NORMALISE BROTHERS AND SISTERS BEING ABLE TO HUG. I feel like people sexualize EVERYTHING even if it's not. A brother and sister cuddling cause they are comforting one another is not sexual its called being fucking family.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
May 19
Y/n POV
☆
One in the morning, class tomorrow. If we lived on ground level we'd hear the crickets singing.
Tomorrow's 6 years. 6 years since I heard about Dad's accident I was at home with Kou and Mom. One phone call and then Mom's screams and sobs and Koushi and I not knowing what to do because our parent's never broke down in from of us like she did. Mom explaining to us that Dad's gone Koushi's cries and my shocked tears. 10 year old me not knowing anything about death until I experienced it. My shocked tears turning into screams because Koushi explaining over Mom's laugh screams that Dad's not coming home anymore. That I won't see Daddy again.
I can never sleep the night before Dad's death anniversary. Sure I joke about it but the mourning never stops. I'll never smell him anymore, feel his hands on my hair while he tries to get me to sleep after a nightmare. I'll never have him wake me up in the mornings for school with his soft voice, only a little deeper then Kou's. Not to mention all the other things he never got to do for me, which sounds selfish but everyone deserves to be selfish every once in a while.
I take a deep breath and try and readjust my position but nothing works. I give up and decide to go to Mom's room but I guess Koushi had the same idea because we exit our bedrooms at the same time, pillows in both our hands.
"Can't sleep either?" He asks and I nod. He walks up to me and gives me a hug stroking my head I nod and slump against him smelling his shirt, he smells almost like how I remember Dad smelled without the cologne he used. Without the faint smell of metal and gasoline and oil. Dad was a car mechanic and died in a car crash. Shard of window glass to the neck. Ironic.
Dad was gentle like Koushi, gentle and kind. Sweet and wild at times. I take after Mom, childish, organized and only responsible when needed to be.
"Can we go to Mom's room?"I ask and Kou nods.
"Okay. We can go to Mom's room. She probably can't sleep too." Koushi says, he keeps his arm around me as we walk across the hall. Koushi knocks on the door and a subtle hum comes from the other side. We open the door and Mom gives us gentle smiles, the warm light from her lamp sitting at her bed side lighting the room just enough to get around.
"Can you not sleep either?" Mom asks and we both nod our heads.
"Here. You can both sleep beside me then." Mom says moving to the other end of her bed. I slide into the middle and Koushi beside me, on the other side of the bed. Mom faces me and I curl into her body, smelling the sweetness of her shampoo off her. Koushi joins in Mom's hug and we all lay there. Mom taking turns stoking my hair then moving to Koushi's grey mop.
Koushi places a hand on my forearm and rubs it up and down before hugging my side.
"Your Dad would be very happy about you two. Growing up into beautiful young adults with pretty hearts." Mom whispers and I grab her shirt harder. Mom is strong. Stronger then most. She had those few months of not doing much but after a year she spoke about dad's death like it was the most normal thing in the world. I guess death is like that though. It's the most normal thing cause everyone's gonna be in the underground at one point.
Koushi's strong too. He got that from Mom. Taking all of the responsibility you had because you can't do that anymore.
One of the things I got from Dad is not strength. Dad and I are strong in our own right though. Maybe resilient is a better word for Dad and I. Not strong.
"It's not fair." I grab Mom's shirt harder and she sighs. I really am selfish.
"I know it's not fair but life isn't fair either. Your Dad isn't gonna be the last person in your life to leave you or die. Your Dad was my first everything but the truth of the matter is, firsts are firsts and that's all they are. They won't last forever. I thought they would but they didn't. That's the lesson your Dad left for me." She explains but I don't say anything.
I think firsts can be lasts, luck has favourites and we make our own luck ourselves.
"It's okay to be angry." Mom whispers. She moves her hand to Koushi's face and soon moves her hand to my cheek resting it there.
"Go to sleep now my Loves." Mom whispers.
I let the warmth of my brother and Mom loll me to sleep.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
May 20
Tsuksihima POV
☽
Tadashi has an appointment today so he left before lunch. Y/n and I sit in an empty stairwell and eat our bento's. Our feet rest two steps below us while we sit on another stair.
"You seem weird today." I comment, shaking her out of her gaze.
"Oh.'' She says plainly, poking at her food with her chopsticks. She frowns and closes her bento. She never gives up food. She never not smiles too.
"Tsukishima?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you think I'm a selfish person?" She asks and I raise a brow at her quizzically.
"No. Why?" I ask setting my food aside and turning my attention to her completely.
"You're wrong about that Tsukishima." She whispers, tears falling from her face and I grow panicked.
"W-why am I wrong then?" I ask. "I at least want to u-understand you." I say and she wipes her eyes.
"I'm s-so angry." She cries even more and I put a hand on her shoulder.
"Why are you angry?" I ask, trying to make my voice sound sincere even though my voice always sounds bored even when I'm not.
"I'm mad at my Dad for dying. It's not fair. I-I'm missing out on so much. I-I'll never have a father-daughter dance, never walked down the aisle with my Dad, never be able to smell him again. I'm so angry at him Tsukishima. He didn't need to go away. Being angry at a dead man makes me pretty selfish and weak huh?" She sobs. She crawls closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder and I let her cry into my neck, feeling her tears run down my skin. I place my hands on her arms and keep them there.
"No Y/n. You're wrong about this one too. You're anything but selfish." I say. "I-I'm sorry Y/n. I don't know how to comfort you." I frown and hold her arms tightly.
"Just don't let go of me." She whispers and I nod.
"Okay then. I'm here as long as you need me to be then. I won't even give you a sarcastic comment." I say and I feel her smile against my neck before giggling.
"You really are sweet boy Tsukishima Kei."
I wish I was able to comfort her but I can't. I wish I can make her feel better. Take all of that pain and aguish away from her and store it in a box and hide it away but I can't. This is another instance where I regret and loath my lack of communication skills.
She holds me tighter, her crying more gently now.
"Don't let me go. Please don't let me go Tsukishima." She pleads.
"I won't. I promise." I whisper and wrap my arms around her completely.
"You do?" She asks in bewilderment and I feel myself smile and hold her tighter.
"Of course I do. I promise Y/n. I won't let you go." I whisper
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Written July 18, 2021
Released August 9 , 2021