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Muichirou: You can't wake up if you never got to sleep
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Daki: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka
Daki: *upends the bottle*
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Akaza: Oh and for your information, i don't have an ego.
Akaza: My facebook photo is a landscape
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Tanjiro: So, did everyone learn their lesson?
Sabito: No.
Giyuu: I did not
Makomo: I may have forgotten one.
Nezuko: Also no.
Tanjiro: Oh good, neither did I.
Urokodaki: *Exhausted sigh*
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Douma, very tired: Can i sleep in your bed?
Daki: *half asleep* Douma, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it's for *gestures vaguely to herself* the Queen
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Ubayashiki: Your child was in a fight.
Mitsuri: Oh no, that's terrible!
Obanai: Did they win?
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Inosuke: Blue M&Ms are the best
Genya: whAT IS THIS SLANDER?
Inosuke: What about it? They are
Genya: I WILL NOT ALLOW SUCH LIES ON MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!
Genya: THE RED ONES ARE THE BEST!
Inosuke: YEAH? WELL YOUR MOM'S A HO!
Tanjiro: They're all chocolate inside, the colors don't mean anything
Zenitsu: I like the yellow ones
Inosuke and Genya: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
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Douma: When i was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it.
Daki: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations
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Muichirou: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Rengoku: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies
Mitsuri: Socks are Feetie Heaties
Obanai: Forks are Stabby Grabbies
Rengoku: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties
Mitsuri: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies
Obanai: Stamps are Lickie Stickies
Sanemi, annoyed: You are disappointments
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Urokodaki: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely
Tanjiro, Giyuu and, Sabito: Okay.
Urokodaki: If you don't want to die, give me all your money
Tanjiro: Bold of you to assume I have money
Giyuu: Bold of you to assume I don't wanna die
Sabito: Bold of you to assume I can die
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Obanai: You are an absolute fucking dork
Mitsuri, singing: Yeah, but I'm your dork!
Obanai: *sighs* Yeah, you're my dork
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Sanemi: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will
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Murderer: Any last words?
Daki: Do you think I'm cute? Be honest
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Genya, tearing up the room: Where are they?
Genya, looking under a pillow: Who moved them?mWho moved my children?
Genya: Somebody moved my M&M's, and now I am going to start killing.
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Douma: I didn't even realize how sarcastic I was being. It's starting to become a problem, I think
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*Muichirou falls over*
Yuichirou: Muichirou! Are you alright?
Muichirou: Is that you, God?
Yuichirou: What?
Muichirou: It's just, you sound a lot more like Yuichiro than I expected
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Giyuu: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed
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*the TV is freaking out*
Zenitsu: Don't worry, you have to treat an electronic like you treat a patient on life support
*unplugs the TV, then plugs it back in. nothing changes*
Zenitsu: Yeah, that didn't work with my grandma either
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Gyomei: I see read flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them
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Rengoku: If i stay in bed i'll be warm. If i get in the shower, I'll also be warm. But the distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm
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Shinobu: Isn't it amazing how i can feel so bad and still look so good?
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Muichirou, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away
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*out grocery shopping*
Giyuu: *takes free sample twice*
Giyuu: Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel
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Inosuke: Firstly, how dare you use mathematics to make me look stupid!
Inosuke: I'm actually very good at mathematics
Inosuke: Thirdly, I think you might be right
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Tamayo: Do you think I'm ugly?
Yushiro: It's not about looks, Tamayo. What's valuable is on the inside...
Tamayo: Yushiro...
Yushiro: For example, someone's heart.
Tamayo: Aw... Stop it-
Yushiro: It could be purchased for a million dollars, you know
Tamayo: Seriously, stop
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*After the fight with Rui in the Headquarters*
Giyuu: Oh, here's my award for the most rules broken!
Shinobu: That's not an award, it's an angry letter from our boss
Giyuu, hanging it on their wall: Well, it has the word 'most' in it, so I'm calling it an award!
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Ubayashiki: Oh, hey, I didn't see you come in! You should have come by and said hello!
Muzan: Oh! Yeah, I uh...
Muzan: Didn't want to bother you
Muzan: Or talk to or listen to or be around you
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Kotetsu: Everyone knows that Santa is an invention designed by the big five corporations to sell tinsel and video games to an unsuspecting public.
Muichirou: The whole "childhood wonder" stage just blew past you, didn't it?
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Young Obanai: *is visibly upset*
Rengoku: Obanai, what happened? I haven't seen you like this since you found out candyland wasn't an actual country
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Literally Every Demon Ever Sent To Kill Tanjiro: I need you tk come meet me, and I need you to come alone
Tanjiro: And i need you to be less vague and weird
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Shinobu: Kanao, can i speak to you for a minute? In private
Kanao, after spending to much time with the trio: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that
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Daki, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks
Gyuutaro: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks
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Tanjiro: Guys where did Inosuke go?
Zenitsu: He got arrested
Tanjiro: How the hell-
Inosuke: *bursts in through the window* The cops are after me, I thought it would be fun to steal crackers and throw fhem at people
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Gyomei: I just had a long with Genya and Inosuke about hitting and now they are yelling "it's my turn to perpetuate the cycle of violence" Before hitting each other
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Inosuke: I'm not that stupid!
Tanjiro: Inosuke, you literally ate the wax from a babybel
Inosuke: SANEMI TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!
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*If Sabito and Giyuu worked in Applebees*
Sabito: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees?
Customer: Bees?
Sabito: THEY HAVE SELECTED BEES!
Customer: Wait-
*Giyuu approches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*
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Rengoku: Do you cook?
Mitsuri: I made a cake once
Obanai: Yeah, it was good
Mitsuri: Really?
Obanai: Don't make me lie twice, Mitsuri
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Giyuu: Do you think different paints have different tastes?
Uzui: They do
Sanemi: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?
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Gyuutaro: What if mayonnaise came in cans?
Daki: Well, that would suck because you can't microwave metal
Kokushibo: Good morning to everyone except these two people
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*Tamayo is telling a story*
Yushiro: Wow, Tamayo, this story has everything! Action! Adventure! Romance!
Tanjiro: Romance?
Yushiro: I have a crush on her
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Mitsuri: What's it like being tall?
Mitsuri: Is it nice?
Mitsuri: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
Rengoku: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.
Obanai: It was one time!
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Hinatsuru: Hi, could i ask how exaclty does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??
Uzui: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔
Makio: Why were you microwaving a lemon???
Uzui: I read boiling lemons helps cover up bad smells ( I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots.
Suma: Did you burn an orange too? How???
Uzui: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔
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Nakime, watching Daki and Gyuutaro fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt?
Kaigaku, not botheredby the chaos: It's fine. They're too evenly matched to hurt each other
Nakime: Then... who is the strongest out of you three?
Daki: Kaigaku
Gyuutaro: Kaigaku
Kaigaku: Me.
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Gyomei, teaching Muichirou to drive: Okey, you're driving and Tanjiro and Inosuke walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Muichirou: Oh, definitely Inosuke. I could never hurt Tanjiro
Gyomei, massaging his temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes
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Nakime: *sees Obanai and Mitsuri together*
Nakime: They're cute. I would put them on a boat.
Daki: You mean... you ship them?
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Muzan, pointing to the wall: What color is this?
Kokushibo: Gray.
Akaza: Grey.
Muzan, turning to Douma: Now tell them what color you think it is.
Douma: Dark white.
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Kaigaku: The next time I open up to someone, it'll be my autopsy
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Random Demon Slayer: Get your hand off my shield!
Shinobu: There's like a million other shields.
Random Demon Slayer: Take that one, it has a flower on it. Girls like flowers
Shinobu: *hits Random Demon Slayer with the shield* Oops! Now this one has blood on it
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*During The Fight With The Father Spider*
Tanjiro: We're doomed!
Inosuke: Well, you've lived a good life, right?
Tanjiro: I'm only sixteen!
Inosuke: I said good, not long
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Sabito: A party is a celebration of a life, bringing people together to let the guest of honor know how much they're loved. Giyuu has done so much for us. This is our chance to do something for him
Makomo: By forcing him to have fun at a party that he doesn't want to be at?
Sabito: I knew you'd understand
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Urokodaki, walking into his house: Hello, people that do not live here.
Sabito: Hey.
Giyuu: Hi.
Tanjiro: Hello.
Nezuko: Hey!
Urokodaki: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Makomo: We were out of Doritos
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Genya: If you put the word 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.
Genya: Violently practices
Kanao: Violently studies
Nezuko: Violently sleeps
Tanjiro: Violently shoots pictures
Zenitsu: Violently boxes
Inosuke: Violently murders people
Nezuko: Violently worries about the previous statement
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*Some of the Upper Moons were interviewed about Muzan Kibutsuji*
Nakime: Kibutsuji... How do I begin to explain Kibutsuji?
Kokushibo: Kibutsuji is flawless
Daki: I heard their hair's insured for $10,000.
Akaza: I heard they do car commercials... in Japan
Douma: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.
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*The Squad's + Giyuu's reaction to being told they're the chosen one*
Gyomei: I will not let you down.
Rengoku: Sounds fun.
Uzui: K.
Sanemi: No, I'm fucking not.
Kanae: Do I have to be?
Giyuu: Please god, I am so tired
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Zenitsu:Hey Obanai? Canmi get some dating advice?
Obanai:Just because i'm with Mitsuri doesn't mean i know how i did it
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Muichiro: What did you get in your year book?
Mitsuri:'Prettiest Smile'
Rengoku:'Nicest Personality'
Sanemi:'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Giyuu:'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'
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Shinobu: see you in hell.
Douma: are you asking me out on a date?
Douma: because, if so, i accept.
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Makomo: Where's Sabito?
Tanjiro: Don't worry, I'll find him.
Tanjiro, shouting: Giyuu sucks!
Sabito, distantly: Giyuu is the best person ever! Fuck you!
Tanjiro: Found them
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Obanai: Could you try to see this from my perspective?
Uzui: *crouches down*
Rengoku: *kneels down*
Gyomei: *sits on the floor*
Obanai:
Obanai: I hate all of you
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Gyomei: *tapping fingers on table*
Sanemi: *taps fingers back furiously*
Genya: ...What's going on?
Muichirou: Morse code. They're talking.
Gyomei: -.--..- .-. / - .... . / -.-. ..- - . ... -
Sanemi: *Slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
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*The water gang responding to being stabbed by a sword*
Makomo: Rude.
Giyuu: That's fair.
Tanjiro: Not again.
Sabito: Are you gonna want this back or can i keep it
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Tanjiro: Ducks are better than rabbits
Zenitsu: What? Rabbits are adorable. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? Ducks are jerks.
Inosuke: Ducks are delicious! Rabbit is all gamey.
Zenitsu: We're not talking about flavour, Inosuke!
Inosuke: Flavours counts!
Zenitsu: Who carries around a ducks foot for good luck? Anyone?
Nezuko: You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. I'll wrap myself in a comforter with duck feathers! Who is cozier?
Zenitsu: Okay, but-
Nezuko: NO, NO, NO, NO. WHO'S COZIER?
Inosuke: Then why don't we take a rabbit, a duck, stick 'em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out!
Zenitsu: BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL, INOSUKE!
Inosuke: ONLY IF WE BET ON IT, ZENITSU!
Tanjiro: I- Jesus-
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Urokodaki: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something!
Sabito: You left, me, Giyuu, and Makomo in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago
Urokodaki: I did that on purpose, try again.
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Hello, Good Morning/Afternoon/Night! Here you go a update full of incorrect quotes! ENJOY! READER! >:)
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