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3RD POV
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"Who the fu- who are you?"
It was on a highly irritated Toji that we begin this chapter.
The annoyed dad was currently sitting on the ground across from a smiling Colith who had a pleased Megumi in her arms.
Earlier that evening, he had tried to separate his son from her, though he didn't expect to suffer his first ever defeat from a baby of all things. The brat adamantly refused to let go and even started wailing which highly irritated him. He had no other choices but to leave the kid with her.
The worst part was the smug smile the bitch had the audacity to give him. Only the small table, where some warm green tea that had appeared out of nowhere, surely her doing, separated them.
"Oya~? you don't seem in a good mood my guy...you good?" She cooed in a fake worried voice that caused a vein to throb on his forehead, struggling to remain calm.
"You're still alive, I see. How did you get here?" He clenched his jaw tightly and decided to ignore the tone she used. She quirked a brow before looking down at the baby in her arms.
She stroked the boy's pink chubby cheek affectionately, drawing the cherub's attention toward her. Megumi glanced up at her with big malachite eyes.
"Hey Gumi, Imma drop you in your crib so I can talk to your daddy, we'll be quick!", she announced in a soft tone, surprising Toji who raised a brow, intrigued. The boy gurgled, displaying his gums in a smile.
Colith beamed, "ight! I'll be right back!" she got up which earned her a harsh scowl from Toji, causing the air to tense. "What? you'd rather scare the living crap out of your kid with your face? Cause you're hella terrifying right now, haha!", Toji almost got up to throw hands but stopped when he heard a whimper from his kid.
He eventually sighed, controlling himself so as not to further frighten the snot whose large innocent eyes were glued to him.
"Scram." He reluctantly grunted, watching the pest disappear in the hallway with his son before coming back a few minutes later without the cherub.
Colith chuckled, amused by the icy glares she was receiving before plopping in front of the man, unmoved by the clear hostility he exuded.
"Eh, must be quite confused, right Toji?"
His eye twitched because of the casual way she addressed him. He usually didn't care about honorifics, still, it somehow pissed him off.
"Why the hell is lil old me still alive and kicking after being beheaded and all the jazz", she lazily waved a hand, "How the heck did I manage to survive against The Gojo Satoru...hm hm yep"
Nodding, she crossed her arms, pretending to think very seriously about it before suddenly raising her head to stare at him.
"I have absolutely no idea! Haha!"
The silence that followed her statement was so heavy that they could both hear Megumi making baby noises in his room.
"You're fucking starting to-"
"Okay okay! More seriously, I'm kind of a goddess! But I ain't into the god complex shit so no worries! " She raised her arms in defense.
...
"Ha?"
"To be honest, I got thrown here without my consent! So it actually wasn't my fault ya feel?", she put her chin on her hand. Toji was about to snap but she went on, "And how fucking surprised was I when they told me to save your ass- and no I ain't tellin' you shit 'bout them- anyway, I did what they said which meant saving your ass from dying- because yes you were supposed to say bye-bye to life today but I happened, so you're welcome." She finished, casually checking her nails.
Toji deadpanned.
"Are you fucking high?"
She groaned, exasperated by his comment before throwing him a nasty look.
"As crazy as it sounds it's the truth dude. Didn't you ask yourself why I don't have any cursed energy but still managed to get out of Gojo's attack unharmed?" She expectantly tapped the table with a finger while sipping tea.
She had generously offered some to him but he kindly told her to fuck off and die in a pit.
"Ah yea, the one you fought earlier was just a clone, so yeah." she shrugged.
His eyes widened in surprise. The one he was struggling to fight and get rid of was just a mere clone? To say that he was puzzled would be an understatement. If the clone was strong enough to evade his attacks...what about the original who was casually sipping tea just in front of him? Was she truly what she said she was? It seemed so... The scarred man gulped slightly.
'She’s dangerous...'
As if hearing his thoughts, Colith chuckled, snapping him out of them.
"Anyway! Seems like Gumi likes me~ and since you don't seem to always be there to take care of him, let me—"
"No."
"Whaaaat?! Why not?!" she whined in disbelief to Toji's annoyance. "The baby likes me! Plus the girl who was here earlier left after I gave her a hefty sum of money! What do you think would've happened if it was- I dunno, one of those Zenin bastards or something?" She gasped suddenly, faking shock.
Alright, she had a point. But how the hell does she know about—
Sure, he was furious that his son might have been taken from him behind his back if one of his former clan members had discovered his position, the fact that a complete stranger, if not a dangerous person had managed to enraged him.
At least If it was just the clan, he'd just have to go there, wreak havoc and retrieve his son. But if the creature before him had another motive, he could've lost the boy to her without a chance of finding him again.
Not knowing what to do exactly at this point, Toji pinched the bridge of his nose.
"You won't leave even if I say no, won't you?"
The amount of annoyance radiating from him made the woman cackle as she casually made a cookie appear out of thin air before messily nibbling on it, purposely irritating the already fuming dad.
"Hehe, yup buddy! Even if you're a bastard for not thanking and thinking about selling me to your clan of lunatics, baby Gumi is too cute to be left without a dad, so meh."
She truthfully stated, making the man's eyes soften just a little.
"I know this isn't to your liking but the other nannies were just here for the money and well...", she trailed off, looking pointedly at him which caused him to raise an eyebrow in question.
She gasped in shock.
"What?! Don't act like you didn't notice! You're the personification of a Dilf, Toji! A DILF!!" He just blinked at the bold comments she was spewing before a sly smirk graced his features.
"Oh~? Is that so?" he leaned slightly forward, chin resting on his calloused hand which caused Colith to lean backward because of their face's proximity. He didn't fail to notice the red taint on her cheeks this time. "Isn't that why you're here?"
The woman blinked a few times to clear out her thoughts before her face scrunched up in disgust.
"Ew no what the fuck bro, I ain't into that and I don't even know you yet! True that you got that dashing good look, that the mommy milkers are top-notch, AND how terrifyingly handsome but scary you are at the same time, Nope! I was just sent here to save your ass or somethin', nothing more!"
lies.
She swiftly brought her hands together, adopting a Gendo Ikari pose while seriously looking at him as if she didn't just straight-up hit on him. The scarred man wondered if she was right in the head, probably not.
'She just straight-up admitted I was attractive, what an odd one...' He hummed, anger long since forgotten. After a moment of consideration, and knowing that she wouldn't, unfortunately, back down anytime, Toji gave up.
"Goddammit...Alright, you'll take care of the brat when I'm out, but don't even think about getting paid since it was your idea. I'll call you when needed, so leave your phone number or something and get the hell out of my house." He stared at her attentively, waiting for a reaction.
"YUS! Imma make Gumi the happiest baby in the world!!!" she started swaying like a child who got what they wanted for Christmas before suddenly freezing which caught his attention.
His eyes narrowed in suspicion.
'I don't like where this is going..'
"Ano...Toji-kun..." she started while awkwardly massaging her nape, faking coughs. Toji didn't like it one bit. "I was wondering...can I be your room-"
"Absolutely not." he stood up, quickly walking to the front door and opened it wide as she followed him while whining loudly. "Get the fuck out."
"Aw ! Man I've never been to Japan so I don't know where the hell to go!"
Funnily enough, the dipshit (that's how she refers to the Messenger) told her she'll be able to speak and understand any languages she'd hear. This, however, wasn't something Toji knew since he scoffed, not believing her one bit.
"Bullshit! How the hell are you even speaking Japanese if you never came here in the first place?!", he folded his burly arms, daring her to refute his accusations.
"Man I don't even know?! But that's not the question! I'll pay you a monthly allowance if you let me stay, I swear!" This made him perk up a bit though he quickly schooled his features. But it wasn't quick enough since Colith noticed and gave him a sly look.
"Come on big guy!" she nudged his arm with her elbow, "I'll even be the one to buy groceries and all the stuff so you won't need to spend a yen! Think about it, you got yourself a goddess nanny for free who is willing to take care of your son while you're out there doing whatever you uh..." she made a hand gesture, not actually knowing what his job consisted of, "...do out there yeah! Isn't that a great deal?"
His eyes narrowed in full distrust as he slapped her elbow away. "Are you fucking trying to strike a binding vow, now?"
"The fuck is tha... ? Oh that...thought only curses could do it, but no! not at all!", she quickly denied, "I just want to take care of Megumi actually." She scratched her cheek, sheepish. "He's a cute kid...unlike someone..." and muttered, causing him to scowl, slightly offended by the remark.
"Why the hell are you so obsessed with my son anyway?" With the door still open, some neighbors walking in the corridors politely greeted him. He merely nodded back a greeting as they threw curious glances at the foreign woman. She kindly waved in their direction, making some of them blush while they hurriedly used the stairs before she looked up at the awaiting man in front of her with a serious expression.
"There are things that I know and would like to avoid. Your death for example was one of them and thank god I made it in time..." she started explaining as the man got genuinely curious, "I just wanted to spare the lil guy some pain 'cause, y'know...things are going to go south at some points. And I still have no idea when I'll go back so...I just want to help while I can..." she had a solemn look which quickly disappeared at her next words, "Even if that means taking care of a cute little baby, Allah, have you seen his chubby cheeks?! They're so soft-", she started squealing like a high school girl. Rolling his eyes, Toji flicked her forehead, making her squeak in surprise.
The guy really had a rough day. He murdered a bunch of people, killed a star plasma vessel or some shit, almost died, and met a supposed goddess who he tried to murder but- surprise! He can't! And now he found out that the bitch just wants to take care of his baby son who seemed to like her. And the worst thing about this was that he knew she was telling the truth thanks to his sharp senses and was about to agree, just to keep the boy safe from the clan. Oh, and he'll get a lot of cash too so it didn't seem too bad actually...
After a long moment of silence, while the woman curiously watched him in thought, he finally sighed in defeat.
"You sleep on the couch." Toji finally said, begrudgingly closing the door before walking past the dumbfounded woman.
"YUS!! YOU WON'T REGRET IT, GIANT GUY!!" She cheered while doing a weird victory dance before zooming to Megumi's room, eager to see the little guy. Toji groaned before collapsing on the couch, already regretting his decision.
'This is going to be exhausting...'
At least Megumi seems to like her, and he'll get money from her even though he has no clue where she was gonna get it...
'if everything goes right, I'll be able to go to work without worrying about the kid...'
He clicked his tongue in displeasure.
'Is this some kind of karma for all the murders...?'
A feminine voice snapped him out of his moping.
"Oh yeah hum, what's today's date please?" the new parasite popped her head out of the door frame. Scowling, Toji turned to her with a raised eyebrow. He could just ignore her, he was petty like that, but he decided to humor her.
"4th of August, why?"
"Yeah, but what year exactly?" she insisted eliciting a growl out of him.
"Are you dumb? 2004 What the hell is wrong with you?"
He paused when he saw the shell-shocked look the bitch had on her face before he heard her complain about things called 'Youtube' or 'insta..gram...?'. Toji didn't even try to comprehend whatever the heck the lunatic was yapping about because the poor guy was done with this bullshit.
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Remember when I said I wouldn't write long ass chapters?
I lied.
(Rewritten)