*Disclaimer, some mental health disorders and illnesses will be mention in this chapter.. I know some can be a sensitive topic for others so I wanted to put in a disclaimer.*
Deja's POV
Right now I'm taking a walk around the streets of New York, trying to clear my head. After the fight that I had with Lucas, we sat down and had a long talk about it.
"Precious you have to trust me okay? I would never hurt you in any way." Lucas tried to reassure me and I nodded, playing with my fingers
"I know.. It's just the thought of you doing with someone else scares me.. And it breaks my heart because I know you deserve better than me. You deserve the world Lucas.." I said softly and he lifted my head to look me in the eyes.
"Baby I don't want anyone but you, I only love you. We're in this for life, I don't plan on letting you go anytime soon. So stop thinking negative and focus on the positive, no one matters in the relationship except for me and you. I know you have trust issues and you feel like people will leave you in the end but I'm here to stay." He wiped away tears that I didn't even know were falling. I tackled him in a hug, crying into his neck.
"I'm so sorry." I sobbed as he rubbed my back
"It's okay.. We're okay.."
I feel as though that fight has brought Lucas and I closer and we definitely communicate more than we already did. I saw the park up ahead so I made my way over there and sat down at the bench. I haven't spoken to anyone today, I felt like I need a day to myself.. To gather my thoughts before seeing anyone. Ever since moving here, I never got time to myself.. Even though I never wanted it before since that was all I ever had but now I need it more than ever. Only dad and Lucas knows that I'm avoiding everyone for time to myself, the group has been blowing up my phone all day but sometimes I just don't want to speak. I just want to think about how my life is going and what I can do to improve in a way that benefits me and the people around me. I didn't want to slip back into that depressive hole that I was in before so I have to make sure I'm okay.. My phone ringing brought me out of my thoughts and I looked to see that my dad was calling me. I answered
"Hello?"
"Hey Kiddo, how you feeling?" He asked and I smiled softly
"I'm okay, just thinking. Everything okay?" I said and he sighed
"Everyone is asking for you since you haven't been answering their calls or texts. Of course I'm acting like I don't know anything because I feel like you need this time alone." He says
"I should be heading back home in a hour , I have been gone all morning so. I'll call everyone back when I get home, will you be there by the time I get back?" I asked
"Yea I should be, I don't have much work to do. Do you want me to pick up some food?" I thought for a second
"Yea, some Chinese and make sure you get-" he cut me off
"Egg rolls with duck sauce, I know this already." He said and I chuckled
"Well I just thought I would remind you just in case you're getting too old to remember certain things." I said making him gasp
"How rude!" He said making me laugh and then he joined in after.
"Alright babygirl, I'll get the food now. Call me if you need anything." Dad said
"okay I will.. dad?"
"Yea?" I took a deep breath in
"I love you.." The other line was quiet which I can understand because we never actually said to each other before
"I love you too Kiddo.." He said back and I bit my lip so I wouldn't be smiling too hard and hung up.
I sighed in content before deciding to head to the library since I haven't been there in a long time. I walked in and smiled at Ms. Jones who was surprised to see me.
"Deja! I haven't seen you around here in a while." She said and I leaned against the front desk
"Yea, I know.. A lot has happened since we last saw each other but enough about me, how have you and the kids been?" I asked and we spent the last hour catching up about each other and I decided grab a couple of books to take home with me. I headed back to the apartment and unlocked the door.
"Hey dad, I wanted to ask you something but I forgot to earlier.." I trailed off as I looked up to see everyone sitting in the living room. My dad gave me a panicked look on his face and I'm pretty sure I had the same facial expression. I noticed that Lucas wasn't with them..
"Uh hi." I said closing the door behind me
"Deja Precious Hunter, where the hell have you been? We've been trying to contact you all day." Mich said with a glare thrown my way.
"I've just been out and about, walking around and I passed by the library to grab some books." I said shrugging a bit, placing my books on the counter.
"So why haven't you been answering us?" Farkle asked and I sighed
"Because I wanted time alone.." I said and they looked at me weirdly.
"What is that suppose to mean? Are we annoying you?" Riley asked and I groaned, this is actually why I didn't want to say anything in the first place.
"Of course not! If I don't want to hang out everyday, it's a problem?" I asked
"Um yes!" Maya said and I counted in my head to calm myself down.
"If you didn't want to hang out with us, you could've just said that." Liam said and they all started walking out. If they thought I was going to stop them, they had another thing coming. I had enough fights for the last year and I'm getting tired. I just watched as they walked and locked the door behind them. I looked over at my dad who sent me a sympathetic look but I just smiled at him.
"I'm fine dad, this will blow over soon enough. Ima just bring my food and books to my room if that's okay?" I said and he nodded before placing a kiss on my forehead.
"That's perfectly fine. Heads up, Lucas is knocked out in your room." He said going to his office and I laughed a bit, heading to my room with my books and food. I walked in to see Lucas cuddling with one of the pillows that I use, I smiled at the sight. I remove my shoes and jacket before crawling into bed to sit next to him. He shifted a bit and placed his head on my stomach. I ran my fingers through his hair for a little while before eating some of my food and starting one of my books. I knew Lucas had woke up at some point because I felt him leaving kisses on my stomach.
"Hey babe.. you hungry? I got some Chinese." I said not looking away from my book. He moved his body between my legs, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"I am hungry but I'm too comfortable to move." He said making me laugh a bit. And then he lifted his head a bit and smirked.
"Unless you're offering for me to eat something else." He said and I smacked his arm.
"Luke shut up, my dad is here." I told him and he just chuckled before grabbing the Chinese and started eating. I told him what had happened not too long ago and he looked angry.
"Are you kidding me? They couldn't just understand that you just wanted some space from the group." He said and I rubbed my thumb on his cheek
"Baby calm down, it's okay. I'm not stressing it and neither should you." I told him, giving him a kiss.
"They should understand that you need some time alone and not always hanging out with them. I would've thought that Liam and Michelle would get that the most." He said
"Babe.. it's okay, I'm not stressing any of this right now. All I want to do right now is cuddle while reading my book." I told him and he nodded, placing the food on my side table and pulling me into his chest. My back was against his chest while I started from where I left off in my book.
"Precious I love you." Lucas whispered into my ear and I smiled as he played with my promise ring.
"I love you too Luke."
▿ ▿ ▿
I haven't spoke to the group since yesterday and to be honest, I haven't tried to. In my opinion, I didn't do anything wrong so I'm just going to be here chilling. I walked into school hand and hand with Lucas, laughing about what happened this morning since he slept over.
"Precious it's not funny, I thought he was going to kill me." Lucas pouted, making me laugh even harder. This morning, my dad walked in and saw Lucas and I cuddling asleep. The thing that made my dad nearly kill Lucas was that I was wearing one of Lucas' shirts without any pants and apparently Lucas' hands were on my ass so my dad decided to push Lucas off the bed.
"I'm sorry Luke but it was hilarious, you looked like you were going to piss your pants." I told him as we made our way to his locker.
"Because I was about to!" He exclaimed and I pinched his cheek, grinning.
"Aww you poor baby." I teased as he smacked my hand away from his face. My smile softly weakened when the group were walking over to us. Lucas saw them coming and glare but I kissed his cheek to calm him down.
"Lucas please calm down." I whispered and he nodded, pulling me into him by my waist.
"Hey guys." Riley said cheerfully and Lucas flashed her a fake smile while I nodded in her direction.
"Where were you guys last night? We were all suppose to hang out at Riley's place?" Michelle asked and we( Lucas and I) looked at her like she was stupid. Thankfully, the bell rang so we didn't say anything too reckless.
"We have class, let's go right now." I said, dragging Lucas away with me. He chuckled as I sped walk away from them and went inside Cory's classroom. Cory looked at us weirdly
"Don't ask." Was all I said and he nodded as we sat down. We watched as the rest of the group walked inside and Cory clapped his hands together.
"Okay, let's talking about personal space." He said and I turned to Lucas
"Have you noticed that he never actually teaches about history but about our personal lives?" I asked and he laughed, pecking my lips.
"Hey! None of that here, Shawn told me what happened this morning." Cory said and I snickered while Lucas groaned.
"Okay personal space, what is it?" Cory asked
"The distance between you and another person." Sarah answered
"Ok then, what's personal mental space?" Cory asked and I glared at him while he grinned.
"What do you know?" I asked and he just continued grinning. He noticed no one's hands was up, not even Farkle's.
"No one knows.. what about you Deja? Lucas?" He asked
"Um no sir, I'm good." Lucas said with a shake of his head.
"I know nothing." I said through gritted teeth and he looked at me with that idiotic smile.
"Lucas.. Deja.." I sighed while banging my head on my desk a few times as Lucas started off.
"Personal mental space is when you're not bothered by anyone.. It's only you and your mind, alone. Sometimes, people need personal mental space to get themselves together before interacting with others." I picked up where he stopped off.
"People who've been through something traumatic in their life or even someone who is stressed needs personal mental space. It's something everyone should get every once in a while, you'll never know how much you need it until you actually experience it." I said looking straight at Cory who smiled softly at me.
"Who here has experienced having a mental day for yourself?" Cory asked, Lucas and I raised my hand with a few other students.
"Those who haven't, why haven't you?" Cory asked
"I didn't even know it existed.." Farkle said
"Oh it does but some people might confuse it with their friends or family are ignoring you or pushing them away. Where really they are making sure that they're in the right state of mind to be around you. They don't want to lash out or say something that they will later regret.. We have to notice these things or you will be mixed in a miscommunication." Cory said
"Anxiety disorders, Behavioral and emotional disorders in children, Bipolar affective disorder, Depression, Dissociation and dissociative disorders, Eating disorders, Obsessive compulsive disorder, Paranoia, Post-traumatic stress disorder, Psychosis, and Schizophrenia are examples of some mental health issues and/or illnesses.. Your mind, your mental is really important and some people in your life could be going through this and you might not even know it. Maybe they're not pushing you away because they got "tired" of you.. Maybe they're trying to protect you from themselves.. From their problems, they don't want to burden you with their thoughts.." Cory says and everyone was silent, I felt some tears fall down my face and i quickly wiped them away. The bell then rang startling everyone, we didn't notice how fast the class went by.
"Class dismissed.." Everyone.. for the first time ever, took their time leaving class. Lucas got up and pulled me into a hug before walking us out.
"You're not a burden Precious.." He whispered to me
"I'm not a burden.." I whispered back
•••
Lucas and I were at his house, cuddling on his couch. I hadn't seen Mama Friar in a while so I decided to go over there. There was a knock at the door, making Lucas and I share a confused look. Mama Friar came from the kitchen and went to open it, walking in was the rest of the group. I pulled away from Lucas, looking at them questionably.
"What are you guys doing here?" Lucas asked, still upset about what happened yesterday.
"We wanted to apologize to Deja.." Riley said
"For what?" I asked, I really didn't care about what happened yesterday so I really didn't see the point of them apologizing.
"We were acting selfish and not noticing how differently you've been acting.." Liam said
"I mean, how could you? I didn't tell anyone expect for my dad and Lucas." I told them
"Why are you acting so calm and collected right now?" Mich asked
"Because I really don't see a reason why you guys are apologizing.. I don't blame you guys for anything." I said shrugging before getting up to go to Lucas' room for a hoodie.
Lucas's POV
I watched as she walked out and looked over at our friends with a blank look.
"She may not care but I do.. Liam, Michelle you two know better than anyone else how Deja gets. You may have not known about her mental health issues but you knew that she needed time alone. I mean ever since you guys started dating Maya and Farkle, we didn't hang out like we use to but Deja didn't say anything because she was extremely happy that you two were finally happy. And the one time she actually needs the time alone, you guys pull some dumb shit like this. She might act like she doesn't care but I know deep down that she does.. She felt like she was a burden, that's why she didn't say anything. She didn't want to take away from your happy time.. She didn't want you guys to worry about her." I said and Deja walked back out with one of my hoodies on. I gave her a look and she smiled sheepishly.
"It smells like you." She said
"You have a bunch of my hoodies at your house, I had to buy some more the other day." I told her and she pouted
"They don't smell like you anymore." She says and I laughed, giving her a kiss. She looked over at our friends who were standing them awkwardly.
"You guys wanna watch a movie with us?" she asked and they nodded before sitting on the floor or on the other couch. Deja cuddled into my chest as I wrapped my arms around her and the movie started.
"Thank you.." She whispered to me and I looked down at her.
"I heard what you said.." She clarified and i kissed her head.
"Anytime.."
——
Hey guys, it's Thursday. I literally forgot that I had to update for you guys until I looked at the date lol. I hope you enjoyed this filler kind of chapter. Also thank you guys for 6k, it was literally last week we had hit 5K and we already at 6k. You are amazing for that! Sorry for any misspellings or errors, comment anything you thought about the chapter. I'll see you in the next chapter! Mwah!
Love,
Kaila.