Maybe sometimes things are never meant to be.
The world has a plan for us all. Sometimes it changes, sometimes it remains on the same course.
Maybe Jack Steele was only ever a stepping stone towards a greater mountain to climb. Yet deep down I know that isn't true. He was always the one. Was.
Living in this Noosa hub was once a blessing but now it's a curse. No matter my attempts to evade Jack, it's futile. We are trapped within these four walls, which once was a good thing for us. Only now has it's become tormenting to endure every time I see his face.
I feel the shard digging into my stomach. Each day seeing him makes it all the more sharper and painful. It reminds me of all I meant to him—or how little I meant to him.
Am I really that disposable? That gullible?
Reality is a shit thing.
I was a believer in something I thought was real only for it to become a trap I fell into. I was drawn in and tricked by my own foolishness. I'm now paying the price for my oblivion.
Max and Bytes have expressed their hostility to Jack through harsh expressions whenever he is near. You can sense the cold edge on field but none of them let their personal grudges get in the way too much. They can't afford it and I prefer it that way. I don't want the failed 'relationship' to get in the way of footy.
Why did Jack do this though? Why did he lead me on?
Taylah was his old partner of 5 years. Could she have played a part in his sudden dumping of me into the dirt? Yet even if she did, even if he still had feelings for her, why would he treat me like a pig following a carrot on string? Why would he lead me astray if that was the case?
If Jack still had feelings then what's the point of kissing me? What was the point of those sweet actions and kind affection that had me melting at his touch?
Was I a rebound? Was that all I ever meant to him? A means to an end? So the outcome would be that he benefitted and I'd be left to rot in the shadows?
My mind is being compressed, ready to burst from the building up of thoughts inside my head. It pains me. I'm getting a major headache from all this. My skull is like a balloon ready to pop. The pressure is agonising.
Why me? Why?
My fingers rub my temples thoroughly in a pathetic attempt to soothe the storm inside. It doesn't do anything to quell the chaos raging within.
I release a frustrated sigh and let my hands fall from my head in defeat. My inner turmoil won't be pacified so easily. I need to get out of this room and partake in something.
There's only so much I can do though. My leg still disables me from running, which would be my go to choice. I'm still restricted to what I can do.
I push myself up and exit my room. I pad downstairs with a mentally exhausted wipe of the eyes and a yawn to symbolise my lack of sleep. I made sure make myself look unaffected so I don't worry anyone, especially Max and Bytes.
St Kilda is in the race to make finals for the first time in nine years. We are in a do or die position after our loss against the Eagles. We're teetering on the edge and must win our match against the Giants to secure our spot in the 8.
I don't want to further the stress on my two boys with my own issues. I just have to act like all is fine. I just have to get through this heartbreak on my own. My issue, my problem. Just got to fake it until you make it.
The team is training as we speak, that's why there's barely anyone lingering in the dining area. I decided to take today off and not do any photographing since I haven't had one of those days in awhile. And because I didn't feel up to it but I'm not telling anyone that.
The newly prepared hot chocolate is warm in my hands on this weirdly chilly morning in Noosa. A few partners of the players are locked in friendly conversation over a cup of coffee, many of which I don't know very well. The only partner I really know is Marnie, Blondie's significant other.
Once the paper cup is stripped of all its contents, I throw it in the bin and exit the building. I walk to a secluded part of the resort, pull out my phone and call Audrey. After a few rings she picks up.
"Hey," I greet with a deep sigh.
"Hey Mads, you alright?" Audrey's voice asks worriedly through the phone.
"Nope. You ever thought everything was perfect until it all wasn't?"
"Steeley did something, didn't he?" The Silvagni puts two and two together pretty quickly. My second loud sigh suffices for a 'yes'. "Idiot. What did he do?"
I don't bother trying to milk it, so rather I get straight to the point.
"We kissed then not long after he says he regrets kissing me," I get out somewhat shakily. "Why Auds? Why me?"
I grunt, slamming my fist into the dirt before holding my head in my hands. Tears force their way out which only makes me more agitated.
"No! Stop fucking crying over him, Madelyn! Stop crying over him!" I yell at myself. The power he has over me adding to the frustration.
"Oh Mads..." Audrey says guiltily through the phone.
"I thought he was the one, Auds." I sniffle. "He was so sweet and loving and the nicest guy. He was the only one who broke through my fear of opening up romantically. Yet he was the very one to break me in my entirety."
I seal my eyes shut and release a shaky sigh. I feel blank now, cleared of any emotion after that outburst.
A few moments of silence follow before Audrey speaks up.
"So he just threw you to the dirt out of nowhere?" She questions.
"Yep."
"Without little to no explanation?"
"Yep. Didn't justify anything," I tell her, reliving his words in my head with a cringe.
Audrey sighs. "So did he tell you about Taylah?"
"No, nothing," I answer with an edge of betrayal in my voice. I hear a sound of annoyance from the phone.
"I never said anything to you because it was for him to say, not me. I would've thought he told you about her," Audrey says somewhat guiltily.
"I don't blame you. I understand it wasn't your place to tell me," I assure her. "He didn't say anything about her to me. I found out through Max because I asked. I had heard her name a few times but with little context and it came to the point where I just needed to know."
I pause for a second, my mind working. "Do you think that's why he just left me here?"
"That's my suspicion. I have a slight feeling that Taylah contacted him. He hasn't spoken to her for a year so she wouldn't know of you. Either way I'm going to whoop his ass. Oh, and even better, I'll get Caleb to join me." Her comment manages to get a laugh out of me. "It'll be alright Mads. You'll get through this. I've been here before and all you have to do is persist on."
"Thank you Auds. I appreciate the advice and allowing me to get my emotions out."
"Always, Mads. Call me if you need anything," The Silvagni says kindly.
"I will. Speak with you soon." I smile although she can't see it.
"Bye."
Appears as though I was nothing but a rebound to Jack because of his breakup with Taylah. I was used for his own personal gain and benefit. I was of no proper meaning to him and all the affection was never from the heart, it was only ever given because it would help his pain.
At the end of the day he has gone back to her, at least that's the only plausible reason. The way he shooed me off was so sudden that it must've stemmed from Taylah contacting him. I don't know enough about her to determine whether or not it was on purpose or unintentional. For now I know that Jack ditching me was intentional. His glare and harsh words were used on purpose.
I had never been overwhelmed by anyone's height before. Max, Ben and even Bytes' height never intimidated me but when Jack towered over me I couldn't help but shrink but in submission.
It's very rare, if not impossible, for me to submit. Usually I would hold my ground but this time I couldn't do it under Jack's hard gaze. It was so cold. It was nothing I had ever seen from him before. It scared me, I admit that.
But now it angers me. It pisses me off how not only has he used and played me, he also had the audacity to make me yield by scaring me with his physical height. I was taken advantage of and it does nothing but infuriate me.
How could I not be upset and aggravated?
Because, after all, I was lied to by a man who wanted nothing more than the truth.
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A/N
NO MADS WHYYYYY!😭😭
Audrey being such a queen with supporting Mads though🥺
So sorry for being really slack with updates. Yet, to be fair, I should've only been posting once a week this whole time, not both Weds and Sat😂
I hope you enjoyed!
Cheers!