truly worrying about.
"You think that this expedition is simply you using all of us to achieve some petty votes?"
"It's a simple way to say that... But yes."
She did not look the slightest bit ashamed in admitting this.
Crusch expected a glare or some anger to surface upon his sharp eyes as an answer. Or that he'd start giving her words of encouragement and chivalry just to be nice to her like Felix and Wilhelm.
But she only had a slight chuckle from the boy before her... And it turned into full-blown laughter.
"What...?" Crusch couldn't help but mutter while glaring at the jesting boy before her with annoyance.
"Crusch-sama~... You're an idiot as well, huh?"
"Excuse me?" the offended duchess couldn't help but sound out.
Subaru met her with a slight smirk of his own.
"You have us here to help you... Not because we follow you, but because we all want this thing gone too."
The Karsten royal couldn't help but let the words sink into her heart.
"We are taking this overpowered fish down because every single one of us has suffered from its existence. Wilhelm-san, the old knights, the merchants that lost family and precious cargo from the fog's constant terror."
Subaru's hand flinched back into a fist as he remembered what this frightening beast did to him in the past loops.
"The madness it has caused, the horrible effect its fog has had on loved ones and family all across the world."
She couldn't help but stay silent as she witnessed Subaru's face contort into a deep glare of determination.
"Don't you dare say that we are your responsibility. Each of us made it here to avenge our own and get our own self-satisfaction achieved. Don't take us as mere regrets you are gonna have to bear after we take down the Whale."
Crusch couldn't describe the feeling of ease the boy's words placed on her heart. She couldn't help but stare at him silently as he extended his fist to her with an excited smirk.
"Yeah, we are here to fight with you. Not for you. So get off your high horse and lead us to victory, Crusch-sama. We got stuff to do after we are done."
Although rude and obnoxious his words may be, especially towards a respected royal of her degree, Crusch found herself grinning from ear to ear. Her worries and stiff lamenting were finally put down by this blubber-mouth's rude statement to her.
"My my, you truly don't know when to shut up, Natsuki Subaru."
Happy to see her smiling and trusting him enough to drop her hardened tone into a friendly grateful one, Subaru rubbed his head with a sheepish smile filled with relief.
"What can I say, it's one of the only abilities I have in this world."
Chuckling at that, Crusch found herself endeared to bump her own gloved fist into his, grinning confidently and feeling more trustful towards the boy than she had been across this entire night.
"Then I thank you for your kind words, Natsuki Subaru. It helped ease a lot of the trouble in my heart. I shall repay you someday."
"As I said, you're doing us all a huge favor kicking this Whale's butt. And besides, comforting a friend is a responsibility that must be taken seriously!"
"A friend...?"
Subaru's easy smile turned sheepish once more, "Yeah. I'd like to think of us as pretty good friends. I mean we are going to be battling a four-hundred-year-old fish that flies like a plane soon... Why not have a friend by your side while doing it."
For some reason... The duchess found herself feeling delighted with this. Ever since she was little, the prospect of having friends was always a cautionary choice. Many friends could end up using her for her name or connections so she was taught to be distrustful of anyone not close to her own bloodline.
But she must admit that beneath this Tree... she might've found a truly wonderful friend.
"Alright then," Crusch's grin grew wide with happiness as she accepted the boy's feelings delightfully. "Let us go...", her foot turned on the grass and she began walking past the boy towards the front line where her army stood, "... and see how good of a bait you are."
Subaru couldn't help but turn rigid at the mischievous tone Crusch used with that last statement.
"M-Man, you really need to learn how to joke with your friends, Crusch-sama." Subaru laughed nervously as he couldn't help but imagine what she had just implied.
"Mh-hmm. And you need to learn how to talk better with beautiful ladies, Natsuki Subaru."
"...Ghk!"
The duchess continued to walk towards her troop with a delighted smirk. She was sure that if she had turned around, she'd find a stuttering red-faced mess of a boy that was oh so adorable and oh so fun to mess with.
Her newest friend and ally.
"Your words, Natsuki. Not mine~". The duchess teased one final time without turning back as she had reached the front of the Tree. She could take pride in the small frustrated groan of embarrassment the boy let out behind her.
Yes. Felix was more than correct about playing with him. It was indeed fun.
"I do wonder... What is a plane?"
Will will... this is my newest one yet. I hope you enjoy it.
The reason why this story exists is because Felix decided to open his mouth and cause Crusch to be a bit suspicious of Subaru before the fight. The rest happens naturally. :)
Special thanks to TheColourPurple123 on FF .net for Beta reading and helping me expand my writing. Go check his stories out, I recommend "Pride's Greed"