Sometimes I wish that I could wish it all away
One more rainy day without you
Sometimes I wish that I could see you one more day
One more rainy day
Meridia Marquis
-One Week Later-
"Am I forgiven?"
Broken words felt like a pain to be said. It felt like glass was swimming through my veins. My voice didn't sound like mine, my body didn't feel like mine. This is what I chose. My father is a fucking insane alpha for the things he does to me. This time tops any other because it is all a misunderstanding.
I've sat here in the coldness and darkness, dreaming of alternatives to get out of this prison with my mate. Even if we escape, father is very powerful and manipulative. He would have all of his allies hunting us down across the earth. So would it be freedom? If we are running for our lives barely receiving happiness?
It would be naively stupid of me to tell him I want to be with my mate and to kindly fuck off. As I've said before, I'm a puppet on a string. All I'm trying to do is to make sure Estavan remains alive and unharmed. He cannot be touched by the darkness my father drags me into. This pack is already cruel to him every day. It's time he leaves. Even then, it's not safe. I'm standing at a bridge with so many directions to go and I don't know which one to take.
Father stood in front of me, standing tall with his head bent to look at my beaten body on the cold floor. He takes out hands that were shoved in his pocket to reveal a key in his palm. My busted lips pulled into a smile after all these painful days.
"You are, Meridia," he answers. If relief can ever be words, it would be those. My shaking hands lift and he grabs them with one hand while the other shoved the key into the hole and twists them open. My hands dropped to my lap, pain free."You have the entire day to recover. See you in the morning for training," he tells me before turning around and I listen to his footsteps fade as he walks away.
I need to see him.
But first, I had to clean myself up. My body was incredibly sore from the injections. Father injected medicine into my body to slower my healing and disconnect me from my wolf. Not that we were connected much anyway, she hasn't spoken to me in a very long time. Those injections were made by our pack doctor and it is used for rogues or traitors.
Unfortunately, the injection from yesterday still wasn't out of my bloodstream so healing from cuts and bruises would take some extra hours. I still had whips that were soaked in wolfsbane and coated in melted silver printed on my back and across my arms. I grabbed onto the cold walls for support as I rose to my feet. My knees were so close to snapping but I remained strong and got myself out of the cell.
I kept walking and walking.
It took longer than I'd planned but I made it back into the house.
There are several entrances to the dungeons and several dungeons across our pack. The one that I was in was for temporary use. The ones filled with the real prisoners were under the packhouse.
Teeth clenched to avoid screaming out in agonizing pain as the water innocently cascaded down my beaten body, unknown to the tormenting sting as it sinks into open wounds. my hands trembled as I reached for the soap bar to clean myself of dirt and blood. with deep breaths, and reminders of the powerful werewolf I am, I endured the shower. later, I would have Malice clean the gashes on my back with medical ointments or whatever the fuck they use. For now, soap and water would have to work.
I wore the loosest sweater I had and some fitted pants that were easy to move in. After that, I exited my room and headed for my way. But of course, obstacles get in the way in the form of my brother. "Dia! I was so worried," he pulls my body into a tight hug. A wince of pain leaves my lips automatically and Mal releases me instantly. "Sorry...I forgot what father does to you," he murmurs with guilt filled eyes.
Malice would be the example of a healthy son raised by an alpha. Yes, he has trauma hovering over him like clouds but he will always put his pack and family first. During a time of need is the only time that you'll witness how powerful Malice Marquis can be. Father is aware of his strengths. There were only two times Mal was left in the dungeons. That was when he went past the borders, into unprotected land to meet a girl. The next time was when he found out how father punishes me and he tried to stop it. Mal promised me never to get hurt like that again for me because I made him realize he would be the same if in my position.
I am the one he wants as his replacement, I am the one training to be the worst enemy one can have. One day, the pack will be mine and father wouldn't be able to stop me from being a better alpha than he ever was. Kindness does powerful things and that is what my father lacks. Then there is the part of me that wants to run away and live with the mundanes. This is the life I was forced upon, I can only make the most of it and hopefully, maybe one day, there might be an opportunity for me to be free from these cuffs I was born with.
"What happened, Meridia? Why did he punish you this time?" Mal worriedly questions. My eyes fell, knowing that I cannot explain my mate situation to Mal at this exact moment. "I can't tell you, I'm sorry..." I sighed.
"I have to go see someone, I'll be back soon," I brushed off, feeling guilty for leaving but I needed to see Estavan. "But you need rest!" Mal shouts as I ran off however his attempt is futile.
I kept running and running, using the back street instead of the main one to go to the house. I crept through the curled open fence. My feet touched the unkempt grass and in relief, I sprinted to the tunnel.
Curled up on a mattress against the wall, head resting on a pillow with a thin blanket thrown over his body. Hesitantly, I took my eyes off of his body and glanced around the room that was neater than the last time I'd been here. However, my small smile drops when I saw the lines running down his back. My knees automatically felt weak knowing that our scars were mirrored and this was my fault.
"Estavan Kai," I whispered, pain captive in my voice. His body stiffens and he turns around and into a sitting position. His alarmed eyes softened at the sight of me. His cherry lips pulling into a soft smile. "Meridia," he softly says, disbelief found in his tone. I walked closer until I was in front of him before sitting on the floor, knees cracking in the process.
Now almost eye level, I smiled again. My hand trembles as I lifts it and placed it on his cheek, feeling his skin under my fingertips. His scent hugs me like a warm blanket and next to him is the only place that feels right. "Estavan," I whispered as he leans into my touch. "How are you feeling?" I asked. He had to have pieced everything together by now.
"You're alright...you're here," he whispers instead of replying. His state of disbelief is still found in his words. "I'm sorry..." I apologized though those words would never be enough for the unnecessary pain I've inflicted on his innocent body. "It's not your fault we are linked mates," he mumbles, eyes staring at the floor instead.
I guess he has a point. That doesn't make me feel any better though.
"Where were you?" Estavan asks, his dark brown eyes finding my own. Nervously, I curled my bottom lip into my mouth, trying to hold back from spilling my family's darkness. "Can we just be here? I just want to be together," I looked into his eyes pleading. After being trapped in the darkness for over a week, I wanted to be with him and only him. Father gave me until tomorrow to recover and I wanted to recover with him.
"I want answers, Meridia," he demands, though his harsh tone reminds me of an angry puppy. So, I smile because I found it incredibly cute he was worried about me. "Can you keep a secret, Estavan Kai?" I softly asked, placing my other hand on his other cheek softly. He nods against my hands. "Bad people hurt me...but I'm okay," I answered cryptically.
"How can you be?" He softly asks. I took a moment to reply, mostly admiring his beautiful voice. "I'm accustomed. Now, can we not talk about this much longer? I don't want to waste my time with you..." I answered. Holding him here, I know that this boy is my downfall.
He is the one that will bring me to my knees.
He is the one that shatters the robot my father has built.
Estavan Maylor makes me feel.
"What do you want to do?" Estavan asks, giving into me. I didn't like how those wounds looked across his back. I made a mental note to get something from the infirmary for him tomorrow but for now, we can only try to prevent infections and pray there won't be any scars. "Do you like to read?" I curiously asked. His eyebrows furrow yet he slowly nods his head. What a pair, I hate reading. "Read to me?" I asked. I stood and held my hand out, waiting to feel his soft hand holding mine. His eyes flick to mine for reassurance in his moment of hesitation and finally, he places his hand in mine. Estavan winces in pain, probably from the slashes we had on our arms. "I'm so sorry this happened. You didn't deserve this," I whispered, feeling the guilt stir my stomach.
"And did you deserve this?" He asks without hesitation. "What I think doesn't matter to the one that hurt me," I answered. Estavan nods his head and swallows thickly. "Also, I am sorry for what happened while you were gone...you probably got hurt too and you never told me in the woods," Estavan finally brought it up. I guess now we both can't avoid that we are linked mates. As crazy as it sounds.
"I have a feeling that you won't tell me who hurt you," I say with certainty. "There is so much I forget their names sometimes..." Estavan drags his words though I believe he knows exactly who they are. One day, I promise you I will put an end to your pain inflicted by my pack. Even if we aren't mates, they will stop.
"It will end, one day," I assured him though I know my words were useless for hope. His eyes widen as fear storms into them. "I don't want to be an alpha...I just can't...someone else deserves that title and-" he shakes his hand, hands trembling in mine. I placed my other hand on his cheek and he visibly calms down. I can hear his heartbeat returning to normal. "You don't have to be anything you don't want to be," I softly say, meaning every word. "Now, let's go upstairs," I added and he softly smiles. Estavan and I walked out of the basement and for the first time in years, we walked up the staircase.
I'll give Estavan something I never had. A choice to become a ruler. For me, I was forced to become this powerful person in order to keep oxygen in my lungs. He won't be forced. The moon goddess, nor my father can choose his ending. Only Estavan.
The silence was intimidating. The place was so dark. Only little light coming from the cracks between the wood that covered the windows. Eventually, we were on the second floor. Everything was so dusty and the air felt so thick. Feels like something was going to jump out from the darkness and kill us without hesitation. I guide him into the library and my lips parted in shock when I saw the lanterns were turned on and everything looked clean.
"You've been in here," I stated. Estavan nods his head and slips his hands into his pockets. We go along, searching for a book that Estavan has not read yet. Finally, we settled with 'The Catcher in the Rye.' I grab his hand and pulled him to the sofa in the middle of the room. Estavan gently laid on the inside and I next to him. We fit perfectly and I was actually happy there wasn't much space so we were happily cuddled together.
"I'm not as dumb as you think," Estavan broke the silence, his eyes brushing through the pages. "Never thought you were dumb," I chose as my response, staring in awe of him. "Good. Because I've figured out that your family is allowing you to get hurt. If bad people captivated you then your family and your father's greatest soldiers would be going to the ends of the earth to save you. Instead, everyone was fine, normal, unaffected," Estavan revealed. He so casually says the words he's put together in my absence. I know it wasn't hard to figure out but the fact that he did had me shocked. "Never said the bad people weren't my family..." I whispered.
Even though it goes against my rules, I am spilling things that I shouldn't. Estavan finally glanced at me and I feel my breathing stop. "My family was the only good people," he says. Strings of my heart tug. Before I can reply, Estavan inhales and starts his reading. The reason why I wanted him to read to me was because his voice calmed every chaos in my mind. His voice was music to my ears.
We fell asleep, his continuous words that placed me in another word soon they were just his soft breathing. Curled into his side, loving the way our bodies felt together with my hand on his chest. Estavan drops the book as sleep controls him and instead, his fingers found mine on his chest.
At any given moment, someone can come in and shoot us in our sleep but this is the safest I have ever felt in a long time.