The sun shone high in the sky the following day, and Rick still hadn't woken up. Michonne had come back from beyond the wall soon after I knocked Rick out and immediately jumped into her constable role. She sat beside me in her uniform, leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed as we watched Rick. I must have punched him hard to be out cold this long. It's funny; I told him once that I would never hit him, and what did I do? I struck him so hard that he hasn't been able to regain consciousness. Things change, as do people. I've tried so hard to constantly be by his side and support him through everything, even when he's wrong. I see the error in my ways now. I see how far gone he is, and I can't continue to support him if he continues this way. He's actively putting us at risk, and I can't allow that anymore. Michonne tapped my leg and stood up with a sigh, her lips in a tight line as she walked past me and out the front door of the jail we were sitting in.
My hand ached, a dull, sharp pain occasionally shooting down my knuckles when I clenched and unclenched it. I might've dislocated one of my knuckles, but I'm betting on the bones being sore. I sat forward and rubbed my face, wiping away the stress, anger, and exhaustion from my features. I watched him as he remained unconscious all night, playing all the different scenarios in my head.
After the altercation, Carol came to me and told me that she had told Rick about Pete and Jessie, telling him that Pete had to die. I couldn't argue with Carol because I wanted to do the same thing when I found out. If Glenn hadn't come when he did that day, I probably would've stormed the house and murdered him in front of his wife. I couldn't deny it—it hurt that they were fighting because of Jessie, and I tried my best to understand it, but I couldn't help the gnawing jealousy chewing away at me. Finally, a chuckle snapped me out of my thoughts, bringing me back to reality as I watched Rick shift in his bed behind bars.
"What's so funny?" I snapped, my rage returning as I watched him sit up. He groaned and threw himself back onto his mattress, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Good, I hope his head hurts.
"You were here the whole time?" Rick asked, looking at me with squinty eyes. I rose to my feet and crossed my arms in front of my chest.
"All night," I muttered, "What's so funny, Grimes?" Rick sat up again, his hand rubbing his bandaged face.
"It's like the train car," Rick breathed, shifting his back against the wall, "After the whole thing, I'm still there." I huffed and moved closer to the bars, somewhat pleased to see him locked up. He deserves it after how he's acted.
"Serves you right to be locked up in here." I said, keeping the angry tone in my voice, "Rosita patched you up. Carl and Selena came by for a while. I sent them home," I approached the bars and sighed, "Rick, what the fuck are you doing?" Rick placed his arms on his knees and looked at me, his head shaking lightly, "You'll be glad to know that we put Pete in another house,"
"June," Rick groaned as he rubbed the side of his head, "It all happened so fast. And then Noah." I frowned at him but continued to stare him down. I need answers, and I'll be damned if I let him off easily, "I couldn't tell you about the gun,"
"And why not?" I snapped as I started to pace in front of the bars. It hurts that he feels like he can't tell me things, but I can't linger on that right now.
"Baby, you wanted this place," I looked at him and scoffed, my fist balling painfully.
"Don't 'baby' me, Rick Grimes," I sneered at him, "We had to stop being out there!" Rick bowed his head and shook it, his face contorted in pain.
"Well, we're here," Rick grumbled.
"Well," I mocked, "You just said you weren't," The door opened beside us, letting the light flow into the room. Rick groaned and shielded his eyes as Glenn, Carol, Michonne, and Abraham entered the room. "Where'd you get the gun?" I asked him, not expecting a genuine answer.
"You took it, right?" Carol asked, "That was stupid. Why did you do it?" I looked at her and scowled. She needs to stop pretending to be an innocent party here! I know she and Daryl have been meeting with Rick since we arrived.
"Drop it, Carol," I snapped my fiery gaze on her, "Don't act innocent, and don't pin this all on Rick," I watched as she clenched her jaw, "I'm not stupid. Don't think I don't know about the three of you,"
"June—" Rick tried. I turned my attention back to him and took another step forward, my hands gripping the bars tightly. My knuckles screamed at me to stop, but I tightened my grip.
"Don't start," I snapped at him, "You're in enough trouble as it is, and I don't think you're in any place to try talking your way out of it, Grimes," Glenn approached me and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, trying to get me to step away from the cell.
"Deanna's going to have a meeting tonight. For anyone who wants to," Glenn informed the rest of us. I had known that Deanna would want to talk about what happened yesterday, and I wouldn't be surprised if she wanted him out.
"To kick Rick out?" Abraham asked.
"To try," Carol answered, her jaw still clenched.
"We don't know that," Glenn argued, his eyes on me, "Maggie's with Deanna right now,"
"She'll find out," I nodded, not tearing my gaze from the battered man behind bars.
"At the meeting," Carol started, "You say you were worried about someone being abused, and no one was doing anything about it. You say you took a gun just to be sure that Jessie was safe from a man who wound up attacking you. You say you'll do whatever you want them to—just tell them the story they want to hear." Carol looked at me with wary eyes, "It's what I've been doing since I got here." I shook my head and looked at my feet, fed up with all these lies and fronts.
"Why?" Michonne asked as she sat down on the chair behind me.
"Because these people are children and children like stories," Carol replied with a shrug.
"What happens after the nice words run out, and they still try to kick him out?" Abraham asked. I am so angry that I might just let them exile Rick without batting an eye.
"They're guarding the armory now," Glenn stated.
"We still have knives," Carol crossed her arms in front of her chest, "That's all we'll need against them,"
"Well, tonight, at the meeting, if things look like they're bad, I'll whistle. Carol grabs Deanna. I take Spencer. June grabs Reg, and Glenn and Abraham cover us, watch the crowd," I looked up at Rick in complete disbelief. What is going on here?! I'm not going to take part in overthrowing this community!
"We can talk to them," Michonne argued from behind me. I could almost feel the daggers she was glaring at Rick.
"Yeah, we will," Rick snapped, "If we can't get through, we take the three of them and say we'll slit their throats." I shook my head and stepped back, not recognizing the man in front of me. He can't be serious about this!
"No," I exclaimed, my eyes wide in horror, "Are you stupid?" My voice started getting louder and louder as I continued, "If you do this, how would that make us any better than the people we've fought in the past?" I looked around the room, "How does this make us any better than those monsters at Terminus? Or the Governor?" The room remained quiet as they stared at me, "You wanted this all along, didn't you, Rick?"
"No," Rick answered, not meeting my eyes. I looked up at the ceiling and fought back the urge to punch him again, "I didn't. I've hit my limit. I—I screwed up," Yeah, tell me about it, "and here we are," I balled my fist again and clenched my jaw, storming out of the room. I can't be in there with him. I can't be near him without wanting to knock a few of his teeth out. If Deanna wants to exile Rick, let her!
~*~
I stabbed the nearest walker, the blood coating my hand and the front of my shirt as I toppled down on top of it. Maggie is going to take care of this mess—it's for the best. They'll see me as biased if I try fighting this. I climbed off the walker and wiped my blade off its shirt; my face contorted in disgust. Around me was a small mass of walkers—all dead and all with W's carved on their heads. I figured this would be a better way of taking out my anger than storming up to Rick and beating the daylights out of him. I wish Daryl were here so I could apologize and vent to him. I walked a few paces forward and paused, breathing heavily as I reflected on everything that had happened these past two days.
I understand these people are weak and don't understand how the world works now. Trust me, I want to show them how it works, but Rick's way isn't right. We can't threaten these people and force ourselves on them. That's the best way to become a dictatorship. I thought we were done being a dictatorship. The gnawing feeling in my stomach kept bothering me, and I thought it was jealousy, but now I know. I know it's guilt for wishing this would eventually happen. I didn't want to acknowledge it or anything—I didn't want to be a monster. I don't want to be someone who takes from people—from innocent people. I've fought so hard to keep what little I had from before—I don't want to be this new June... not one that terrorizes people. I bit my lip and wiped at my eyes, refusing to cry anymore. I just wish Rick would have talked to me about all this—We could've found a way to do this together.
~*~
The house was quiet when I entered, my lips pursing slightly as my eyes settled on Michonne's uniformed figure. She gripped her glass loosely as she took a sip of water, her brown eyes on me. I gave her a curt nod and started to ascend the steps, curious if Rick was home now. The meeting would start soon, and Michonne was curious if she should escort him.
I brushed my hands off my bloodied tank top and pushed through the master bedroom door. My heart hammered as I saw Rick sitting on the bed in new, clean clothes. He was hunched over with his back towards me and muttered small nothings to himself as he rubbed his temples. I stepped forward and cleared my throat, making my presence known. Rick turned quickly, his blue eyes softening as he realized it was just me. His lips turned downwards as he took in my appearance, his brows furrowing.
"You went out there?" Rick questioned, even though he already knew the answer. I nodded and removed my tank top, discarding it for one of Rick's button-ups. Rick sighed heavily and shifted towards me, his blue eyes on the floor as he spoke, "Carol, Daryl, and me... we worked it out together," I finished with the last of the buttons and leaned against the wall, my arms crossing in front of my chest, "Carol took three guns from the armory. I still have one; she still has one." I didn't have it in me to be angry anymore or to feel left out. I felt numb.
"We lied to you—well, we tried to lie to you," Rick lightly smiled, "because I wasn't sure how you'd take it, what you'd do," Rick reached behind him and produced another gun, his arm extending towards me as he tried to hand it to me. I let out a shaky sigh, finally coming to terms with all these conflicting emotions I've had since we arrived. I'm hurt because they didn't come to me and tell me what they were planning, and I'm conflicted because I know that I would've tried to help them if they had come out and told me from the beginning. I would've tried to find another way to do this, but I would've helped. I looked at Rick's bandaged face and pushed off the wall, brushing back a few strands of hair that fell on my face.
"What makes you think I would have tried to stop you?" I questioned, keeping my voice low. Rick lowered his arm and let it fall on the bed next to him, the gun held loosely.
"Well, you did hit me over the head," Rick said, rubbing the darkening spot on his head. I uncrossed my arms and stood tall before him, still not feeling guilty about hitting him. He deserved it at the time.
"Well, you were acting crazy," I explained, recalling how animalistic he behaved. Rick pushed off the bed and stood before me, his hands fidgeting at his sides.
"I was afraid you'd talk me out of it," Rick breathed, his warm hands grabbing me by my upper arms and squeezing gently, "You could've," I gave him the smallest of smiles and shook my head, realizing how stupid all this was. Instead of focusing on the now, we're too worried about things that might never even happen.
"Within these walls, we don't need them," I said, referring to the weapons and the fear we held in our hearts. I grabbed his hands from my arms and lowered them, interlocking our fingers in between us, "You're a good man, Rick, and I know you'll find a way—we will find a way," I looked deeply into his eyes and smiled as all my love for him flooded my whole being. He needs to release this fear he has. We're safe here. This place has stood for a long time, and they haven't been attacked and overrun yet, and now that we're here, it'll never be. "And if we don't... I'm here. I'm with you." Rick smiled and pulled me into him, his arms winding around my waist. I kissed his shoulder gently, looked up at him, and met his eyes again, "Don't make things happen. It'll play out on its own," I nodded.
We stood there for a while, embracing one another in complete silence, when a knock interrupted us. I pulled away from Rick and smiled at Michonne as she stood in the doorway, her eyes studying us.
"Don't be too long," She smiled and started to walk away. I looked back at Rick and gave him a small smile before racing out the door and catching up to Michonne.
"You really are a lion tamer," Michonne whispered as we exited the house. I let a chuckle escape me and shook my head, remembering how Abraham once said the same thing.
"Let's go make sure Rick doesn't get exiled," I smiled, interlocking our arms as we walked towards Deanna's house.
~*~
"She's seriously thinking about exiling him if the community agrees," Maggie informed Michonne and me as we stood in a private gathering in the furthest corner of the backyard. We were at Deanna's house in the backyard, and the sun had set a while ago. A fire burned brightly in the middle, and people chatted quietly amongst one another, alienating all of us who came two weeks ago. Jessie sat by the fire with a black eye, her gaze constantly returning to me. What's her deal?
"We won't let that happen," Michonne whispered. I nodded and stuffed my hands in my pockets, shielding them from the cold. Rick still had yet to come by, and Glenn was nowhere to be found.
"I tried my best to talk her out of it," Maggie whispered, her eyes on me, "She insisted—" I shook my head, cutting her off.
"You did what you could," I said with a small smile, "Let's just see what happens,"
"Worst case scenario," A new voice whispered beside us. I turned and smiled at Jacob as he took his spot next to Michonne, "They decide to exile Rick, and we're all back out there on our asses."
"You know if that happens, you guys don't have to follow," I muttered, watching Deanna shift in her spot at the front.
"I know that if Rick's exiled, you're leaving too," Jacob murmured, "We're family. Families stick together," I smiled at him and paid attention as Deanna started to speak, informing us that we're gonna get started.
"Can we wait for a little longer?" Maggie spoke up, "We're not all here. Glenn and Rick—"
"It's already dark," Deanna interrupted, looking over everyone, "We're going to talk about what happened. Not the fight. Not what precipitated it. We're dealing with that," I crossed my arms in front of my chest and took a deep breath, feeling a bit anxious, "We're going to talk about one of our constables, Rick Grimes." I looked around, not being able to locate Rick, and frowning. Why isn't he here yet?
"We're going to talk about how he had a pistol he stole from the armory, about how he pointed it at people, and we're going to talk about what he said," Deanna let her eyes pause on me, her lips turning downwards, "I was hoping he'd be here,"
"He said he's coming," I spoke up, hopeful that Rick would make an appearance.
"I'm sure he'll be here," Carol nodded as she looked at Deanna, maintaining her annoying, innocent act, "And I'm sure we can work this all out." What if they do decide to send Rick packing? Of course, I'll go with him, but can I expose my children to the outside again? I'd want them to stay here, but Carl and Selena would want to come with us.
"You don't know what it's like," I said, startling myself, "You don't know what it's like to be out there for as long as we have. It's hard." All eyes were on me as I spoke, "We were out there for so long – we've seen things, we've done things that you couldn't even imagine—all so we could live another day." I swallowed the lump in my throat as I looked around, "After all we've done, it's hard to just snap out of it. Rick just wants his family to live. He wants all of you to live. All of you – " I paused and looked at Deanna, "You'd be lucky to be like Rick." Carol looked at me and gave me the smallest of smiles before standing up, her blanket clutched tightly.
"Rick Grimes saved my life over and over," She began, a shadow of a smile on her lips, "There are terrifying people out there, and he rescued me from them," I watched as she looked around, "People like me, people like us need people like him." So maybe her façade will benefit us after all, "I know what happened last night was scary, and I'm sure he's sorry for that. But maybe we should listen to what he was saying." Abraham shifted from where he stood and leaned over a knee, his eyes scanning the crowd before him as he figured it was his time to speak.
"Simply put," Abraham started, "There's a vast ocean of shit that you people don't know shit about," He pointed at me, his eyes sparkling as the fire spit out some embers, "Rick and June know every fine grain of said shit," Why is he including me? This is about Rick! "And then some." I shifted awkwardly as some of the gazes came onto me.
"My father was a good man. He respected Rick Grimes," Maggie began, diverting the attention to her, "Rick is a father, too. He's a man with a good heart who feels the things he does, the things he has to do. And all of us who were together before this place, no matter when we found each other, we're family now." I smiled at her words and silently agreed with her. We may fight and not want to speak to one another at times, but we are a family. Sure, we're not blood family, but we're the family that we chose. "Rick helped start that, and you won't stop it. You can't, and you don't want to." Maggie looked around, her hands stuffed in her pockets, "This community. You people—that family. You want to be a part of it too." I wrapped an arm around Maggie and held her close, a smile across my lips. She's right. These people should want to be a part of our family, too.
"Before anyone else speaks," Deanna stated, walking towards the middle, "I would like to share something in the spirit of transparency. Father Gabriel came to see me the day before yesterday," I felt my heart still in my chest and fear prick at my nerves, "He said our new arrivals can't be trusted, that they were dangerous, that they would put themselves before this community." I felt anger soar in my heart. I should go down to the church and beat the man! "And not one day later, Rick seemed to demonstrate all the things Father Gabriel said." I clenched my fist, ignoring the screaming pain within my knuckles as I tried to contain my rage.
"I had hoped Gabriel would be here tonight," Deanna continued. I was about to open my mouth, but Jessie beat me to the punch.
"I don't see him here, Deanna," Jessie said, "So you're just saying what someone said. Did you tape him?" I may not like the woman, but damn, I wanted to rush up to her and hug her for sticking up for Rick—for us.
"He's not here," I reaffirmed, looking at Deanna.
"Neither is Rick," She retorted.
I watched Deanna step aside and let some of the community speak, each saying the same thing repeatedly. They felt like they needed to keep their families safe; they felt like they weren't safe with Rick Grimes behind these walls. After a while, I tuned them all out, tired of hearing the same concerns. Can't someone bring up a new problem? I would even be happy to hear someone come up with some lie and say that all of us are breaking into their homes and stealing their shit or something. Finally, Tobin stood up to speak, repeating what everyone had been saying for the last twenty minutes when footsteps behind us caught my attention.
Rick appeared, his face and clothes completely covered in blood. A walker was slung across his shoulder, motionless. Rick took another step forward and threw the body to the ground, prompting all the softies of the community to take a step back and gasp as they looked at the rotted face. Rick was breathing heavily, looking like he had just returned from a marathon as he pointed at the body.
"There wasn't a guard on the gate," Rick explained, his breathing still heavy, "It was open." I stuffed my hands in my pockets and refrained from smiling. Imagine if we weren't here? They'd be fucked.
"I asked Gabriel to close it," Spencer quickly defended. Deanna looked up at her son with anger in her eyes.
"Go," She spat, watching her son run towards the gate. I reverted my attention to Rick, my teeth finding my lower lip.
"I didn't bring it in," Rick continued, "it got inside on its own. They always will—the dead and the living, because we're in here. And the ones out there... they'll hunt us. They'll find us. They'll try to use us. They'll try to kill us." I looked around and stiffened, noticing a dark figure by the gate, "But we'll kill them. We'll survive. June and I can show you how. But, you know, I was thinking—I was thinking, how many of you do I have to kill to save your lives?"
I felt my heart beat furiously as the figure took a hesitant step forward, still covered by the darkness, "But I'm not going to do that. You're gonna change. I'm not sorry for what I said last night. I'm sorry for not saying it sooner. You're not ready, but you have to be." I tuned him out as the figure gained courage, finally stepping out of the dark. I reached for my knife and hissed, realizing I had left it back at the house. What a stupid rookie mistake! Pete came out of the darkness, his face badly bruised.
"You're not one of us!" Pete screamed, holding Michonne's sword. Reg raced forward and held his hands out, trying to calm the angry, abusive man down. I leaped forward, stepping in front of the people as I examined the angry man. Reg took another step forward, trying to push Pete away so they could talk. Still blinded by anger, Pete put both hands on his chest and pushed, slicing Reg's throat with the sword's blade. I pushed forward and tackled the man, spearing him to the ground and grunting as I landed on top of him. I kicked the sword away and flipped the man over, pushing my knee into his neck and pulling his arm back with all my strength, pinning him to the ground.
"This is him!" Pete strained as I applied more pressure to his neck, not letting him move an inch. I twisted his arm back further, hearing the faint sound of a break and a scream escape Pete's lips as I dislocated his arm. I couldn't bear to see the blood that escaped Reg's throat, but I could hear Deanna's heart-wrenching sobs.
"Rick," I heard Deanna sob, "Do it." I braced myself, continuing my hold on the man, and waited for the pop of Rick's gun. Blood splattered across my face and chest as Pete went limp in my grasp.
"Rick," A voice I didn't recognize called out. I lifted my gaze and let go of the dead man—Daryl and Aaron stood there with a man I didn't know. A look of familiarity crossed Rick's face.