“I can’t believe he’s so clueless,” Alli muttered under her breath, glaring at Cody in the corners of her eyes as she crossed her arms tightly over her chest.
I was feeling neutral right by her side, and was glad her fury wasn’t contagious because right about now, I wouldn’t just be mad. I’d probably be sad, and sobbing.
“Alli, it’s fine. Just let him be. Let them be. She’s a huge fan, and she seems like a sweetheart; you can tell. Don’t worry.” I assured, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
See, the thing is, we ― Cody, Alli and I ― were all hanging out in the dressing room with a huge fan of Cody’s, whose name I heard was Mikayla, who had managed to get the last minute “VIP hangout sesh with Cody” ticket.
There should be more people, but I heard she’d “refunded” their money so she could hangout with Cody alone.
What.
But I still didn’t bother. And right now, Cody and her were getting very into the topic they’re talking about, which I still don’t mind but what annoyed me was how much of an outcast Alli and I felt like. We promise, we didn’t want to stay here, but Cody forced us to.
I never knew he’d do that, but yeah.
Alli let out a sigh of annoyance and lowered her head on my shoulder.
Times like that makes me feel really happy because Alli feels just like a sister to me and I like the feeling of that. I’ve never understood how it feels like to be a sister or have one, I’m pretty much deprived of that so getting to know how one of it feels is just cool, really.
“I just feel bad for you, Mer. I mean, she’s over there blinking her fake eyelashes off, and trying to seduce your boyfriend but he doesn’t even notice. And you, his girlfriend is just sitting here, looking at everything happening. I just feel like it’s so unfair, you know?”
I admit I didn’t completely understand her, but I did get what she was trying to say. To be honest, I don’t feel anything at all, actually. I trust Cody.
That’s the key point to a relationship, isn’t it? Trust. I believe he wouldn’t do me wrong so I don’t really understand why Alli’s fussing about this.
Then again, it’s Alli. Her perseverance, insistent and never say die attitude just explains it all. Really.
“Alli, just drop this. I believe he knows what he’s doi―”
“Really!” Mikayla interrupted, bursting into a fit of high-pitched, annoying giggles, catching both Alli’s attention and mine.
This is really cliché.
It couldn’t have gone any more than that, to be honest. Like in every movie or book, there will be this annoying girl who has a voice that’s pitched as high as a chipmunk and usually, that’s the bad person.
Not that I’m accusing her or implying on anything, I’m just… Well, I’m just saying. Or rather, explaining, whatever.
My heart was wrenching for some reason that I just don’t get.
We averted our gazes onto her and Cody, and watched as Cody nodded; his blond hair bouncing lightly from how many times he was nodding. He looked like he was laughing, either. Well, he seems like he’s having the time of his life.
My nerves twitched. Why?
For some reason again, I was becoming very annoyed. And irritated. And all I wanted to do was leave the place. No, it isn’t that I’m bipolar or anything, or I’m jealous or hateful towards Mikayla, but I just really am beginning to feel what and how Alli feels.
“Hey, Cody?” I heard Mikayla ask as I threw my head back to rest against the headrest of the sofa.
“Yeah?”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
And almost instantly, Alli sat up, sending me snapping my head up.
Sure, I was curious to know what Cody was going to say, but I was more worried about what Alli might do because she wasn’t afraid of standing up for what she believes in that is right, even if it meant costing her trouble.
Yeah, she's that big of a daredevil.
And if she says anything now―oh gosh. Can you imagine drama? The world doesn’t know about me. They don’t know Cody isn’t single anymore. And my chest is feeling sour again.
Why is this happening right now; why did Mikayla have to ask that question?
“Well, what do you think?” Cody fired back, and I could hear a little snicker behind a few seconds later.
I don’t even want to carry on looking and staying in the room, to be honest.
“Cody,” Alli sweetly called out as she tilted her head to the side a little, breaking their moment. It’s very obvious that it was her only intention of doing that: to break their moment.
I chuckled silently.
Yeah, that’s Alli for everyone. I lowered my head before Cody could turn behind to face Alli, then me, just in case he manages to read my expression.
Trust me, it wouldn’t be nice.
I don’t know what expression I was wearing but I do know I wasn’t looking pleased due to how annoyed I was currently feeling so if he notices that fact, he’s going to assume I’m jealous and petty and stuff, and do I really want that? No. I’m generally not a jealous person so…
Yeah, I’m totally jealous.
Because I can’t stop rambling.
Ugh, I hate times like that!
Slouching on my seat, I gave out the longest sigh ever. Though, it wasn’t long before I felt a jolt of pain piercing right through my kidneys, as my throat became dry and sour in what was coming.
One word: oh crap.
I needed to puke, and fast. The pain was back. It’s taking effects again. My surroundings were spinning around me; nothing felt right.
All of a sudden I was panicking.
I was having a panic attack and my heart was racing; my thoughts were running wild. I didn’t know what to do. My vision was growing blurry with how painful the quick jabs were slamming against my kidneys, making me grimace.
I can’t do this anymore. I have to go.
Keeping my head down, I quickly rose up from the sofa and made my way (ran) towards the nearest toilet. Nothing else mattered, but this.
Not Cody’s answer, not Alli’s next move, or anything.
This was what mattered. This is like a matter of life and death. It has got to be one of the roughest moments ever. My doctor once told me, with each time the pain takes effect on me, it would only mean one thing; that my illness is worsening.
Taking the first step into the bathroom, I slammed the door shut before falling onto my knees right in front of the toilet bowl. And I did my business at instant.
I just wanted to break down because this pain was insufferable. It was eating me alive―heck, it has been eating me alive ever since it visited my body. I didn’t appreciate that very much. You wouldn’t too, if it ever did visit you. I hope it never meets you, really.
Struggling to pull myself together, I managed to stand up on my own and flushed the toilet bowl, not having enough guts to peek into how it looked like. Gross is an understatement. The pain was gone, that’s great. But my mouth reeked now, no thanks to the vomit.
Rinsing my mouth in the washing basin, I drew in a deep breath as I turned off the tap water.
“Mer, open up,” someone knocked on the other side of the toilet door. It wasn’t Alli, or just someone, though. It was Cody.
Crap, somehow I knew he would notice something wrong with me.
Clearly, this shows that he had obviously seen me leaving the room. Okay, fine. That’s fine. The truth is going to be revealed sooner or later. But what is he doing here, anyway? Shouldn’t he be talking and laughing with Mikayla?
No, I’m not going to open either, in case he wants me to spill right there and then. I wouldn’t know what to do if that really happens.
I pressed myself against the wall and let out a breath.
“Mer, are you okay? Please open the door!”
“I’m fine,” I assured, still not moving, though. It would be risky if I were to really open up now.
“Go away, Cody. Don’t you know she’s indirecting you, already? Geez, move it. I’m here.” Alli’s voice boomed, making me grin. Though she wasn’t entirely right (I wasn’t indirecting Cody) she was accurate about the “go away” part.
“No, Alli. You, leave. I need to speak to my girlfriend.”
“Why don’t you run back to your Mikayla? Surely she wouldn’t be happy with you dumping her for the other brunette that was sitting right next to me just moments ago.”
“Alli, she's gone. And you better keep that mouth of yours shut before I make you regret even saying the first word from the start.”
“What can you do to make me regret? You seemed happier with Mikayla, anyway.”
“She’s just a fan! Why the hell would I pick her over my girlfriend? Alli, you’re being absurd here.” Then he continued pounding on the door, making me sigh. To open it or not to open it? “Merinda, please.”
I decided to open the door. Pushing it aside, I let out another sigh and looked up at Cody, “Stop it.” And I meant it, I really did. I pushed past the both of them (unintentionally, because they were really blocking my space and they weren’t moving) and walked towards my bunk.
Well, well, well, well, well.
Now I can only pray that the pain won’t return any time soon, and that Cody wouldn’t ask about what wrong with me.
And as usual, my fears have to come true.
“Merinda, I think it’s time for you to come clean with me,” Cody’s distinct voice slowly became clearer and clearer, as he got closer to me. I knew when he was close when his figure was right before me; his shadow towering over my figure.
My eyes snapped up to meet his―they were light green filled with nothing else, but worry.
“I―” my heart was slowly getting used to what’s happening. It picked up its pace and now I thought it was ready to plunge right out of my body. I know my chest was rising and falling rapidly but there was nothing I could do but panic yet again.
I didn’t expect this to come so soon?
But I guess, it’s time to accept the fact that the truth is coming out sooner than later. But I didn’t want to tell him now. So I’m not going to do that. I’m going to lie. Just a small one. Until I think it’s time to let him know or until there’s no way out.
I flashed him a half-hearted smile before standing up from the bed. And as I wrapped my arms around his waist, I struggled to maintain the same expression.
I hate that I’m doing this; I shouldn’t lie to Cody. I don’t want him thinking I don’t trust him or anything, but I just don’t want to worry him now. Not now, when there are so many other things to worry about.
I don’t want to be a burden.
He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and I could feel him tangling his fingers in my hair as he lowered his head slightly. Somehow, I became easer under his touch. I nuzzled my face in the crook of his neck, taking in his scent and trying to forget what had happened just now.
Oh, it’s going to take some time for sure.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” He murmured into my hair, pulling me closer. His voice tempted me so badly to tell him the truth, but I controlled myself just fine.
I can’t do this now.
I’m afraid of the consequence.
“Are you feeling well? Are you in pain? Babe, you gotta let me know. I can’t go on watching you as you make your way to the toilet and then come out and assure me it’s all fine because I sure as hell know it and you aren’t.”
“I fell sick a couple of days ago, before I came on tour with you.”
“Even when we were hanging on the beach with the others?” Even though he didn’t make it seem obvious, I could still sense how skeptical he was. I don’t blame him for that. I know he didn’t believe me because I know I wasn’t convincing enough.
What am I to do? I wasn’t born a liar. I can’t lie to save my life. Heck, I probably can’t do anything to save my life, oh, surprise, surprise.
“Nope,” I began drawing little circles on his back due to boredom. And a way to calm myself down. I may have eased, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t worried and scared, still. “It was like two days after.”
“But you looked as pale moments ago as you did when we were on the beach at that time,” I knew Cody was smart enough to figure that out. I have this planned, and it has to go my way no matter what. He, no matter what, and anyone else but Mom can’t find this out.
“I have no idea what happened back then, I assumed I’d eaten something wrong.”
“Are you sure?”
“Do you not believe me?”
“No!” He quickly said, tightening his arms around me making me feel as safe as always. “I do, of course I do. And speaking of which, thank you for trusting me.”
“How so?” I allowed a little smile to slip onto my face, knowing where he was bringing this to. At least I’d managed to sidetrack him, also.
He let out a chuckle. “You weren’t as paranoid as Alli when I was hanging out with Mikayla.”
I pulled myself away from him, forcing his arms off and faked a glare at him.
“Speaking of which, I was beginning to grow very paranoid because you didn’t seem to mind that she was trying to flirt with you through her fake eyelashes.”
A corner of his lips curved upwards, forming an evident smirk as he lowered his forehead down on mine, circling his muscular arms back around my waist. He pulled me in closer than before. “Is someone jealous?”
“You did not just go there, Simpson.”