I remained unmoving for a few minutes, trying to pull myself out of the black hole that Rigor pushed me into. It's quite hard because with every step up, he's dragging me down with his piercing gaze and curled lips.
"Rigor..." I said, and I hate how it sounds so breathless in me. I don't want him to know the effect he has on me after all these years.
He grinned boyishly, like he knows what's going on through my head. Ngumiti ako nang alanganin at itinulak siya palayo. A small, faint gasp left my lips when my palms made contact with his chest, so I quickly look away.
"Rigor!" his name was called again, but this time, in a joyful, bright manner. Mr. Abad walked towards us, grinning widely. "What an honor to see you in our humble gallery!"
Nanatili ang tingin sa akin ni Rigor nang ilang segundo bago niya binalingan si Mr. Abad, nakangiti pa rin.
"Sir Abad," he nodded in acknowledgement. "I was in the city, so I thought I might check this gallery out."
His eyes gleamed in pleasure and amazement. Rigor is so well known not just in Baltimore, but he's also the pride of the country when he made noises in the art industry while carrying the Filipino name. I'm sure Mr. Abad is a great fan of his work.
Awkward akong umatras. Napatingin si Mr. Abad sa braso ni Rigor na prenteng nakadantay sa pader, tapos ay sa akin na nakakulong sa corner.
"Czarina, do you know him? This is the infamous Rigor Treveron!" excited pa niyang wika. He's oblivious to the tension between the two of us.
Gusto kong matawa nang mapait sa sinabi niya, but I kept my mouth shut and smiled politely.
"I know her." Rigor said with an amused look on his face. Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mga mata pero hindi siya nagpatinag.
"Really?"
"She's my ex, Mr. Abad."
Gusto kong magpalamon sa lupa sa mga oras na iyon. His eyes got wide in surprise and was looking at us back and forth as if we were unreal. My breathing caught up. I sucked in a small breath and finally mustered the courage to step away from his cage.
"Actually, I have to go. Thank you, Mr. Abad. I'll see you in the exhibit."
Hindi pa rin siya makapagsalita sa sobrang gulat kaya umalis na lamang ako. I heard the two of them talking before it went silent and then suddenly, I heard footsteps following me. I got nervous because I know it's him so I picked up my pace and walked faster. Before I could even reach it to Kyros' car, someone grabbed my arm.
I squeezed my eyes shut, then took a sharp breath before turning to him again. He's grinning again. I want to smack the cruel smirk off his face. Five years did nothing to age him. In fact, it only enhanced his well-defined features. His eyes are darker, more expressive, and I could only imagine the roughness of a day's worth of stubble in his jaw.
"Are you avoiding me?" halos natatawa pa niyang tanong sa akin.
Clenching my jaw, I tip-toed to meet his gaze before squinting my eyes to glare at him. "Bakit kita iiwasan, ha? Napaka-assuming mo naman."
His lips twitched. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa nakatingkayad kong mga paa bago niya inilipat sa mukha ko.
"Good. Fancy a dinner with me tonight?"
Hindi kaagad ako nakasagot. I promised Castian I'll be back before dinnertime, as soon as my job interview is finished. Kung papayag ako, I'll be showing him that I don't give a damn about his presence anymore. But if I refuse, para ko na ring kinain ang mga salita ko.
I battled in my mind for a bit, then sighed.
"Hindi na. May naghihintay sa akin..." I swallowed thickly.
His expression changed from being playful to being serious. A hint of anger and possessiveness crossed his face before he stepped back, nodding.
"How about tomorrow, then?" he tried again.
Umiling ulit ako. Rigor's jaw clenched. I tried to think of a plausible excuse before my phone starts ringing. Kaagad ko itong kinuha mula sa sling bag. Parehos kaming napatingin ni Rigor sa tumatawag.
Kyros.
I cleared my throat and stepped away from him before answering the call.
"Hello?"
"Czarina, anong oras ka uuwi?"
Nangunot kaagad ang noo ko. "Bakit?"
"Castian hurt himself while playing. Don't worry, it's not a big deal. Just some scraps on the knees but he won't stop crying and he's looking for you."
I bit my lower lip. Muntik na akong atakihin sa puso dahil akala ko kung ano na.
"Tell him I'm going home soon."
"Okay. Ingat ka."
I ended the call and faced Rigor again. He didn't even bother to hide the fact that he was eavesdropping on my call. Ipinagkrus ko ang mga braso sa dibdib at tinaasan siya ng kilay.
"I'm sorry, Rigor, but I don't really see the point of having dinner together. Unlike you, some of us have to work harder to put roof in our heads and food in our table. Not all are celebrity artists..." I said bitterly.
Hindi niya ako sinagot. Halata lang na bad mood siya. He looked away.
"I have to go. I'll see you, then." I said quietly and went inside Kyros' car. Tumabi si Rigor nang paandarin ko na ang kotse at nag-drive paalis.
I watch him watch me over the rearview mirror. Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi at pinigilan ang sariling ihinto ang kotse para kausapin pa siya. I stepped on the accelerator and found myself breathing in huge breaths after he was out of my vision.
Halos wala ako sa sariling dumalo sa job interview. I am applying as a teacher assistant of an art academy in Manila, just like Kyros recommended. Kinakabahan nga ako dahil baka hindi ako matanggap. Ang hirap kasi mag-concentrate pagkatapos ng nangyari kanina. To my relief, the interviewer gave me a smile.
"I think the academy wants you, Ms. Martellin. Consider yourself hired. Here's the list of the requirements. We'll call you for an orientation next week and hopefully, by the end of the month, you can start working with us."
I want to jump in glee but I didn't want to embarrass myself. Instead, I smiled brightly at her and repeatedly shook her hands while laughing.
"Thank you so much, Ma'am! I'll do my best!"
Pati siya ay natawa na rin. I mentioned my son earlier, so she urged me to go home already. Tuwang-tuwa akong bumiyahe pauwi. Nag-takeout pa ako ng pizza as celebration of getting the job.
When I got home, Kyros is already in his white nursing uniform. Castian is frowning, sitting like a crab on the ground and not listening to him. Napalingon silang dalawa sa akin nang marinig ang sasakyan. Castian jumped from his feet and ran into me. I quickly climbed out of the car and hugged him.
"Hi baby, I've missed you so much." I murmured into his ears.
He pouted and pointed to his knees. "I scraped my knees while playing, Mummy. I cried, but only for a bit!" he boasted.
Tumaas ang kilay ni Kyros sa sinabi ni Castian pero wala namang sinabi. Natawa ako at pinanggigilan ang mamula-mula pa niyang mga pisngi.
"Aren't you a good boy?" I squished his cheeks in delight. "Lika, I bought some pizza. You can have a slice. I'll remove the tomatoes for you."
He started jumping up and down in excitement while the three of us entered the kitchen. Inilapag ko ang takeout na pizza sa counter habang naghahanda ng juice. Kyros leans on the counter and examines me.
Pinaningkitan niya ako ng mga mata. "May nangyari ba?"
Kaagad akong nanigas pero agad din namang nakabawi at pinagpatuloy ang ginagawa. Rigor's voice played inside my head again.
"Nangyari...?" I echoed out loud.
"You seemed different." He shrugged.
I told him I got the job, but it doesn't seem to convince him.
"By the way, I'm planning to enroll Castian this school year in Manila. Yung malapit lang sa academy na pagtatrabahuan ko para naman matingnan-tingnan ko siya. Do you think it'll work?" pag-iiba ko sa usapan.
I don't want him to ask any more questions because the last thing I want to reveal right now is seeing the father of my child after five, long years.
"I don't see any problem..." ngumuya si Kyros sa pizza niya at tiningnan ako. "Kung malapit lang sa ospital, pwede ko rin siyang bisitahin."
"Great!"
We finished the pizza and Kyros went to work. Kaming dalawa naman ni Castian ay tumambay muna sa garden bago ako nagluto ng hapunan at pinatulog ang bata. When I was finally done with the chores, alone with my thoughts, I began thinking of him again.
I wanted to laugh at my situation. I'm an adult with responsibilities. As much as I want to mull over him as soon as I got home, I can't do any of these things anymore. I always a chore to finish, bills to pay, and a child to take care of. Palagi silang nangunguna sa prayoridad ko.
Sometimes, in the midst of everything, I began to wonder about the path not taken. I wonder if I didn't let the opportunities slip from my hands, where would I be now? I know I'm not going to be as successful as Rigor, but I could've been in a better place, right?
Of course, I'm deeply aware about postpartum depression and the dark side of giving birth to a child unexpectedly. I was once ambitious, but now I am contented at the pit. Hiding behind the shadows of the sun. Unknown.
Don't get me wrong. I love Castian very much. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for that clingy bean. Napapatanong lang talaga ako paminsan-minsan. Living from paycheck to paycheck. This is not the life I wanted for him.
Napailing ako at pinatay na ang mga boses sa isipan. I have to get up early tomorrow. Tinabihan ko si Castian at pinilit ang sariling matulog.
Kinabukasan, hinintay ko muna si Kyros na makauwi bago ako umalis. As usual, he's comfortable lending me his car. I drove back to Manila and started ticking off my requirement list. Kahit inagahan ko na ay sobrang taas pa rin ng pila. I waited patiently while video-calling my son. When I was done, I went back to the car, exhausted.
Ilang araw ko ring binalik-balikan ang mga requirements hanggang sa makompleto ko na. I attended the short orientation the following next. Ipinaliwanag lang sa akin nang maayos ang job description ko, benefits, and limits. They also said I was allowed to act as a sub if the professor likes me. Natuwa naman ako sa narinig. I don't have LET units that'll allow me to teach, but this is such a great opportunity already.
Nang matapos ay naghintay ako ng tawag nila para sa orientation. While I'm at home, I started cleaning the garden and pulling out weeds while Kyros and Castian are eating inside. Hapon na iyon kaya hindi mainit. My phone is in loudspeaker, playing songs of Halsey Wilson. I liked the contrast of her soft voice and hardcore lyrics, so I listened to her songs most of the time. I knew about her when she got linked with Philodemus recently.
Napa-angat ako ng tingin nang makarinig ng makina ng sasakyan. Kumunot agad ang noo ko dahil alam kong hindi kay Shantel ang sasakyan na yan at bukod sa kaniya ay wala ng iba pang bumibisita dito.
Pinagpagan ko ang suot na palda at nilapitan ang gate. The car slowed down, and the window started rolling down. A man in a black hoodie, black mask, and dark shades showed up in the driver's seat.
"Dude, you're right."
Napalingon ako sa passenger's seat. Rigor is smirking on the other side, watching me. napaawang kaagad ang bibig ko at kinakabahang nilingon ang mansion dahil baka biglang lumabas si Castian. I quickly rushed to the gate and locked it behind me.
"What the hell are you doing here?" galit kong asik sa kaniya habang bumababa siya ng sasakyan. The driver climbed out as well, and when he took off his shades, I realized that it was Philodemus.
"Dito ka nakatira?" sinuri ni Rigor ang kabuuan ng mansion at napangisi. I almost couldn't breathe. I promised Castian I'd play with him this afternoon and he could go out any minute!
"Rigor, you have to leave." I said coldly.
"Hello, Czarina." Philodemus said politely. I flushed. Nai-intimidate na nga ako sa kaniya nung college pa kami, at ngayong sobrang sikat na niya, it's like I shouldn't breathe the same air as him.
I cleared my throat and looked away. I look like a rag compared to them. Literally and figuratively. Both men have accomplished well in their chosen careers while I'm... still here. Conscious kong itinago ang maruming kamay sa likuran habang patuloy pa rin akong kinakabahan.
"We're here to invite you to dinner." Rigor said after a while.
"What dinner?" suplada kong tanong sa kaniya.
He gestured towards his cousin. "He needs to have dinner with Halsey Wilson for some publicity shit. He doesn't want to go alone and I don't want to be a third wheel so we're here for you."
"What about in this situation that makes you think I'll go to this stupid dinner?" I scoffed. I forced myself to maintain a poker face even though I'm screaming inside to the possibility of meeting one of my favorite singers.
"Come on, Czarina. You're clearly avoiding me."
Philodemus cleared his throat. Napatingin ako sa kaniya. "I'm sorry to bother, Czarina. But I will really appreciate it if you can come."
Nag-isip ako ng ilang segundo. I haven't been to a formal dinner for a while. Sobrang naging busy ako kay Castian, sa pagtatrabaho, at sa paglilinis ng bahay. In fact, I thought it wasn't an option to me anymore. Napatingin ako sa dalawa. Kulang nalang ay mag-puppy eyes si Philodemus habang si Rigor naman ay naghihintay pa rin ng sagot ko.
"Mommy!"
"Oh my God, fine, fine! I'll go to this dinner. Could you please leave?" natataranta kong wika sa kanila.
Rigor looks confused for a moment, so I pushed him back into the car. Philodemus smiled at me and thanked me before getting in the car as well. Hinampas ko pa ng dalawang beses ang gilid ng sasakyan para umalis na sila. When the engine finally started, I was in the verge of a heart attack. Nang lumingon ako, tumatakbo na si Castian patungo sa gate. They finally left.
Kaagad kong niyakap ang anak at napahinga nang maluwag. He pulled away from me, looking confused.
"Okay ka lang, Mommy?"
I nod and planted a kiss on his forehead. "I'm fine, baby. Nagulat lang ako."
Kinagabihan ay nakatanggap ako ng text mula kay Rigor. He gave me the address of the restaurant when I insisted that I don't want to be picked up by him. I know this dinner date is not a good idea, but I couldn't say no to him. Pati si Philodemus ay nagti-text na rin sa akin. Kyros saw it and picked up my phone from the kitchen counter.
"Philodemus? As in Philo from Memento Mori?" gulat niyang tanong sa akin.
I clipped a pearl on my ears and turned to him. "Oo, bakit?"
"Makikipag-date ka sa kaniya?!"
"Hinaan mo nga ang boses mo!" sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. buti nalang at busy si Castian sa pagtatali ng sapatos niya kaya hindi niya narinig. "I'm not going on a date with him."
"Eh bakit... bakit..." he looks at me as if I betrayed him. "Ang daya mo! Alam mo bang idol na idol ko 'to si Philo tapos hindi mo man lang sinabi sa akin?! Pinagbantay mo pa ako sa anak mo!"
Inirapan ko si Kyros. "We went to the same college together. It's not a big deal, Kyros."
"Anong hindi big deal! Kailangan mo kong uwian ng autograph ni idol kung hindi magpaalam ka na sa anak mo!"
Napaka-drama talaga. Eh hindi ko naman talaga alam na nakikinig pala siya sa Memento Mori!
"Whatever, Kyros. How do I look anyway?"
Masama niyang tinanggal ang tingin mula sa phone ko at tinitigan ako. I'm wearing a black knit dress with a scooped back and side slit. I paired it with white heels.
"Pwede na." barumbado niyang sagot sa akin.
Sinapak ko siya sa braso. "Oo na, oo na. Try kong magpa-autograph sa kaniya mamaya."
Shantel arrived a moment later. I've already told her that I'm meeting my son's father and that's it. She never stopped teasing me afterwards.
"Sabi na eh! Magkikita't magkikita din kayong dalawa." Tuwang-tuwa pa niyang wika.
I bid goodbye to the two babysitters and went to Castian. I pulled him into a hug.
"You look so pretty, Mommy." He said adorably. "How come you never wear that when you're just in the house?"
Natawa ako at hinalikan ang pisngi niya. "I'll see you later, baby. Be a good boy to Ninang Shanny and Tito Kyros, okay?"
"Okay, Mommy. Bye-bye."
Day-off ni Kyros ngayon kaya hiniram ko ulit ang kotse niya. I drove to Manila and to the restaurant where we'll be meeting. Rigor texted me just as I parked that they're already here. I grabbed my purse and stepped out of the car, legs first, onto the brick pavement. When I looked up, Rigor is already waiting for me at the front of the restaurant, watching me darkly.
My heart picked up its pace, but I still manage to give him a polite smile as I slammed the door shut and went to him. His hands instantly snaked around my waist so I give him a look.
"Relax. You're my date, I'm just acting like one." he chuckled into my ear.
Hindi ako nagsalita. One of the staff greeted us and led us to the VIP room, probably to steer clear from the paparazzi. We entered a double-glass walled room with a table just enough for four. On the right is Halsey Wilson, looking young and radiant in her red leather jacket and black boots. She looked up from the menu and smiled widely.
"Hi, you guys. Philo is just taking some calls but he'll be back in a sec," dumako ang tingin niya sa akin. Hihimatayin na ata ako sa sobrang kaba at tuwa nang makita siya. "You must be Czarina?"
"I am." And I'm such a big fan!
I bit my lower lip to prevent myself from adding it. Naupo ako sa tapat niya. She poured some water for me and asked how was my day. Halos hindi ako makapaniwala at tuluyan nang inignora si Rigor habang masaya akong nakikipag-usap sa kaniya. I can't believe she's so friendly and humble!
Or at least for the first few minutes.
"I'm gonna go get Philo." Rigor said after a moment. He unconsciously squeezed my hands under the table as if asking permission to leave so I looked up at him. Alanganin akong ngumiti at tumango. He got up and left.
As soon as he left the room, Halsey sighed out loud. Napatingin ako sa kaniya.
"Oh my God, now I know why they got a VIP room." She gestured towards the surroundings.
I smiled at her, confused. "Isn't it because they don't want to be seen by the paparazzi?"
She smirked at me and sipped on her water. "Oh, they have no problem being seen with the paparazzi, babe. But they have problems being seen with a no-name girl like you."
Nawala agad ang ngiti sa mga labi ko at tinitigan siya. She yawned, as if bored.
"I still can't get my head over how you're invited into this very private dinner with us. I thought we're doing this for publicity but we're tucked away in a corner like some sardines." Her gaze went to me. "Who are you, anyway? I looked you up and couldn't find anything about you. You're not really dating Rigor, right? Because that would be so funny."
Kumuyom ang kamao ko sa ilalim ng lamesa. I'm still shocked at how fast she took off her mask when nobody's watching.
"Well, at least Rigor has a good taste when it comes to women who warms his bed, right? That's a compliment!"
I shut my eyes for a second, trying to restrain myself but I just couldn't help it.
"You know what, Halsey..." I said dangerously. "I'm not really surprised that they picked the private VIP room, and that's not because they don't want to be seen with me, but rather they don't want to be seen with you. You can spit crap all you want, but my history with these guys goes all the way back to college. If anything, you are crashing on our little reunion."
"What the hell-"
"For someone who uses audio-tune in all of her songs, you seem a little too high on yourself. It doesn't hurt to act civil once in a while. So, sit down, you privileged brat."
She was about to answer when the door opens again. Napalingon ako kina Rigor at Philodemus.
"Sorry, that took me a while." Philodemus said, taking a seat next to Halsey. "Are we all good?"
"We're all good. I think I found my new best friend, Elton." I smiled sweetly and picked up the menu.
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#HanmariamBFLIIChap2