She must have rang the doorbell five times before the door actually opened. Her anxiety rising each time she pushed the button and waited for Soyeon to show up.
"Yeji? It's christmas." Soyeon points out, as if it wasn't obvious. Her voice lower than normal and Yeji was sure it meant her family was currently inside.
Yeji's words come out the moment she saw the girl standing in front of her. Barely processing what she had said.
"What did you mean by what you said?"
"What?" Her ex looked at her, clearly confused and just the little bit worried. But not enough to invite her inside despite the fact it was freezing outside.
"You told me it was obvious how I felt. When we decided to finally give up."
Soyeon rolled her eyes, taking a moment to consider before answering. Yeji assumed she was considering closing the door without saying a word.
"You know what I meant."
Yeji shook her head, refusing to agree with such idea. "No. I was in a relationship with you. I cared about you. I wanted you."
Soyeon pressed her lips together, looking bothered by those words but deciding not to address it. "You're standing here, asking me this on christmas, late at night, in the middle of a snowstorm with two different colored lipsticks on your lips."
Yeji's fingers touched her lip, her gaze unfocused, her breathing heavy as if she had either just been running or was too close to crying. "I was with you."
Soyeon sighed, "Do you regret it?"
The question caught Yeji off guard. She knew immediately what Soyeon was referring to. The conversation she had with her the day they ended things for good.
She hesitated, without meaning to. Catching herself by surprise in doing so. It should have been a simple yes.
But it wasn't and now that she was staring right at Soyeon, she could see the look the girl had. Her ex wasn't surprised. She simply looked like she was told something she had known for quite some time. Something painfully obvious to herself and probably everyone else.
But it hadn't been obvious to Yeji.
It hadn't been obvious until she started to feel things she had been keeping herself from feeling. Until these feelings started to put what she had felt for Soyeon to shame. Until she was standing there looking at Soyeon and feeling nothing for the girl and everything for the one she had left behind.
"I have to go back inside, there's people waiting for me. And you should do the same."
Yeji didn't reply before the door closed in front of her, leaving her standing in the dark cold night on her own.
______
It took her some time to get back home. Only to find that nobody was there.
It had taken her roughly an hour since she had left Ryujin in the park and Yeji had expected she would have called a ride home by then. Yet there was no signs of the younger girl.
With a heavy chest and a guilty conscience, Yeji drove back to where she had left Ryujin. Worried something might have happened. Despite everything, that was the last thing she wanted.
Walking to the spot where she had last seen her, Yeji felt the most nervous she had in a long while.
Truth was, earlier that night when Ryujin suddenly took her hand and guided them to the park where they had met all those years ago, Yeji had become hopeful. That she finally remembered or realized who she was. That they were on the same page for once.
But that hope quickly left her as she saw how Ryujin acted. She didn't know.
Maybe she didn't want to know. Maybe Ryujin had never tried to find Yeji. Maybe she had never thought about that time.
Yeji wouldn't blame her. It was nothing, really. Just two kids meeting once for a couple of hours.
Yet, this entire situation had been created simply because of those two hours.
Would Ryujin hate her if she knew that? If she knew Yeji was the reason they were forced into the arranged marriage. One she had no plans to fulfill? While Yeji had a girlfriend and tried her best to ruin things to go back to Soyeon?
It was cold, far colder than before and her jacket having been wet from the snowball fight hadn't helped. Her breathing was more than visible and Yeji hoped that the younger girl wasn't still where she left her. She would surely catch a cold if she was.
Arriving to the exact spot, Yeji couldn't see any signs of someone else. Maybe Ryujin had gone back home. Maybe after Yeji stupidly kissed her and ran away, she had decided it was best to go back to her own place.
Maybe this possibility had no business hurting as much as it did.
Yeji stood there, in the cold. Observing the landscape in front of her. Truth was, she didn't want to go back to an empty house after what had happened. Her hand was inside her jacket, holding her phone as she considered calling Ryujin. Asking her where she was and apologizing.
Because Ryujin deserves an apology. Not just for her running away or even for the kiss. She deserved many apologies that had remained unsaid but were long overdue.
She heard the footsteps before anything else. The snow making every step noisier than they would have been. Maybe she should have been alerted by this sound. Maybe she should have felt like she was in danger. But Yeji didn't bother looking.
"Why are you here?" the deep voice surprised her more than the footsteps did. But she still didn't turn to look at the other.
"I thought you had realized what a mistake it was to kiss me and left."
Yeji could hear the other drinking something, causing her to finally glance sideways at the girl who was now standing besides her. Ryujin was looking at the view with a hot cup of coffee on her hands.
"Are we going back to the not talking?" she asked, and Yeji wanted to respond but what should she even say?
Where could she start? And more importantly, what words wouldn't cause Ryujin to walk away?
Ryujin then took another sip, placing the cup of coffee on the wall surrounding the river and taking a step closer. Leaving one step of distance between them. As if she wanted her to take the other step. As if she was asking her to do so.
Ryujin rolled her eyes, pulling out her phone and starting to play a song. One she had heard a few times through her airpods when she was at her place. One Yeji had grown fond of. It was hold and American and it had its own special charm to it. Yeji liked it and every time she heard something like that, she'd think of Ryujin.
Placing her phone back in her pocket, the song continued to play loud enough that they could still hear it.
An extended hand offering her an invitation wordlessly and next thing she knew, Yeji was taking it.
It was stupid. They looked stupid. Childish and maybe even crazy.
But Ryujin was chuckling while dancing around and Yeji couldn't help but smile and enjoy it.
Just as much as she once had as a kid.
"We look stupid." Yeji stated, both of them dancing close, her head coming to a rest on Ryujin's shoulder. Before she took a step back as the realization of what was happening hit her. Did she know?
Yeji didn't know if Ryujin had no clue about it or was actually testing it out but she could see the moment she put it all together. Both of them staring at each other while the song kept playing.
Her mind cursed out the song for its insanely cheesy love lyrics and Ryujin for staring at her in that ridiculously soft way.
Because that's not how she should be staring at her.
Ryujin should be angry.
"We should go. It's really cold here."