"Whoa. You've got to be kidding me," Mo Guan Shan whispered when they were finally alone in Rica's old room. It was gonna be theirs for the night and with such a small bed, they will have to sleep on top of each other, if they both insist on sleeping together in the bed.
"It would be rude to decide to go home now," He Tian reminded him in a whisper. He sat on the bed and looked up at Mo Guan Shan who stood right in front of Rica's graduation photo. "But wasn't this a great day?"
"Haha, yeah, it's the longest day of my life. And I even got a prize."
"Your very first chicken."
"I'll name him after you."
"What? He Tian?"
"Nope. 3rdball."
"I don't have a third ball."
Mo Guan Shan laughed and He Tian relished the moment. It doesn't come very often, not when there's only the two of them. It sounded so refreshing. The guy sat on a chair by the window and hugged a giraffe plushie.
"In here, we're going to have the longest days for the rest of our lives."
"You really like it here, huh."
"I do. This is a dream come true," He Tian answered truthfully. "Why? You don't like this kind of life?"
"I don't really know how to answer that. I grew up in the city, with the internet and you know, with all the comforts it comes with."
And that's the truth, too. They may have been poor but looking at the people and the lifestyle in this place, his old life must have been so comfortable. And how long has it been since he last held a smartphone?
This place is temporary and Mo Guan Shan would never attach himself to something as transient as their stay in this country. Sooner or later, they're gonna have to face reality and leave their memories behind.
Even He Tian must have his own, fabulous life before all of these, and he's bound to return to that when the time comes.
"That's new though, you having a 'dream come true' moment," he said instead, shaking off the thoughts from his head. But the dread lingered on his goosebumped skin. "I always thought you get what you want."
"I still haven't got you."
"That's . . . That's different," he said. He Tian pulled him down and let him sit on his lap, resting his chin on the bigger guy's collar. He Tian's hand gently rubbed his back, soothing his anxiety with each careful touch.
"I got your point. And to answer that, of course I have a lot of things that I can only dream about. Last year, I was too busy to even think about going on a break and living here seemed so impossible."
"And then? What happened?" Mo Guan Shan asked, lifting his face from He Tian's neck to see his reaction.
"Secret," He Tian smiled and pressed their noses together in a playful manner. Mo Guan Shan hugged him again and He Tian did the same. "You are the prettiest," he whispered.
Earlier, Mo Guan Shan watched He Tian while he expertly grated the coconut, like he's a grating machine. He gave it a shot himself, seeing how easily the other guy finished the task. But it required good timing and control, so Mo Guan Shan had to stop several times to peek at his bumpy result. But he was glad he finished a pair, because He Tian looked at him like he did a really good job.
They ate native chicken stewed in ginger, lots of pepper and rich coconut milk. Paired with steaming hot white rice, they ate like a bunch of sumo wrestlers. They even had Maja Blanca for dessert as they sat on the porch and talked about scary stories like humongous snakes living in the river and a crazy woman named Maria Labo who goes around with a bolo and butchers people on sight.
Rico served them another gallon of fermented tuba, which tasted sour and a bit bitter. They drank while they exchanged stories. He Tian smoked tobacco wrapped in some dry piece of leaf that he himself rolled and listened to the old people intently.
Rica, on the other hand, went home immediately to work on her new novel. Apparently she's a writer and she chose to live alone so nobody would disturb her as she works.
"I'm sorry I made you hold the chicken," He Tian said after a while, his hands already creeping inside his shirt.
"No big deal. I got over it," Mo Guan Shan answered honestly without lifting his head from He Tian's shoulder. His bare hands on his skin felt so good he wanted to just melt and disappear.
The guy made him look as Rico slitted the chicken's neck to drain its blood, as they usually do when they butcher chicken for consumption. He held the chicken's wings and feet so it won't thrash around after it's been cut, because chickens apparently still run around without its head. Mo Guan Shan could still remember how the chicken writhed on his hands.
"I wanted you to really see it," He Tian whispered, his chest vibrating against Mo Guan Shan's own.
"What, how easily you can kill a chicken?"
"Yes."
"You're weird," Mo Guan Shan said, chuckling. "But I understand what you meant. I'll keep that in mind."
He Tian wanted him to see the reality of things, and those realities aren't always pleasant. Behind the scenes, people dirty their hands for the food you enjoy, and you waste. Not to mention those poor, cute chickens, laying down their lives for your buffalo wings.
He Tian's palms were burning on his skin and he's getting high with his musky smell, as if inviting him to savor his scent.
Mo Guan Shan sighed, his breathing getting heavier as He Tian's palm hypnotically traced circles on his skin. He swallowed his saliva, already thick with the hot sensation crawling all throughout his body.
"Haaah," he exhaled, burying his face on He Tian's neck.
"It's all right," He Tian whispered, his own voice shaking with desire. They breathed slowly, synchronizing with each other, as Mo Guan Shan rubbed himself on He Tian's groin, deliberately going slow. His tongue trailed along He Tian's neck, down to his collarbone, before he sucked a little bit of his skin.
He Tian held his Little Mo's hips and helped him move, accommodating his pace more than his own. Mo Guan Shan wrapped his legs around him and moved slowly so the bed wouldn't creak. He Tian buried his face on his hair as they rubbed on each other, their breathing muffled on each other's skin.
"Ahh," Mo Guan Shan whimpered, embracing him tighter, his nails digging on his shirt and burning his skin. "He Tian. . ." It was urgent and needy, and so fucking effective for driving him crazy.
To stop themselves from whining, He Tian coaxed him to lift his face until their mouths clashed, silencing each other's moans. Mo Guan Shan's groin kneaded on his faster, pressing harder, and He Tian could feel himself getting to the edge as well, as he sucked on his tongue.
And when Mo Guan Shan came, he stiffened with his heels digging below He Tian's back, letting out a tiny whimper and threw his head back with his mouth slightly open. Even his eyes went white as he convulsed on He Tian's lap, and He Tian kissed his Adam's apple, before he nuzzled on his neck again, still shivering and moaning in a hushed voice. He stayed like that, jolting in tiny hiccups, breathing hard on He Tian's neck.
"Please don't leave me," he whispered when he calmed down.
"Trust that I won't, Little Mo," He Tian whispered back, kissing his hair. "I love you."
Mo Guan Shan perched on He Tian's lap until he fell asleep.
* *
He Tian woke up when he heard Daniella and Rico already moving around, preparing for the day. The couple rises early because on good days, they make homemade bread to sell every morning. Neighbors would start coming around at five o'clock to buy bread and on school days, Rico would go to the school to sell their bread, still warm inside a big styrofoam box.
They're the most comfortable family in that barangay because their son was a high ranking military official and Rica earns a lot with her books too. But they chose to stick to what they've been doing ever since, farming and cooking, because they enjoy it. He Tian wanted that kind of life with Mo Guan Shan.
"You're up early, Tian. How's Shan?"
"He's still asleep, Auntie," he smiled while stretching and filling his lungs with the gentle morning air. Last night was a fucking huge step and he's feeling good.
Then his mind drifted to the chicken intestines that Rico kept in their refrigerator. It's going to be a big day again for them.
"Uncle Rico's going to the river today?"
"Oh, yes. And I'll be going too, because I have a lot of dirty laundry," Daniella answered, trying to keep her voice low, as if trying not to disturb Mo Guan Shan's sleep. "Let's go together and have a cookout. I'm sure Nato and the neighborhood kids are going too, once they hear you're going."
He Tian nodded. Chicken entrails were meant for catching eels and eels taste so fucking good. Of course he wanted Mo Guan Shan to be there and be part of the activities. It's going to keep his mind off things, especially the bad ones.
"And after such a big flood, I'm sure the river's gonna be breathtaking today," he said, looking up at the sky from the window.
"You said it! You really know your stuff, huh."
"I guess I'll go home to prepare first, Auntie, and maybe lock up for the day. I'll come back as soon as I can. If that guy starts panicking, please just hug him or something."
"Aww, I hope he wakes up fine, but sure thing. I can handle it."
He Tian went jogging on his way back to the house. The morning mist turned his face damp and by the time he reached the house, he's sweating hard too. Not bad for a morning run.
And then he felt it. Something's wrong with the air inside his house. There's a different presence, something that has disturbed the stagnant air and intermingled with what remained of his and Mo Guan Shan's scent.
He shifted his gaze from side to side, stepping inside without wearing his indoor slippers so he could sneak around soundlessly.
"What are you doing?" came a familiar voice from the kitchen.
He Tian turned around, cursing.