Chapter Song - Angel Of Small Death & The Codeine Scene by Hozier
The weekend flew by, as it always does, to my sheer disappointment. Although it's not like I really did anything different, and just kept to my usual routine of working and studying - as always.
Maybe Leo was right, but I won't tell him that.
As Monday rolled along, I shuffled through the hallways of the school. The beige coloured lockers adorned with small dents, old stickers and gum cover the sides of the hallways. I squeeze my way through the hundreds of students making their way to class, occasionally bumping shoulders with someone.
Finally, I make it to my last lesson - English. I walk in and take my usual seat at the back, eagerly waiting for Damien. I haven't seen him yet, but I assume he skipped classes or his classes were just far away from mine.
Damien still hasn't shown ten minutes after the bell rings. I mean yes, he's late to every class, but never normally this late...
***
"Maybe he just has a cold or he has the stomach flu. James Wilder had it just last week, he could've caught it from him?" Miles says, standing next to me at the lockers while I grab my books for the day.
It's now Thursday and Damien still has not shown his face at school. I mean why am I even concerned? It's not like we're friends..well actually, I'm not sure what we are.
"You're probably right Miles. Where's Leo-" I say before none other than Leo comes walking down the hallway - head held high like he owns the place, I mean he kind of does as captain of the basketball team.
"Hey Bitches! Miss me?" Leo says with a smile on his face, showing off his pearly white teeth.
"Of course we did Leo, what would we do without you? Except maybe have some peace and quiet for a change," Miles says looking up to Leo with a smirk on his face.
"You're lucky I love you, Miles," Leo says with a straight face, but I can see the amusement swimming in his eyes. "Any sign of Damien?" Leo asks, turning to look at me.
"Nope," I say popping the 'p', and closing my locker.
"Hm, maybe he's sick? You should go take care of him," Leo says with a sly look, nudging my shoulder with his.
"Oh my god, Leo," I say rolling my eyes at him.
"What?" Leo says 'innocently' but with a massive grin on his face.
Shoving Leo away from me, the couple disappear down the hallway to class and shortly after the bell rings. I turn on my heel to head towards my class.
Walking down the hallway, I keep my eyes trained on the white tiled marble flooring as I shuffle through the crowds of kids on my way to class.
Suddenly colliding into a wall, I look up meeting with those familiar icy blue eyes. Eyes I've been longing to see all week. I guess I didn't collide into a wall then.
"Damien! Hey, sorry for bumping into you, literally," I say with an anxious smile on my face, though my stomach flutters with excited butterflies at the sight of his dark clothing and shaggy raven hair.
"Oh, hey Daisy," he says, a small smile adorns his lips but fades away quickly.
I ignore the odd behaviour. "Where have you been all week?" I ask curiously.
"Sick," he says bluntly.
"Oh, are you feeling any better now?" I say concerned. I hope he's feels better now, I know being sick sucks, because you can literally do nothing but sit in bed and contemplate about how you took advantage of when your nose wasn't blocked and you could actually breathe.
"Yep." He clips sharply, all emotion in his void from his voice and face. Oh? Is he okay?
"Well, that's good...um what class have you got now?" I ask, trying to move the conversation onwards, but he's making it incredibly difficult.
"P.E. You know I have to go and you continuing to talk is kind of irritating right now. But maybe we'll talk later," Damien says brushing past me and walking off.
Oh, okay. Yep, thats not a little mean at all. But maybe he's just having a bad day, boys always get a little more aggressive when they're having a bad day. It's not his fault.
Walking into the library for my free period, I take a seat at one of the corner tables. I lay my chemistry textbooks out and begin taking notes, but I'm struggling to stay on topic. I can't help but think about my conversation with Damien, he was so blunt and mean - like how Trent was.
No, he's not Trent. Though he wasn't his usual sarcastic, kind self. He's just having a bad day, I hope.
Though the attitude really reminds me of Trent. He always was like that, kind and loving one day, then the next would brush me off like I was nothing. Just like Damien did...
Not realising I had spent the entire period reliving how Trent use to treat me and how Damien is acting the same way. I pack up my stuff and head to the cafeteria to meet Miles and Leo.
Walking in I find them already at our table accompanied by Jacques, but no Damien.
I chuck my stuff on the free seat next to me and say a quick 'hey' to the boys, before heading towards the cafeteria line.
I slowly shuffle down the line, grabbing a vanilla pudding and todays 'special' spaghetti bolognese, which is smelling eerily similar to yesterday's 'sloppy Joe's', but I won't question it.
Carefully making my way back to our table, I spot Damien and...Bianca?
Why is he sitting with Bianca and her friends, I thought he found her annoying. I mean he defended me when she shoved me, was that all a lie? Did he always fancy her?
Probably.
I mean she's the definition of 'hot', her beach blonde hair, tan skin - well fake tan that's a little blotchy, but besides the point. Her chocolate brown eyes and pearly white teeth get every guy at school to like her - and she's hooked up with most of these said guys.
Not saying that's a bad thing, she can do whatever she wants. But her personality is what makes her ugly, I mean she's rude to everyone who's not 'popular', 'pretty' or 'hot'. She thinks she's the best and she's incredibly obnoxious, which I can't stand.
Walking past their table, I pretend to not notice Damien's hard gaze on the side of my face as I quickly walk back to Leo, Miles and Jacques.
Sitting back down, I turn all of my focus to my food and ignore Leo, Miles and Jaques questioning gazes.
"What's up with you?" Leo says confused, stopping mid-bite.
I meet his gaze. "Huh? Nothing, I'm fine," I shrug awkwardly, brushing him off.
"Yeah, uh-huh, sure," Leo says sarcastically, his full focus now on me.
"Spill it, Daisy, what's wrong?" Miles says somewhat sternly, but his eyes hold worry.
"There's nothing wrong, just been a long day, that's all," I say avoiding their harsh eye contact.
I turn my gaze back to where Damien is sitting and catch Bianca seductively dragging her fingers along his very tense forearm. His face has no show of emotion, it almost seems angry, but he always looks like that.
Before I can look back down at my food, he turns his eye contact towards me, his face morphing from his blank face to a look of sadness, from the slight tilt of his eyebrows. I look away quickly and go back to my weird smelling spaghetti.
"Oh, I see," Miles says sympathetically.
"Just ignore him, Daisy. He's been acting weird all week, ever since our job on Friday," Jacques explains.
"Job?" Leo questions.
"Job, yeah I- I meant we had like a job at a friend's house, that's all," Jacques says quickly, looking down to his food.
"Right, okay..." Miles replies, his brows furrowing before turning back to me. "Don't fret about it Daisy, Bianca probably just dragged him to her table," he says sympathetically.
"Yeah, maybe. I think I'm just gonna go," I say to the boys giving them a quick smile, and walking in a rush out of the cafeteria, wanting to be anywhere but here.
Jacques is talking my ear off about some show he was watching last night as we drive into school. He acts like I care about his constant binge-watching of every show on Netflix. See, I love my brother and all, but damn that kid can talk a lot.
I park in a free spot, near the front of the school and I get out of my black 1967 Chevrolet Impala - that used to be my Nonno's, but when he died I inherited and restored it. It took a lot of my time and effort, but it was definitely worth the long hours.
Jacques and I walk through the doors of school right as the bell goes. We head down to our lockers together, getting stares from the kids around us.
I'm used to the stares, doesn't mean I like them. But it's understandable, I mean it's not a usual sight to see a high school kid who's 6'4 and covered with tattoos. Doesn't mean I don't find it fucking annoying, its as if they don't know how to mind their own business.
I get to my locker, while Jacques is now talking my ear off about how he forgot to do his English homework - he acts like I care about his fucking homework. Though I gave up years ago on trying to shut him up whilst talking, it's literally impossible.
"Anyway, gotta go, see you later," Jack says before he runs off to his class, bumping into five people in the span of 4.32 seconds. Clumsy ass.
I give him a quick nod and turn around to my locker to organise my P.E gear when someone bumps into the back of me. I turn around to meet those familiar piercing green eyes that make my body melt into a puddle.
Her floral woody musk scent envelopes my senses. I look down at her short stature, her long chestnut brown hair frames around her face and I so badly want to reach and tuck it behind her ear, but I can't.
The mid-length floral blue dress she wears covers most of her body, but it still puts 'thoughts' in my mind. Then the smile. Her fucking smile, makes me go soft, it's so bright and full of happiness.
"Damien, hey. Sorry I bumped into you, literally," she says with a soft tone, amusement swimming in her eyes.
"Oh, hey Daisy," I say rather bluntly and I cringe internally at the sharp tone.
"Where have you been all week?" she asks concerned.
God why does she have to be so caring, this makes everything it so much harder.
"Sick," I say bluntly, wanting to slap myself for being such a fucking dick. I hate being this rude to her. If it was anyone else I wouldn't care less, but its her.
"Oh, are you feeling better now?" she asks, her brows furrowing outwards in concern.
Fuck, why does she have to actually care about me> No one has ever been as caring as her, why does she have to be so sweet?
"Yep," I say bluntly. I sound like a massive dick, I hate myself for doing this. But it's whats best for her.
"Well, that's good...um what class have you got now?" She says, her voice now coming out less confident than before, her green eyes darting around in obvious awkwardness.
"P.E. You know I have to go and you continuing to talk is kind of irritating right now. But maybe we'll talk later," I say bluntly, then brush past her so I don't have to watch her reaction at the words that fell out my mouth like hot tar.
I quickly look behind me, and my heart almost shatters as her demeanour changes and it hurts more, because I know I caused her to feel that way.
The smell of deep heat and sweat hit me when I walk into the change room, the loud chatter of the boys quietens when I walk in, but returns shortly after I reach my locker and give them a glare. I change into my P.E gear and walk into the gymnasium.
"Okay class, today we'll be running laps around the track," Mrs Murdock says, once the entire class has sat down.
Running laps, how boring. Why not basketball or dodgeball? Dodgeball would be fun for me, there's definitely some dicks I'd like to smash a dodgeball into.
The class makes their way to the track and Mrs Murdock instructs us to stretch, then run two laps jogging, one walking, then repeat.
Once the class gets to the track, I move away from the crowd and start to stretch on the track by myself, when i'm interrupted as someone taps on my shoulder. I turn around to meet the eyes of Bianca - none other than the bitch who shoved Daisy.
"Hey Damien," she says in I think a sexy voice, but it comes out as the opposite and more of a dying walrus sound.
"What?" I say bluntly, and turn back around.
"Are you still hanging around that Daisy girl?" she says with her nasally voice, walking around to meet my gaze again.
"Why do you want to know?" I say bluntly.
"Well you know she's rather annoying, so you should come and sit with us instead," she says batting her eyes and indicating to her little squad.
Annoying? Yeah, Daisy is anything but annoying, she's the only person I can actually stand and not get annoyed by. But I can't, I can't hang around her and I usually sit with Jacques, but he's now sitting with Leo, Miles and Daisy. Which doesn't work out for me. So looks like I have to go with the other option, because Eli's out doing a job. Fuck me.
"Fine," I say, cringing at having to agree to her, but maybe this will at least get her to stop nagging me.
"Good, well I'll see you later," Bianca says giving me a wink before jogging off.
***
After P.E I go back to the change room and change back into my normal clothes. The guys eyeing me weirdly from the tattoos I have, especially the big one on my back. Which Jack said reminded him of fours tattoos from 'Divergent', which I don't understand because i've never seen that movie.
I finish changing, grabbing my stuff and shoving it into my locker, before heading down to the cafeteria.
When I walk in I see Daisy at the back of the line, waiting her turn and looking beautiful as ever, with her long chestnut brown hair falling down to her waist and how she patiently waits her turn not shoving other students - like the majority do.
It's so tempting to just sneak behind her and wrap my hands around her waist, but I can't. I mean I'm not her boyfriend and I was such a piece of shit to her before and I have to continue avoiding her. We just can't happen.
"Hey Damien!" Bianca's nasally voice rings through my ears as her hand wraps around my forearm and dragging my attention from Daisy to her irritating persona.
Bianca drags me all the way to her table and seats me between her and one of her friends, who moves closer to me so our knees are touching. The other two minions look at me from the other side of the table, the big eagle eyes boring into my skin. I hate it, I hate sitting with her and with her little minions. They're so irritating, like flies.
"So Damien, do you have a girlfriend? I mean someone as handsome as you should, right?" One of the two random girls from in front of me asks, twirling a lock of her blonde hair with her finger, adorned with hot pink fake nails, that actually look more like a weapon than fashion.
"No," I say bluntly, avoiding her strong and very uncomfortable eye contact. I'm 99.9% sure she's imagining me naked, which cause's me to shuffle uncomfortably in my seat.
"I can change that you know?" Bianca says from beside me, her face leaning in closer to me. Her overly done perfume, completely blanketing my senses and giving me a raging headache.
"No," I say bluntly, edging away from her, which causes me to inch closer to the red head pressed up next to me. Ignoring the rest of there bland conversation on what not, I let my eyes gaze around the cafeteria line looking for a special someone.
I spot her at the end of the line paying for her lunch. She turns on her heal, her long hair swaying in the air, she shuffles her way through the endless amount of people. Her hair flowing behind her and her constant 'sorry's' she makes to people when she bumps into them. Well they bump into her, but she's actually a kind person and says sorry first.
I follow her with my gaze as she walks past my table and towards Leo, Miles and Jacques. She takes a seat next to Jacques, her normally bright self is non-existent and I know it's because of me.
I fucking hate that I'm the one who's made her feel this way, and I wish I could go over to her and make her smile - because her smile is so fucking gorgeous. But I can't go over to her, I know I can't. I have to leave her be, let her live a life where she won't be in danger.
I continue starring at her. I know I sound like a fucking creep but my eyes can't seem to drift from her and when you're surrounded by a bunch of hyenas it's easy to get distracted.
A few seconds later she looks up from her food and we make eye contact. Big, bright green eyes, usually filled with such happiness, look so sad and dull. Lifeless. She's quick to break our eye contact looking back down at her food. An instant feeling of guilt and regret flood through me.
But I know this is what's best for her. But is it the best for me?
Fuck no. But it is for her.
"So Damien, what are you doing this weekend?" Bianca says leaning her chin on the palm of her hand and batting her caterpillar looking eyelashes at me.
"Staying away from you," I mutter under my breath, not even moving my gaze from Daisy.
"What did you say? I didn't hear you," she says shuffling closer to me so that our arms touch.
"Nothing, I'm busy this weekend," I grit through my teeth, flinging my arm from her touch.
"Are you sure? Maybe I can change that," Bianca says dragging her fingers along my forearm "seductively", but it makes me want to disinfect my entire arm. Her nasally voice whispering in my ear, causing me to almost vomit. I'd rather eat the 'special' meat from the cafeteria for the rest of my life, then be anywhere alone with her.
"No," I say harshly, snapping my arm away from her. Again. Have her and her hyena minion people not heard of 'personal space'.
Out of the corner of my eye I see Daisy get up from her seat and walk out of the cafeteria, my gaze snapping towards her small figure. Unconsciously I bolt out of my seat, rushing towards the cafeteria doors, ignoring the eagle calls from Bianca.
I follow Daisy discreetly down the hallway, trying to go unnoticed by her, and follow her out onto the bleachers.
She sits on the bleachers, so I walk around to the back of them so I can stand underneath and listen to her. When I get there I slowly tiptoe to where she's sitting and I hear sniffling coming her way. It takes all the strength within in me not to just run around to her and wrap my arms around her, and it breaks my heart to hear her cry - especially because I'm the reason why.
After about ten minutes Leo and Miles find her, sitting down either side of her; comforting her.
I know it's wrong, but I listen in to their conversation to hear what Daisy says about me, even though a part of me doesn't want to hear what she says.
"I thought we were at least friends, maybe even more than that. I- I mean did I do something?" Daisy says, her voice trembling. "He said I was irritating and Trent always said that to me, is it true? Am I irritating?" she sniffles.
No, you're not anywhere near being irritating. That's Jack's job.
God, I feel like absolute shit right now. I never wanted to hurt her or make her cry and now I've done both. Great.
"No, don't do that Daisy, don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. Whatever is going through Damiens mind to call you that, it must be fucked up enough to make him leave you and hang out with Bianca," Leo says to Daisy in an angered tone, but trying to keep it soft enough to be comforting towards her.
"Leo's right Daisy, you did nothing, you're literally the most beautiful, kind, amazing and hilarious girl ever! And I'm not just saying that, it's true and if Damien can't see that then he's blind," Miles says putting an arm around Daisy's shoulders.
"Thank you guys, you always know how to cheer me up. I just wish he would talk to me and not just leave me in the dark." She says softly.
I wish I could talk to you too, Daisy.
"I know Daisy, but we should get back, we don't want to miss class," Leo says, all three of them standing up and walking down the bleachers.
I stand there under the bleachers until the bell goes. Then making my way to my locker grabbing my stuff for my next lesson - English.
Shit, I have English. With Daisy. Fuck me.
I make it to English. Not bothering to walk any quicker, its not like i'm going to college so school isn't really my priority. But this causes me to be late to class. Again.
"Late again Mr D'Angelo," our English teacher says raising a brow at me. God she's a bitch isn't she. Sorry I'm what? 5 minutes late.
I roll my eyes at her before making my way to the back of the class, where I see Daisy concentrating on notes. I don't even think she noticed me walk in.
I take my seat next to her, making sure to be extra loud, causing her to look up from her notes. When she does she blushes, but it's not the same, it's more flushed. I also notice she's holding back a tear or two.
I caused this. Not going to pretend I wasn't a complete dick, or haven't been. We stare at each other for a few seconds, her eyes filled with nothing but pure heartbreak before quickly looking down and going back to her notes.
Fifty minutes later class ends and Daisy basically runs out of the class, completely ignoring my existence. Understandable and nothing I don't deserve.
I make my way down the hallway, stopping at my locker to collect the rest of my stuff. Then head to the car park to meet Jack.
I make it to my car and see Jacques talking to Miles and Leo. I go up to them, but once they realise I'm there they simply glare at me.
"We should go, Jack. We'll see you tomorrow," Miles says grabbing Leo's hand and beginning to drag him.
I go to talk to Jack before Leo turns around and starts talking to me. More like interrogating me.
"What's up with you Damien? Huh? I mean Daisy has been nothing but kind to you and you go and brush her off, I mean what the fuck Damien? We thought you were different, but I guess you're just like every other guy," Leo says angrily, his eyes showing nothing but pure hatred towards me.
He stares at me for a split second looking for any sort of reaction; I keep my face blank. Before he turns on his heel and walks off with Miles.
I stand there, no emotion - except guilt. But you wouldn't be able to tell, I've learnt how to not show emotion, it's how we survive in what I do.
"He's right you know, Daisy's perfect for you and I know that you want to protect her, but it's killing you," Jacques says, interrupting me from my thoughts. I turn around to meet his face, which is filled with pity. Thats the last thing I need - fucking pity.
"Let's just go," I say slightly angry while brushing off Jack's comment and getting into the car.
I start the car and drive out of the car park, the car is silent besides the faint rock music coming from the radio.
"You're right. I was thinking about what you said before about Daisy, but I'm scared, I don't want to bring her into this life. Our life." I say after a silent ten minutes.
"Look, I know you're worried Damien, but I can see how special she is to you already and you don't even completely know her yet," He says, turning slightly in his seat to face me.
"She's so special, I don't even think she realises how special she really is, but what do I do? I was a complete dick to her today," I say, my voice becoming a tad softer than i'd like.
"Just talk to her, communication is key and Damien-," Jacques hesitates for a second.
"What Jack?" I say questioning his hesitation.
He sighs. "I think either way you're going to have to tell her the truth, about what we do and who we are. You can't lie to her," He says, starring at me for a reaction to what he just admitted.
I know I have to tell her, but thats putting her at danger and the last thing I want it for her to be in danger because of me. All because I couldn't help but have her in my life.
I nod. "What if I tell her and she gets scared and doesn't want anything to do with me?"
"You'll never know if you don't talk to her," He says softly, but sternly. More telling me that I have no choice but to talk to her.
"I will. But later, we have that Job at West Garfield." I say and Jack responds with a curt nod.
I get back home from school and collapse onto my bed, starring up at my plain white ceiling. Today has been the longest day known to man and it didn't help that Damien has been ignoring me.
I don't even know what I did? I thought we had something, but I guess he never felt the same way and seeing him with Bianca didn't help.
But I can't keep dwelling on it, so I brush those thoughts away and make my way to my dresser and grab some grey sweatpants and my favourite Pooh Bear sweater - I love Pooh Bear, I mean he's adorable. Don't judge me.
I walk downstairs, falling onto the couch and wrapping myself up in a fuzzy blanket, then turning the TV on. I choose something to watch before I pause it and make my way back and forth from the fridge and pantry looking for something to eat for dinner - as if i'm just expecting something new to pop out of nowhere.
When I can't find anything I grab my phone and order a cheese pizza for myself. I begin watching The Hangover. After the day I've had, a comedy movie is perfect for a Friday night by myself.
Thirty minutes later the pizza arrives and I take three slices from the box, then collapse onto the couch continuing to watch The Hangover.
A few moments later I hear my phone ding, I begin to move around trying to find my phone amongst the piles of pillows and blankets I buried myself into. After I finally find it I see a text from Miles.
Miles: Hey Daisy, how are you? What are doing right now? You better not be studying! 😡
Me: I'm better now Miles. I'm not doing much, just eating pizza and watching 'The Hangover'
Miles: Ok good. I just wanted to check in, I know today was rough.
Me: Thanks Miles and I feel better now (: see you tomorrow x
Miles: Okay, bye Daisy. Love you x
Me: ily x
An hour and a half later I finish the movie, clean my plate up and make my way upstairs, because even though it's only 9:30pm, I'm extremely exhausted.
The thoughts of Damien and today flood through my mind as I fall asleep, but I'm quick to shake my head of those thoughts and instead think about waking up early for my shift at work tomorrow.