Wario sat at home watching TV. He was flipping through channels when he came across an ad for Gigantaburger.
"Do you like burgers?" the ad asked rhetorically.
"Not really," Wario responded.
"Regardless of what you said, we can't actually hear you since this is an ad, so we'll just assume that you said 'yes'. Anyways: head on down to Gigantaburger for the best burger you'll ever have. They're huge, so open wide! Why not get some today?"
"How pathetic!" Wario said, "Do they honestly expect me to be persuaded by advertising like some kind of chump?"
Another ad for Gigantaburger started.
"Do you like garlic?" it asked.
"YES!" Wario shouted.
"Well good for you! Because this is exact same burger as we showed in the last commercial, except we added garlic and jacked up the price by 5 dollars! But you're still going to eat it anyways, because you're too lazy to cook, and you clearly like garlic! Try it today at Gigantaburger!"
"I have to try it!" Wario shouted heading down to Gigantaburger. He got the burger and took a bite. "Hey!" He shouted, "This is the exact same burger as they showed in the last commercial, except they added garlic and jacked up the price by 5 dollars! But I still ate it anyways, because I'm too lazy to cook, and I clearly like garlic! Why didn't anyone warn me? This calls for revenge!"
**************
"We need to do something about Gigantaburger!" Wario shouted, slamming his fist on the table, "We can't have them scamming innocent people out of their hard-earned cash! That's my job! So we're making our own burger chain! Wario Burger! First thing's first: we need a slogan! Does anyone have any ideas?"
Orbulon raises his hand. "Don't let our food deny you! Put our polyunsaturated fats and triglycerides inside you!"
Wario just stared at him confused. "Does anyone have any suggestions other than Orbulon?"
Every started firing off suggestions at once.
"We have the meats!"
"Have it your way!"
"Feed your happy!"
"Eat mor chikin!"
"Food with integrity!"
"Happy tastes good!"
"Quality you can taste!"
"We don't make it until you order it!"
"Smoothies, juices, and bowls!"
"Finger licking good!"
"I'm loving it!"
"Food as it should be!"
"This is how we Sonic!"
"Eat fresh!"
"Live más!"
"Deliciously different!"
"Just like you like it!"
"Hmm..." Wario said, "Those are all good suggestions, but they all seem to be taken. Tell you what: I'll point to 2 random words in the dictionary and just come up with something!"
He got out a dictionary and pointed to the words "Impresario" and "Autotransformer".
"Okay, how about this: Don't eat an impresario's autotransformer! Eat at Wario Burger!"
Everyone liked it.
"Alright!" Wario said, "Let's go!"
***********
The next day, Wario finished setting up the burger joint.
"Excellent!" he shouted, "It's time to cook!"
"Excuse me," Orbulon said walking up to Wario, "I brought some Lil' Hammies with me. Do you think that we could use them?"
"Perfect!" Wario said, "They'll be great for the grill! ... Huh?"
Wario turned around and saw the Lil' Hammies working at the grill and running the cash register and the drive thru!
"I trained them myself!" Orbulon said proudly, "They accept payment in fungi."
"Well, we'll still need help cooking! That's why I'm asking Kat, Ana, and Nine Volt to help!"
Kat, Ana, and Nine Volt walked up to the grill.
"Are you sure that they're old enough to cook?" Mona asked.
"Of course!" Wario said.
"I think this burger is still raw!", Kat said.
"I think this burger is burnt!", Ana said.
"I think this burger is expired!", Nine Volt said.
"Don't worry!" Wario said, "Just throw it in the chilli!"
"We don't sell chilli," Jimmy said.
"We do now!" Wario quickly shouted back. He turned around and saw Mona.
"There you are!" he said, "I need you on the cash register. The knight I hired isn't doing a good job."
"Good morrow, sire! Welcome to Wario Burger! What art thou craving? Bring it to me and I shall slay it!"
Mona went to the cash register and saw a customer standing in front of it. "Hola," they said.
"Oh!" Mona said, "You speak Spanish. I'm a bit rusty but I'll try my best! Anyways: what would you like?"
"Yo quiero dos hamburguesas y dos hamburguesas con queso."
"Um... I guess I'm worse than I thought, eh?"
"Let me help you!" Dr Crygor said, walking up with a machine. "This automatic translator should do the trick! Now then," he looked back at the customer, "could you please repeat your order?"
"Yo quiero dos hamburguesas y dos hamburguesas con queso."
The translator started whirring as its gears turned. Steam started to come out. Eventually, they heard a *ding* as the translated sentence was said out loud by the machine: "MY TOILET IS COVERED IN KETCHUP."
"Oh dear..." Dr Crygor said, "I need to update its AI. Uh, Penny?"
Back at the grill, Young Cricket was trying to cook.
"Master!" he said, "Where are the people? No one is watching my performance! Are they not pleased? What kind of a teppanyaki is this?"
"Just keep singing the teppanyaki songs!" Master Mantis replied, "For now: you're just a butterfly, but you'll soon be able to perform the legendary teppanyaki onion volcano! Now: we need more ingredients. To the basement!" He disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"We don't have a basement," Young Cricket said.
Master Mantis reappeared. "I should have noticed the lack of invisible stairs while I disappeared. To the refrigerator!"
"What's that, grandpa?" Penny asked.
"I decided to try scientifically enhancing this lemon lime soda!" he responded, "Try some."
Penny took a sip. She recoiled in shock. "Whoah!" she shouted, "It's tastes like what an air conditioner in a hotel feels like!"
"What's going on?" Mike asked, waking in.
"You have to try this, Mike!" Penny said giving him the soda, "It's one of the best things grandpa has ever made, and he has made a lot of great things in his lifetime!"
Mike took a sip and shut down!
"Oh no!" Dr Crygor shouted. "Are you okay, Mike?"
Mike began to reboot.
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"It feels like lighting just struck a volcano inside of my mouth! This is delicious!"
"Let's start selling it!" Dr Crygor said proudly.
At the grill, Wario attempted to cook another burger. "There we go!" he said proudly taking a bite. He spit it out immediately. "Blech! We'll never be able to serve this these!" He looked out the window, eying Gigantaburger. "But what if I were to purchase Gigantaburger and disguise it as my own cooking? Wah ha ha! Delightfully devilish, Wario!"
************
The next day, they got covered by the news.
"Breaking news! Wario has created a new burger chain! Will it become the next fast food empire? Maybe! Just listen to these rave reviews!"
"These burgers are delicious, man! It just makes me want to get up and dance!"
"There's so much variety! I can't wait it try it all!"
"'Dese are great! Especially for when we're on the road!"
"I'll say! They're way easier to eat than Mexican food! Especially when Dribble is driving."
"These burgers are grilled to perfection every time! I wish I could cook these for Nine Volt!"
"I don't really like fast food. If I was starving, I'd eat it. At least they have variety."
"Every bite was absolutely delicious! They're scientifically proven to be hormone free as well!"
"These burgers are so good, I could rap about them!
Extra extra! Read all about it!
The best burgers in town from-
Wait. It's copyrighted?"
"These are delicious! The workers are so talented too! Don't get me started on the soda!"
"Wow! They're so tasty!"
"They're the perfect size for me! The kids meals are the best!"
"I feel like I've leveled up every time I eat one of these burgers! My HP is restored with every sip of their soda!"
"It's perfectly grilled! I can only dream to reach the same level of perfection as that grill! The burgers are as good as dumplings!"
"Meh. I prefer Gigantaburger, but despite not having sub-zero deep-fried potato batons or picante sweetened milk and ice cream drinks, it's still good!"
*************
Wario looked at the line growing outside. "Wow! That's a lot of people! That interview worked wonders! I need some more employees. That's it!"
He sent an ad out asking for more employees. He only received one response: someone named Danny. Wario held an interview later that day.
"Hm..." Wario said looking at his resume. "According to your work history: you have only ever worked at fast food restaurants and kitschy themed restaurants."
"They're the only places that would hire me regardless of my grades," Danny said. "I'm a C average student, but I'm trying my best! I would like to leave all these places and become a musician, though..."
"You're hired!" Wario said. They walked over to the cash register. "You'll be on cash for now, so just take their orders and answer their questions."
A man walked up to the cash register. "Excuse me," he said, "Are your milkshakes made with real milk and real ice cream, or do you use vegetable oil?"
"Um," Danny said, "We have chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry."
"No, no, no. What are your milkshakes made out of?"
"I don't know. It's my first day."
"Oh. In that case: is there a manager I may ask?"
"Right here!" Wario said walking up.
"Yes," the man started, "Are your milkshakes made with real milk and real ice cream, or do you use vegetable oil?"
"Um..." Wario said, "We have chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry."
"Forget it!" the man shouted leaving.
"Don't you hate entitled customers like that?" Wario asked Danny, "The customer is not always right! That's just a myth! Why don't you take a break?"
Danny walked into the break room and grabbed one of the burgers. "I guess I'll try one of these burgers," he said. He took a bite. "These hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Gigantaburger," he said with a confused look on his face. He looked in the trash can and saw wrappers from Gigantaburger. "This is Gigantaburger!" he shouted.
"So you learned the secret too," Lulu said walking in, "Why don't we work together and expose Wario?"
***********
"Excuse me, sir," Danny said, standing at a stand outside, "Would you like to partake in a blind taste test?"
"Sure," the man said. He took a bite out of the first burger. "This tastes like Gigantaburger," he said. He took a bite out of the second burger. "This also tastes like Gigantaburger," he said.
Danny revealed the brands to the man. "What?" The man shouted, "You're telling me that, all this time: I've been eating the same stuff they have at Gigantaburger for a higher price?"
"Don't say that!" Lulu said, "We have plenty of other options not found at Gigantaburger." She held up a bowl. "Try our chilli!"
The man ate a spoonful, turned green, ran to the nearest bush, and threw up. "I'm telling all my friends not to eat here!" he shouted, running away.
*************
The next day, Danny walked back into Gigantaburger, after being laid off once Wario was exposed. His boss called him into his office.
"Danny," his boss started, "I'm proud of you. You managed to expose Wario, while also promoting Gigantaburger in an unintentional viral marketing campaign. In fact: you deserve a promotion."
"Really?" Danny asked, "So I'm no longer working at the drive thru?"
"That's right! In addition to the drive thru, you'll also be taking orders at the cash register, topping and serving the food, mopping the floors, and standing outside in the blistering heat in an embarrassing costume promoting our restaurant!"
"What about the grill?"
"Oh no, you're still in high school. The grill is reserved for graduates and dropouts who are only working here because we're the only place who would hire them regardless of their grades and records!"
Danny sighed as he walked up to the cash register. "Welcome to Gigantaburger. What can I get ya?"