X .
THE MORNING WAS SUNNY BUT left an icy cold chill in the air that nipped at your cheeks and allowed you to see every exhale you took, just the walk to my car I needed to put my coat on so I could turn the engine on and allow it to heat up, at least then scrapping the ice from the windows would be easier.
Ryan and I finally resolved our lovers' quarrel but I was the one who had to apologise because I didn't accept his weak apology, and with him being him, he played on it until he wanted to talk to me about this new girl he's pining which wasn't too soon after. He still wouldn't tell me the name but was giving hints away that it's someone I know. At this point, it could be anybody.
As for Amanda and I, I don't have much to comment on, we had one date in which I was left defeated with my tail between my legs. We haven't had any conversations in where our relationship was going or what was going to happen next as she left the ball in my court, telling me I can go as slow as I want and that we don't have to rush anything. I was glad that she was fine with this but I couldn't help the niggling that was gnawing at my stomach the more I thought about it.
I knew I had to return my appreciation for her taking me out and since the school was cancelled due to loss of heating from the ice that swept its way through the town last night, I thought we should make the most of the morning and grab some breakfast since we were already awake, not hearing about the school closure until fifteen minutes ago when she messaged me.
Once the ice on my car had begun to thaw and the inside was beginning to warm up, I started scraping the ice from the window, not taking as long as usual but it still froze my fingers all the same. I quickly climbed on inside, holding my hands over the heating vents, my finger bright red from the cold. I slowly began to warm up when my fingers started to feel itchy and the chill from outside was no longer clinging to me.
By the time I hit the by-pass I was already shrugging off my coat not wanting to turn down the heat, from up ahead I saw brake lights flashing on and off when the salt gritters passed on by, warning signs of ice already placed along the roadside. Usually, they are never this prepared unless we are expecting a bad winter and even then they aren't, at least people are listening with I included in that since I'm not in a rush to get anywhere today.
It took me a little over ten-minutes longer to get to Amanda's house, the traffic not being as bad as I thought it would have been, giving myself the much-needed pep talk along the way until I pulled up outside her house the whole big me up talk going out the window along with my make-belief confidence.
To steady my nerves I took a deep breath in and out as I climbed on out of the car, my feet already taking me up her driveway and to the front door. I gave a knock on her front door when I realised I left my coat inside my car as I looked behind me, my head snapped forward when the front door opened to be greeted by her mum. I went to open my mouth with a simple hello but that seemed to fail me when she joined me outside, making sure she let the door click shut quietly behind her.
"What do you want with my daughter, Rebecca?" her voice sounding somewhat hostile towards me as I cocked my head not understanding where she was going with this or how to answer her questions.
"I'm just here to ask if she'd like to get some breakfast with me, that's all." Trying to show her I wasn't looking for anything else if this is what she was meaning.
With her lips pressed together into a thin line she looked me over, "that's what they have all said in the past."
"Honestly I have no idea what you are going on about, I just want to take her out for breakfast to re-pay her for taking me out," trying to defend myself when she pursed her lips, arms crossed over her chest.
"Just let me warn you if you are going to be like the rest of her 'friends'," she air quoted, "I won't let it happen again." A hint of disdain in her voice.
"Trust me, I am far from her friends. I hate them all." Hoping that being completely honest with her was more than enough.
"Hmm, I'm sure you know where her bedroom is." She said stepping aside after she opened the door again, waiting for me to step inside first, feeling her eyes on me as I climbed the stairs after removing my shoes.
I climbed the stairs as quickly as I could taking two steps at a time until I reached her bedroom, giving her door a light knock as I peered my head on in to see her lay on her bed reading a book. I felt a smile tug at my lips, disappearing just as quickly as she shot me the well known unimpressed expression.
"What did I do?" panic in my voice when I came into her room and leant against the door with her putting the book down and sitting up, her left hand raking through her dark hair. I quickly took my glasses off so I couldn't see her but I could still feel her eyes on me.
"What time do you call this, it's almost lunchtime." She snapped when I put my glasses back on, my turn to give her an unimpressed look as I looked at the time on my watch.
"It's not even ten yet, DeCeno."
"And I've been waiting all this time, not to get off topic though did my mother let you in?" she questioned in mock horror, knowing her mother hasn't taken a liking to me to which Amanda says she is like that toward all of her friends due to history that she hasn't been willing to touch on so I stopped wondering.
"Not going to lie, I thought I was going to take off running," I joked, "but since you've been waiting so long, would you like to go grab some breakfast with me." Hoping she'd say yes.
I watched her climb from off the bed, her lips pursed as she thought about it as I waited for her answer.
"Yes, but I'm not picking where." She settled on as I hung my head back and let out a groan, feeling her fingers play with my hair as I kept it down and in natural waves.
"You do this every time, for once you need to pick." Her eyes rolling at me, as she pulled me out the way by my belt and left her room leaving me in her tracks.
"And watch, I'll pick a place and they don't do good vegetarian options, I have a lot to take into consideration." Now my turn to roll my eyes as we made it downstairs while I slipped into my worn converse shoes.
"Are you being serious, everywhere offers the same food." Knowing her game now, as we kept bickering down to my car.
I knew what kind of mood she was in as she tried to get under my skin and annoy me this morning, but I let her carry on and have her fun as I held the car door open for her as she smiled at me sweetly, kissing me quickly on the cheek as she got in. I could feel someone looking at me burning holes into my back, taking an instinctive glance back up at the house to see her mum staring my way from the lounge room window.
In the end, I had to pick a place to eat after she came up with a ton of excuses, it was just easier to let her win than make her choose else we wouldn't have eaten at all. She did decide to go back to mine after we finished eating, silently glad she suggested it first not too eager in seeing her mum for a second time today unless I had to. This time when I arrived home my mum's car was gone from the driveway, not surprising to me since she spends more time getting lost in her work, trying to win over clients than she does being with family. It's been that way ever since her and my dad had a divorce after she found out he was sleeping with some other chick.
"How come I've never met your mum?" her voice ringing into the empty house as I kick the front door shut.
"I don't think I've ever met my mother," I joked, the smile on my face falling flat as I walked to the kitchen to grab some water, offering Amanda something to drink.
"I'm okay, but for real, answer my question." Trying to think of the easiest way to say it so I don't hurt myself even though I like to try and convince myself I'm used to it by now.
I cleared my throat to keep my voice even as I saw her eyebrow knit together her mouth opening to say something but I got in there first.
"She is aways working or on some sort of business-related trip, or maybe she just hates this house, I honestly can't answer your question because I don't have an answer myself." I smiled when she hung her head, unwritten questions painted on her face when I told her to ask them that I had nothing to hide.
"What does she do? It must be something good, your house is three times the size of mine," as she held her arms out.
"Your house is cute and comfortable this house is too big and far too lonely. The last time I knew what she was doing it had something to do with investments and accounting." Not having a heart-to-heart talk about much of anything lately.
When she was with my dad, she would always be hounding me about my grades, if I've done the homework and picked anything extra up for extra credit or to higher the grade. Now, she doesn't ask. I got into the subject I wanted to focus on, I was hitting the grades that I needed to be getting, instead of doing it for her I started doing it for myself. I took my classes in biology to further the science field and she has no clue what it is I'm choosing to do.
Back when she gave a shit, she wanted me to be getting top marks and grades for maths, trying to get me into accountant and business which I had no interest in, I guess I should thank my dad on this one, it allowed me to take my main focus down subjects I wanted to do.
"Who buys the groceries?" feeling like we were playing twenty-one questions as I walked passed her and into the living room to sit on the sofa.
"She usually leaves money and if I've gone through that then I buy food or sometimes I just don't eat." Shrugging my shoulders not knowing what to say but she prodded either way.
"Don't you get lonely?"
"Yes, sometimes. Usually, Ryan will come 'round or Leah. Why?" My voice sounding a little aggravated at all her questions.
"Wilson, I was just asking." She said in a soothing voice when she sat down next to me.
"I promise you, I'm managing," I smiled when she didn't buy my bullshit. "I've lasted this long," trying to back my claims that I was living proof.
"May I take your glasses off?" she asked when I nodded my head, not seeing where she was going with this. "Can you see my face?" a laugh coming from me.
"Yes, it's just a little blurry." I laughed slightly, "I'm not that blind." Watching her stand up in front of me.
"Tell me when I become more than a blur." I cautiously nodded my head as she took slow steps backwards.
She must have taken five steps away from me, "you're a blur." Not seeing any details on her face other than obvious features.
"Damn, you're blind Wilson." She chuckled and walked back over to me, planting a soft kiss on my lips first before putting my glasses back on.
Her face was a lot closer to mine than I had thought, my eyes dropping to her dark rose coloured lips when she closed the distance again, her hand gripping onto my thighs when she moved away and stood up straight, an internal groan going through my chest that she cut the kiss short which only left me wanting more.
She walked over to one of the bigger windows that looked out over the back and into the distance, not sure what caught her eye since surrounding my house was nothing but farmlands and woodlands. Either way, I wasn't complaining and I didn't want to ruin the moment, she looked content but sombre. She let out a small sigh before turning back around to face me.
"My dad and I used to walk over the moors when I was younger, it used to be our favourite place when we wanted to get away and take a moment to ourselves. In the autumn the heather would paint the grassland purple since dad passing away it's been years since I've walked them." Her voice was soft as she reminisced on the memory.
The hills must be a little over half an hour drive down the country lanes, this is one of the rarer moments that she spoke more than a few words about her dad and her childhood. She took one last look at the distance, a fragile smile on her lips when she walked towards me. I held out my arms for her to hug into me. My arms wrapping around her small frame tightly, my chin resting on top of her hair when I felt her hands grabbing a fist full of my shirt.
I didn't know what to say to comfort her, and I'm sorry, isn't enough and never will be enough. Just finding myself holding her with neither one of us pulling away.
"Let's have a subject changed," she mumbled into my chest when we moved away.
"We will talk about whatever you want." I smiled, "Would you like a coffee?" I asked, leaving the lounge to go into the kitchen to boil some water, needing the caffeine boost.
"Are you going to read that note?" she questioned and hopped up on the counter, my eyes looking at the piece of paper already knowing what's going to be written inside of it.
"Eventually," I shrugged.
All she had to do was give me a stern look with a raised eyebrow, my hands going up in defensive as I grabbed the note to make her happy; Inside the folded piece of paper, there were a few money notes hidden inside. My eyes skimmed over the messy writing as I slipped the money into my pocket, not bothering to read the rest when I screwed it up and threw it across the counter.
I had a few colourful words that I wanted to say but decided to bite my tongue, I don't know why I was so angry this time around it's not like she hasn't done it before. Maybe it's the fact she was here in the morning sleeping and once I'm out she dodges me and runs as quick as she can.
"Do you need the hug now?" she half-smiled and held her arms open, my turn to walk into them while she sat on the counter with my arms around her waist, the sweet smell of her perfume on her clothes.
"You smell nice," I mumbled into her shoulder. "May I ask a question and I want you to be honest." Not giving her an option because I was going to ask it regardless.
"Okay?" She dragged the word out when I stood up straight between her legs with my hands on her thighs as the two of us were eye to eye. "You're eyes are so pretty." She commented with her hand underneath my chin as she carried on looking at them.
"Why does your mum dislike me?" carrying on with what I wanted to ask while she kept looking me over with my face now cupped in her hands.
"Don't take it personally, she's like that," taking a quick pause to kiss my lips, "towards most people." Her hands falling back down to the edge on the counter by her legs, my thought process vanishing after she kissed me. Her kisses had my stomach doing flips like it was my first kiss all over again
"That's not answering my question, you're skipping over it." I pointed out as she dropped her head back with a groan before she looked back down at me.
"If I say, then you have to dish the dirt on yourself and tell me something," no emotion on her face as she held her hand out with her pinky in the air to make me swear.
Not having anything to say about myself since I didn't lead an exciting life. I wake up, shower and eat, go to school and work, then I sleep and put that on repeat. I didn't know if she was bluffing or being serious as she carried on staring at me.
"Deal," I spoke and hooked my pinky with hers.
No matter what age you are a pinky swear will always be a sacred agreement that you must fulfil no matter how much you want to break it whether it's a secret you want to tell or a dare you want to pull out off. You have to stand by the promise, so now I've got to think of something worth telling.
With a deep breath in followed by an exhale she looked down at her hands, then back up at me.
"When I lost my dad, it hit me harder than anything I could have imagined. I didn't just lose a parent I also lost my best friend and my rock. My whole world was flipped upside down." Her eye glancing out the window to look at the moors. "I didn't feel anything for a very long time, I didn't allow myself to grieve so I could start to move along, instead I went sky diving without the parachute. I ended up sleeping around just so I could feel something, whether it was a guy or girl who showed an interest in me, I didn't care." Her voice sounding flat when she looked back at me.
"Saying that I'm sorry won't cut it, but I am if that's worth anything." Trying to condole her even though I knew it wasn't enough.
"Don't be. While I was being the high school whore, my mother wasn't coping and she slipped away. She stopped going to work, bills weren't getting paid, and it was too late when I realised that we lost our house because the mortgage wasn't being paid for. I guess me saying to her I'm not doing any of that any more was too hard for her to forgive and I'm guessing every time she sees someone new walk into the house she immediately thinks that." She shrugged, "there you go."
"Don't downgrade yourself by calling yourself such a derogatory term. Everyone deals with grief differently," my hand placing over the top of her hand.
"And I managed to pick the most selfish way," she laughed with no humour. "Now you."
"I honestly don't have anything to say or tell you." Feeling guilty, knowing I had to come up with something at least.
"That's okay, I'll ask questions and you answer," cocking an eyebrow with a small smile on her lips.
"Okay," agreeing to her new terms.
"Have you ever been with a girl in the past?" her voice going soft as she played with my hair.
"No. You're the first. Please be gentle," I chuckled, a smile pulling up on her face.
"Well, since it's your first time I'll be extra gentle," she mocked as we both laughed.
"Well since we are kinda seeing each other, and I am losing my virginity, any secrets on your dream team?" trying to push my luck when she sat there and thought about it, her finger tapping her chin as she pretended to be deep in thought.
"Well seen as she's always a bitch to you," her tongue clicked against the roof of her mouth as she debated on it. "Chrissy sleeps around, and I mean with anything that blinks at her. To hide the fact that she was doing that she threw me under the bus so no one would notice what she was doing." Not what I was expecting to leave her mouth.
"Wait, back the truck up." Taking a step back to get a good look at her face. "Chrissy as in the town vicar's daughter? By any chance did she do this when you lost your father?" the two questions coming out a little to fast, still in shock about the information she just dropped.
"There is only one Chrissy that I'm friends with," she pointed out, obviously avoiding the last question.
"Well, holy shit. Does he know?"
"Rebecca, if he knew the whole town would know. People still talk about his wife leaving him like it's not old news." She pointed out. "His ego went through the floor when his perfect family became the talk of the town."
"Is he as bad as people make him out to be?" the way I've heard people talk about that family, you'd think they were god's gift to the earth. Chrissy walks around as if the sun shines out of her ass and that she is untouchable. I am coming so close to slapping the bitch the more she keeps shoving, having it through most of my school years and now as well in higher education.
"What have you heard about her dad?" knowing she didn't want to say too much, I guess they are still friends that she probably doesn't want to overstep the line.
"Well, I know how godly he is," making an obvious knowledgable guess when she gave me an unimpressed look. "I've heard he is strict and doesn't play fairly. It's his way or no way, and that's probably why Chrissy is the way she is." Things finally adding up the more I thought about it instead of having the thought go fleeting from my mind.
"If he knew about what she's done, her life probably wouldn't be worth living. He goes around boasting about how perfect his daughter is and how Jesus leads her past all sins and yet look at her now. The only way she'll be preaching to Jesus is when she'll be moaning his name. When all the stuff got out about me thanks to her, he made sure I knew I wasn't welcome inside the house, as he would say he doesn't want a harlot poisoning his daughter. " She rolled her eyes.
"See, I'm not gay. You just poisoned me," I deadpanned with my finger pointing at her, a small chuckle coming from her.
"Fuck, you got me." Holding her hands in the air to surrender. "What did the letter say anyway?" changing the subject.
"The lady that lodges with me who is my mother, she's not going to be back home for what she says might be two weeks. Yay lets party." I spoke sarcastically.
"By the sounds of it, she isn't here much?" her voice sounding earnest.
"It's normal," I shrugged not having much of an opinion on it. "If you want you can keep me company may be, for as long as you want." Walking into uncharted territory when I was the one to make the move, hoping that she'll say yes.
With a smile on her face she gave me a nod of her head when she shifted from off the counter, "under one condition, we have to get snacks and some kind of meat. Don't get me wrong I love vegetables and fruit but I still need a steak every now and then."
On that I quickly grabbed a pen from one of the drawers and an old letter envelop to write down a shopping list of the things we needed with me finishing my list when I pushed it over to her to add on what she wanted to get. With narrowed eyes, she looked over what I had written down, frown lines appearing on her forehead.
"You can not live off this, Rebecca. It's all leaves." She said incredulously and took the pen from my hand to jot down some more items.
"Satisfied?" I asked, her head nodding.
"Let's go then," she smiled, tip-toeing to kiss my lips quickly.