long
alejandro
Waking up in general has always been bad, and annoying. But waking up pregnant is even worse. And doing this shit every day until I'm nine months and the baby actually gets here, just sucks.
I leaned my forehead on the cold shower tile. As the warm water ran down my skin. I'm not entirely sure how long I've been in the shower, but I just felt so amazing in here. Away from Mattia, Nano sleeping. Even though I was in here with one of the human beings that I really don't like, which was Mattia's, damn baby.
"Man...stop kicking for no reason. Your dad is downstairs, we'll see him soon. Just wait..." I said, rubbing my stomach lightly. Grabbing my hair conditioner and plopping some in my hands.
"Quit kicking. You little menace..." I mumbled. Trying to get this damn baby to calm down was like trying to get a sales assistant to stop offering you shit you don't need. God, I can't even be away from Mattia for a few minutes without his kid missing him.
"Okay, okay. Jesus Christ, I'm done! I'm done!" I shouted, washing my hair out quickly and shutting the water off.
"Mattia! Your stupid ass kid missed you, talk to it." I said, walking down the hallway and seeing Mattia pushing some boxes into the tiny room across ours. "Hm...hello little baby. are you okay in there?...hm, did you interrupt Ale's shower?" He kneeled by my stomach, putting his hands on my sides.
"They still kicking?" Mattia asked me, looking up a bit. "No, they always stop when I'm around you, and I need a break!" I shouted, rubbing my face tiredly. I just wanted to sleep, but I couldn't even do that without Mattia laying down right next to me. It was the stupidest thing ever. This ankle biter is glued to Mattia like crazy.
"Sorry. Maybe if I just tell them to stop, they'll stop." Mattia told me. Whispering something to my belly button, before getting up. "Try to get some rest now. Okay?" He said, I rolled my eyes. Turning around and going back to our room so I could change into regular clothes.
"Fucking hate you..." I whispered, going into my closet and pushing through all my shirts.
"You were much more calmer when you didn't know how to kick...lazy bum," I muttered, pulling out a light brown sweater. "I'm your incubator, so treat me with at least some respect," I said, lifting my arms and sliding my sweater on, before going to Mattia's closet and grabbing a pair of his black basketball shorts, that were way too big on me. So I had to tighten them with the strings hanging from the waistband.
‼️
"Yeah...okay...awesome. I'll see you guys soon." I hear Mattia say.
I was outside in the garden, reading The Fault in Our Stars while Mattia was in the kitchen, probably doing something else. "Ale!" Mattia yelled, his voice getting closer as he started to walk out of the kitchen. "What?" I asked. I really didn't feel like talking to him, he's already tried to apologize three times already. And I was just over it.
"Uh, I've got friends co-uh...what're you doing?" Mattia asked, referring to the scattered papers all over the picnic table I was sitting at. "Just stuff...what were you gonna say before?" I asked, scratching my forehead as I closed my book. "Pinewood Kindergarten? Hm...I thought Nano was in 3rd grade." Mattia said, leaning on the table before sitting down beside me.
I groaned a bit..."I'm...I'm trying to get into this school," I replied, taking the paper and flipping the page. "No offense Ale, but I think you're seven years late," Mattia said. I rolled my eyes, "No dingus...I'm...I'm applying to be a teacher at a school."
Mattia scrunched his face up, sitting up straighter. "A-a teacher? What...I mean-like...don't you need to...be like a professional at that?" Mattia asked me, scratching his forehead confusedly.
"Thanks...for your love and support." I sighed, looking down at my chewed-up fingernails. "Ale, I-you know I didn't mean that like in a mean way or anything but like, you're supposed to be skilled at that stuff, no?" He questioned, shrugging a bit.
"Well, seeing as I've been pulled out of school at an early age. I couldn't work to get a degree in teaching. But, y'know how it's okay now with how our world works...before I was pulled out of high school I worked with special needs kids. And I've always wanted to be a teacher for young kids." I explained.
"O-okay then. Whatever you think is good-"
"Orientation for it is tomorrow. So I'll be gone from like two p.m. to six." I said, fixing my sweater so my shoulder was covered. "Alright, cool. Just, just try not to walk around so much. You'll kill yourself from all that walking." Mattia warned me.
"Whatever......so, what were you gonna tell me before?" I asked, collecting the papers and setting them on my lap as I continued reading. "Oh, that I'm gonna have friends coming over. They said that they wanna meet you, and stuff. Also that they wanna help me set up for the baby. They won't be here for long, just for a bit...just wanted to let you know so you didn't get nervous or anything. They're nice, and they won't be weird so don't freak out." Mattia nodded, pushing his phone into his back pocket then walking back inside.
‼️
Drawing is so dumb. I used to love it so much. I'm not sure if it's because of me being pregnant or if it's just that I keep drawing the same damn bird over and over again.
I stopped myself from moving my pen when I heard tire tracks coming up the driveway. "Ale! Someone's here!" I heard Nano shout from upstairs in his room, I huffed. Mattia is already a scary person in general, I can't even imagine what the people who he hangs out with look like.
"Coming baby!" I called back, struggling as I pushed myself off of the lawn chair, bringing my book and stuff inside.
"Who is that?" Nano asked, peaking out of the red curtains near the living room TV, "Nano, you creep. They're gonna see you, you gotta be slick. C'mon, just sit on the couch and act like you aren't doing anything weird." I said, lifting him on my hip before sitting him on the couch on my lap.
"Your belly is big," Nano pointed out, staring down at my stomach. "Thanks, Nano. That helps with my insecurities." I sighed, reaching for the remote and turning the tv on so and looking for a Disney movie.
"Ale? Babe-oh, Alejandro." Mattia said as he opened the front door, coming inside and seeing me. "Uh guys, this is Alejandro, and his little brother Nano...And Ale, this is Jehad, Alvaro, and Alex." Mattia introduced me to the three tall guys standing behind him, all of them smiling kindly. "H-hi," I mumbled, holding my hand out to Mattia so he could help me up since I was basically sinking into the couch.
"Hey, it's nice to meet you. It's crazy, you're just like Mattia described you," The shortest guy said, Alvaro, is his name. He seems nice, a little fidgety though. "Oh...Mattia says stuff about me...?" I asked quietly, taking his hand that he had been holding out as he came up to me.
The four of them laughed, the Alex guy came up to me, opening his arms, offering a hug. I stepped closer to him, careful not to let my stomach bump into his. "Nothing bad, just how amazing you are, and everything down to the looks. He said you were beautiful." Alex said, giving me a tight hug, rubbing my back a bit.
"That's sweet. Mattia always acts like a big meanie when we're alone. I didn't know he was so nice when he was away from me." I smiled, looking back at Mattia to see he was holding Nano in his arms. "Hi, I'm Jehad, I guess we're giving hugs now." He said, running a hand through his curly hair before wrapping his arms around my body.
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"So how far along are you?" Jehad asked, folding his arms in front of him as he looked over at me with a slight smile. I sighed, giggling a bit at the really complicated question. "Weird...really...blurry, I can't remember how the first few months were." I shrugged, resting a hand on the bottom of my stomach. "Oh yeah, it was the same few stuff with me, it feels like it was a while ago but if you think about it, it's really like like 10-15 weeks a-"
I held a hand up, making Alvaro pause. "Wait a second...you...you've been pregnant before?" I asked, pointing slightly to his stomach. "Yeah, but I was just a surrogate. I and my husband already had a kid a few years ago." He told me, scoring back on the couch and pulling his shirt up. "They used a scalpel to cut the bottom part of my stomach to get the baby out. See...it's kinda faded though, you can barely see it." Alvaro told me, tracing his finger over the huge red scar.
I gaped...no way in hell that didn't hurt. "They...holy shit that's-oh my god...they actually did that to you?!" I basically screamed. Alvaro's head snapped up, staring at me like I was crazy. "I mean...yeah, that was the only way to get that baby out since their head was facing up instead of down." He shrugged.
"B-but that's...that's right by your dick! You can practically see your pubes! It's literally right above your-oh my god. The hospital said that they had to do that to you?! That's insane! It's-oh my-I need a cigarette-holy shit." I gasped, pushing myself off of the couch and quickly going down the hallway before bumping into Mattia.
"Woah, hey, what happened?" Mattia asked, taking my arms in his hands. "They cut Alvaro up like a Thanksgiving turkey!" I yelled, pulling him with me, back to the living room. "What are you talking about?" He asked, stumbling around a bit. "The c-section thingy, they made Alvaro do it when he was a surrogate. And they cut way too far down!" Alvaro looked at us both confused.
"I mean...Alejandro that's the whole point, they cut deep so they can get the baby out. It's in a lot of the baby books. I gave a bunch of them to you, you haven't read them yet?" Mattia asked me, a hand on my back. "No! None of the books you have given me have helped! You-you haven't seen the scar! It's right near his penis!" I shouted. Making the whole room go silent as Mattia looked at me with a bit of a sorry look.
‼️
My knee bounced up and down as I cuddled with Nano outside, him reading a book while I stared up at the sky. "Why you moving so much?" Nano asked, slapping my leg and making me stop. "Sorry baby, just...jumpy," I replied, kissing his temple.
"When are Mattia's friends gonna leave?" Nano asked, putting his comic book down as he looked up at me. "Why papas? You don't like them?" I asked, running my hands through his short dark brown hair. "No, but Jehad promised that we would play a round of soccer with Alex and Alvaro before they left, and they still aren't done with Mattia upstairs." He told me.
I pouted, smiling down at my adorable little brother. "I'm sure they'll be done soon pups," I told him, smooching his forehead. "In fact, imma go see what they're doing up there. You go get a snack, okay?" I offered, helping Nano stand up before he ran inside.
"Mattia?" I called as I walked upstairs, holding onto the railing as I followed the noise. "Yeah? We're in the spare room!" Mattia replied. I finally got to the hallway, seeing a bright light coming from the weird spare room that we never opened since we moved here.
"What are you guys...doing...?" I asked, slowly walking up to the room and leaning on the doorway as I stared at Mattia sitting on the floor, holding a bunch of pieces of wood. And Jehad, Alex, and Alvaro were struggling to hang up a bunch of signs.
"Oh, hey Alejandro," Alex said, turning around to smile at me. I smiled back, playing with my sweater sleeves. "Why are you on the floor?" I asked Mattia, staring at him like he was a weirdo because he was.
"You-you guys should probably use a ladder or something...because you're all three completely different heights, that's what's making it so hard to put up that sign," I told the three clumsy boys. Pointing at Alvaro who was on his tippy toes, his hands barely touching the 'twinkle twinkle little star, do you know how loved you are?' sign.
"Yeah...uh, do you...?" Alex asked, I nodded. "Yeah, just over in that closet, there should be a step stool for you and Alvaro," I told him, he thanked me. Going to the hallway closet and finding the long red stool and putting it beside Alvaro.
"So what are you guys doing again?" I questioned, making Mattia look up at me with a small smile. "Setting up for the baby...we only have a few months to do this so we should really start now. And why not use some help, right?" Mattia asked, reaching over and flipping the big brown box over, with the outline of a baby's crib on it.
"Cool..." I muttered, about to walk in and look around, before almost tripping over a few buckets of paint. "Oh shit, sorry. Jehad, I told you to move those in the corner!" Mattia shouted, looking over at a bit concerned to make sure I was okay. "Oh christ, sorry. Are you okay? Did you fall?" Jehad asked, his voice trembling.
"N-No, I didn't...almost, but I didn't. It's fine...are you-are you guys repainting in here too?" I asked, looking around at the white room. "Yeah, nothing too bright. Just a darker white maybe," Mattia nodded once. "Hey, can you do me a favor and go downstairs, grab me a screwdriver from the garage. It's the red one in my tool bucket, please." Mattia asked.
I nodded. Going downstairs and passing by Nano who was eating some leftover pizza that Mattia got yesterday night.
‼️
"Found it...it-it wasn't in your toolbox, it was under all that wood crap on the floor," I said, out of breath as I got to the top of the staircase, handing Mattia his huge red screwdriver
"Cool, thanks, babe." He smiled, taking the tool and looking down at the paper of instructions, before his head snapped back up. "Wait, I wanna show you something cool......look," Mattia said, getting up and grabbing something from one of the dressers before showing me.
It was a weird circle thing, "What is that?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing. "It's a clay circle, that's my handprint on it. And when the baby is born, I'll do the handprint thing with them too." He told me, smiling as he showed me.
"Yeah, that's cool. It's cute," I smiled, he nodded. I turned around on my heel, deciding to go back to my room to lay down. I just really didn't like watching them set up this crappy ass nursery.
"Wait, Ale!" I heard Mattia yell from behind me, I turned, humming to ask what was wrong. "Uh...we...we still have to set up the baby's closet and their rocking chair...and all the organizing stuff...you can-you can help out, if you want?" He asked, motioning towards the little white baskets that I'm supposing needed diapers inside.
"Uhm......I don't really...I don't really wanna do-do that." I shook my head, putting my hands on my hips. "You sure? I mean it's-it's pretty simple...it's just that Jehad, Alex, and Alvaro suck at doing that stuff." He told me, sighing as he scratched his forehead.
"Yeah...I guess...I can see that by how they're still struggling to hang that sign...it's crooked now." I pointed, making Mattia nod. "So we obviously need help...do you wanna?" He questioned again.
"No, I don't think I'd be good at that...doing that is...it bores me." I ran a hand through my hair, my feet starting to fidget nervously at how persistent Mattia was being.
"C'mon, it could be fun, all of us together. Nano would love to help too, he could help with changing the carpet." He recommended, reaching down and taking my hands. "No, he's-Nano's eating, he probably wouldn't want to. He doesn't like doing chores or-or whatever." I shook my head, trying to take my hands back.
"Then-then how about the really easy stuff, like just reading me the directions? I'll do all the work, yeah?"
"No Mattia, really I just-I just wanna lay down. I'm kinda tired. My back really hurts-"
"Then lay down while you read me the directions, your back won't hurt then Ale. We can just-"
"Mattia no."
"But-imagine how fun it'll end up being babe-"
"Fuck off! I said no!" I screamed, snatching my hands back, and pushing him away by his chest.
The house went silent, Jehad, Alex, and Alvaro stopping what they were doing, and just staring.
Mattia bit his bottom lip, pulling at his fingers before nodding. "Okay......sorry." He said quietly, turning around and going back to fixing that huge pile of wood on the floor.
Dumbass.
‼️
"C'mon, get up. It's bath time, and you stink. Get upstairs and get the water running sweetie." I said, watching as Nano got up with a groan and started to go upstairs.
"I love you!" I shouted, seeing that he was upset that he would have to go to sleep soon. "Mmhmm." He huffed. I laughed a bit, bending down to clean up all his toys and action figures, throwing them in his tiny bins.
"Remember, clean behind your ears, under your arms, the bottom of your feet, all of the important parts baby, even your boy parts." I said, hearing Nano shout back a 'yes'
"And you have to start learning how to clean up after yourself," I said, my voice going quieter as I passed by the baby's nursery.
I stopped, seeing that most of it looked done. I dropped the bin of toys I was holding on the floor beside my feet. The room was mostly painted, the signs that the boys hung up were still crooked. And the crib had been built and was in the corner.
A new wrapped-up carpet was on the floor in the middle of the room. Glass framed pictures hung around the room, there was even a little beanbag.
It looked so dumb, this doesn't look like a fucking baby's room. Just like a 'Baby's R Us' gone wrong. It all looked so fucking stupid. I can't believe this is what we're using for our extra room. When we could turn it into something else.
My nails dug into my skin as I heard Mattia's automatic saw going off in the garage, she said he was making another sign for the baby's room, where he was gonna write his own thing. His friends were long gone, saying they needed to go on a meeting with his dad.
I felt hot, looking at the wrapped carpet and seeing it had little lambs all over it. This is the carpet I would have to walk past every day until I leave after this stupid baby gets out.
My jaw clenched, listening as the shower water stopped, and Nano called me so I could give him his pajama clothes. He's old enough to learn how to do that himself, but he just loves me helping him.
My hearing started to drown out, my muscles were tense, I looked down at my hands to see they were shaking. I wasn't even sure what I was doing, before I bent down, grabbing the first thing I felt, and throwing it at the wall with a grunt.
My vision finally became unblurred, my heart rate went down as I saw what I did. The can of paint that I threw was now all over the ground. The framed pictures of the baby's ultrasound had crashed on the floor and were broken.
I heard the garage door open and then footsteps running up the stairs behind me.
Mattia came up behind me. "Ale? What happ-" Mattia stopped, his hand was on my shoulder before, but he just slipped it down, seeing what had happened in the nursery.
I started to back away, to go to my room and just sleep. I bumped into Mattia's chest, turning to see his confused and almost shocked face. My eyes watered as I stared at the mess I created.
Mattia looked at me, holding his hand out, probably trying to make me feel better.
I slapped it away, driving my fist to his chest and pushing him into the wall behind him before I stormed away to my room, slamming the door behind me.
‼️
It had been a few hours.
The house was pretty quiet, besides the sink water in the kitchen running since Mattia was washing the dishes.
My leg was shaking the entire time as the TV in our room played in the background, my thoughts getting the best of me and drowning out all the noise in the house.
I wasn't scared, Mattia wouldn't hurt me, or yell. I know he wouldn't. He's not strong enough to, or has the courage. So it didn't matter. I don't know why I was so nervous, I think just because of how I left things with Mattia after I left the baby's room.
My head hurt bad, I don't even really remember what happened earlier. Just that I made the nursery a mess, and probably stained the floor with that paint.
I was so out of it, pulling at the strings on my pajama pants, that I didn't even notice the sink turning off and the sound of the stairs creaking before the bedroom door opened.
I stopped, looking over and reaching for the remote to turn the TV off and go to sleep since Mattia was in here now.
I turned over, my back now facing Mattia as I heard our closet open and the sounds of hangers clanging together. Probably changing into more comfortable clothes and getting ready for bed.
I closed my eyes, trying my hardest to fall asleep, but I just couldn't knowing that all Mattia could do was stare at me.
I felt his side of the bed dip, the blanket on the edge of the bed being lifted and pulled. I felt as his warmth pressed up against my body.
I squirmed around, wanting to push him away. "Stop, don't," I mumbled, moving my shoulder back and making him back away.
The room fell quiet again. Before Mattia coughed and sniffled. "You made a dent in the wall with that paint can." He said, scooting back from me. "But that's okay...the baby's rocking chair covers it." He told me, before the sound of his glasses clattering as they hit a hard surface, and the room went dark as his nightlight shut off.
‼️
It was pitch black out now, Mattia had been snoring for hours now, which made me know he was fast asleep. I pushed his arm off of me, pulling my fluffy blanket off and tossing it over to Mattia.
I stood up, putting some slippers on before shuffling out into the hallway, shutting my bedroom door halfway behind me as I went to the nursery.
Seeing the dried-up paint, and empty spaces on the wall where the framed pictures of the baby's ultrasound used to be.
Mattia had cleaned everything up, the carpet now put up against the wall, the paint cans in the closet so nobody would trip over them, or throw them as I did.
Idiot...idiot...idiot, idiot. That's what I am for doing all of this, and for what?... Just because I was angry, angry at what? The fact that Mattia was paying attention to his own kid, and trying to make the perfect room for them. It made no sense.
I looked up at the curtained windows, the little details Mattia put into making this room perfect caught my eye. Before I stopped completely, seeing the shattered pieces of Mattia's clay circle that he made for his baby on their bookshelf.
Split into a bunch of little pieces.
Suddenly the only thing I could think about was the look on Mattia's face, how excited he was about how beautiful his clay circle was, and how he couldn't wait for the baby to see it when they were born. How he couldn't wait for the baby to see how much time it took for Mattia to make it. How he couldn't wait to make the baby make a clay circle themself when they were old enough.
I pulled the rocking chair back, looking down and seeing the dent in the wall, with tape over it. I'm guessing he was gonna try to fix it, or maybe just keep their chair covering it.
"So lucky......you're so lucky," I muttered, raising my hand and putting it on top of my stomach. "Your dad loves you so much......little freak...and I'm sure you'll have a dent-free room in no time..."
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hii loves :) i've recently come into a lot of hard milestones in my life. i'm so sorry for not being able to update sooner, i promise i'll try to update this book more often since i'm on winter break for another 2 weeks. thank you guys so much for understanding and being so patient <333 x.
- cam ☃︎