Ivan's P.O.V.
With a heavy heart, I walked inside my house. I placed my car keys at the table and throwing my jacket on the floor, walked inside my bedroom. I sat down on my bed and removed my shoes. I lay down in the darkness and stared at the ceiling upwards. The light from the outside room was suffice for me to see. I am sad. I'm hopeless. I feel comfortable in this darkness. I met her after eight years. I missed her like hell. I've craved for her like anything. Today was my chance. I wanted to confess my feelings but I didn't get a chance. She already has someone more important than me. I never meant anything to her in the past. I will never be someone special for her in the future as well.
How can I stop thinking about her?
I have dated so many girls. I've slept with some of them but not a single girl has ever affected me like Hazel. This obsession with her is driving me crazy. I got up from my bed and walked straight to the bathroom. I need a hot shower. I want my mind to forget everything. I want to forget her. I don't want to find myself thinking about how is she? Or what is she doing at this time? I don't want to feel these things.
After a long twenty minutes of shower, I walked out of the bathroom wrapping a towel around my waist. My door bell rang as I was drying my hair with another towel. I glanced at the clock. It must be my food delivery. I ordered a salad on my way back home. I don't have much appetite but a guy needs to eat even if he's sad.
I walked to the door. I covered my upper body with a shirt and buttoned it loosely. As soon as I opened the door, my jaws hit the floor.
"Hey", said the girl with Hazel green pair of eyes.
"What are you doing here?", I asked.
"I came to visit you", she said.
"How did you know my address?", I asked folding my hands across my chest.
"I bought food", she said showing me two pizza boxes and cold drinks.
"That's unhealthy", I replied. "You haven't answered me yet", I again said.
"Can I come in?", She asked and then her eyes travelled from my head to toe. She immediately looked away.
"Sure", I said and took a step to the side making space for her to walk inside.
"Please wear clothes", she said without looking at me and walked inside.
"This is my house. I can walk as I wish to", I replied ignoring her advice. The nerve of her to give me useless advice. She chose her friend over me at the restaurant. She spoilt our date and now she's here lecturing me to wear clothes.
"Are you mad at me?", She asked as she placed the pizza boxes on the dining table.
Yes. A lot.
"No. Did you do something for me to get mad?", I asked.
"I think you didn't like my friend Liam", she said as she turned around to look at me. She rested taking support of the table as she placed both her hands on the table behind.
You think.
"I'm not mad at you. Your friend, your life and your personal affairs are all yours. I've nothing to do with them. I gave you all the privacy. Why are you here?", I asked as I walked to her.
You are acting like a moody girlfriend, my inner self mocked.
"I'm here because I promised to have dinner with you", she said.
"You should have thought about it when you asked your friend Liam to join us. He must be feeling bad for being left out", I said as I stood right in front of her. I was a few steps away from her. I could easily appreciate her beautiful eyes at this distance.
"Yes. He does feel bad because you left early", she said and I scoffed.
Look at her. All she cared about is her friend.
"I am not going to apologize to him if that's what you're here for. You can leave", I said clenching my jaws.
She took a deep sigh and said, "Liam is gay. He's developed a crush on you". As soon as those words left her mouth, my emotions took a three-sixty-degree turn.
Liam is gay!
I felt as if a weight has been put off my shoulder. I don't have to worry about him anymore. But I can't show this to her. I have to play along. I don't want to seem way too desperate which I'm anyway.
"Why are you telling me this? I'm not interested in men", I said and she smirked.
"Who knows? People have a weird fantasy. Liam is one handsome guy. He can turn straight men into gay even if it's for one night", she said with a smirk playing over her lips.
"I can prove to you that I'm only attracted to girls. I'm very confident with my sexual preference. I've no doubt at all", I said, and then closing the gap between us, I leaned down and placed my hands next to her on both side caging her.
I looked into her eyes and she looked back at me. I didn't blink away neither did she. She didn't push me away, I didn't move forward. We both stayed there silently looking into each other's eyes. The time around me stopped and whatever we had at that moment was ecstatic. My heart felt overwhelmed. The feeling of coming home after a long journey surfaced my senses.
"You've very beautiful eyes. I never got the chance to tell you", I said. She smiled at me.
"Now you told me", she said. I looked down from her eyes to her lips. I let my eyes stay there for a few seconds before looking up into her eyes. Her eyes were trying to look inside my soul. I want her to keep looking at me like that.
No words were exchanged and still, I felt like I could hear what's going on inside her mind. I let my feelings take control over me. I leaned down to kiss her. She didn't stop me. I saw her closing my eyes. I closed my eyes as well. I will express my feelings to her through this kiss.
I was about to feel those lips of hers against mine but only then my door bell rang. Hazel was startled. I cursed under my breath as I pulled away from her. Who the f**k is at my door now? I saw her catching her breath. She was looking everywhere but me.
"I'll be back", I said.
Can I resume with the kiss?, I wanted to ask.
With fast steps, I walked to attend the door. I'll kill whosoever bastard is at the door. He or she has very wrong timing. They have a death wish to appear in front of me right now. I opened the door with a hot mind.
"Your delivery sir", said the guy who was here to deliver my salad. I cried tears of blood in my mind. I nodded clenching my jaws. I can't get mad at him even. Why did I order food?
Why do I even eat? Stupid me.
"Thanks", I said and snatching the box from him, I closed the door with a bang. I'm so pissed. I couldn't kiss her.
I turned around only to see Hazel picking up her bag. She looked flushed. I walked to her.
"I should go home", She said.
"But you've not eaten anything", I said.
"I'm not that hungry. I'm full. I'll leave", she said. She was avoiding eye contact with me.
"Hazel, about the situation a few seconds ago, I want to say-", I tried to explain myself. I wanted to tell her about my feelings but she cuts me off.
"I am getting late. I'll see you tomorrow. I've placed your card here. Bye", saying so, she almost ran to the door and left the house. I looked at her retreating figure and then at the food placed on my table along with the card.
I'm not at all hungry for this food. I'm so turned on. I wanted her. I was this close to kiss her. Damn, I need a cold shower.
Hazel, you have messed my whole system.
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I left my bed the next morning with a very severe headache. I couldn't sleep at all. Hazel and the kiss I could almost have was the only thing going on inside my head. Why didn't she push me away? She closed her eyes. Did she want to kiss me as well? Does she have feelings for me? Or was that momentarily? Will she regret that decision? Why is this so complicated?
I left my bed, took a shower, had a mild breakfast, gulped down pain killers and wearing whatever suit I got first, I left my house without even combing my hair. I had a terrible mood. I'm dying to see Hazel.
I reached my office a little early and walked straight to my cabin. I opened my laptop and glued my eyes to the main entrance CCTV footage. I need coffee badly but I want Hazel to bring that for me.
After twenty minutes, I saw Hazel walking inside the building. My heart beat raced up at the mere sight for her. I closed my eyes feeling annoyed at myself. Why am I so pathetic? She's driving me crazy.
I picked up the intercom and dialled her number. She picked up after three rings.
"Hello", she said. As soon as her voice kissed my ears, I felt my organs flipping inside. That's how badly she's affecting me.
Should I book an appointment with a psychiatrist?
"I need black coffee now", I said clenching my jaws.
And You, I thought.
"Sure sir", she said and hang up. I loosened my tie. I feel suffocated. My eyes were glued to the main door.
After ten minutes, I heard a knock and I adjusted in my seat. Clearing my throat, I said, "Come in". Hazel walked inside with a small smile holding a tray with one cup of coffee and some cookies.
"Good morning, Mr. Greene. Here's your coffee. I added some cookies as well so that you don't have low blood pressure from caffeine", she said as she placed the tray in front of me.
How is she so normal? Why is she sounding so casual? I narrowed my eyes to scan her face. She looked so natural as if last night never happened. Was that a huge thing for me only? Why does Hazel always behave this way? Be it that night eight years ago when I shared my first kiss with her and she passed out or be it last night. She always behaves as if these things are natural.
She's a bigger player than me.
"Thanks, Hazel. Why didn't you get yourself a cup as well?", I asked.
"I just had one large cup on my way to the office. I don't need one. Please enjoy. I'll come with a few files after some time", she said. I nodded and with a small smile, she left the cabin.
What is going on inside her mind?
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