The taste of copper filled her mouth and she swallowed the blood, keeping the petals in her mouth until she could spit it out into a garbage can.
"Are you sure you're up to walking around?" Francis asked and she hated that he looked so concerned. She didn't want him so concerned over her. It was the last thing she wanted.
Wiping her mouth after she'd spat out the red petals into the garbage can she'd found, she ignored the red smear on her hand. She'd known there had probably been blood on her lips after she'd gotten rid of the petals; more and more blood seemed to be accompanying the flower petals.
"I'm okay," she tried to reassure him. "I don't want to be stuck in your office, being treated like glass," she said in exasperation. "I'm not fragile."
"Are you really not?" he asked, focused intently on her. "Because I don't want to see you passed out in my bathroom and covered in flower petals and blood again."
She flinched. "That won't happen again," she pressed him. "Come on, Fitzgerald-san. I want to go have fresh air and it's been awhile since we've gone to eat out or do something silly you came up with. Louisa-san told me it would be okay too, as long as you were to come with me and watch over me."
Atsushi watched him frown and she wondered what other thing was bothering him now.
"How come I'm still 'Fitzgerald-san' when you call Miss Louisa May more familiarly? I would think we were closer," he grumbled. "And Fitzgerald seems to be more complicated and harder for you to pronounce than Francis! Why won't you just call on me by my first name?"
She blinked. Was this really bothering him that much? "To be fair, I call on Eckleburg-san and Poe-san politely too," she pointed out. He opened his mouth, but before she'd let him start, she continued on. "And Louisa-san is a different point. I don't honestly know her last name —I don't even know the names of your other former subordinates in the past —at all. Lucy-san is the same —and she works close to me now, down in the café."
"You really don't know Miss Louisa's last name? Or Miss Montgomery's?" he asked, sounding utterly bewildered.
She laughed in embarrassment. "No, of course not. You guys didn't exactly introduce yourselves properly when you first appeared. And even when we started a truce, I only came to know Louisa-san's name by accident from you. Lucy-san had long ago introduced herself, though she'd left out her last name. You, of course, had several —usually long and drawn out —introductions; and then you did actually properly introduce yourself to me, which is how I found out your first name, especially after you started insisting I drop formalities to use it."
"Well, regardless, use my name now," he insisted to her. "I'll agree to take you out if you do so. And no honorifics!"
That made Atsushi hesitate, but it wasn't a big deal. Right?
"F-Francis," she uncertainly tried out, causing him to beam at her. Her cheeks flushed a light red. "Can we go out now, Francis?" she asked, still not used to the idea of being so informal with him like this.
"Alright," he agreed reluctantly.
She smiled in relief, though her chest squeezed tightly and she started to cough, petals escaping her and her only grabbing a handful that had come out of her. Irritably shoving them into her pocket since the garbage can was now too far away, she turned to Francis. He was frowning again, making her feel disappointed. She hoped he wouldn't be changing his mind.
"Here," he murmured and took out a handkerchief that he moved to wipe her mouth with. He put it back into his pocket and then held out his hand. "Now...where do you want to go?"
Taking his hand and feeling warmth fill her, she thought about it. She didn't really have a destination in mind. She only wanted to get out of there before she went stir crazy, and she also just wanted to spend as much time with Francis as she could.
"Anywhere," she declared. "Surprise me."
He was oddly quiet for a moment, before he nodded and gripped her hand tightly, leading her out of his office.
༻❁༺
Francis didn't know where they'd go. But if she wanted to go out of the building, he'd take her out and just stay with her. He wanted to focus on the positive too —like how he'd finally gotten her to call him by his first name.
He didn't know it could be so pleasant either. But coming from Atsushi, there was just a different feeling to hearing his name that he couldn't understand, other than to know it made him happy and warm to hear it from her.
He was embarrassed and amused that Louisa got an easy pass on that, only because Atsushi hadn't even known the other's last name. The same with Lucy. It was unsurprising of the others though, since back then they had had no reason to really let their enemy know who they were or properly introduce themselves; hence Atsushi having no clue when it came to Nathaniel, Margaret, John, Mark, Lovecraft and Herman. Poor James probably had never been a thought.
"You really won't tell me who he is?" Francis asked softly, unable to not circle back to that thought. If he could find that man...
Most people could be bought. It's rare to find one who couldn't be.
Glancing at Atsushi, seeing how pale she was, with even her lips looking bloodless, and the circles around her normally bright beautiful sunset for eyes...
No expense would be too much, if it meant saving her.
She gave him a wan smile and shook her head. "Absolutely not. You wouldn't be able to change his mind. He won't...can't have feelings for me."
"Why not?" he asked hotly, feeling frustrated. "And don't say you're not worth it! You are!" And she was. He was more than tired and upset at always hearing her talk down at herself, like when she'd tell him he didn't have to spend so much on 'someone like her' or when she brought up little things from her past that she sounded so nonchalant about, even though those things were not okay.
"He's happy and in love," she murmured, looking downwards. "All I want is for him to be happy."
His heart clenched, partly for her sweet, heartbreaking words and also for some other unnamed feeling, caused by the idea of her feeling so strongly for someone like this —enough to selflessly let him be happy and in love with another person, while she was left to suffer and pine after him.
"He doesn't deserve you," he muttered angrily.
She took one of his arms and wrapped herself around it, squeezing it once as she gave him a fond smile. His breath hitched at that smile, wanting to imprint it in his memory and cherish it, especially directed at him.
"You deserve someone who loves you," he said mournfully.
The man she loved was a fool.
"Hush you," her smile trembled a bit before she was again coughing up petals. He silently took out his handkerchief and wiped her mouth for her again, making her look embarrassed. "I don't want to focus on the Hanahaki and who deserves what," she said stubbornly. "I just want...You're with me now. I want to enjoy my time with you."
"...But —" Though he was happy to hear her wanting to spend time and enjoy being with him, he didn't want to just leave the matter alone.
"No buts!" she said. Her voice was tinged with desperation now. "Please, Francis! I just...I just want to feel happy for whatever time I have left being with you, b-before I go."
He flinched harshly. "Don't talk about going like that," he said firmly, growing aggravated. The thought of it brought equal amounts despair and anger. "You're not going anywhere!"
She couldn't just go, to just leave him behind. Especially like this, for this reason. He can't —won't accept it.
He felt her slump against him and even felt every tremble of her body as it began to be wracked with violent coughs. He grabbed hold of her, steadying her when her knees buckled and she had to fully lean against him.
"Atsushi?" he asked, voice trembling as much as she was.
Blood splattered onto the concrete and he could feel some of it seep onto his suit's sleeves. Petals littered the floor at their feet, soaked in the blood as if they had bathed in it.
He continued to hold her up, steadying himself as much as he was steadying her, shaken by the moment and not knowing what else to do. Then he glanced down at the gory mess and froze.
He leaned down and picked up a flower bud.
Alarmed, Francis grabbed Atsushi and bent to sweep her legs up, carrying her into a bridal hold as he rapidly rushed back into his building. They had barely stepped out to leave when this had happened.
"F-Francis?! What are you —"
He rushed passed a surprised Louisa May and TJ, not stopping until he'd gotten back to his office and had locked the doors behind him. He strode over to his couch and gently set her down.
"Francis, what happened?" she pleaded and he shook as he held out the flower bud.
"What happened?" he asked. "This happened!"
Flower buds.
Soon enough she'd be vomiting up full flowers! Actual fucking flowers —what was it Dazai or Yosano had said about them? The last stage?
"You're safer in here!" he hissed, refusing to let her leave the sanctity of his office.
"I'm not!" she shouted, eyes growing teary. "I'm not safer anywhere! I can't be safe from my feelings, Francis!"
"Then just tell me who he is!" Francis practically roared at her. "Tell me so I can drag him here and make him see sense!"
"You can't! Francis, you can't!"
His temper flared. "Why not?! Is he that stupid he can't see what's in front of him?!"
"He's in love with someone else!" Atsushi was shouting, tears dropping from her eyes. "You can't make him love me, Francis!"
He scowled heavily. "Then he's a fool! Who could he ever choose over you?"
"Please! I just want to spend time with you!" She burst into messy tears, startling him and making him feel conflicted.
He knelt down in front of her and grasped her shaking shoulders. He gave her a pained look.
"I'm sorry," he murmured. He pulled her closer into a tight hug, feeling her trembling against him. "We can...we can spend time together. Just in here, okay?"
He needed to keep a closer eye on her. He needed...he needed her close to where help and medicine was close by.
Francis took a deep breath as he closed his eyes, only to open them to the lone flower bud laying forgotten on the floor, as if to mock him.
༻❁༺
He'd refused to let her leave the office.
In fact, Francis hadn't even left it himself, pushing the forgotten paperwork to the side and turning off his computer. He put his sole focus on her and aside from the bathroom, which his personal one was in his office in the first place, neither of them ventured out of the room.
Several times, Louisa May had knocked on the door and quietly left food by it, not asking questions or saying much other than giving Atsushi a quick, reassuring smile. Francis had ended up contacting the other for the food and whatever other refreshments needed, not even calling her but simply shooting the young woman a text before putting his phone away and refocusing on Atsushi and whatever it was he was currently entertaining her with.
"You know, though I don't know how he knows this, Dazai-san told me once about how The Book is like a melting pot and there are other realities that exist too," Atsushi said, feeling utterly exhausted with how the day had gone.
Francis perked up and she smiled to herself. A mention and there he was —his usual self; not this overprotective, overly worried man hovering over someone like her.
She laughed a little. "Did you know that he'd said I was Port Mafia in at least one of them? That instead of being in the Agency, I ended up with them. It's hard to imagine."
He hummed thoughtfully, pushing around his food on the paper plate. "I wonder if you'd ever joined The Guild instead in one of them?"
"Hm, yeah...that would be interesting, wouldn't it?" Atsushi thought she'd probably have fallen despairingly in love with this man regardless.
"I hope we always ended up friends in each reality then," Francis suddenly said and it made her heart melt tenderly, making her all the more fonder of him.
Inevitably, as it was when her feelings for him heightened, she began to cough harshly and she tiredly stood up and stumbled towards the bathroom. It was slow going with the ongoing violent coughing and spitting up of petals and flower buds, and Francis was quick to join her and help her towards the bathroom.
Once in the bathroom, he helped lower her down to kneel next to the toilet, and she leaned over it and began to continue to painfully vomit flower petals and buds into it for several minutes. Francis' large hand gently rubbed her back, but it ironically eased the vomiting and yet also prolonged it.
When it was finally over, she slumped over the toilet and tried to catch her breath, feeling entirely too worn out. She felt Francis leave her side and heard water running, and then she felt him come back to her. He had her leaning back against him and he wiped her mouth first, before wiping her face and the sweat from the exertion off of her forehead.
"I feel exhausted," she groaned, shaking.
"Do you want to go to sleep now?" he asked quietly.
She nodded slightly. "Yeah...that sounds nice..."
He jostled her a bit, moving her into his arms, and then he was carrying her out of the bathroom and back into his office. He put her on the couch and she wearily watched him set up his ridiculous futon back in front of his glass windows, where she'd noticed the sun was just setting.
Francis saw her looking at it and he gave a faint smile.
"I was thinking we could watch the sunset together, like we had before," he said.
Smiling widely, she nodded agreeably and waited until he was done before trying to get up and head over. Before she could even set a foot onto the floor though, he was already by her side and picking her up, carrying her over.
"I can walk, you know," she said in amusement.
"Not right now and not with me," he said, too serious, too worriedly.
He sat down with her still in his arms, and then moved her to settle between his legs and have her sit back against him, holding her tightly.
Smiling sadly to herself, she focused on enjoying the moment.
༻❁༺
Her body kept trembling, feeling so damn fragile. Watching the sunset with her was strangely both calming and yet making him restless because time was ticking and who knew how long she had?
She was already spitting up flower buds. Any longer now and before he knew it, there would be actual flowers coming out of her.
Since finding out about Hanahaki and what was happening to her, he kept having nightmares where he vividly imagined flowers growing out of her, succumbing to the disease. There were times where he imagined them clogging her insides up and her choking on the blood and flowers, and he was standing in front of her helpless, watching it happening. There were other nightmares where he was watching her happy and cured, but with another man —he didn't know why those made him incredibly unhappy and miserable, when he should be happy she was okay in them, but he never felt happy with those dreams either.
"It's pretty," he heard her murmur and he looked to her and saw her gaze directed at the sunset they were watching.
He looked back at her, into her eyes.
"Your eyes are prettier."
They always had been and he wondered how and why the man she was in love with couldn't see these eyes of hers and think the same, couldn't have fallen straight in love with them —her —just by looking into her eyes.
She laughed lightly, sadly and he squeezed her tight. As she kept watching the sunset, he kept gazing into her eyes.
He hoped this wouldn't be the last sunset they watched together.