It's only when I hear a knock on my door that I consider what they might think of this.
'Are you okay?' I hear Namjoon murmur through the closed door.
Instead of answering I quietly pad over to open the door. I smile softly at finding him frozen in the position to knock again, eyes wide with shock and concern.
At a nod of my head he walks in, heading to sit on the edge of my bed. After closing the door I hear a shuffling sound on the other side of it, but instead of opening the door again I turn to focus on the man on my bed instead.
'So how bad is it?' I mumble.
'It's not good, at least from the company's point of view, but it's not as bad as some of our bigger slip-ups in the past, so they can handle the flack.' He admits, rubbing the back of his neck. I just nod.
A bit of an uncomfortable silence is broken by an obvious clearing of the throat on the other side, startling him into looking up at me, then nodding.
'The idea that I was positive about the soul bonds is actually more worrisome for the company. They are trying to divorce us from the spread of the bonds as much as possible in the media, so for me to bring it up...' he shifts uncomfortably as he realizes just how big a mouth he has.
'It's not like they can deny soul bonds altogether.' I point out, and he nods. I hear a hum at my point on the other side of the door. 'The reality of us spreading it not only is known to other ARMYs but is a fact that will come to light in the general public sooner or later. Heck, several nations suspect or have proof that it happened because of the tour.' He nods, not quite flinching at the point. 'I can't say I'm surprised that this topic is the bigger issue for them, your publicity is harder for them to control than a visual of a female behind the camera while being filmed. I could be written off as an employee, but you being blamed for a pandemic is SO very much harder to spin.' I nod, understanding issues he's focusing on. Twisting around I open the door... to a falling rapline. A quick chuckle from me at the pile of bodies on the floor and a giggle down the hall has me leaning over them to look around the door jamb. At the end of the hall huddled the other four, their worried eyes belying the hands over mouths in an attempt to stifle the giggles from watching the other two fall over.
Turning to look back in my room I eye Namjoon as he's standing up. With the two on the floor working themselves back into the hall to untangle and get back up I raise my voice. 'Let's head back out to the main room to talk. This topic needs everyone's thoughts.'
****
They had cleaned up and reset the seating space, almost like the vlive didn't happen. The mostly filled bag of debris makes lie to that possibility, but otherwise it seems like they've tried to make it clean.
Once everyone is seated, Jimin and Yoongi sitting on either side of me, Jimin hugging me and Yoongi carefully holding the hand closest to him, Namjoon clears his throat and opens the discussion.
'So we know that Y/N was seen, at least as a reflection in the glass.' He starts.
'She looks like a female, no specific visual traits. The lighting was wrong for that.' Jungkook admits. 'I did a check of the recording. We were lucky the lighting was from behind. Female curves, not face.'
Nodding Yoongi adds in. 'Postings about it have people asking if she's a camera operator. There were a few thoughts about her being our soul bonded, but no names attached looked like hers, and the saesangs were only livid about there being a female in our quarantined living space, nothing else.'
'The company is pissed though, that Joon mentioned the soul bonds.' Hoseok says somberly. At the awkward nods all around I keep my mouth shut. This topic is more about them and the company than it has to do with me.
The rest of that bit of conversation goes between pidgin english and Hangul. The best I can figure out Seokjin wants to flip the company the middle finger, Taehyung agrees with him. Yoongi thinks it's better to ignore them and keep producing, expecting it to smooth over like previous times. Namjoon seems nervous about this, like he knows something, but keeps his mouth shut until the rest have been heard from.
Jungkook just pledges his loyalty to BTS and Namjoon then sits back. I think he's not sure how to respond. Hoseok eyes Namjoon, considering what to say when Taehyung leans forward to add his thoughts on it.
'Why only have small trouble when we can have big trouble? I say we introduce Y/N as our soul bonded.'
Except from a small giggle of shock from Jimin they just stare at him in shock. Hoseok starts to protest when Yoongi speaks up.
'I think he has the right idea. There's no turning back what's happened. Let's admit to it, see what happens. If we are going to be talked about, let it be for the truth, not half-lies.' Yoongi's timbre lowers as he goes on, his face transforming from serious to gleeful by the time he finishes.
Jin's Hangul rap seems like he's angry but you get a few words here and there. Happy, agreed, Yoongi, this. With the rap line groaning and holding their heads like this is some form of torture I lean into Jimin, who cuddles me closer.
Taehyung and Jungkook giggle at Seokjin's outburst, Jimin snorting his approval as the outburst winds down.
When it's quiet again Namjoon looks up, at each of the members, getting a read on their opinion. Nods all around, some exuberant, some hesitant, and then looks at me.
I nod. 'Yeah, this is gonna suck, but it's not going to get any better with time. Pulling the band aid off and just accepting that the outcome will be out of our control is easier than the torture of all the wondering and what ifs.' I say quietly. He nods, sighing.
'Then I guess we don't need to mention this to the office. We know how they're going to react, but let's make sure we have the best possible outcome by planning this out. Mistakes will be glaringly obvious on camera, and we need to know ahead of time how to act and not react to surprises.' Namjoon says somberly. He repeats it in Korean, I am getting most of the words so I can kinda predict the ones I don't know yet, but when he's finished they all nod.
****
Less than 48 hours later another vlive is being set up for. Scripts were written and gone over, topics and questions that might be asked were guessed on and responses figured out. I got a makeover by the maknae line the day of the vlive to look my best on camera, and when it was within an hour of actual shooting the nerves finally set in for everyone.
First it was Jimin being jittery, legs bouncing whenever he was sitting, biting his lip whenever he wasn't. Then it was Seokjin opening the fridge several times, never pulling anything out, or hugging his stuffed RJ doll mindlessly.
When it hit Jungkook he wound up doing physical stuff to distract himself, handstands, moving furniture around for no real reason, or even just sweeping. Yoongi tapped on tables and countertops, fingers flying like they were on keyboards... but the earbuds in his ears might've had something to do with that.
Namjoon was a bit more... not aware of his own strength. His destructive probabilities went through the roof: a side table cracking in half because he tried to pick it up one handed, the door to the hallway suddenly hanging a bit, the screen of a tablet going stripey as he puts it down. In comparison Taehyung's humming and decorating random stuff with his massive collection of scarves was almost comforting.
Hoseok kept going over the questions, the scripts, even trying to figure out if they needed to add more possible questions to expect. The furrow in his brow was deepening as he sat at the kitchen island, the papers in front of him becoming increasingly disorganized.
When I gently touch his arm to get his attention he almost jumps out of his skin, shrieking. This makes everyone turn to look, but I guess this is normal because they all just go back to what they were doing.
'Are you okay?' I ask lowly, keeping the conversation between the two of us.
'Ummm...' he replies, his eyes shaking from his nervousness.
'Let's go someplace quieter to talk.' I suggest. He rapidly nods and I grab his hand to pull him to my room.
When we're in my room he lets go and collapses like a starfish on the bed, groaning his stress. This reaction tells me he's stressed about everything that's happened since the last vlive. I close the door quietly before heading to the bed to sit next to him... and look at the flattened ball of stress known as Hoseok.
'It's not like choreo.' He starts. 'I can't physically fix it.' The whine in his voice isn't that obvious, but it's there.
'You knew that.' I point out.
'Yeah, but this kind of predicting isn't my thing, the human interaction side... it's Namjoon's and the rest of the Hyung line's.' He admits. 'I wanna be able to step up and help, but I don't know how.'
The groan from him is guttural, his need to help obvious.
'You've always been the one that lifted their spirits in the past, why can't you do that now as your help?' I ask simply.
'It's not that I can't it's more like I don't know if I can do that for myself.' He admits. Sitting up he looks at me, considering his next words.
'I like having you with us. I like this soul bond thing. I even like the side effect of having time off because of the quarantine.' He admits. 'But our fans are important to all of us. We want them to be happy, and I don't know how to help fix that.' He pauses to thin, then continues. 'I think it's easy to make the members of BTS happy, but it's harder to make ARMY happy, especially with no concerts possible.'
I nod and hug him. 'You know that your happiness is a big part of what makes ARMY happy, right?' I ask and he nods. 'You are good at making all of BTS happy, which makes ARMY happy. You can't change what you cannot do, but you can improve some things. So, how do we get you to a place where you can make the rest of the guys happy so that ARMY can see everyone happy?' I ask.
He shrugs, looking down at his feet, still anxious with his brow furrowed. Looking around my room I realize I still have all my electronics plugged in to charge.
****
'So this might work.' I start. 'Here, listen to this song list I have for soothing music, and let me massage your feet. Relax back on my bed and just let me give you a quick pamper session.' I say, pressing my fancy headgear I got during the tour into his hands. A quirk of a smile ghosts over his lips as I turn to grab my phone, pulling up my Spotify library. Finding my fun list I scroll down to the slower section, and when he has the headphones turned on and over his ears I press play, letting him control the sound level through the headphones themselves.
As he scoots back to relax his legs in front of him, his back to the headboard, I turn to my collection of lotions and pull out a peach scented one, putting a dollop in one palm. He does a quick clean of the bottoms of his feet and then relaxes again, letting me pick one up and put it in my lap. As I press down on the bottom of his foot in even movements his eyes close and he lets the music empty his mind, my hands working the stress from his form.