It had been a long and overwhelming day and Sasha would probably be exhausted for at least a week once he got home, but for now he was okay. A few times he'd been worried things were getting to be too much and he'd just crash on the spot, but then Cooper had just been there, calm and safe, and he'd managed to keep going.
Still, he was looking forward to getting home and decompressing on his own. There was nothing wrong with that. He just didn't have a limitless capacity for human interaction like Cooper seemed to.
That was still his biggest worry when it came to the potential for anything between the two of them. It just didn't seem fair to Cooper, who seemed to get lonely... well, pretty much the instant he was alone. Sasha certainly couldn't relate to that and he wasn't sure how much he could accommodate it. He felt a little bad that Cooper seemed so invested in making sure everything was as good as it possibly could be for him while he couldn't go to such lengths to return the favour without compromising his own mental health.
If Cooper minded, though, he gave no indication of it. Right now he was just snuggled in against Sasha's side in the car, being all cute and sleepy.
They arrived back at their apartment building and trudged up the stairs together. Sasha still had Cooper's jacket on and he didn't intend to give it back until they reached the doors to their apartments. He enjoyed flapping the sleeves.
They got upstairs and Sasha started to take the jacket off, then he just stopped and stared at his door. His stomach dropped and he felt his breathing become strained and nothing felt real and he wanted to turn back time and reverse the simple mistake he'd made.
"Sasha?" Cooper asked.
"I didn't bring my key," Sasha whispered.
"Oh, sweetheart," Sasha heard Ellie say, but his eyes were still fixed on the door, willing it not to be true. What was he going to do? He reached up and tried the knob, but of course it didn't turn.
"It's okay," Cooper told him, but it really, really wasn't. "That time I locked myself out and came over to your place wasn't the first time I'd done that. I know what to do. I'll call the landlord for you. Okay?"
Sasha nodded, then sat on the floor against his door and buried as much of himself under the jacket, face included, as he could. It smelled slightly of the deodorant Cooper used.
Cooper wandered further down the hall so Sasha couldn't actually hear the conversation, but it seemed to go on longer than he would have expected. Was he in trouble? Would they not be able to get him back in? He didn't want to deal with another problem tonight. He'd tried really hard, pushed himself to and even beyond his limits, and now he deserved rest. For once, he felt like he'd earned it. And now... this. And it was his own fault for being careless.
"Hey," Cooper said as he knelt down next to Sasha. "You okay?"
Sasha shook his head, not unburying himself from within the jacket.
"Fair," Cooper said. "So, the situation is that they really don't have anyone nearby who can come out tonight. They want to wait until morning to send someone out, but I'm pretty sure if you really need to get back in tonight, I can get them to send someone."
Sasha hugged his arms tighter around his face. "I don't have anywhere to sleep."
"You can stay with us."
Sasha lowered his arms just slightly. "There isn't enough room, is there?"
"Abra and I can cuddle up on Cooper's futon on the floor and you and Coop can have the bed together," Ellie told him. "We're good at making things work."
"It's my fault, though."
"It only happened because you were too busy worrying about me to remember your keys," Cooper told him. "Besides, I forget shit all the time. Nobody who I consider a friend punishes me for it. Hell, you took me in last time I shut myself out."
"Mm," Sasha tugged the jacket back down, uncovering his face, but he squeezed his arms tight around his chest. "You all don't mind?"
"I actually think it sounds nice," Abra said.
"He's a cuddler," Ellie told Sasha with a smile.
"And you know I always want you around," Cooper told him.
"Okay," Sasha said. "I guess I'll be okay and I don't want the landlord people to have to come out at night if they're busy."
"All right," Cooper said, offering Sasha a gentle smile. "You want to go inside? I'll finish up talking to the guy and find out what time he can get here tomorrow and everything."
Sasha nodded and pulled himself up off the ground. He hugged the jacket around his chest again as he followed Ellie and Abra into the apartment. He liked how big it was on him. It made him feel safer. Or maybe that was just because it was Cooper's.
"Sorry," Sasha murmured as he looked at how small the space on the floor between the bed and the kitchen area was. Even for one person, it wasn't a lot of room. Two would only just barely fit.
"It's no problem, really," Abra said.
"I just wanted to help Cooper, but..." Sasha shrugged.
"And you very much did, and now it's your turn to be helped," Ellie told him. "That's what friends do."
Sasha sat down on the edge of the bed. Were they friends? It would probably be rude to ask that question, but he felt like he still hardly knew Ellie and Abra. But maybe friendship had transitive properties. They were friends with Cooper and so was he, so he was sort of their friend as well. Maybe. Or maybe they were just kind people.
"Okay, he'll be around at about eight tomorrow morning to let you in," Cooper said as he joined them in the apartment. "Is there anything we can do to make you feel better?"
Sasha shook his head, his eyes on his shoes as he undid the laces. "No. You've all been really nice. Thank you."
"We could turn the lights off and put a movie on," Ellie suggested. "Would that help to give you a bit of a break from the social stuff?"
Sasha nodded. These people were very kind. Too kind, maybe. He felt like he was accruing a kind of social debt and it would be one he couldn't repay. Like one day they would come and ask him to drive them to the airport and he would have to be like, I do not own a car and also I cannot drive. Or something. Honestly, he wasn't even sure what kinds of social things one person might ask of another, but most people seemed to spend so much of their time around other people that there was probably some stuff. Stuff he was most likely not equipped to help with in one way or another.
But right now, watching a movie in the darkness was the best thing for everyone if only because they probably didn't want to see him cry. He sure would rather things not come to that, if at all possible.
Ellie and Abra got out the futon and sat down together on the floor, backs leant against the bed. That left the bed for Sasha and Cooper. Sasha lay down and Cooper lay behind him, propped up slightly so that he could see over the top of Sasha's head as they picked a movie.
They ended up watching some Pixar movie. Sasha was too overwhelmed and distracted to figure out what it was or what was going on, but it was strangely comforting. He shut his eyes, the heat of Cooper's body at his back, and just listened to the movie.
#
Cooper was not paying attention to the movie at all. He was pretty bad at maintaining focus through an entire movie at the best of times, but with Sasha here and with everything that had happened that day, both good and bad, churning around in his mind, he stood no chance.
Around half an hour in, his phone rang.
Cooper considered ignoring it so that he could stay snuggled up and enjoy Sasha's company, but when he saw Mason's name on the screen he quietly excused himself and headed out onto the balcony.
"Hey, Mase," Cooper answered. "What's up?"
"Oh boy," Mason said. "Well, to start with, I had eleven missed calls from mum when my plane landed today."
"Ah," Cooper said.
"And of course my first instinct is to put my phone back on airplane mode and pretend I saw nothing, because I just spent three days with her so I'm done with her shit for at least another year. Unfortunately, last time I saw her she was with you, so I figured, you know. You might be dead, so I'd better call her back."
Cooper leant against the railing and looked out over the dark street. "Turns out, I'm not dead."
"Yeah. Should have just called you and Logan and then not bothered once I confirmed you two were okay. If dad was dead or something, I'm not sure I'd actually care at this point."
"What did she want?"
"Oh, well, first thing she did was ask me if I thought she was a bad mother."
"Ah."
"So of course, I said yes."
Cooper choked on a laugh. "Mason!"
"Hey, it's not like I just walked up to her and told her that unprompted. She asked. If she wanted some diplomatic bullshit, she should have called Logan. From me, she gets the truth, whether she likes it or not."
"And did she like it?"
"She did not particularly like it, no. But she said she had a bit of a fight with you, and it seemed to have shaken her up a bit."
"Mm." Cooper felt his hand gripping the railing as he thought back over the incident. "Did she tell you what it was about? What she did?"
"She told me her version of events from her perspective."
"Did she tell you she pretty much kidnapped me in an attempt to force me to go to some uni?"
"Not in those exact words, but that's how I'd sum up what she did tell me, so it sounds like she was mostly honest. Of course, she couched the whole thing in a bunch of her own bullshit justifications."
"Well, I hope you told her she was a bad mother again, because that was fucked up. Just... completely not okay."
"I told her I agreed with you, as if that were ever in doubt. She just kept trying to tell me all about how she only did it because she was worried about you. Because she didn't want you to end up, like... on the streets selling drugs or whatever the fuck."
Cooper toed a leaf off the edge of the balcony and watched it flutter down until it disappeared into darkness. "I love how much faith she has in me. Just gives me those warm fuzzy feelings."
"In all of us, really. I was like, bitch, I literally have a spare room in my house that he can live in for the rest of his life if he wants to. And she was like... well, what if you die, and I told her you were the sole beneficiary in my will. Which is true, by the way, and as a side note, please do not murder me. You'll be the prime suspect, so it really wouldn't be worth the trouble."
"I make no promises."
"Fair. Anyway, yeah. I felt like she... sort of listened? I hope she actually understands what the issue is, but if she can learn a series of rules concerning boundaries and respect so that you'll be willing to be in the same room with her in the future, maybe that's good enough."
"More than I'd ever thought I'd get from her."
"Ain't that the sad truth. Anyway, did you get to see that boy you have a crush on?"
"Yeah, actually. He called me in the middle of the fight with mum and helped me calm down and get things sorted out."
"He sounds like good people."
"He's the best of us, honestly. He's here now, actually, because he accidentally locked himself out of his apartment in the midst of everything."
"I won't keep you, then. Just wanted to make sure you were okay after what mum told me."
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good."
#
Sasha didn't get the best of sleep that night, but all things considered, he got more than he had expected. Of course, he'd expected basically zero sleep, so it probably helped that his expectations had been nice and low.
It was like having a sleepover as a little kid. He could remember liking the idea of sleepovers when he'd been really little, getting excited about them, but at some point he'd realised they were just sleep deprivation and discomfort. That seemed to just be part of the experience for other kids, but he really had not had room in his life for that kind of disruption.
He still wasn't exactly fond of the experience, but at least when they all got up in the morning, everyone expressed the level of sympathy for his situation that he felt like he deserved. Well, not deserved, maybe. This whole thing was his own fault. They seemed to realise that he wouldn't be feeling too great, though.
Ellie and Abra went out, which was weird because it was pretty early in the morning still. He knew their schedules. He heard their comings and goings. They didn't usually leave this early.
As much as he liked them, though, he was glad they'd left. Three people was just too many for Sasha all at once, in general but especially just then.
"Hey," Cooper said as Sasha lay on the bed, wrapped in a blanket.
Sasha made a sound of acknowledgement.
"I have something for you, and I figure you're going to need a bit of rest after all this so I might not see you for a bit, so I should give it to you now."
Sasha rolled onto his side, further bundling himself in the blanket. Cooper had something clenched in his hand. "Gift?"
"Yeah, kind of a gift. Remember how I said I'd bring you back a leaf?"
Sasha sat up. "...Is it a leaf?"
"Well, yes, technically."
"Aw. Leaf."
"So I was telling my brothers, Mason and Logan, and Logan's fiance about how I'd promised you a leaf, and we were talking about how it would probably be in pretty shit condition by the time I got it to you. And then Bianca — that's Logan's fiance — suggested I put it in resin. And I'm like, cool, but I don't have that or know how to use it, but then it turned out she had it and knew how to use it, so...."
Cooper opened his hand and held up a black cord with a clear sphere on the end. As Sasha twisted his head to get a better look, he realised there was a fern leaf in the sphere.
Sasha reached out and turned the sphere in his fingers. "You made this?"
Cooper let go of the cord so that Sasha could take the necklace. "Mostly Bianca did, if I'm honest, but I found the leaf and I helped as much as I could."
"For me?"
Cooper nodded. "For you."
"Aw," Sasha said again. "There's a leaf."
"Yeah! I don't know if you'd wear a necklace, but I thought it was kind of a cool thing."
"I've never worn a necklace before."
"Don't worry. I won't be offended if you don't wear it."
"No, no." Sasha handed Cooper the necklace back. "Help me put it on and then I'm never taking it off."
Cooper let out a startled laugh. "Oh. Okay then. I'm glad you like it?"
"Mm," Sasha said as he leant forward, face touching the bed in front of him, so that Cooper could reach the back of his neck to do up the clasp. He could have just turned around, but, well... he hadn't thought of that five seconds ago.
Sasha waited until Cooper had done up the clasp, and then he pushed forward, gently butting his head into Cooper's stomach until he lay down. He curled in against Cooper's side.
"You're a very nice person," Sasha informed Cooper.
"I try to be," Cooper said. "You're a pretty nice person yourself."
"Mm..."
"Like what you did for me yesterday. That was a very nice thing to do."
"Mm... yeah, but that was just one time. I don't do that kind of thing for people very often. I can't. So... I don't want you to think that's who I am."
"I'm not under any illusion that who you are is someone who can do that every day, Sasha. I think you're someone who can only do something like that very occasionally and who chose to use that on helping me."
"Thank you," Sasha whispered. He didn't think he could say more than that without crying.
"I get it, though. That worry that if you do extra good one time, that will just become what people expect of you from now on. It's burned me more times than I can count with ADHD because, like... when the stars align, I'm capable of having endless energy and focus. I can go so hard that I forget about eating and sleeping. And then people think, well, why not always and for everything? They think it's something I choose."
"Yeah," Sasha murmured.
"Sometimes places I do temp work for will offer me a permanent position. There are times when I completely mess everything up and they're glad to see me go, but sometimes I'll just come across as someone with a ton of charisma and energy and enthusiasm who goes twice as fast and twice as long as everyone else. And then they're like... would you like to sit at this desk and do boring office stuff for us for eight hours a day? And I'm like, no thank you, that sounds awful."
"Awful," Sasha agreed.
"Right? But when I first moved in here with Ellie and Abra and we were doing all the temp work together, I hid the job offers from them. I was convinced that if I told them, they'd tell me off for not accepting the jobs. Some of them were pretty decent in terms of like... pay and stuff. Decent jobs by most people's standards. Then one day Abra was there during one of the offers, and I expected him to get mad at me after, but instead he laughed. Because, you know... he recognised as well as I did that people often got a false impression of what I'd be good at and an office job was not it. Then he told me that he turns down job offers too, just because he's not ready for full time work just yet. Guess I just always expect people to be disappointed in me because my parents always have been."
"Your parents are butts," Sasha said, then made a face. Had that been inappropriate? Sometimes people described their parents in ways that made them seem like terrible people, but they still didn't like other people insulting them.
Cooper burst out laughing. "Yeah, they are. They really are."
"I'm sorry that they're butts. That's unfortunate."
"Yeah, but there are a lot of people in my life who aren't butts, so that makes up for it. Like you."
Sasha let out a quiet snicker. "Butts."
"You were the one who brought butts into this!"
Sasha snorted and buried his face against Cooper's chest.
"Right. Unbelievable," Cooper said, but Sasha could hear the smile in his voice.
There was a knock on the door and Sasha immediately froze, but Cooper just ran a reassuring hand over his hair.
"It's eight," Cooper reminded Sasha as he eased him off and sat up. "Landlord, remember?"
Sasha remembered, but there was something about the sound of someone knocking on a door that sent a spike of panic through him.
Sasha didn't really want to interact with a stranger, but he figured the landlord might be a little reluctant to unlock the door for Cooper if Sasha didn't even make an appearance. He followed Cooper out of the apartment and gave the landlord a shy nod before awkwardly averting his gaze. A little girl and a little boy were chasing one another up and down the hallway.
"Thanks for taking him in overnight," the landlord told Cooper. "I have the kids right now, and they were already in bed. Normally I'd just send Ryan out, but he was in hospital with suspected appendicitis."
"Oh, yeah, no problem," Cooper said. "I hope Ryan's okay."
"Ah, yeah, it turned out to just be some bad constipation, but you gotta get these things checked out and make sure, right?"
The little girl ran up to the landlord and tugged on his arm.
"Okay, okay, just give me a minute, yeah?" the landlord told her before shooting Cooper a smile and starting to search through his keys. "Sorry. Promised these two ice cream after we get this taken care of for you."
Sasha dashed back into Cooper's apartment and grabbed his shoes, then came back out to hover at Cooper's side as the landlord unlocked his door for him.
"Sorry," Sasha murmured.
"Huh?" the landlord asked, then seemed to realise Sasha was apologising for the trouble and waved it away. "Ah, nah, it's fine. Happens all the time. That's the downside of these doors that lock automatically when you shut them, but if we use ones that don't, we have people accidentally leaving their apartments unlocked and shit gets stolen. Normally it's not much bother to come open them up, but, well, bad night for it."
Sasha nodded. How was he supposed to respond to all that? He regretted saying anything at all.
"Well, thanks for coming out," Cooper said, diverting the landlord's attention back to him.
"Ah, yeah, any time, mate," the landlord said. "Your lot doing okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah, we're good."
"All right, I'd better get going," the landlord said as the little girl came and started tugging at his arm again. "Give me a call if you need anything else."
"Will do." Cooper watched as the landlord left, and then turned his attention back to Sasha. "Still good?"
Sasha nodded. "He talks a lot."
"Yeah, but in a friendly way. He's a good guy. He knows we have more people living in our apartment than we're technically allowed, and he looks the other way for us."
"Mm, friendly," Sasha agreed.
"Okay, I'll let you go take a nap or whatever. You seem exhausted. I figure you'll need a lot of rest after this, so how about you text me whenever you feel up to hanging out again?"
"Okay."
Cooper gave Sasha a quick hug, a smile, and then they each returned to their own apartments.
Sasha was a mess and he knew from past experience that he would be for some time, but for once he was fine with that. Well... not fine with it. It would still no doubt make existence much more uncomfortable for at least the next few days. But it was worth it. For once, the thing he'd exhausted himself for was something he wanted.