FIVE YEARS LATER
She can feel the knot in her stomach, a pain in her throat as she tries to stop her lips from trembling. Natasha is close to crying, her whole body tense as she's trying to keep control. She doesn't want to cry in front of her friends. "Will you find out where he's going next?" She quickly grabs her sandwich, taking a bite and looking back at Rhodey, acting like she's all fine even though the man can tell that it's all an act but knowing her well enough to know that she wouldn't accept any help or worry.
"Nat?"
It's then that her eyes give her away, getting watery, her body shaking slightly. "Please?" she begs, trying to hold onto the last bit of hope. She knows it's useless but she's not ready to accept the fact just yet. She knows Clint wouldn't give up on her just yet either.
"Okay" Rhodey says, giving in and disappearing on her screen.
Just when he's gone, Natasha finally allows her emotions to show fully, tears rolling down her face, allowing herself to feel the pain and feeling desperate of losing everyone but most especially, losing her best friend.
"You know, I'd offer to cook you dinner but you seem pretty miserable already" Steve says, almost getting a chuckle from his friend. Her hair is much longer now, the blonde hair only in her peaks anymore, red color mostly being back.
"You here to do your laundry?" Natasha asks. It's been weeks since she's last seen Steve but she has to admit that it feels more than good to see a familiar face outside a screen.
"And to see a friend."
"You don't have much left of those, hm?" Natasha answers and leans back into her seat, taking a deep breath. "Clearly, your friend is fine."
"You know, I saw a pod of whales when I was coming over the bridge."
"In the Hudson?" Natasha asks slightly amused as it seems that Steve is still just as bad when it comes to small talk.
"There's fewer ships... cleaner water."
"You know, if you're about to tell me to look on the bright side... Um... let's just say you know how that went the last time. So... If you are... I'm about to hit you in the head with a peanut butter sandwich."
"Hmm" Steve chuckles and begins to move closer to her. "Sorry. Force of habit" he says and sits down on a chair opposite the table and opposite Natasha. The latter passes the plate with the rest of the sandwich to him. Steve just sighs and leans into his seat as well, looking at the sandwich instead of her eyes. He feels it too. The despair, the pain and the loneliness. He always feels it when they see each other, as if every familiar face is a memory of everyone who they have lost. But avoiding each other and being alone is much worse.
He finally lifts his gaze, remembering why he came here in first place. Reminding himself that there was a life before all of this and that they're still living a life after their battle against Thanos because they survived. "You know, I keep telling everybody they should move on... and grow. Some do" he says, almost proudly but if there's anything to be proud of, it's them who should be proud of themselves for being able to move on. "But not us" Steve adds, seeing Natasha averting her gaze already, eyes moving to a framed picture of Sam, Bucky, [Y/N], Steve and herself, standing close to the desk she sits at. It's one of the few visible memories she has left, keeping it to remind her of better days.
"If I move on, who does this?" she asks, her eyes now wandering further to look at the room in general, so many memories of who the stuff in here belonged to.
"Maybe it doesn't need to be done."
Natasha shakes her head, slowly but determined. "I used to have nothing. And then I got this. This job. This family. And I was better because of it." She takes a break then, eyes moving to Steve, analyzing how honest she can be with him, knowing her words will hurt him, no matter how she puts them. "And maybe [Y/N] was able to leave it all behind. She wasn't there from the beginning. But even though they're gone and she has left... I'm still trying to be better."
Steve takes a moment of silence to analyze how to continue without hurting her more than she's already hurting and hopefully cheering her up. "I think we both need to get a life" Steve says when tears roll down Natasha's face.
"You first" Natasha chuckles slightly and Steve smirks. Suddenly, a beeping noise interrupts them before he could dry her tears.
"Oh, hi. Hi. This is, uh, Scott Lang. We met a few years ago at the airport... in Germany? I was the guy that got really big. I had a mask on."
Steve and Natasha both look at the screen in disbelief, Steve even getting up from his chair to take a closer look. "Is this an old message?" he asks, Scott still talking.
"Ant-Man? I know you know that."
"It's the front gate" Natasha answers almost relieved, feeling new hope as she sees another familiar face after all those years.
"I really need to talk to you guys!"
***
Natasha, Steve and Scott sit in the kitchen of the Avengers compound, hot liquid in their mugs as they take in Scott's explanations. His story sounds crazy but worth a try. They all agreed on that, knowing they need a scientist to help them with what they can't understand.
Natasha's finger move along the handle of her mug several times, fingertips feeling the cooler feeling of it while the liquid in the mug is still warm. Her forehead is wrinkled, deep lost in thoughts and minutes pass before she looks up to meet Steve's blue eyes. "I know what you're thinking, Steve."
"What is it?" Scott asks confused, feeling like he has missed out on something.
"She doesn't want to see you. Don't you remember what happened the last time you tried to talk to her?"
Of course he remembers. The memory is still not easy to think about, always causing him pain. That's why he has given her the space she needed. The space she has forced him to give her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She clenched her teeth in anger, arms crossed in front of her chest, eyes glaring at him. "I'm not discussing this again, Steve."
"We need you, [Y/N]. You've been gone for long enough. Please just come back" he tried to convince her like so often. Their time together had become rare since she moved back to Oakland, Steve coming back only for visits every once in a while that he could feel were no longer enjoyed by her.
"Well, I am needed here. So I'm staying. End of discussion."
"You're running away! If you would just-"
"Just what, Steve? Come back to New York to be reminded of what has happened day by day? No, thank you."
"I know you're having a job here and it's great that you take care of all those people but it's time to come home. The group...-"
"Home" [Y/N] snorted and rolled her eyes at his words. "This is my home, Steve."
"You know he wouldn't want you to waste your life like that, hiding. He'd want you-"
"Don't you dare to finish that sentence!" [Y/N] scolded angrily, walking up to him threatingly. "Don't you dare to tell me what he would have wanted after you have just moved on as if he never existed! You have no idea what it feels like to plan a life together until some crazy alien rips away half of the population. So don't you dare to tell me what he would have wanted because you don't even know what he wanted! And don't you dare to expect me to just move on like he never existed. I am not you, Steve Rogers!" Her voice was raised now, finger put in front of him threatingly, contempt and anger visible in her eyes.
"I know he existed, [Y/N]!" Steve responded angrily and frustrated, pushing her hand away from his face. "Do you really think I don't feel the pain of having lost him again? Of having lost them all? But it's been three years!" He took a deep breath to calm him down because his voice was slightly raised. "You're part of the team and-"
"What team?" [Y/N] snorted sneery. "Are you talking about Banner who disappeared or Tony who ignored you for two years before living with Pepper far away from you all? Oh, or are you talking about Clint? You know... traveling around, killing people... There is no team, Steve! What for even? We lost and they're gone. And I'm not interested on continuing my journey with you. I have a job that actually really needs me. So go away."
"[Y/N]-"
"Go away, Steve!" [Y/N] almost shouted before she stopped in her tracks, standing really close to him. Her breathing became even and calm and the anger in her eyes vanished to be replaced by tears. "I don't want to see you anymore. This is goodbye, Steve."
And that's when he felt what her true powers are like. He opened his mouth to respond but her eyes were glued on him and he felt all control leaving his body when he began to move, not wanting to leave her. It was like she had once explained. She was controlling his mind and he knew it but he had no control over his movements. He opened the door, [Y/N] followed him to the elevator, letting him press the buttons and staying with him until the doors closed. Her eyes were full of tears but there was no regret visible. She was done with him and he could see it all in her eyes.
And when he had reached the ground, too far away from her to still control him, he knew that he had lost another friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Steve looks at Natasha, his jaw clenched but his blue eyes glistening as they ignore Scott's confused looks.
"I appreciate your worries, Nat. But I'm not letting you convince me otherwise."
"Steve, it's been two years. Things won't go different."
Steve raises his eyebrow at Natasha. "Maybe they will. We've got hope." He knows that this is how he gets her, knowing that the same glimpse of hope is within her when it comes to Clint Barton. If he still believes in [Y/N], Natasha knows that it's okay to still believe in Clint. And if he gets [Y/N] back, maybe they can get back Clint as well.
"Guys, who are you talking about?" Scott asks impatiently.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things are quiet in the medical area of the outreach center. They have been for a while now, leaving [Y/N] wondering if things are really changing for the better at some parts of this fucked up world.
She's sitting in the small kitching, sipping on her coffee and writing down some notes about her last patient. She's back in Oakland for about 4 years now and even though she hadn't even been in New York but knowing it was the home of The Avengers and the home of Bucky had been too much for her to bear so that she had moved out of Steve's apartment not even a year after the Decimation. She had needed a distraction from her loss, some new purpose to help her not to get insane. She had looked for something to do that would make her stop thinking about Bucky, Sam, T'Challa, Shuri and all the others that had vanished. She had been helping out and learning again how to be a nurse for a while but it was until early in year 2 after the Decimation that she got offered a real job as a nurse there and accepted it instantly.
At first, Steve and Natasha came visiting her every once in a while, sharing their grief. But eventually, Steve began to tell her to focus on anything else than work, trying to tell her to move on and to get her into a support group like he was leading one. That's when things went wrong. She couldn't take to see that Steve Rogers, the man that had promised to be always there for his best friend Bucky Barnes, just tried to move on like he has never been there. Like Bucky Barnes hadn't moved on from his past just for his future to be ripped away from him. That is something she can't forgive Steve. Ever.
The door to the small kitchen opens and [Y/N] looks at Jamal, her co-worker, in confusion. "Hey Sharp. My shift's over and there seems to be a new patient. Can you go check up on them until the doctor is ready?"
"Sure" [Y/N] mumbles, not even caring that Jamal leaves early today. Again. There isn't much to do anyway and she's glad to do anything but paperwork. She takes the clipboard from his co-worker and heads to the room the new patient is waiting in, ready to check up on him and fill out the formula.
She opens the door and heads inside, searching for her pen in her pockets, not looking at the patient until the door is closed and they're alone and their eyes meet.
Steve looks at his friend with wide eyes, trying to hide the surprise about [Y/N]'s appearance. She has changed so much that he barely recognizes her, yet the flame of determination in her eyes proves that it's still [Y/N]. Her arms, now crossed in front of her chest, show some tattoos. Her hair is much shorter now and is dyed in green and a silver shining metal shows a Helix piercing in her right ear.
"This has to be a joke" she says angrily, her eyes glaring at him like she's about to rip him into pieces.
"Before you say anything - everyone knows I'm here so there's no way of kicking me out" Steve says quickly but his voice is steady and calm.
"I haven't lost my abilities, Rogers. I can do it myself. So let this be a warning and get out of here. Now."
"No" Steve says dryly. "Not until you have listened to me." He's not scared of her. He knows it has hurt her to use her powers against him, to control him and that she wouldn't do it again. At least, that's what he hopes for.
"I don't have to listen to anything you say. You're clearly not hurt so my job here is done" [Y/N] says through gritted teeth and turns around to leave the room.
"Scott's alive!" Steve says quickly to stop her, her hand on the door knob already, and it works. [Y/N] stops in her tracks. "He knows how to get them back."
It takes seconds that feel like minutes in which [Y/N] doesn't say a thing nor turns around. She just stands there like frozen.
"We need you, [Y/N]" Steve says more softly now, approaching her slowly.
Steve's movement is enough to make her react. [Y/N], who pushed them all away, scared to let Steve even just near her, turns around now, tears in her eyes that she tried not to show.
"Don't..." she presses out and takes a step away from him. "Don't give me hope, Steve."
Steve's heart beats faster the moment his name leaves her lips. It's been years since he has heard her say it. Years since they've talked. And no matter what she thinks of him, her tears prove that she still cares. If not about him, then about The Avengers and Bucky. "We can bring them back, [Y/N]. We can bring Bucky back."
"Stop..." [Y/N] pleads, her voice low as she's trying her hardest to hold back her tears and hide her true emotions. But Steve hears her breaking. "Stop!"she repeats more loudly before her voice breaks again. "Don't do this to me, Steve. I can't take it again..."
Steve ignores her try to stay away and begins to move towards her again. Slowly, carefully. Showing her that he's no thread. "I wouldn't be here if I wouldn't believe in it. This is our final chance."
"Do it without me, then."
"You're part of the team. I need you. We need as many of the team as possible."
"Steve, please..." [Y/N] pleads again, walking backwards until her back hits the door. "I've given up. I don't wanna suffer this loss again" she presses out, voice barely a whisper.
"You haven't given up" Steve states. He stands in front of [Y/N] now, clearly seeing the silver around her neck that he grabs carefully and pulls out the necklace with Bucky's dog tags on it. "No one that has given up hope would still wear those" Steve says softly, dropping the dog tags carefully as tears run down [Y/N] eyes. Instinctively, Steve wraps her into his arms and is surprised that she's not pulling away but burrying her head in his chest.
"You don't know how it feels to try and forget him day by day, knowing he will never be back but being unable to move on" [Y/N] mutters.
"I know" Steve presses out, his hands stroking her back gently to soothe her. "I'm trying too but I fail. But we can do it. We'll bring him back. Together." And despite the pain they're sharing, Steve's feeling the comfort of her near again, broken parts of his heart slowly beginning to heal, knowing that his friend is still in there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The whole way back is silent, not much being said. Steve doesn't know what to say anyway, all that comes to his mind is small talk. And he knows that [Y/N] doesn't want to talk anyway. Even though he has broken through her facade before, she's keeping it all up again. Keeping him away, showing no sign of affection. She's trying to see it as a job and nothing else. She's not even happy to be reunited with Steve or Natasha that is waiting for them. They're all just a painful reminder of what she has lost and couldn't get back.
The only reason she's ever met them was Bucky. It's always been Bucky. From the very first moment on, she'd have done anything for him. From the night on that she saw his silver arm and his scared look in his eyes, seeing right through to his broken soul, she knew she'd do anything for him as long as he's okay. But he's not okay anymore. He's dead. He has vanished, turned into dust. And Natasha, Steve and everyone else who belongs to The Avengers and is still alive just reminds her of the journey she's just been on for Bucky. A painful reminder she has banned from her life a long time ago.
So she stays silent, having nothing to say to him.
They eventually reach the Avengers compound, heading inside in silence as well. Steve fears that one wrong word from him will make her turn into her tracks. As they enter the workroom Scott and Natasha are in, talking, it becomes silent again when they see [Y/N] that looks so much different. For a moment, Natasha is happy to see her, a smile on its way on her lips but she then sees the look [Y/N] gives them. It's almost emotionless with no hint of affection or warmth. The spark in her eyes is no longer there. She's even skinnier but it's still [Y/N]. Even though she doesn't seem to like being here, her eyes show that it's still her. Natasha's eyes then fall on the silver around [Y/N]'s neck, seeing Bucky's dog tags still being where they belong at.
A small smile forms on her lips now nonetheless. "Hi [Y/N]."
"Nat. Scott." [Y/N] just nods at them and then locks eyes with Natasha. She can see that Nat is waiting for more, for any sign of affection or happiness but there's nothing. She doesn't feel what she once felt around those people. Instead, she feels uncomfortable being here, just wanting to be done with the try. "Where's Stark?"
"We haven't asked him yet" Steve answers. "We're going there together."
[Y/N] raises her eyebrows, eyes moving from Natasha to Scott and then to Steve. "Fantastic idea" she says sarcastically. "Bet he can't wait for a return of Team Cap."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"No. We know what it sounds like" Scott says.
"Tony, after everything you've seen, is anything really impossible?" Steve asks.
"Quantum fluctuation messes with the Planck scale which then triggers the Deutsch Proposition. Can we agree on that?" Tony asks, handing Steve and the other guests something to drink. "In layman's terms, it means you're not coming home."
"I did" Scott contradicts.
"No. You accidently survided" sighs Tony. "It's a billion-to-one cosmic fluke. And now you wanna pull a... What do you call it?"
"A time heist?" Scott says and tries to sound as confident as possible, almost feeling proud of what he remembers.
"Yeah, a time heist. Of course. Why didn't we think of this before? Oh, because it's laughable. Because it's a pipe dream."
"The stones are in the past" Steve tries to convince Tony. "We could go back, we could get them."
"We can snap our own fingers. We can bring everyone back" Natasha says.
"Or screw it up worse than he already has, right?" Tony asks and [Y/N] flinches. She doesn't even want to imagine a scenario worse than this.
"I don't believe we would" Steve says, his eyes looking at [Y/N] worriedly before he looks back at Tony, sternly. He knows that she's still not sure about her decision but he believes in their chance and he wants her to believe, too. He doesn't want her tiny bit of hope ending just yet.
"Gotta say it. I sometimes miss that giddy optimism. However, high hopes won't help if there's no logical, tangible way for me to safely execute said time heist." He sits back into his chair now, looking up at the people on his porch. "I believe the most likely outcome will be our collective demise."
"Not if we strictly follow the rules of time travel" Scott says quickly and sits down next to Tony but he looks at Natasha, Steve and [Y/N] as if he's trying to keep them believing. "All right? It means no talking to our past selves, no betting on sporting events." He then turns to Tony but the man interrupts Scott already.
"I'm gonna stop you right there, Scott. Are you seriously telling me that your plan to save the universe is based on Back to the Future?"
Scott snorts. "Is it?" Tony asks.
"No."
"Good. You had me worried there" Tony says and [Y/N] sighs. She knows that it's bold to speak up, very well knowing how much Tony dislikes her but she couldn't care less. She hasn't said much since coming with Steve but she can't keep her mouth shut anymore, anger rising inside her about Tony's stubbornness.
"Even if it is. Who cares? Our whole lives are screwed up and like some crazy science-fiction bullshit. No wonder people didn't believe in The Avengers first. This sounds like some shit for Comics. Aren't there even Comics about you all?!"
"That would be horseshit nonetheless!" Tony says. "That's now how quantum physics works."
"Tony..." Natasha says, her voice sounding desperate and [Y/N] knows that her friend is losing hope again. "We have to take a stand."
"We did stand. And yet, here we are."
"I know you got a lot on the line. You got a wife, a daughter. But I lost someone very important to me. A lotta people did. The team included. And now, now we have a chance to bring her back... to bring everyone back and you're telling me that you won't even-"
"That's right, Scott. I won't even."
Scott stays silent now, his mouth slightly opened as he looks at Tony in disbelief when he feels [Y/N] place a hand on his shoulder to squeeze it softly, comforting. It's the first sign of affection she shows since her arrival, almost feeling weird to Scott but he knows that she means it, her facade slowly crumbling.
"I can't" Tony says, his voice more quiet now and [Y/N] looks up when she hears noises to see the little girl from earlier walk up to Tony and climb onto his lap.
"Mommy told me to come and save you."
"Good job. I'm saved" Tony says to her, embracing his daughter in his arms and cuddling her before he looks at the team again. "I wish you were here to ask me something else" Tony admits. "Anything else. I'm honestly happy to see you guys, I just... Oh, look, the table's set for seven."
"Tony, I get it" Steve interrupts his old friend, clearly seeing his effort to fix things and move on from their stupid fight. "And I'm happy for you. I really am. But this is a second chance."
"I got my second chance right here, Cap" Tony says and holds even tighter onto Morgan. "Can't roll the dice on it." He then turns his gaze away from Cap to look at the other three of the group. "If you don't talk shop, you can stay for lunch." His eyes move to [Y/N] now, his gaze laying on her almost curiously. "Still gotta get to know the newest member."
But instead of accepting the offer, the group says their goodbyes and Natasha, Scott and Steve already walk back to the car, not realizing that [Y/N]'s falling behind, still standing on the porch next to Tony as they're all lost in their own thoughts. She watches her friends walk away before she turns to the man next to her, her hand moving through Morgan's hair soothingly. The little girl turns her head to look at [Y/N], her own small hands touching her green hair. "I like your hair. It's weird. But I like weird."
[Y/N] chuckles and waves the girl a smile. "Thank you. But you know what? Your hair is so much cooler and don't even let me get started with the cute outfit you're wearing. I wish I could rock those swans like you do."
Morgan smiles widely and turns to her Daddy with proud eyes. He smiles at her admiringly before he locks eyes with [Y/N]. "I know we don't know each other, Tony" the woman speaks up. "But I get you. I don't think I'd risk it either. But I was about to have that, too. A lot of us were. Can't move on from that. I tried." She then touches Morgan's arm softly. "It was nice to meet you, little Stark. Take good care of your daddy." She then looks at Tony once again. "I'm sorry but we're doing whatever it takes. Wish you'd be with us." [Y/N] then sighs, her eyes become even softer now. Almost apologizing, she looks at the man in front of her as if to say sorry for everything that went wrong between him and Steve. "Bye, Tony." And before Tony can answer, she catches up with her friends and Tony watches them drive away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scott watches [Y/N] fidgeting her legs, feet hitting the passengers seat accidently here and there, her knees close to her face, fingers trailing up and down her legs, playing with the seam of her jeans. "Stop it, you're freaking me out" he complains after minutes, not being able to take her movings anymore. The day has been long enough already.
[Y/N]'s eyes move from Steve, who she's staring at from the backseat all drive long, to Scott. She bites her bottom lip nervously but her eyes are the softest Scott has seen them since her arrival. "I don't want to question your theory, Scott. But I feel like we're all going to die trying."
"Well, then we're at least dying by trying to save them" Natasha says from the passengers seat, a daring smirk on her lips, very well knowing that it's challenging [Y/N] to try her best.
But the woman ignores her friend's words, her eyes still on Scott and he can see how nervous she feels. Her voice is much lower now, almost a whisper as she doesn't want Steve or Natasha to hear the doubt in her voice. "Scott, do you really believe in this? This is all so crazy. Bruce, Tony, quantum physics..."
She stops whispering when Scott takes her hand, his own skin feeling much warmer than her sweaty hands. He squeezes it softly, his green eyes staring into her [y/ec] ones. "I believe in this chance we've got. And I'm ready to take the consequences because we owe them a try."
[Y/N] waves him a soft smile now, feeling encouraged by his words. He's right. They've got a chance and they are obligated to try whatever it takes to get them all back.