Warning : This chapter will contain mentions of suicide and suicide attempt, please proceed with cautions.
A heavy sigh fell from Mia's lips as she made her way over to her friends. Her search for the designer had been fruitless. She just hoped he hadn't gotten lost or that he'd find his way to them.
"Any sign of your friend ?" Gaby queried, taking a sip of her homemade drink. A weird mix of orange juice, vodka and food colouring for the blue tint. One day she had even added edible glitters in her mix.
"None." The green haired female announced, looking around, a frown crossing her features. "Wait, where is (Y/n) ?" Her heart picked up, stomach tying into knots.
"Said she needed to get some fresh air." Aaron answered, gesturing to the gardens.
Mia's eyes widened and she turned to her friends. "And you left her alone ? Guys this is her first party !" Her voice came out louder than she intended, anger slivering through her veins. "Seriously, I leave her under your watch for like ten minutes and you leave her to her own device ?" She questioned exasperatedly.
"She seemed fine, don't worry." The blue haired female reassured, although the lopsided smile on her lips gave her away and her friend's insistent glare pushed her over the edge. "Okay, maybe she drank a bit too much. I'm sorry I thought she'd be fine !" Guilt crashed over her now.
Mia sighed loudly, pinching the bridge of her nose and placing her cup down on a table nearby. "Whatever. I'm going to search for her." And just like that she turned away and made her way back in the jungle of bodies. Unbeknown to her, she was too late.
The two males stared at each other as the silent bus drove them to (Y/n)'s house. After their encounter in the bathroom and Takao almost jumping at Nathaniel's throat, both males had decided to pass over their animosity for one another. (Y/n)'s well being came first right now and taking her home was at the top of their list. So here the three of them were, in an empty bus barely lit by dim neon lights.
Nathaniel cursed himself for not taking his car tonight, but then again he was not really planning on leaving this party sober and it wouldn't have been safe to drive back home. A sigh fell from his lips, eyes softening as they landed on the sleeping female. Her head rested on the brown haired male's shoulder, smudged gloss on her face from wiping her lips after throwing up and messy locks of hair falling in front of her face. Even now, drunk and wasted she still looked beautiful, moonlight slipping in through the windows and shining down upon her (s/c) skin. Even now she still looked like the fairest and purest thing he's ever seen, so unaware of her surroundings and the building up tension between the two boys.
They had discarded their distaste for each other previously, both focused on her well being. But now the deafening silence between them prickled at Nathaniel's skin, a shiver running up his spine as the other male's icy glare picked him apart.
"You're staring." Takao remarked, voice harsh.
He still hadn't quite caught who this red haired guy was and what were his feelings for (Y/n), but one thing was for sure he didn't like him, his fingers aching to throw him a punch. But he wouldn't do that, not when his darling was peacefully sleeping on his shoulder. A pleasant warmth settled in his chest at the sight of her, light snores falling from her lips and cheek squished against his shoulder. But while he would love to spend the bus ride watching over her, something else requested his attention at the moment.
"What are you even doing here, anyways ?" He questioned, hefting a frustrated sigh and glaring back at the quiet boy in front of him. "With us I mean. You could have stayed at the party."
Nathaniel paused, trying to come up with an answer. He couldn't possibly blurt out that he loved (Y/n), right ? And that this was the reason he came to this party in the first place. Judging by the brown haired boy's protective hold on (Y/n) and his less than welcoming tone he probably wouldn't react well. Could this boy be in love with her too ? It wouldn't be very surprising because as much as Nathaniel hated it (Y/n) had everything to be a love magnet. How could someone not love her ?
"Like you I wanted to make sure she came home safe and sound." He explained honestly, just omitting his feelings for the female. However judging by his interlocutor's deep frown this didn't really do it.
"She would have been safe with me. I don't need your help." The brown haired male spat coldly, gazing out the window at the passing houses. The streetlamps stole the spotlight from the moon and shed their artificial light on the pavement, not a soul in sight at this hour of the night.
"Well I found her, it's only right I'd take her home." The red haired boy answered, keeping his voice calm and steady in spite of his burning urge to slap the male. Did he really need to be so rude ?
Takao scoffed, rolling his eyes to the ceiling. "Who are you even ?" He regarded the male with a cocked eyebrow.
"A friend. Of hers and Mia's." The word dripped from Nathaniel's lips like venom, burning his tongue. He didn't want to call himself her friend. It didn't sound right, didn't feel right. Not when his heart burned to be so much more for her.
The emerald eyed male nodded with a hum of approval. "Speaking of your friend, where was she ?" He questioned once again, leaving no room for argument. He wanted answers and he'd have them. "Shouldn't she have been with (Y/n) ?"
The red haired boy opened his mouth to answer but closed it again like a fish. A sour taste filled his mouth, throat going dry. He didn't have an answer, because he himself didn't know. And indeed, where had Mia been when (Y/n) needed her ? Shouldn't she have stuck to her side the whole night ? He would have. If it had been him things wouldn't have ended up like this.
He would have spent the night at the female's side, watching over her alcohol intake and taking her home after a good time. Her being totally awake and aware of her surroundings, smiling up at the stars as they walked down dark streets and talked about whatever came through their minds.
Maybe that's what it was like being a boyfriend. Maybe, just maybe he could be a good lover. Better than Mia. It hurt him to think that but right now he was just so angry with her. She had fucked up.
"I don't know." He finally answered, voice quiet and eyes looking at his hands resting on his knees.
A loud sigh came from the other male. "Anyways, we're here."
The bus stopped and he gently nudged the girl, a mumble falling from her lips as her eyes fluttered open, still hazed with the cloud of sleep. A gentle smile curved his lips as he gazed at her.
"We're here. Can you get up a moment ?" He asked quietly, not wanting to disturb her any further or to worsen a possible headache she possibly had. She nodded slightly and stood on tired legs. Her mind felt like it was wrapped in thick cotton, head heavy and limbs aching.
"Wait, hang on." The red haired male stood up to his feet and crouched down before her, gesturing for her to climb on his back. "Get on." He glanced back at her with an inviting smile. She couldn't possibly climb down from the bus and walk alone to the porch. Not without falling over at least. Nathaniel had had his fair share of party nights and he knew that much, walking with a drunken mind was not easy.
She sleepily accepted and climbed on, too tired to object. She wrapped her arms around his neck and placed her head on his shoulder. His heart swelled in his chest.
They climbed out of the bus and walked to the house, lights off and no sound coming from inside. Her mother and brother were probably asleep by now.
Yuu's cold blue eyes stared at the bottle in his hands, fingers lightly tracing over the words on the prescription. He struggled to see the name of the medication in the dark, the light of the moon barely shining down upon him as he stood in his bed near the window. But he didn't need to read it, he already knew what was in there.
It would be so easy. To just drop a few pills in his hands and swallow them whole in one big gulp, the gulp of air he needed to reach the surface. His heart would come to a peaceful halt, the whirlwind of thoughts in his mind vanishing into nothingness, brain shutting off and finally keeping silent.
These past few days his thoughts had completely swallowed him, drowned him with no view of an escape. And truly, morally speaking, there were none.
He couldn't ignore his love for her any longer. But he also couldn't ignore the fear nagging at his mind that succumbing to his feelings would make him a bad person. He wasn't allowed to love her, not like that. Not so passionately, not so wholeheartedly. Not as more than a brother loved his sibling. But he did anyway and there was no going back now.
But he also couldn't digest the idea of forever living as her family, forever living as her older brother. He couldn't bear the thought of her being someone else's. It killed him and tore his heart into shreds.
But even so he couldn't be with her and he wouldn't. Both for hers and his sake. Otherwise he'd go crazy, no inhibitions left.
Yeah, this was his way out. No more feelings, no more dilemmas, no more longing.
The pills fell into his palm, light and smooth, gentle and reassuring. He had been fighting himself for too long now and it was time to lay back. He slowly brought them to his lips, ignoring the shaking of his hands and the sweat forming on his brows. He wanted to do it, to free both himself and (Y/n) of his own feelings.
But apparently fate had other plans for him as the front door opened loudly, multiple pairs of steps entering the house and a masculine voice he knew all too well breaking through the silence.