"Why are you buying a men's pink unicorn onesie?"
"It's for your birthday present. Do you love it?"
"My birthday is in July."
"Ungrateful wench."
"Thank you, Lena, oh great one. This is the greatest gift I've ever received. However can I repay you for your kindness?"
"You can repay me by losing the attitude."
"I thought we were being nice to each other today?"
"That is nice. Mean would be strangling you. And I'm so unbelievably close to going through with that." As an afterthought, I added— "my homie."
Jace was grinning. After leaving Daria at the beach, where she was meeting up with loser dickhead scum-of-the-earth one-day-he-will-be-food-for-my-dog Nate Lever, Jace and I had jumped on the train to Southland, the local shopping centre. Knight was bereft of material possessions, and I had a relatively well-funded debit card.
But, you know, if I'm paying for his clothes, it may as well be something that amuses me. Hence, pink unicorn onesies for days. I threw a flower crown and a t-shirt that said 'Wine Mum' into my cart for good measure. I strangely had the feeling that Knight would not find these clothes deeply embarrassing; he would probably enjoy them and wear them proudly, to be honest. He was strange like that.
Jace was dutifully following me, though he seemed increasingly concerned by my purchases.
"Lena, why do you need this?" It was a top that said 'I'm not a housewife, I'm a hornbag'. Kmart was really pulling through with the whack and, frankly disturbing, clothing choices. "Who are you shopping for?"
"It's a secret," I said, with all the mystery I could muster.
"I hate this," he proclaimed. "You are the least mysterious, secretive person I know. You are loose lips personified. You have never been able to keep a secret."
"And people complain about that," I point out. "I'm practising. You can't have it both ways."
"Go back, please. I'm dying."
I flicked my hair over my shoulder, and grabbed a pair of knee high my little pony socks. Jace looked ready to pull his hair out.
My phone buzzed in my pocket with an incoming call. I pulled it out to see that the home phone was calling me. Weird. Austin was at training, Liv was in Casserine visiting our cousin, Elena, and my parents were both working. I accepted the call while Jace stared, baffled, at the contents of the shopping trolley.
"Hey?"
"Lena, please, I need a phone. I need the internet. I need something."
I turned away from Jace to whisper into the phone. "Knight? What the fuck? Get back in your cupboard!"
"This is child cruelty." His voice came out slightly tinny through the phone, but I could hear him moving around. "You said you'd be home at 4."
"You're not a child, and I'm literally buying you your shit right now. Where did you even get a phone from?"
"You literally have a discarded drawer of old iPhones in your room," said Knight. "And your number is programmed in."
"Lena," said Jace from behind me. He was looking down at the cart. "Why do you need a Bloodhound Gang merch t-shirt? Why?"
"Why do I need a Bloodhound Gang merch t-shirt?" came Knight's echo through the phone.
"Yeah, okay, that's pretty funny."
Jace seemed to be having an existential crisis, staring down at the shopping trolley and muttering to himself, a series of "what the fuck"'s and "she's gone mad"'s.
"And who is that?" Knight said through the phone. "Have you replaced me with another man already? Et tu, Brute."
"You have literally been a relevant member of my life for like, a day," I said. "And it's Hartley."
"Hartley?" said Knight. "Jace Hartley? The one you're obsessed with?"
"I am not obsessed."
"Sure, you're not. Literally 90% of our interactions have been you complaining about him. I bet he's hot. Your complaining kind of gave off the vibe that you think he's hot but don't want to admit it. In a, like, cinematic way, where you're mortal enemies but you're both sexy to keep the audience intrigued."
"I hate you," I said casually. "Also, 90% of our interactions were just you lamenting your lost beauty, brains and wealth while you started into a mirror."
"I'm manifesting," said Knight. "If God hears me complaining, maybe he'll give them back to me. And you ignored me, so that's not an interaction. Doesn't count. Whereas I listened to you bitch about Jace."
"I'm only buying you Hooray for Boobies merch now. You get no other tops."
"Why must you do me dirty like this?"
"What slogan appeals to you more, "let's do it like they do on the discovery channel" or "a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying"."
"Jumping off a bridge, actually," said Knight matter-of-factly. "Tell me those are not real quotes."
"Those are actual lyrics in actual songs."
Luckily for him, those tops were not actually sold at Kmart. And luckily for everyone, really. They were not exactly the height of political correctness.
I heard Knight drop a pan in the background of the call. "Go back to the cupboard, dude," I said. "Do you want to be caught?"
"Not particularly," he said. "But starving to death is also not a priority."
"I have a mini fridge in my room. Do not touch the Haighs chocolate or I will help you jump off that bridge."
"Aye, aye, cap-i-tan," he said. "Peace out, landlord."
"You are not paying me, so I am not your landlord. But that can change if you want?"
Knight had already hung up the phone.
I turned back to Hartley. He was sniffing candles in the Kmart homewares section. I immediately garnered a little more respect for him. Maybe he did know how to have a good time.
"Sorry about that," I said, stuffing my phone into the back pocket of my jeans. "My... gerbil... was hungry."
"Gerbils can talk now?" said Jace. "Rich people truly do have access to advanced technology."
"Oh, shut up."
We walked to the counter to pay for Knight's things. The register clocked in at $300, which was surprisingly affordable. I loved Kmart, but I usually only bought the homewares and stationery. Who would've thought their clothes were so affordable? When I shopped for myself, I could easily blow that much on one dress.
And really, some of the discount items weren't bad.
Jace whistled at the receipt. "Yikes, that's a haul."
The sound startled me out of my reverie. I forgot, sometimes, that Jace wasn't as wealthy as the rest of us. He didn't struggle. In fact, like me, he always had the latest technology. But that was always around Christmas and his birthday, when he was showered with gifts from his many different parents. He never had anything needlessly expensive, though, like I did. Only what he could afford from the $300 or so a week he made at work.
"How are your parents, by the way?" I asked, as we hauled our bags out of Kmart. While I didn't love Jace, I had always been a massive fan of all of his parents; especially his mum's.
"Which ones?" he said wryly.
"All of them."
"Well, Rach and Camille are great, as always," Jace said. No one loved their mum the way Jace loved his. He was a Mama's boy, through and through. Always had been. I'd never even heard Jace complain about them, the way everyone else did. I might love my parents, but of course I found them annoying or overbearing or frustrating at times. Jace had never been like that. I'd only ever heard him say, in response to someone asking, 'oh, no, can't relate. My parents are great.' "Aunt Corine is... well, she's Corine. We went out for brunch the other day, and apparently she's hooking up with some TV star from the Bold and the Beautiful."
"If you're on the Bold and the Beautiful, are you really a star?"
"Corine thinks so," said Jace with a shrug. "I, understandably, didn't ask for much detail."
Corine was Jace's biological mother. Her older sister, Rachel, had adopted Jace when he was born; Camille and Rachel had been trying for a baby with IVF for a few years, with no results. Corine had been fourteen when she fell pregnant with Jace; a bit of a wild child. I, personally, thought Corine was a blast.
She was only in her early thirties; easily young enough still to do half the things we were interested in. But she was still pretty active in Jace's life, to my understanding. She crashed with Rachel and Camille enough that I'd seen her at group gaths at Jace's countless times.
We'd once downed an absinthe shot together, while Jace whined about being deeply embarrassed behind us. Good times.
Sometimes—most of the time—I knew Jace thought of Corine as a wild, glamourous older sister. She was hardly a mother figure; more concerned with ensuring Jace had fun and let loose than she was that he did his homework and was in bed early to be rested for school.
But I also knew Jace loved her, and Daria said they'd always been really close.
Jace had one of the craziest blended family dynamics I'd ever seen, honestly. Not that he went into heaps of detail about the intricacies with me. It wasn't a secret; Jace talked quite comfortably about his lesbian mothers and crazy biological mother. But I'd gathered most of the depths from Daria.
"And how's Jack?" I asked.
"Ah, we're getting there," Jace said with a shrug. "It's nice, though, to have a dad. He's, uh, a bit steadier than Corine. Grown up a lot, I guess, in a way she still hasn't."
"When did you meet him, again?"
"It's been about... oh wow, it must be going on a year now?" said Jace. He took one of the heavier bags from my hand and hauled it over his own back. I didn't say anything, but I let him take it. "He's trying a lot, which is nice. I think he thought I'd be mad at him. For leaving Corine in the first place, for never being there, you know?"
I hummed in agreement, but I couldn't really relate. I had a stereotypical nuclear family unit. Two married parents, three kids. Standard. Jace's crazy family life was foreign to me.
"Well, yeah. But I was never angry. I mean, he was fifteen when I was born. And it's not the same as Corine. You know, she's my aunt now. She's still in my life through Mum. And they're all so amazing, it's not like I needed him. But it's still great. He has a boat and stuff, and a little girl."
"Oh, really?" I asked. "So, you have a sister?"
"Yeah," Jace smiled fondly. It was almost cute. "I think that's what made him get in touch. Wanted Clara to have a brother and all that. She's almost one."
"Oh shit, that's cute," I said. "I love babies."
"Aren't you unique?" Jace teased.
"Shut up, Hartley."
"Fair enough."
We were both quiet for a moment, as we walked side by side towards the train station with bags in hand. The afternoon sunlight filtered through the trees, dappled on the crown of Jace's head. It illuminated lighter streaks in his dark hair, softened his features. It almost made him beautiful.
Stupid fucking golden hour. Stupid pleasant conversations that weakened the resolve of my hatred. Stupid Jace Hartley.
But I couldn't stop myself from admiring him. He really was, like Knight had said, kind of hot. Not my type of course.
Of course, I reminded myself.
I kind of understood it, in flashes of time. The whole googly eyes thing that Daria had brought up. Girls did admire Jace, did play "mental undress". I had never, so steadfast was my resolve and my hatred. The thought of looking at Jace in that way was so absurd, so foreign, that I'd never even entertained it.
When he turned to look at me, I turned my face away. Scolded the treacherous path my thoughts had taken me.
I could not let Austin get his way. One day of friendship with Hartley would not ruin a decade of loathing.
We both touched on our Myki card at the train station to pay for our trip back to my place. Toorak was about 45 minutes away by train. Yay! More hanging out with Hartley. Not.
Although, I had to admit. He wasn't being horrible. I suppose the whole being-nice friendship thing made him slightly less unbearable.
"Thanks for the heart-to-heart, Montez," said Jace.
"I am deeply disgusted," I lied, determined to disguise any trace of what I'd been thinking of moments before. "But I'm sure Daria will be thrilled. Make sure you text her and tell her I displayed general interest in your life and respectfully asked you questions about yourself instead of displaying my usual self-centred narcissism."
"I will be sure to tell her you showed basic human decency," he said with a mock salute.
I grinned. "Thanks!"
He rolled his eyes.
We were both silent for a moment, unsure how to operate. Alone. Together. In a world where we had both promised to be nice, normal. How to have a conversation with a Jace I couldn't be rude to?
Usually, I would make fun of his hair. Of the way he was carrying the bags. Of how I wished I was chilling with the ever-fun Corine instead of him.
Here, I didn't know what to say.
"For the love of god, please tell me why we have bought all of this stuff?" said Jace.
I smiled. The rest of the trip was filled with easy conversation and even easier laughter.