Hey guys s'been long. I'll warn ya, make sure you have a tissue with you.
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Storyline: Two lovers facing worldly problems.
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d i a r y ❦ e d i t i o n
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02.03.1994
Just another day.
I wandered in my grandfather's farm. Standing under a tree preventing the scorching heat from pricking my skin. I have never been the best to keep up with the summer heat. At a distance my eyes illustrated a silhouette running right in my direction. It was a boy. He hastily asked me for a place to hide while fumbling with my collar. Unknowingly inundating a string of feelings into me.
I blankly pointed towards the tree still trying process everything. "Come on up! You'll get me caught," he said and I involuntarily climbed up with him. His smile underscored her unadulterated innocence in abundance.
From the top, I saw grandpa jog by, huffing. A muffled snicker blew against my ear as I intently stared at my him. However, he only motioned me to keep a hushed tone. At the sight of grandpa leaving, the boy jumped down turning his angelic face back at my direction. "Come down." There and then I got a panic attack.
I didn't know how to climb down a tree!
He mysteriously squinted his big doe eyes looking at my stuck figure, "you don't know, do you?" It felt like he could see through me. "Just jump. I'm here." Never did anyone in my life sound so reassuring as him. So I did what he instructed, landing straight on top of him. Looking at his thin lips made me crave for it. The crave was, so strong, as though I could feel it.
I immediately got off him, for the sake his lithe body trampled under my body weight. Sitting up against the tree, he took out some strawberries out his pocket...of our farm. That explained his escape. "You could've asked me. Stealing is bad you know," I said, being hesitant not to sound judgemental. "Where's the fun in that?" He said, glittering eyes, wind ruffling hair. "I love Gramps very much. He is the fittest in this village. You now know why." He smiled.
"I think I'll get going...by the way I'm Jeongguk."
Jeongguk. His name imprinted on my mind just like his naive face.
It was the first time I met someone so intriguing in my 19 years of life.
25.06.1994
I saw Jeongguk again by the sea shore playing with his dog. My legs carried me all the way to him. He mentioned he visits that place whenever he missed his family. I asked Jeongguk of their whereabouts.
"I don't know. Some say, they migrated. Some say, they're at the God's house happily singing along with the angels."
Pain crooning in every word he uttered though the smile hid them all behind its thin membrane of divine beauty.
24.02.1995
I finally confessed to him. Pink tinged his round cheeks. "I will give you my answer tomorrow," were the only words that hurled his lips and he headed back to his place.
This night seems to be the longest night of all. Ugh, God bless me!
25.02.1995
Jeongguk said yes! Little did he know he made me the world's happiest person. I wanted to kiss him so bad but he believed in taking things slow.
30.12.1995
This year I spent my birthday with Jeongguk. Maybe people would call it cliche but honestly it was THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.
Sitting by the seashore under the blanket of stars, hand in hand with him. Talking about us. The moment was just perfect. Our eyes fixed on each other when I leaned in till our lips met. Both of us melted into that drugging kiss, forgetting what the universe had to offer.
Just live the moment — he taught me that.
25.02.1996
I couldn't believe we completed an year together when it felt like it was just yesterday that we had met. It was clear I wanted to be with him forever. Be by his side, always. So that's what I decided. I WILL BE HIS FOREVER.
26.02.1996
I don't get it. He should have said yes. He should have agreed to marry me. But he didn't. Said something about society. Well, fuck society I don't care about them. All I want is to be with him.
27.02.1996
Jeongguk was right. I was being unreasonable. The place where we live in failed to understand the love. True love. For them it was almost existential fact bound in a book of fairytale. When people do find it in real life, they are crushed. People are meant to play safe by the rules. Whether it meant finding happiness or not.
But I swore to Jeon Jeongguk, I will conquer for his happiness. If Seoul doesn't furnish our love on it's pages of history, we will find another page to write it down.
30.05.1996
I left for America with the love of my life. My home. My forever.
25.11.1996
I proposed to him, yet again. This time, he said yes. He will marry me!!
12.12.1997
It was our wedding day. He looked the prettiest in his white wedding vest. The dress shirt flailed on the sides as he walked on the aisle. He was stunning.
My heart raced as the minister recited the vows. "Jeon Jeongguk. Do you take Kim Taehyung as your lawfully wedded husband?"
"I do", he said.
31.03.1998
Not long after our marriage Jeongguk started acting strange. He was being distant. He went out at 7 a.m. and returned back at 6 p.m. By that time he would be drowsy. He started taking some pills to kill his headache. I saw the pallor on his face that never existed.
It even drained me.
02.04.1998
A call came from hospital. It was Jeongguk calling me to meet him there. Even though I was worried to death, I soothed myself and responded to the call positively.
There laid his fragile body, listening to the doctor reluctantly. "Mr Kim, Jeongguk does not have much time left in his hand. I'm so sorry but only a miracle can save him." Those words stabbed my heart multiple times.
Not being able to process this phase, I asked Jeongguk about it. He had a brain tumor, cancerous. He was fighting the third stage. Only having three months left in this world. With me. I caressed his hand as tears slithered down my cheeks uncontrollably.
"Honey. Please don't cry. Let's live like there's no tomorrow." Maybe he said it with ease but I had a feeling he did not have that tomorrow.
When the time comes, will he be able to make it through that final tomorrow?
I spent the night on his lap. Secretly weeping in the woe that casted upon our happy marriage.
29.10.1998
In this dark world there was a little hope to live with, called Jeongguk. Yes. He was still here with me through this autumn fall resting in my arms. Smiling. In my warmth.
But it was destined.
He left like the last autumn leaf on the tree. Leaving me all alone.
12.12.1998
It was almost going to be two months with an empty spot beside me. Lacking the warmth of my dear's presence. I miss Jeongguk. Maybe I always will.
I thought about it. He would have wanted to spend some more time thinking of grandpa. So, he was there under the same tree we first met.
Every week I sit beside his grave with his favourite strawberries, handpicked from our farm. Only to feel him smiling and giggling when the leaves of the big tree danced with air. That time I realised, we were yet to do so many things together. Dance with each other. Sing with each other. Learn so much about each other. Love each other.
I let my tears fall at last.
"Happy anniversary Jeongguk, baby. I will always keep loving you."
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I swear I did not do that on purpose. Eyes just start leaking sometimes alright?!!
🥀 15th Jul 2021