Central City
October 31, 18:00 CDT
"The last thing I intended for my evening was gluing hair to your face." I pressed the fake beard to Wally's chin.
"M'gann and I have a date tonight. I have to look good."
"Wally, she invited the entire team," I pointed out. "I doubt she's patiently waiting for your beard and pointy ears to make an appearance."
"Don't forget the nose too."
"And your nose," I tapped the tip of his nose that we colored with a marker.
"You sure you don't want to come with me? I've got some crazy moves hidden in my pocket."
"No, I already promised Fawn I'd go with her to the GA dance."
"Right, Fawn. The friend who you let boss you around all the time?"
"She doesn't 'boss me around.' She's just a little set in her ways."
"Mhm, sure," Wally said. "So, what are you going to dress up as?"
"It's some costume that Fawn.... told me to wear."
He had a satisfied smirk on his face. "What about your robotics club people? Won't they be at the dance too?"
"I don't know. I didn't ask." I pressed down on the side burn that wouldn't stick to his face. "Hold still."
"All I'm saying is, you're allowed to have an enjoyable high school experience. I don't think being friends with Fawn and all those people is the answer."
"You sound like Robin," I laughed weakly, feeling my entire mood darken at his name.
"If you miss him that much, why don't you go talk to him?"
"I don't want to make him angrier."
"I don't think he's angry with you. He's probably just—"
"Disappointed?"
Wally's smile faded. "I think he wants to be close to you, he's just confused how to do it."
My eyes glued to the floor. "I don't want to let anyone down."
"That doesn't mean you should ignore what you want."
"What if I don't know what I want?"
My eyes met with Wally's, neither of us having an answer for that kind of question.
"You'll find it," he smiled for me. "Besides, it's your first Halloween! All you should be thinking about is the dance and candy."
Despite his advice, it was hard to enjoy a night I was dreading. "You know I'm still lost on this whole bashing thing."
"Dance," Wally corrected. "Bashing is a little different."
"Then why did they call it the Halloween Bash if we're not bashing?"
"Because..." he searched for an answer. "...Shut up."
"Oh, you guys are so cute!" Mary cooed, seeing us come down the stairs in our costumes. "Where's my camera. I need to get a picture of this."
"Mom!" Wally groaned. "It's not a prom."
"Oh, be quiet." She pulled a camera out from a kitchen drawer. "Okay, now big smiles!"
The flash nearly blinded me.
"Mom, we have to go."
"Alright, alright." Mary came to my side and fixed my hat. "You look so cute. You know, I've always wanted a daughter to do this sort of thing with."
Wally frowned. "Gee thanks, Mom."
"Uh," I didn't know what to say. "You can... fix my clothes any time you want."
Mary adjusted my hat and dress another time, a warm smile on her face. "I will."
Gotham
October 31, 19:26 CDT
"There you are!" Fawn spotted me at the entrance. Standing with her was Kevin and Adam, as well as another girl whose costume matched ours. "We thought you weren't going to show up."
"It was a long walk," I lifted the boot she instructed me to wear, "In these."
"Well, it's worth it. You look great."
My feet felt like they were going to fall off.
"So, are we going to go inside or..?" Kevin, dressed as a firefighter, brought up. "Because the longer I keep this flask in my shirt, the warmer it's getting."
"Flask?"
"To spike the punch," Fawn said quietly.
"Yeah. Stole it from my dad's liquor cabinet."
"Can't you get in trouble for that?"
Fawn started laughing. "Grow up. They do this every year."
"Inside, please," Kevin whined.
We headed through the main hall, into the gym that was already filled with other students. The air smelled sweet, and lights swirled all over the ceiling. Besides those optics, though, the dance didn't seem to have much to it.
A hand touched my back. "You look pretty." Adam leaned in, lips brushing against my ear. "I feel like we haven't talked in so long."
"I've been really busy recently."
"Well, I know you must need a refill by now." He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, sliding it into my hand.
The worst part was, I couldn't refuse them.
It came out too sincere, "Thank you."
"I've missed you."
"You see me all the time."
"One on one is different, though." His hands wrapped around me, pulling me until our chests collided. "Why don't we have some right now?"
"But we just got here."
He pressed his lips against my neck. "And?"
I pulled away. "And aren't we supposed to dance and stuff like that?"
His eyes narrowed, scanning me. "I don't really dance."
"What do you do then?"
"What I want to do is show you something."
"In here?"
"Outside."
My mouth went dry. "Uh, okay."
He pulled me from the gym and into the hall, until we turned a corner. "This is the girl's locker room."
"I know." He didn't let go of my hand, leading me into one of the stall's before he locked the door.
"What are you doing?"
"Getting our alone time."
He seized my lips, pulling the sleeves of my dress further down than they were supposed to. His hands traced ineffectual lines into my body.
"Wait," I begged. "Adam, what are you doing?"
He pulled away, a hurt look in his eyes. Part of me began to feel sorry that I made him feel that way. "Iris, do you not trust me?"
"I-I don't know. I—"
"It's okay to trust me." His gestures became sweet, loving. A fingers stroked through my hair, grazed my cheek. The foreignness of his touch became tender; exuded love. "You know I'll always take care of you, right?"
In that moment, I looked at him differently than before. His features became familiar, comforting even. The messy dark hair, the sunken almond eyes. His shoulders and the way he carried himself. The promise that I'll be loved—I'll never be alone.
Fenix.
In the haze, he spoke softly to me. "Can you trust me?"
I nodded slowly.
*****
My hands gripped down on the sink so hard, it threatened to shatter.
Breathing felt bizarre, and my heart was too heavy to keep beating. Having arms and legs seemed like a distant concept now. Standing, walking, thinking—it had all changed.
Adam left some time ago, saying something within the lines of "That was great," and "I'll meet you outside." I barely heard him. I was too focused on staying upright, as opposed to crumbling to the floor.
Whatever impression I had been under left the moment he....
It wasn't Fenix. It was nothing like him.
"Hey, are you alright?"
Kylie's reflection appeared next to mine. I wished that I were a ghost, unable to look myself in the eyes.
"I saw you leave with Adam, but then he came back..." she put a hand on my shoulder, and it made me shiver. "What's up with you?"
My lips were forming words that wouldn't come out. "I.... I didn't know you'd be here tonight."
Even my voice sounded like someone else's.
"Yeah, I didn't want to be, trust me." Those words made my skin crawl. Trust me. Anyone who promises that is lying. "But I got assigned to take pictures for yearbook," she wriggled the camera around her neck. "You look like you're gonna be sick."
I dared to collapse into Kylie's arms, but I controlled myself. "Yeah, I'm not feeling great."
Her eyes were scanning me differently now. "Did Adam do something to you?"
A gasp escaped my lips unintentionally.
"Seriously, do I need to call an ambulance or something?"
"No." I tried to stay present, but it was so hard. "No, I just need to sit down."
My clammy figure stepped back into the bathroom's walls, sliding down until I touched the floor. Kylie followed suit next to me.
"Do you think that it would be okay if I hung out with you during school?"
She laughed slightly. "We do hang out."
"No, I mean, if I hung with only you from now on."
"Sounds good to me." She agreed, but the perplexed look didn't leave her face. "So... a pirate?"
It came out cold, resentful. "Fawn made me." But to keep my mind moving forward, I looked at the shirt and headpiece she wore. "What are you supposed to be dressed as?"
"Oh, it's a 'holy cow'."
"Is that like a religious thing?"
"No, it's a joke. Holy," she pointed at the circular headpiece, then her animal printed shirt, "Cow. You haven't heard that expression before?"
"I guess not."
"That's alright. I didn't expect anyone to get it anyway."
Neither of us knew what to say next. The only thing filling the silence was a sink's leaky faucet.
After a while, Kylie scoffed. "Pretty slow Halloween, huh?"
"I thought things like Halloween and birthdays were supposed to be exciting."
"Eh, after you turn a certain age they start to lose their excitement. It just turns into expectations that are never met, and people letting you down."
"I'm starting to get that now."
She came to a sudden realization. "Wait, is it your birthday?"
"According to your solar system."
"I didn't realize yours was different from mine."
It was a good thing she found it funny. I didn't have the energy to come up with an excuse for the truth.
"Well, if it's your birthday in this solar system, we should be out doing something worthwhile," Kylie thought. "Not sitting in a bathroom or standing around in a sweaty gym."
"I didn't really plan to do anything else."
"You don't have to plan it. It can be something spontaneous."
"Like what?"
"I don't know, like... like skinny dipping into the Gotham Lake."
Central City
November 1, 02:10 CDT
"Finally, you're home," Wally barged into my room. "What kind of dance goes until two in the—why is your hair wet?"
"Birthday present."
Wally's face screwed in complete confusion, "What?"
The numb tingle still coursed through my body, but I faltered. My eyes swelled with tears and my lip quivered.
Immediately flooded with concern, Wally grabbed me. "What's wrong? What happened?"
How could I tell him? How could I properly explain the urge I felt to crawl out of my own skin—to stop existing as myself for just one minute?
I crumbled into him, gripping at his arms in hopes that they would ground me somehow. I sobbed, heavier than I had the last time. In what felt like the only comfortable setting I knew, I pushed all of my pain out for Wally to see.
I was crying too hard to speak at first, but when I had finally caught enough breath I begged one thing, "Please don't tell Robin."
Without knowing what I was about to say, Wally nodded firmly. "You and me."