new asgard
later that day
"Where are you going?" came the slurred words of Thor, he had already taken multiple gulps from the bottle of vodka that I begged him not to drink.
"Away," I said simply, having to gulp down my rising emotions. I would not break down in front of him, I won't show him how I'm really feeling, not when he's basically told me he doesn't love me the same way anymore. "I can't be here - in this house - with you."
I pushed open the bedroom door and pulled out the suitcase under the bed. I could hear the heavy footsteps of Thor coming up the stairs. I ignored his calls and shouts, he was hardly in the right mind to even say anything worth listening to right now. I pulled at the cupboard door and the drawers beside it and packed just a few things that I first laid my eyes on, just wanting to get out of here as soon as possible.
"How long - how long will you be gone for?" said Thor, finally getting to the landing.
I didn't even want to look at him, knowing that if I did, my tears wouldn't be able to stop.
"I-I don't know, Thor," I sighed, shaking my head. I grabbed a few pairs of shoes and stuffed them into the already full case. "I just need to go. Have some time alone."
I pressed my weight on the suitcase to close to zip while Thor babbled behind me. Words of falseness, telling me not to leave. I blocked him out. How could he go from telling me he's lost his feelings for me and he doesn't care about me, to this? He was already going back under the influence and I knew I couldn't believe a word that he was saying, even though every part of me willed me to.
I picked up my suitcase and brushed past him. This time he didn't follow me and I was glad, it would be easier this way. I slipped on my shoes and tugged on my jacket. I took a final look at the house before stepping into the cold, outside air, not knowing how long I'd be gone.
As soon as the icy, whipping breeze hit my face, the tears fell like the Fountain of Youth, streaming relentlessly.
old panteleimonas
I felt like I could breathe for the first time that day when I touched down at Thessaloniki Airport. I just felt so overwhelmed that it was like my throat had closed up completely. The nipping, winter Greek air felt familiar, it felt safe, I felt safe.
My face remained expressionless as I passed through baggage claim. I kept my eyes low and cap slammed tightly on my head as I left the airport, really not wanting any attention at all.
The snow had already settled in Greece, not uncommon for it to start as soon as the winter breeze arrives. I zipped up my jacket all the way to my chin, keeping my body temperature as high as possible. I glanced up as the snowflakes settled lightly on my face and I smiled, reminiscing the times of my youth. Father and I would always visit the castle down in the Old Town in Thessaloniki. The hike up the hill was always eventful, my father almost always having to haul me up on his back.
The streets were fairly calm as I walked to the train station. I got to the platform just as the train rolled across the tracks so I tossed my empty coffee cup and found an empty seat in the train.
I tried to nap but my conversation with Thor was still echoing in my mind, our harsh words hitting one another carelessly and I felt the tears brim in my eyes once again.
I was so caught in my own head that I was only jolted out of it when a stranger sitting opposite me told me we were nearing the last stop which was luckily my stop.
There was a garage near the station were I kept my car when I was coming back home. I pushed through my bag to find the keys to find my father's old car. I sighed contently once I got inside and turned on the radio, finally drowning out my thoughts. I kept the window slightly inched open to let the cool air wash over my face, helping the suffocating sensation I felt.
I parked the car at the bottom of the mountain and gazed at the beautiful sight that I would always miss. The milky clouds floated at the peaks, matching the chalky white of the snow. The jagged rocks were like sharp knifes but the path was worn and flattened so my boots felt nothing as I started up the mountain. The wind was far more forceful up here and blew like a small hurricane, whipping snow all over me but I didn't mind since the crystallised snow shimmered in the suns florescent rays. Whenever emotional or physical exhaustion started to hit me, I simply looked at Mount Olympus and its majestic, icy peak beckoned me forth.
The sign of the village soon came into sight and I wiped off the snow, obscuring it's letters. Nobody was on the cobbled streets, keeping out of the heavy snow day by staying safe and boarded up in their homes.
I turned down the road of Mrs Kalista's home and imprinted my footprints in the untouched blanket. I rose my frozen hand and knocked three times on the wooden door.
When she open it, I could see the surprise flash on her face but it was only there for a moment before concern replaced them.
"Don't cry out there, τζαναμπέτη. You'll have frozen droplets stuck on your face for the rest of your life. And your life will be a long one, mind you," she croaked, trying to lift up my mood and it worked because a small chuckle escaped my lips. She held the door open and I walked inside, slipping off my shoes and coat. "Here, come, come," she beckoned after shutting the door. I followed her to the sofa and she wrapped a knitted blanket around my shoulder. "What's wrong, Selene. Tell me what's the matter?" She asked, reaching up and wiping the tears from my face.
"Thor and I..." I started, sniffing loudly since my tears had now started flowing freely down my cheeks. "We got into an argument...a bad one..."
"Hmm, about what?" She asked, passing me a handkerchief. "Why have you come all the way here."
"He showed me he didn't care about me, Mrs Kalista," I gulped, my voice trembling like the unpleasant off-tune strums of a harp. "He doesn't love me anymore."
"Oh, τζαναμπέτη," she hushed pulling my shivering body into a hug. "Let it out. Let it all out," she repeated, stroking my hair as my body racked my sobs. So I did. I let it out. All the emotion I had kept bottled up not only from our fight but from the way he's made me feel this last year, the way he's ignored me, and I cried.
After a while, I had calmed down and explained to Mrs Kalista exactly what had happened and she simply made me a warm mug of tea and turned on a Christmas film for us to watch. She sat beside me, rubbing my back, telling me everything would be okay as I went through cycles of sadness.
The girls came back home after a while, Cassandra from school and Melissa from the bakery.
"Selene, we didn't know you were coming," said Melissa in shock. She froze as she laid eyes on me sitting glumly on the sofa.
"Selene?" Cassandra asked, blinking dumbly. "SELENE! YOU'RE HERE! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US. I'M UPSET WITH YOU N-"
Melissa elbowed her in the shoulder and I smiled, shaking my head at her as Cass obviously hadn't noticed my mood.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I said after discreetly turning away and wiping the remaining dry tears from my face. "It was a very last minute trip."
"How long are you staying?" Asked Cass, coming up to me and taking me in a bear hug.
"I...don't really know," I laughed guiltily. "I guess as long as Mrs Kalista will have me."
"Oh be quiet, τζαναμπέτη. You know you're always welcome," she tutted.
"Oh, oh, oh, if you're saying a long long time then you can have my room if you want," Cass kindly offered, tapping her fingers together shyly.
"Oh, no, that's so kind you, honey but you don't have to do that for me. I'm perfectly happy here on the sofa bed," I said, stroking the hair out of her eyes. "But thank you, though. You're very sweet."
three weeks later
I'd been in Old Panteleimonas for a while now. My mind was a lot clearer but I was still weak, scared, of going back to New Asgard to see Thor again.
I knew that I couldn't just leave him, and I knew he wouldn't just leave me but sometimes people just needed a break and this was ours. I've loved him though hardness before, I could fix our relationship now.
But I was frightened. Of having the conversation to patch things. What if Thor wasn't thinking the same as me, what if he really was utterly done with me and the relationship we've had. What if he really meant the words he said and wasn't just speaking out in drunkenness and emotion? What if he just didn't want me to come back?
"Selene?" came the voice of Mrs Kalista one afternoon in early January. "You seem to be in deep thought? Do you want to talk about it?"
"I don't want to...but I need to."
"Okay, so when talk to me. You know I always give you the hard reality."
"I know you do," I said, laughing slightly. I sighed deeply, rubbing my hands over my face. "I don't want to loose Thor and if I stay here any longer then I'm scared that I will loose him. But I don't know what to say...how to make things better..."
"You're hoping that there's an easy way out," she said, rising her eyebrows. "There isn't one."
I groaned loudly, bringing my hands back up to my face. "I know that. I really do but I just wish there were. I just want things to go back to the way things where."
"And you know that that's impossible," Mrs Kalista pressed and I paused, is she really helping me or is she just making things worse? "Before you get into a hump," she said pointing at me and I rolled my eyes, nodding. "You know that it hurts me to see you this way. You're practically my child at this point and I want you to know I want the very best for you and you deserve to be happy. Right now, being away from Thor, you're not happy. Before, there was circumstances which made things difficult. So, if you want that happiness again, you have to work for it. You need to work to make things better between you and him because that's the only way you're going to get what you want. Understand?"
And I did understand.