"Bro, ang aga mo naman ata lumabas?". Cole asks me as he stood up beside me.
I shrugged my shoulders and look at him, "Palabas na sila Nicolia at si Themarie, they ask us to escort them out".
Hindi kasi nagbabasa ng message.
He laughs and scratches his nape, "Sorry, bro. Namatay yung cellphone ko kanina eh, di ko ata nacharge".
As if I am buying his lame excuse, Cole as usual.
Our conversation was interrupted when both Nicolia and Themarie clings to our shoulders, I look over them and smile.
"Yown! Ang bait niyo talagang alaga".
Pangaasar ni Themarie at ginulo pa ang buhok namin ni Cole, she should be thankful that I like her so I won't get annoyed with that act.
"Hoy! Cole, ikaw hindi ka nagreply sa text namin".
Masungit na pagalit ni Nicolia kay Cole na nagpatawa sa amin ni Themarie.
They love bickering with each other.
While I was admiring the two people in front of me, Themarie clings to my arms and smiles cheekily. She's adorable.
"Libre mo ako ng ice cream, Ty. Ubos na yung dala ko for food, pamasahe na lang ito pauwi".
I can't say no to this peep either.
I nodded slightly and there she lets out her beautiful smile, that's what I like the most about her. Her smiles will make your day bright.
Little did they know, someone's eyes were admiring them both. She's in rage, she feels so unloved and insecure with her friend. A friend? She really is not fond of her.
Themarie and I were sitting on a bench beside our school, Cole and Nicolia are still in their classes so we are the only ones who are here.
I threw a glance at her and caught her staring at the sunset like it's the most beautiful among all the creatures in the sky.
"You know what, Ty. Yung araw, iyan ang pinakamalayang bagay para sa akin". I focus my eyes on her as she talks.
"Why do you think so?".
"Hindi na kasi niya kailangan pa ng ibang bagay para kuminang siya, tinitingala siya sa angkin niyang kagandahan. It's known because of its own brightness".
The words that she utters caught my interest, it's just rare for a woman who has this kind of galaxy in mind.
Her thought and her perspective in life just make it more amusing to me, her whole existence is amusing.
Her eyes suddenly fall on my side, she looks so peaceful and calm.
"Between you and Cole, I think you're more mysterious". She said seriously.
"I am not that open to anyone; I am used to keeping everything to myself".
She looks so serious and her gaze just makes me freeze on the place where I am sitting, her eyes tell everything.
"From now on, I don't want you to get used to being alone again". Slowly, a genuine smile enters her glowing face.
My heart beats faster than ever, she is the only one who can make me feel like this.
"Promise, hindi kita iiwan. I am willing to listen to you, Ty". Masigla niyang wika.
Why did I end up smiling and holding her hand tight? I've encounter lots of women in my way but none of them makes me feel like this.
No one makes me feel important, no one makes me smile as genuine as she does, just no one.
"Ty, kain tayo dun oh". Pagaaya niya sa isang stall na malapit sa tinutuluyan niyang apartment.
"Let's eat in a restaurant then". She immediately shook her head in disapproval.
"Ayaw ko, masyadong mahal dun. Dito na lang, mura na masarap pa". I saw her smile cheekily that makes me let out a sigh.
This is another thing that I like about her, she's just too simple and her happiness isn't hard to reach. She's contented with what she knows she can only have.
Day by day, we started getting much closer to each other. I started to get to know her deeper, she has lots of sides we never encounter but I am honored to see those when she's with me.
She is holding my hand and I held hers as well, we are walking on the side of the road silently.
"Tingin mo, magagalit kaya sila sa atin?". Tanong niya na ikinakunot ng noo ko.
"Why would they be mad at us? We aren't doing anything bad to them".
She furrowed her eyebrows and pouted slightly.
"Kasi, napapansin ko na kung paano kita tignan ng paghanga ganun ka din tignan ni Nics. I don't want to ruin our friendship, I treasure that. I treasure all of you".
A smile suddenly forms in my lips, she's the true definition of an angel.
"She won't be mad also she only treats me as a friend, okay?". I ask her and held her hand tighter.
She smiles at me and nodded cutely, "Okay po, master". She said that makes the both of us giggle.
One day, she just ignores me and did not even throw a single glance on me. I don't know why but my heart is clenching every time I think of it.
Does she lose interest on me?
Does she find me boring?
I don't know anymore.
And today, I just received the most painful and sorrowful call in my whole life.
"Ty, iligtas mo ako! Help me, Tyrone!". Sigaw ni Themarie sa kabilang linya.
My face was now full of sweat and all I can think of now is she only, Themarie.
"Please stop right there, I am on my way". I tried to be calm but how can I be calm?
She's not in her right mind right now, I don't know how to reach her and embrace her to assure her that everything will be okay.
"I can't! Wala na sa akin lahat, Tyrone! That Nicolia, s-she loves seeing me suffering on my own". She keeps on choking on her own tears.
Lord, please. I am begging you, save her. Save her please.
I am so afraid of what she can possibly do because of her depression, she's in so much pain and I couldn't do something about it.
My eyes widen when she stood up in a chair while tears still keeps on flowing from her eyes, pain and exhaustion is evident in her eyes.
There's no glow on it, the typical joy and glow in her eyes were now gone.
"No! Stop it! Themarie, please don't do this!". I shouted to her; she is facing the rope hanging on her ceiling.
"No! Please don't do this, I am on my way. Wait for me please, don't".
Halos lumuhod na ako at magmakaawa sa kaniya, I am willing to kneel in front of the altar everyday just please, save her.
I did my best and run the car fast, I pulled my hair in frustration.
I look at my phone screen once again and I saw her tears fell from her eyes and she lets out a small smile.
"Mahal kita, Tyrone. I am sorry".
I keep on shouting no and stop but...
She hangs herself in the rope.
My world's stop spinning and I suddenly stop my car, nawalan ng kulay ang paligid ko. Nawalan ang lahat sa kapaligiran at ang tanging alam ko lang ay wala ng buhay si Themarie.
She's gone with just a snap.
My vising blurred and I passed out.
The next day, I woke up in the hospital bed and my eyes darkened when I saw a woman in front of me.
I sat on the bed and held her hand tight, she tried to free herself from my grip but I did not let her.
"You killed her! You killed Themarie! Ano pang ginagawa mo dito ha? Magkukunwari na nagaalala pero sa loob-loob mo nagcecelebrate ka na wala na siya?! Spare me from your wickedness, Nicolia! Get out from my sight!".
Tears started to form on her eyes but I ignored it, "N-no, Tyrone. I d-didn't mean it, h-hindi ako ang may kasalanan".
I let out a sarcastic chuckle, "Ano pang kasinungalingan ang meron ka? Na nakikiramay ka? Na nasasaktan ka din sa pagkawala niya? Curse you to the depth of hell, Nicolia! Get out!".
If she did not get out, I couldn't stop myself anymore and kill her at that spot.
It still won't sink in.
She's not here anymore.
The woman who builds me and care for me when I needed someone the most.
The woman whom I am planning to spend the rest of my life with.
She's gone.
And with that thought, tears flowed from my eyes.
When I laid my eyes on this woman at the first time in the bar, I suddenly felt so surreal. Why does she make my heart beats fast? How can she manage to send havoc in my system with just a glance on her?
And when I met her on the bookstore, I want to punch myself for feeling this way. I don't want this, it scares me.
When she met me on the caffe and I saw tears stain from her eyes, I felt an urge to punch someone who makes her cry.
"Sorry medyo late". She said that I almosy did not hear, she really is going thought something. I hope I can do something to make her feel better.
When I look at her side, I saw her head's down.
Is she sleeping? Was she tired?
She suddenly fixes her sleeping state and face my side while still closing her eyes. I don't know why but I lean closer to her and fixes her hair that is blocking her angelic face.
She has this cover up attitude that will make everyone hate her but this Cassandra that I am admiring right now just hit different.
My fingertips touch her skin, it's so smooth like a baby.
And that time, I finally felt my heart beats fast once again after a long period of time.
Months had passed and I can say, I still can sense danger.
We got closer to each other and a day won't pass without us talking to each other on chat.
When I open my phone, I saw her Facebook story that caught my attention. It has a caption 'padeliver' and food pictures attached.
I am having drinking session with my friends but I don't understand myself anymore, she hasn't eaten lunch yet. It's already late.
I sigh in frustration and replied to her story.
I told her to meet me on the main get in 20 minutes and I stood up, all of my friends' eyes were now focused on me.
Geez...
"Oh, alis ka na brad?". Hiro asked me, I nodded agreeing on what he said.
"Yes, I need to fetch someone to eat lunch". I stated.
Smirk grew on their faces that makes me shook my head, their trying to read my intention. Lunatics....
"Ghe, lover boy. Pakainin mo na yung baby mo". I heard Cole said, tsk.
Her friends keep on interrogating me, usually I get irritated but I found her friends amusing. That Abigail said she's doing this for Cassandra's future, lol.
Jairah suddenly approaches me before they leave, I was just admiring Cassandra and Abigail. It looks like she's teasing Cassandra.
"Hey, baka matunaw yang best friend ko". Panimula ni Jai nung makalapit siya sa akin, I did fix my composure and face her.
I know her of course, she's Grey's love interest slash girlfriend.
"Nope, I am not looking at her". I denied.
I saw her smirk and push me gently like she's teasing me as well, "Boto naman kami sayo, basta wag kang loloko-loko diyan ha? Kung hindi ibabagsak ka namin".
She also raises her fist like she's scaring me, Grey's right.
She's one of a kind.
I chuckled and nodded at her, why did I nod?
"Noted". I also tease her back, at least I know Cassandra's safe with her friends. They treasure her a lot.
That night when I saw her wasted, I did not hesitate to carry her and take care of her.
When I was driving, I heard her blabber things that I can still hear even if she's saying them to herself.
"Kainis naman kasi... Bakit sa lahat naman ng tao sakin pa dumapo itong kamalasang ito?".
I look at her side and was shook to see tears streams down on her face.
This is new to me, the Cassandra that I knew is strong and immovable.
"Bakit parang wala pa din akong halaga sa paningin nila? Why do I need to suffer this unbearable pain? A-am I bad? W-what did I do to deserve this pain?".
She is now crying heavily; I can now see and understand why sadness keeps on appearing on her eyes.
When she wishes that she should just disappear, I lose it.
I stop the car on the side of the busy road and lean closer to her, I can feel her sorrow when she mentioned her sister.
So, she's blaming herself because of her sister's death? I understand her even more at that situation.
Also, that night, I took care of her when she was sick. I don't understand everything, I don't know why I am worried to death.
Day by day, I just felt weird towards her. I knew this feeling; I am not blind nor ignorant to not know this familiar connection.
What enters my head to drive from ATENEO to UST? It's too far and it will take you hours to arrive but I endured it all just to make me feel at ease. I endured it all just to see her.
When she told me that if forever does exist then we shall spend it together, my heart beats faster than ever. Cassandra is the only one who can make me feel so giddy in just a single word.
I can't stop myself calling her baby, I just love it when she's blushing when I say it out of nowhere.
Why does she need to smile so genuine when she's with me? Why does she need to cry so painfully to the point that I am willing to protect her at all cost?
When she smiles that day where I ask her to meet me before we go on a roadtrip, yun yung ngiti na naging dahilan ng pagiging handa kong talikuran ang lahat ng takot ko, makasama lang siya at manatili lang yan.
On the day of our road trip, she manages to make me laugh with that song. The dora's map song, she's just too adorable to resist.
And I almost punch myself for feeling jealous towards her brother, "That's her brother? Shoot!". I whisper to myself.
That man on her house, I thought it was uhmm... Some kind of her boyfriend? Tsk.
She keeps on pursuing me to take pictures with her but I keep on declining to see if she'll pursue me still.
I keep on capturing her photos on my camera, she's just too surreal and gorgeous to ignore.
When I told her that I am willing to offer her rest when everything is just too chaotic around her, I mean it with all of my heart.
When I ask her if I can continue courting her, my heart beats so fast because I am too afraid that she'll decline but when she smiles and say okay then. My nervousness vanished into pieces.
I want to scream, I want to punch the air because of my happiness. She risks for me; she was afraid and I am aware of that and so I promise to make it worth it.
When I meet that Austin guy, I just want to roll my eyes on him. It's too gay, geez. I hate it when she looks at Cassandra the way I do, I saw it.
"Tiyaka bakit hindi ako pwede magentertain ng iba? Ikaw baka nga may nililigawan ka pa bukod sa akin". She told me as she pouted.
I sigh and threw a glance at her, I can't even appreciate other woman's beauty when you came into my life.
"Ikaw lang, Cassandra. Please don't doubt that, sayo ko lang naramdaman lahat ng ito so I assure you with that". And I am serious with that.
I am aware that she keeps on catching me on the act that I am staring at her, it's her fault. She's just to gorgeous to unsee.
When she accidentally answers my call without looking at the caller ID, I want to thank God that I called to check her up that night.
"Gustong-gusto kong sumugal sayo, gustong-gusto kong kumapit sayo but I don't want you to regret being with someone like me".
I want to let her borrow my heart at least once, for her to know that I am much more willing to be with someone like her.
"This precious thing in front of you wants you to hold him and tie him with you, use him as your shield. He's willing".
I am willing to protects you even if it will cost my whole life.
And when she told me that she made her decision, it scares me a lot but she told me that we will try to make it work. I almost punch the air and scream, she made me the happiest.
When I fetch her and her friends, I did not mind the people around us and just hug her tight. I don't care about them; all I care and think of is Cassandra. Only her.
Her brother also excuses me and makes me follow him in the balcony, I was too nervous if he will ask me to break it with Cassandra.
I love her so much and I know I can't.
He stood in front of me looking so intimidated, I never felt so nervous before in front of my same kind but I remember. He's my girlfriend's brother.
"I won't waste time here; I am warning you already. Hurt her and you'll be dead, understood?".
I nodded at him without any hesitation.
"You probably know now how painful my sister's situation is and I am trusting you to be with her even at her worst, no. Scratch that, especially at her worst".
It's great that my baby has an older brother like this.
"I am honored, I will be with her especially at her worst. I won't promise, I will just do it". I said full of sincerity.
I saw him nod in contentment and we go back to the living room, phew.
It was the second time my baby got jealous, she did not wait for me and enter my house sulking. She sat on the sofa; I am trying my best not to chuckle because it will worsen her mood.
I sat on the floor in front of her and held her hand, "There's nothing to worry about, love".
I told her my parents and I eat dinner together and I did not keep Nicolia's exposure on it a secret, I treasure Cassandra a lot and I won't do anything that will make her overthink.
"I even told them that I am taken by the most beautiful woman here on Earth". I smiled at her cheekily, she blushes immediately which makes me chuckle.
You can't hide your smile, baby. Try harder.
She also worries that what if my parents won't like her, such a wonderful person I got here.
Kahit na hindi ka nila magustuhan, mahal kita. Kaya hindi ako papayag na mawala ka sakin dahil lang sa kanila.
She jumps and hugged me tight, muntik pa kaming mabuwal sa sahig. She hugs me tight and nuzzles her nose on my neck, I know she loves my scent.
"Thank you for always assuring me and not making me feel that I have something to be insecure about myself".
You don't need to be insecure with yourself, baby. You're perfect.
I kissed her forehead and looks at her, I know she can't resist my offer. This offer, "You still have space for another dinner but with me, love?".
I almost smirk when she raises her eyebrows but lets out a cute smile that reaches her ears, my favorite part. Making her happy.
"Yes, love. May space pa". She said and wink at me.
I stood up and drag her with me, I don't enjoy cooking before but I think I will enjoy it now lalo na may matakaw na akong pinapasaya at iniingatan.
"Then let's go! I'll cook for you". Hinatak ko din siya papuntang kusina.
While I am cooking, she keeps on staring at me while sitting on the stool in front of me.
She also praises me that she was amazed that a handsome man like me knows how to cook, my heart beats fast with her words. If you won't stop this, baby. It may cause me a heart attack, tsk.
"Well, it's great that I amaze you". I said trying to pretend that my heart is not beating fast.
"Sigurado ka na bang ihaharap mo ako sa mga magulang mo?". Her words make me look at her, I can hear doubt and fear in her voice.
Binitawan ko ang hawak kong sandok at ipinatong ang dalawa kong palad sa mesa leaning closer to her.
"Hindi lang kita sa kanila handang iharap, pati sa altar".
My words make me giddy, geez! It was supposedly the other way around but can you blame me? Imagining her walking on the aisle looking so beautiful and I wait for her, shoot!
I should make that imagination real, tsk.
I saw her face blush as she punches my shoulder, kunwari pang hindi kinilig. Queen of denial, baby?
"Puro ka biro, seryoso ako eh".
When mom starts talking badly at my woman, my blood boiled but what amazes me the most is how she remained calm when my mom throws painful and insulting words.
My dad even threatened me using their so-called wealth, what will I do with their money if my woman isn't beside me?
It's all useless kung wala si Cassandra.
"The day that I choose to risk for him is the day that I became genuinely happy again". Those words that she uttered make my heart go crazy.
I tried to look away because anytime soon, my tears will fall if she continues to say those words.
"Kasi kahit masaya ako, I couldn't deny that I am still longing for answers". I heard her speak as I held her hand tight.
When she stops talking, I know it's the cue for me to do so.
I introduce myself in front of Eclipse's grave and tell her how I feel towards her best sister.
"As you can see, I love your sister so much. The day that she gave me her answer, her yes. That was the day I found my missing piece; she helps me through my ups and downs and held my hand even though fate is sometimes against the both of us".
I am sure that Cassandra thinks if this is a wedding vow, not yet baby.
"I promise you na ikaw ang unang makakaalam kapag balak ko ng iharap sa altar ang kapatid mo". And I intend to keep that promise...
"I know how you value and love your sister so, in the near future that we are both ready to settle and is already fixed. I will come back here and ask her permission that I know she'll grant".
When she gave me a letter on my graduation and that watch, I held my tears so it won't fall. What did I do to deserve this woman?
But things started to go out of control...
I am currently seating in my office in the site, this company is own by my dad when Clea opens the door. My secretary, "Sir, a lady is here looking for you".
I look at Clea with my usual serious expression, "Let her in please".
She nodded and I sit comfortably waiting for that person that she just mentioned a while ago, my eyes widen when a woman wearing a red dress and black stiletto entered my office.
"What are you doing here, Nicolia?". I sound so annoyed and yes, I am, so freaking annoyed.
She smirks and sits on the chair in front of my table, she fixes her composure and glares at me while still displaying that signature smirk on her lips.
"Easy there, love. Aren't you happy seeing me here? I know you miss me". Miss her? She doesn't even get a chance to enter my mind even a single second.
I raise my brows at her as my jaw tightened, "I will never be happy seeing a devil dressed in red, if you will just annoy the hell out of me then be my guest and leave".
Walang kaabog-abog kong sabi sa kaniya, why do I need to pretend that I care for her? Her wickedness makes me hate her to the core.
I saw her smirk faded, well-deserved. Tsk.
"You want me to leave already? Come on, hindi ko pa nasasabi yung surpresa ko sa iyon. Oppss, sainyo pala".
My eyebrows raise by themselves and I look at her intently, "What are you implying here?".
She chuckled and clap slowly, "Now you are interested, huh?".
Mas lalo akong nainis sa pinagsasabi niya, I don't play and I don't want to mess with you woman.
"Just go straight to the freaking point or else, I won't hesitate to throw you out of this building". She can't win against me.
She shifted her position and put her other hand on my desk as she taps it, creating noise.
"Well, I realize then if I can't have you then no one can and no one will".
Nawala lahat ng tapang na nasa katawan ko kanina at napalitan iyon ng kaba ngunit hindi ko ipinahalata sa kaniya, she will just use it against me.
"What are you saying, are you nuts?".
Mas lalong lumawak ang kaniyang ngisi na nagpainis sa akin lalo. "If that's the word then yes, I've gone crazy and they won't like to go against me".
Dumilim ang kaniyang mata at nawala ang ekspresyon sa kaniyang mga mata, all that's left is pure hatred and anger.
"Kung may plano kang hawakan kahit na hibla ng buhok niya, expect yourself to be buried alive".
Tumiim ang aking panga habang sinasabi iyon sa kaniya, It's a threat.
She looks scared yet convince, you won't mess with my woman. If you do, I am willing to be a criminal just to see you dead in my own hands.
She puts her hand on her chin and looks like she's playing, "Oh my! My bad, I already sent a threat to her kasi. Wag ka magalala, dadalasan ko pa".
My eyes widen with her words, she did not!
Napaayos ako ng upo at mas lalo ko siyang hinarap, "Don't you try to harm Cassandra, hindi ako mamamatay tao pero kaya kitang patayin diyan mismo sa kinauupuan mo".
I have never been so violent ever in my whole life but if it's Cassandra we are talking about, I am ready for everything just to remove anything that will harm her.
She chuckles yet roll her eyes afterwards.
"You really love her? Bakit hindi ako, Tyrone? I was with you for how many years, nandun ako sa tabi mo pero bakit yung babaeng yun pa?!".
She's in rage and she's ready to burst, "Simply because you ARE NOT CASSANDRA". I said seriously.
Nakita kong dumaan ang lungkot at sakit sa kaniyang mata pero kalaunan ay napalitan iyon ng galit, matinding galit.
"Then if you love her that much, she needs to say goodbye, baby".
"If I can't have you, no one else can". She said in so much anger.
Hindi ako natakot sa kaya niyang gawin sa akin pero natakot ako sa kaya niyang gawin sa babaeng mahal ko, I lose Themarie before and I won't lose Cassandra again.
I swallowed my freaking pride and looks at her softly, for you Cassandra. I am willing to be an angel, hindi ka lang niya saktan.
"Let's talk about this, don't you ever harm her and you can live freely". Why did it come out like a threat? Geez!
She smirks and winks at me, I want to pull her eyes right now if she is not just a girl.
"Scared, are we? Remember the way I crush Themarie slowly but surely?".
"Naalala mo kung paano siya nagmakaawa sa head at sa boards but I got them all under my spell, I can do it again Tyrone. Money can make people dance, alam mo iyan".
I want to hurt her but I keep on thinking of Cassandra, I don't want her to suffer because of my carelessness. Kaya hangga't kaya ko, gagawin ko.
"I can also crush her into a tiny piece of ashes that will disappear in the air in just a snap". Mas lalong tumiim ang panga ko sa sinabi niya at mas nagsiklop ang mga kamao ko.
"What can I do to stop that wickedness of yours, Nicolia?". I am willing to do the worst just to keep her safe and sound.
She smirks and walks slowly but dangerously towards me when she reaches my side, she slid her hand on my jaw and held my cheeks. I am so disgusted by her touch that I push it away.
"Break up with her as soon as you can but I can't promise you to stop those threats hangga't kayo pa so, do your best baby".
Break up with her as soon as you can...
Break up with her as soon as you can...
Break up with her as soon as you can...
Those words have been bothering me since I got home, I couldn't stop calling and checking up on Cassandra is she's okay.
I frustratedly run my hand on my hair as tears fell from my eyes without me noticing it.
What should I do? I couldn't even imagine my life without her ng hindi nasasaktan tapos itutulak ko pa kaya siya palayo? Why can't I be happy with her with me?
Why can't I be selfish and keep her with me? I couldn't risk her life, and I know she will be harmed if I keep her beside me.
Ito na ba ang kabayaran sa pagiging pabaya ko noon? I don't want her to suffer because of my carelessness, wag si Cassandra. I am willing to take every pain just not her, wag lang siya.
She has gone through lots of pain and trials, ayaw ko. Ayaw kong iparanas nanaman iyon sa kaniya.
But what if pushing her away from me will keep her safe? Ang hirap, ang hirap hirap iniisip ko pa lang na mawawala siya sa tabi ko.
Tears flowed harder from his eyes as he cries his heart out...
I want to be selfish and keep you in my embrace, baby but what I can only do is protect you by being away from you.
I was once scared of loving and opening up once again but now, I am much-scared thinking that you'll be forever gone.
We celebrated our anniversary but I feel like the more I hold her in my arms, the harder it would be to give her up.
Last night, I wrote the letter and told her everything about it. My love for her and everything that she should know will probably happen but I instructed her not to open it, for now, I know she's obedient.
When I heard the song played in my car, I sang along to it. In her arms, I am someone new. I didn't know what I want in my life before but when she showed up, I don't know my future without her on it.
Hindi ko namalayan na may luha na pa lang tumulo sa mga mata ko kaya agad ko itong pinunasan kahit na alam kong nasulyapan na niya ito.
Tears streamed out of her eyes and utter these words, "I will always choose you whatever happens".
Mas lalo lang bumuhos ang luha ko sa sinabi niya, why? Why am I so selfish? Why am I so coward?
I held her tight in a hug, I don't want to let her go. Ayaw ko dahil baka pag pinakawalan ko siya ay mawala na lang siya ng parang bula tulad ng sinabi ni Nicolia, ayaw kong pakawalan pa siya.
"I love you, mahal na mahal kita". I keep on repeating those words. Mahal kita kaya kahit na para akong mamamatay sa sakit kapag wala ka ay kakayanin ko, basta alam kong buhay ka at ligtas.
"Mahal din kita, kaya huwag mo akong bibitawan ha?'. When she said those lines, I broke down.
Bakit hindi ko kayang tumango? Bakit hindi ko kayang sabihin, mahal hindi kita bibitawan. Kasi paano kung ang pagbitaw ko ang magliligtas sayo? I won't totally give you up, baby. I will do my best to protect you kahit kamuhian mo pa ako sa paraang naiisip ko.
"Kung pwede lang". Kung pwede lang kitang yakapin na lang ng ganito at hindi na kita pakawalan pa. Bakit ba kasi ang duwag ko? Bakit hindi kita kayang protektahan ng nandito ka lang?
I am sorry, baby but I promise you will be safe. Kahit buhay ko pa ang maging kapalit, kahit masakit. Maging ligtas ka lang, gagawin ko ang lahat.
I am storming out of my car and approach my dad's office, punong-puno ako ng galit at sakit. Bakit sa buhay ka pa nila Cassandra nanira? Bakit?
I did not knock and just open the door and stand beside him, "What kind of demon-possessed you to do such thing? Are you freaking aware na ilang buhay ang nasira mo?! Are you, dad?!".
He stood up from his working chair and tried to calm me down by touching my shoulders but I did not let him.
"Son, let me explain-".
"Alam mo bang dahil sa ginawa mo, nasira mo yung buhay ng babaeng mahal ko?! Alam mo ba na hinusgahan siya ng maraming tao dahil hindi siya ang nawala nung araw na iyon?! Bakit ha?!".
"Alam mo ba kung gaano kasakit yung pinagdaanan niya? Hindi diba? Kaya bakit mo ginawa yun?!". I shouted forgetting that he is my father.
His eyes softened as he looks at my teary once, bakit ba hindi ko kayang hindi umiyak kapag si Cassandra na ang pinaguusapan? I never cry but why am I crying hard now?
"I k-know I was a fool, son. Alam ko, I was blinded by my love for her mother. Kaya dahil ninais kong gumanti sa ama nila para humiwalay ito, I t-tried to use their children".
All of the rational thoughts leave my mind at that very moment, "You tried what? You killed Cassandra's twin, dad! Sinira mo yung kinabukasan nung tao, sinira mo yung buhay ng mga nagmamahal sa kaniya!".
"You made Cassandra looks like it's her fault kahit hindi, para akong pinapatay, dad. Kada nakikita kong nasasaktan siya, para akong pinapatay kada nakikita kong umiiyak siya".
Pero ikaw ang magiging dahilan ng muli niyang pagiyak, Tyrone. Ikaw ang magiging dahilan ng muli niyang pagkaguho.
"S-son, I am sorry. I am sorry for not thinking about my actions before I start doing them, I a-am sorry".
Unti-unting nahulog ang mga luha sa mga mata ni dad.
I look at him painfully and said, "You are the one whom I am looking up, dad, Sinabi ko pa naman gusto kong maging tulad mo for being so respectful to people especially to woman pero hindi na lang pala".
She's my only reason to live and love in this messed-up world, bakit kung kelan masaya nanaman ako pinagkait niyo nanaman sa akin?
His sobs went louder that fills the room, "I a-am sorry, son. I a-am sorry, I c-couldn't bring her twin's life back".
With that, I left his office.
She's hurting and I am not there with her...
"Let's put an end here, Cassandra". Those words came out of my mouth, it was never easy and it will never be easy for me. For us...
When she begged me with tears streaming on her eyes, parang gusto ko na lang tigilan itong kahibangan ko at yakapin na lang siya. I want to apologize for those words pero hindi ko kaya.
"Wag mo naman akong bitawan ng ganito". Trust me, I don't want too.
Ayoko, hindi mo kailangan pang manlimos ng pagmamahal sakin dahil ibibigay ko sayo iyon ng walang pagaalinlangan.
"I couldn't protect you, wala na Cassandra. I am sorry I couldn't full fill my promises no more".
I am sorry, baby. I am sorry your fighter couldn't fight knowing you'll be in danger, I am sorry.
"If choosing you is selfishness then I would rather be selfish forever than losing you". Cassandra... Bakit? What did I do to deserve this kind of love from you?
When she asks me to look at her eyes and tell her I don't love her anymore, I want to stop all of this. I want to hug her and wipe her tears, ayoko.
"If I surrender and fight no more, would you be happy love?". Hindi, hindi ako magiging masaya pero para sa ikabubuti mo at ikaliligtas mo. Handa akong harapin ang nakamamatay na sakit at pangungulila makita lang kitang maayos.
"Hindi na kita mahal kaya pakiusap, bumitaw ka na. Hindi na ikaw, Cassandra". Ikaw pa din, ikaw lang at wala ng iba pa Cassandra.
I couldn't stand seeing her cry so I turn around and walk out without looking back, I will still watch you pero sa malayo nga lang.
I hate them for ruining me but I hate myself even more for making her cry and for hurting her.
When I saw Nicolia, I know Cassandra's still following me so I held Nicolia's hand tightly and position ourselves at an angle that will look like I am kissing her.
Pero hindi, tears started to fall from my eyes as I pretend not to care. As I pretend that I am kissing this woman, why can't I stop pretending here and just run to her, embrace her and explain everything?
Tears did not stop from falling from my eyes as I saw her run, she runs away from me.
She walked out of my life and it's all my fault.
I let Nicolia's hand go and look at her eyes deadly, "I will make sure that you will be in jail or in a mental institution, you did not win Nicolia. She's not with me anymore kaya mas kaya ko ng protektahan siya at pabagsakin ka".
And there I left breaking...
Years had passed pero siya pa din, pitong taon na ang nakalipas pero hindi ko pa din pala talaga siya kayang palitan. Hindi ko kailanman kakayanin.
I look down at my wrist where her gift was placed, the watch she gave me on my graduation.
I caress it and held it closer to me, "Mahal kita at ikaw lang ang mamahalin ko habang buhay".
She keeps me sane but she's not here anymore, blame on me.
I still keep an eye on her at kada nakikita kong nakangiti siya, I want to curse myself for wanting to be the reason behind it kahit alam kong hindi na.
Watching her safe and alive already eases me, she's more important than the air that I breathe and she will always be my top priority.
Mahal kita, Cassandra. Ikaw pa din kahit wala ka na sa akin.
Till fate brings us together again, love.
At sa oras na iyon, hindi na kita bibitawan pa. Hinding-hindi na, gagawin ko na ang lahat para sa akin pa din ang bagsak mo.
You were mine first and I intend to be the last one, baby.
---------------------------------------------------
Gosh! Ayan na ahh, di na kayo galit kay Tyrone? Hihi
Again, never judge someone without knowing their own point of view.
This is the longest chapter in this story (6,694)
Mahal ko kayo 😊
-KC