FLASHBACK
M: What do you mean Osamu doesn't like you? Did he tell you that?
"No, Atsumu just told me. I appreciate it told him to ask for me."
M: (P/N), I love him, but he's a liar.
"Atsumu was mad when I told him, but I know him, he would never lie to me about something like this."
M: I... I-
MIA'S FLASHBACK
*giggling* "Tsumu, I told you to stop trying to look cool. I don't care about your fancy tricks."
*chuckles while rubbing his forehead where the ball fell* A: I'm not trying to look cool, I already am cool.
*giggling* "Tsumu, you're such a dork."
OFF TO THE SIDE
*smirk* M: They look good together, don't they Samu?
O: Sorry, was I staring?
*giggling* M: You were.
O: Tsumu likes her.
M: But you do too?
O: I..Yeah, I do.
M: Good, then tell her because that person we were talking about, the one that she likes, it was you.
*Osamu's eyes open wide and blushes*
*chuckles* M: No matter how good you think they look together just remember that you're twins, okay? You two would look just as good together, so go for it.
O: But Tsumu.. She's blushing right now.
M: She's probably talking about you, I promise. I think you should tell her.
O: I will. Tomorrow.
M: EEEEEE, I'M SO EXCITED. TELL HER, TELL HER NOW. ACTUALLY, I'LL TELL HER, RIGHT NOW.
O: Mia!
M: Hmm?
O: Please don't. I want to be the one to do it.
END OF MIA'S FLASHBACK
*in her head* M: I can't tell her Samu wanted to be the one to do it.
"You?"
M: I guess you're right. I'm really sorry (P/N)
END OF FLASHBACK
A DREAM, IT WAS JUST A DREAM or rather, just a memory from the past. As the days started whining down, the memories of the past kept coming back to haunt me. That day that I told Atsumu I liked his brother, the day after when he told me that he liked me, they kept playing in my head. After a long drive back from Nationals, it was nice to go back to being a regular student in school. No practices, no extra long mornings or afternoons, just wake up, school, home. Things with Mia were a little awkward, but we were working through it. I tried to leave her alone with Samu as much as possible. I was excited for her. She was happy and she was finally going to confess on the last day of school. Samu was perfect and things with him were as they always were. We were friends and together, we ignored all the feelings in between. As far as things with Atsumu...they went a little like this.
A: Hey
"OH, ATSUMU, HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?"
A: Do you have a second? Can we talk?
"Talk? TALK? Yeah! SURE! We can talk about anything. What do you want to talk about?"
A: I was hoping that we could do it in private.
" PRIVATE? PRIVATE, SURE WE CAN TALK IN PRIVATE, BUT FIRST, I...HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM! YUP HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM! LATER!"
———-
A: (P/N)-
"Tsumu! Just the person I wanted to see!!"
A: Really?
"Yes, yes, I need you to....GO FOR A RUN."
A: Go for a run? Can't I do that later?
"NOPE, NO. GOTTA DO IT, RIGHT NOW. GOTTA KEEP YOU IN SHAPE. AND... AND YOUR LEGS LOOK WEAK SO GO, AND ME I'LL GO... TO THE BATHROOM!"
A: Seriously?
"YEAH! Later!!"
———-
A: (P/N)-
"ATSUMU! HEY BUDDY! I know you still want to chat, but I got to -"
A: The bathroom?
"So much water and you know how weak these kidneys of mine are."
A: Then I'll wait.
"NO! I mean, no, you've probably got more important things to do than wait."
A: I don't.
"But-"
A: Please, just... five minutes....
*RING* "I would, but we have class."
A: Then after class. Meet me at the gym.
"H..How about after school instead!"
A: No more avoiding me, alright?
"I'm not- okay, fine, maybe I have been, but I won't! We've really got to go so I'll see you later!"
A: Wait
"What now?"
A: What now?
"I mean, yes, what is it? We're going to be late."
A: Didn't you have to use the bathroom?
"OH! Yeah, but you know Mr. Makisaki, I'll just hold it!"
A: Then we're heading in the same direction.
"It.. it appears we are.."
A: We might as well walk to class together, *smirk* since you're done avoiding me and all.
You've got to be freakin- "Why walk when we can race? Got to keep that those lungs, legs, and heart ready for next season!" But before he got the chance to answer I dashed away. When I plopped down on my seat next to Samu, he had a content little smile on his face.
O: Still running from Tsumu?
"Yup. Quite literally this time."
O: You'll have to talk to him eventually.
"Samu, when you stood outside the door..did you he-"
Teacher: Alright, everyone, books out. Page 31.
"Never mind." It wasn't important if Samu heard. It wasn't important that Tsumu kissed me and it wasn't important if Samu knew about it because at the end of the day, when everything was said and done, Samu would be with Mia. Halfway through class my dad came to get me. He wanted me to be the first to know that the U-19 wanted Atsumu. I wanted to run up and hug him but I settled for jumping up and down, making a fool of myself in front of my Dad.
D: Do you want to tell him?
"No, I think the entire team should. They raised him, I just sharpened his skill."
That talk after school turned into the perfect way to avoid our talk. He was already expecting to meet me at the gym, so Dad pulled people out of class one by one and told them to meet in the gym after school that day. Dad left Samu and Gin to me.
If we're being honest, I probably should've gone to the little get-together, but to be fair I didn't think he would notice I was missing when I packed the gym with our entire team, our coaches, and a U-19 announcement. Forgive me for thinking Atsumu wouldn't be as self-centered as he always was. Part of me wishes I could've been there to see his face when he got the news, to see the excitement light it up, to see the joy spread throughout it, but that's okay. My place was here, on this roof, like the outsider I was. Skipping those practices was also for the best. Dad knew way more than I did. And I'd be missing way more milestones, so it's not a huge deal that I miss this one! This was actually good training. That was about two weeks ago. Atsumu stopped trying to talk to me after that, which made my job of avoiding him so much simpler. I guess he finally got the memo, which means that the only hard goodbye I had to make was to this roof.
K: Hiding up on the roof again?
"Clearly not if you found me so easily, Kita-senpai."
K: It's not very difficult if you know where to look.
"Care to join me?" I patted the spot on the floor right next to me and gave him a smile. Kita sighed then gave me a small smile back.
K: I will never understand your need to sit on the floor when there's a perfectly good table right there.
"I...hm, you know what, I will let you know when I figure it out."
K: And the roof?
"That's an easy one, follow my lead." I laid down looking up at the big blue sky, not a cloud in the sight. I reached my hand towards the sky, taking in the warmth. "It's so big, so close, yet so out of reach." Kita slowly sat up and dusted off his uniform.
K: That was unsanitary.
"You've gotta learn to live a little. When you're on the bottom, the sky feels so far away, but being this close to it, it's therapeutic."
K: I much prefer the view straight ahead. A grand city all stretched out into a horizon.
"So you like big things made out to look small."
K: I like the quiet of it all, the stillness. The city is always so loud and it's always moving, but when you look at it like this, it's peaceful.
"I'll miss this place."
K: I'm sure Tokyo has tons like it.
"Yeah...."
K: We missed you at the gathering. The whole team came out to celebrate Atsumu.
"Yeah; I don't know if you can call practice a gathering, much less a celebration."
K: Where were you?
"Oh, you know, just sitting on the roof. I couldn't turn down a good view."
K: The U-19 called Atsumu.
"I know. Who do you think set up that little 'gathering'?"
K: Why do you think I was surprised you missed it?
"Must've been a hell of a show."
K: He waited for you, that day in the gym, after everyone left, he waited for you because he said even though you were late, he knew that you were going to show up. He said that you always showed up when he needed you most and that he knew you wouldn't abandon him on the day you've both been working towards.
"I get it, okay, enough with the guilt trip."
K: Why didn't you come?
"It wasn't my place to be there."
K: Atsumu couldn't have done it without you. That celebration was in your honor too.
"It was his day to enjoy, not mine."
K: He would've enjoyed it better with you there.
"I would've made him moody. It's kind of what I do."
K: He's still waiting, you know, he goes to the gym every day, waiting for a partner that will never show up. It's kind of sad. He sits there getting his hopes up and then you crush them without so much as a thought.
"Kita, if I show up-"
K: Then you'll have to deal with your problems?
"It's not like that."
K: Isn't it? Because as much as he deserves it, I refuse to believe you did this out of spite for every time he's been a flaming imbecile.
"Is that what he thinks?"
K: Yes.
"Have you ever stayed friends with someone even though they treat you like crap for no reason? It's not as easy as I make it look."
K: Are we talking about Kuroo or Atsumu?
"Why do we have to put names this, huh? Why can't this be a perfectly reasonable hypothetical question?"
K: So, Atsumu. Just making sure.
*sigh* "Kita"
K: Are you ready to tell me why you've been avoiding him?
"I'm not *Kita stare* - Okay, I am, but for a good reason."
K: Which is?
"He told me that he loved me...."
K: Which brings me back to my last point. A problem you don't want to face.
"Who says it's a problem? Maybe we already talked it out?"
K: Then you didn't show up because you turned him down and it would be awkward.
"That's not what I said."
K: You face him and tell him you don't have feelings for him, he gets hurt, you face him and tell him you do, Osamu gets hurt.
"WA- HO- HUH?"
*chuckles* K: I'm not blind. I can see how he looks at you and I can see how you change every time he comes around, or his name is brought up.
"Osamu's been super nice about the whole thing, but it's because he's Osamu. He's....perfect. We talked everything out and we're friends."
K: So, you don't feel the same way as either of them?
"It's not that, it's just..."
FLASHBACK
A: Samu, he doesn't like you, (P/N). Get over it. He doesn't want you. When I asked him, he laughed and told me that he thinks you're ugly.
"Atsumu, please stop."
A: Forget him. Forget him and pick me.
"What?"
*blush* A: I.. I like you, ya know, and I THINK WE SHOULD GO OUT.
M: WHAT?
O: Mia, let's give them some privacy.
I turned to see Osamu and Mia walking even farther away.
A: So, what da ya say?
"Atsumu...I told you to stop. This isn't funny." Atsumu's laugh started out low and then gradually it rose. "Why..why are you laughing?"
A: Because it's hilarious to think that you thought I was serious. Come on (P/N). You actually think I could have feelings for you? You're right. This was a joke, because you're a joke. So listen, and do it carefully because I'm the only one who's going to be honest with you. You're so freakin' boring and there's nothing special about you. Any guy who pretends to have feelings for you is lying. It's better you know now. I'm out of here.
"Atsumu. ATSUMU. YOU DON'T GET TO SAY ALL OF THAT STUFF AND WALK AWAY."
A: You're selfish and because of it, you've ruined three years of friendship.
END OF FLASHBACK
"Last time I had feelings for Samu, Atsumu confessed and I thought it was a joke; things, to put it nicely, they blew up."
K: So you think this is the same thing.
"Yes... No...I don't know. I wouldn't put it past him, but at the same time... I feel like I understand him a little better? He asked me to stay.... I think that Atsumu told me that he loved me to get me to stay... to get me to keep training him...I hate that I can't say it's something Atsumu would never do."
K: So you don't believe it?
"What?"
K: That he loves you?
"No...I... I don't?"
K: You don't or you don't know?
"I...I don't know. I think that he loves me...but just not that way. But if I'm wrong... I risk hurting him all over again. History will repeat itself and what happened last time will happen again."
K: Why is it so hard for you to believe that Atsumu has feelings for you? You're not that unlikeable.
"Ha ha very funny."'
K: You didn't answer the question.
"Because he's Atsumu. We fight, we joke around, and we do the volleyball thing; we don't do the whole blushing feelings portion."
K: Really? Then clearly you've never seen you two.
"I don't have feelings for him."
K: Are you sure?
"Yeah. The person I like is..."
K: Osamu.
"NO- DON'T"
K: Why do I bother asking you; I know I'm not going to get a straight answer.
"Like I said, we talked about it."
K: And?
"Osamu is my best friend; that's all. Don't tell anyone, but Mia really likes him. She should be telling him soon."
K: I understand.
"It's the life I lead, so chin up Kita boy."
K: And you're okay with that?
"What other choice do I have, I'm leaving."
K: Do you want to leave?
"No, Yes, I don't know."
K: Your mom.
"Yeah...I just- UGH! Can't you just tell me what the right thing to do is? What the right thing to say is?"
K: No.
"Kita?"
K: Sorry (P/N), unfortunately, you're the only one who can decide that one.
"Then tell me what you're thinking."
K: I'm thinking that somewhere along the line you forgot what it was like to be okay and now that you're not again, you're falling into some old habits. I think that for some reason you normalized putting yourself last, I think that because you are okay now that you're confused about how to act when you're sad. I think that you don't want to let go because you don't want to hurt anyone.
"It's not letting go, I'm still going to maintain the relationships and visit..it just won't be the same."
K: I think that the twins have changed you into a person who can finally see the good in herself. It's not just the way you speak that's changed or the Tokyo accent that's gone now, it's the anxiety-ridden girl keeping up the image of perfection too. I think that you're becoming someone who finally wants to take a stand, but I think that the old you is still fighting back. I think that you're an exceptional girl. You've gotten exceptional grades, you're exceptionally good at sports, but I think that you've also realized that you're mediocre when it comes to maintaining relationships and that you can't stand it.
"Watch it."
K: I think that you're kind, but that in times of trouble, your need to please other people is constantly winning over your instinct for self-preservation. I think that you're too hard on yourself and that hurts your ability to be vulnerable with a lot of people. I think that you're scared.
"Of?"
K: Hurting someone, getting hurt yourself, doing and saying the wrong thing, when there really isn't one. However, I also think that no matter what choice you make, it should be one that puts a smile on your face, but not that forced one you have most days now, the natural one that you used to have.
It came out as a whisper but the important thing is that it came out. "Do you think he really loves me?" I needed a second opinion, I needed a friend.
K: It's not important what I believe.
Why am I not surprised? "But will you tell me anyway?"
K: No, I think I'll let you figure it out on your own.
Let's see, if I was Kita, watching from the outside, what would I think? "You think I like Atsumu, but you think that I'm scared of him, so you think that instead of falling for him I decided to place my feelings on the safe version of him."
K: Is that what I think?
"Uh, Yuuhhhh. AND DON'T SAY OR IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK THAT I THINK, WHICH WOULD MEAN THAT IT WAS WHAT I THINK, BECAUSE IN REALITY, IT'S JUST WHAT I THINK, THAT YOU THINK, THAT I THINK, NOT WHAT I ACTUALLY THINK OR FEEL."
*chuckles* K: Did you enjoy that, running around in a circle and making yourself dizzy?
"No, but I'm glad you did." *sigh* "You know what I think?"
*chuckles* K: That we're done thinking?
"Absolutely."
K: So will you answer a question for me instead?
"Only if it's a simple one."
K: What comes next now that you know everything that you know? Will you keep normalizing the behavior and run or will you face those demons?"
"The world may never know."
K: It will eventually. Never is the direct parallel of its sister forever, eventually never too will come to an end.
"Can I tell you something I haven't been able to tell anyone? Not the people in Tokyo nor those here in Hyogo."
K: Only if you're comfortable.
"You know when I sit on this roof, I'm not just laying on the ground looking up at the sky, sometimes I think too."
K: Oh? And what did you find out when you were deep in your thoughts?
"I want to go home, I haven't told anyone because everyone seems to have some opinion on it, but I know that I want to go home. I'm not sure if it's just for Break or if it's for good, but I know I want to go for all the right reasons. I was placing the blame on my mom and making her the bad guy because Atsumu made going home seem like such a bad thing. The truth is I'm excited. Sometimes, Hyogo feels like it's strangling me, but in Tokyo, it feels like a breath of fresh air, it feels like I'm coming up for air and I can finally breathe. I love Hyogo, but I grew up in Tokyo, it's just as much my home as Hyogo is. I don't think it's a coincidence that there's so much clarity there."
K: It's the last day of school. Are you sure that's what you want? You're not just accepting it because you can't change it.
"You can't really know where you're going if you don't know where you're coming from. So yeah, I'm sure."
K: Then the answer to my question?
"Neither. I know what it looks like, it looks like my decision to leave Hyogo is all cloudy because I'm being blinded by all this drama, but that's not it at all. Tokyo is clear because that's where I'm the best version of myself. Because that's where I'm all of me without any issues. Anxiety-filled and perfection-seeking, confident, but still humble, dramatic, but still filled with joy. Every part of me, the parts I don't like, and the parts I do, all come together to form (F/N) Nekomata-Kurosu. For right now at least, I know that Tokyo is where I belong."
K: Okay.
"Okay?"
K: Yeah, okay. If you're happy with that decision, then so am I.
"Why do I feel like you're telling me there's something left to be done?"
K: I'm not. Believe it or not, I'm actually proud of you and I'm excited to meet this complete (F/N) when she comes to visit.
"I couldn't have survived this semester without you Shinsuke."
K: I know, but it's nice to be acknowledged.
"Woooooah, Shinsuke wanting to be acknowledged, maybe you're growing as a person too."
K: Are you going to lay here all day or are you going to clean up your mess before you leave?
"Both, there are enough hours in the day. Plus you said yourself, I am quite exceptional."
K: There were two functional Miya's when you got here, make sure you leave them that way too.
"Later Shinsuke."
K: Later.
MEANWHILE
O: Is everything okay?
M: Yeah! I just wanted... SOME ADVICE! I needed some advice.
O: Anything you need.
M: There's this guy I've been in love with for a long time... ever since we were kids actually.
O: No kidding? What's his name?
M: His name is....Osamu Miya. It's pretty one-sided on my part. Samu is completely in love with our friend (F/N), but I don't blame him. She's gorgeous, inside and out, she's funny and she can do things that I just can't. When he's with her, he smiles so easily, it's just about the cutest thing you've ever seen. I can't explain how it happened. I knew he had feelings for me, but I just fell any way knowing he wouldn't be there to catch me. Before I knew it, I was in love with him. Pretty crazy huh? I saw the look on his eyes when I told him, pity, fear, essentially the opposite of what I wanted. But it's okay, really, because even if I do feel that way, I would never, try to force him to love me or want him to date me out of pity.
O: Since we were kids....
M: Yeah...early on, I made up my mind, just like you would always holding out hope that (F/N) would love you, I would hold out hope that you would love me.
O: Mia-
M: Don't say anything. You don't need to.
O: Okay.
M: I'm in love with you Samu, alright? There, I did it. That wasn't so bad now, was it? The world didn't explode and I didn't die, which means that you can do it too. You can confess to her before she leaves. You guys can finally be together.
O: It's not that simple.
M: If I could confess to a person I was 100% sure didn't feel the same way, what makes you think you can't confess to one that you're 40% sure does. The way I see it, you have better odds.
O: They're still crappy odds.
M: So you're going to stand on the sidelines forever and let her slip away again?
O: I ... I tried. We..we kissed twice and then after that we agreed it be better to stay friends.
M: Hmmmm, no.
O: No?
M: Yeah, I don't like that ending, so I'm going to change it. New plan, you can't return my feelings, so I need you to give me something else in return for my confession.
O: Okay?
M: I want you to be happy, be so happy, that I know my sacrifice won't be in vain. This time, instead of standing on the sidelines, I want you to take a chance. Go to her and tell her that you want to be together because I think that there's a good chance she wants the same thing. She liked you before, odds are she likes you again.
O: It doesn't matter how she felt before, things are different now, they're more.... complicated.
M: Not from where I'm standing. She's leaving, I'm in love with you and you're both madly in love with her.
O: I'm not.
M: You know, lying to yourself is one thing, but lying to me is another.
O: I'm trying hard not to be.
M: That's a mistake. This time Samu, let me help, okay? Because the truth is, the only reason she told you she just wanted to be friends was because she knew how I felt about you. I'll tell her what happened and you can tell her you love her, deal?
O: Yeah... deal.
BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED DRAMA
The last day of school meant the last day to clean out my locker. Luckily I've been taken cleaning it out little by little each day so not much was left. "Ms. Nakamura, it's lovely to see you again."
Ms. Nakamura: OH (P/N)! It's amazing running into you as well. Is there something you needed?
"I just came to say goodbye. I wanted to say that I really enjoyed your class and that I'll miss learning from you, so thank you. For all your wisdom."
Ms. Nakamura: Are you going back to Tokyo with your family?
"It seems that way, doesn't it, but who knows what I'll find there."
Ms. Nakamura: What to do, how to do it, it seems like you've got it all figured out.
"Not at all, but, I've got to to keep moving, or else I'll just be stuck in all the gunk."
Ms. Nakamura: Looks like you've taken all my lessons to heart.
"I suppose that's what happens when forever comes to an end."
Ms. Nakamura: Speaking of lessons, I just got down reading those reflection papers, but there was something interesting that I thought you might want to read.
"One of the papers?"
Ms. Nakamura: More like a love letter than a paper, but lovely to read all the same.
"Love letter?"
Ms. Nakamura: I don't make it a policy to let students read other students' papers, but this is a special exception.