LISA POV
After tucking Luke, I cleaned his room, his bathroom and checked his transformer bag in case there's a note from his teacher.
I've noticed Jennie isn't here yet which I find unusually normal. Cause I'm already done washing my body, drying my hair, and wore my maroon nighties. Still not here.
I look up the wall clock and froze when I realized I've been waiting for Jennie for some unknown reason
Why am I waiting? What's happening to me?
I went downstairs and prepare myself a hot choco milk. I relax on the couch and started to recall everything
Finally talking to my Mom again after such a long years felt like one of the prickles that had been inditch deep in my heart was drawn out.
I have my own business. Got my Mom's trust again. I have my son with me and I feel like I don't have anything to ask anymore
Jennie
Jennie's been proving herself, but I'm still afraid that once I let go the grudge I've been holding — the hatred and pain I've been keeping.. I'm afraid that what if everything she was showing was just for a temporary
Sometimes I'm thinking of setting aside the severe scars that she'd caused in me for the sake of our marriage, for the sake of Luke
But it's not that easy
That even how much I look at the good things she did, the ache is still coming back
That regardless of everything that she gave to me, the happiness she made me felt was still not enough to erase the stinging in my heart
Maybe I'm still not ready yet...
... Or I'm still looking for any substantial reason that I could hold on
The assurance
~
The rain pouring heavily, a cold breeze blew all of a sudden that bring chills down my spine. A perfect moment to enjoy my choco milk before I sleep the night away
Putting down my mug, I heard the sound of doorbell. I look again at the wall clock and it's almost midnight. It's probably Jennie
Opening the threshold, I was shocked seeing Irene with Jennie- drunk.
"Uh, I need help? You can stare at her later" she chuckled
"Oh yeah, I'm sorry" I helped Irene supporting the drunk Jennie to walk "Why is she so hot?" I asked
Irene chuckled "I'll boast that to your wife tomorrow"
I rolled my eyes "I mean, she's burning Irene"
"Oh that, I think she's sick"
"She's sick but you let her drink to death"
"I'm a supportive friend" she laughed and I groaned
We lay Jennie down in our bed and I immediately take off her brown boots. I take off her gray tailored jacket leaving the white fitted crop top. Then I pull down her match gray pocket jeans leaving the black cycling
"If I'm not here, I'm sure you're already eating each other out" Irene spoke teasingly
"If you're not here, I'm sure I'm already yelling at this witch and probably punching her in the gut" I mocked
Now Jennie is the one who catches flu and still got drunk like a thirsty fox. But I'm thankful that it's not that bad, unlike me that awfully weak and seems like I couldn't feel my own body. God, I was so terrible when I'm sick.
After wiping Jennie's face and checking her temperature. I put winter clothes on her, tucking her and followed Irene downstairs
"How is she?" she asked
"It's not that bad, mild flu" I answer
I sat across her, watching her making a black coffee for herself. She asked me if I want as well but I declined.
"So... How are you?" she asked carefully
I shrugged "I think I'm good"
She nodded "Are you comfortable talking about Jennie?"
"Are we gonna talk about Jennie?"
"Yes" she said. Unsure, I nodded "How is she ever since you came back?"
My brows knitted "I think she's been okay, Irene. The typical self-centered, manipulative Jennie" I spat bitterly
She shake her head "Hmm, so Jennie was right? You're still blind.. clueless.. you've been eaten by your own hatred" I watch how she stirred her coffee "You know, Me, Jennie and all of our friends, do believe that you're smart" I raised my eyebrow "No, really. We do believe you're smart... but you're proving by now that we are wrong..."
"I'm sorry?" I said, suddenly conscious "What are you trying to point here?"
There's a moment of silence, a sound of screaming sky and the tickles of the raindrops is the only source of noise between us.
She study my expression, we're having a staring competition that only God knows when would it started. If she will fight for Jennie and is against me, then we will be having a problem.
"Have you checked your wife?" she started
I don't know if she's talking about Jennie having a flue upstairs or other than that
"...Or have you ever asked her how is she?"
"...Or are you even aware of what's happening with her outside this house?"
"... Have you ever thought of what's happening with her when you're not around?"
I don't know where is this going but my heart is clenching with her every question. One bullet for her one question and it was honestly painful.
"Irene..."
She huffed, pinching the bridge of her nose "I'm going to be honest.. I wanted to slap the hell out of you for a very long time"
I gasped, seeing the different Irene infront of me "You are always this sweet, fucking adorable, perfect woman in Jennie's eyes which we hate because she made you her world that she forgot herself. You hear that, Lisa? Or you're still playing stupid acting like you don't understand!?"
"Irene calm down—"
"No, Lisa! I had enough! We had enough! You are hurting but Jennie was suffering!"
I can't move in my seat, seems like I froze the moment my eyes landed on her crying eyes
"We knew everything.. from the moment she lay her hand on you, to the point she almost kill you, in every time she's hitting you, hurting you, being selfless because of you WE KNEW EVERYTHING LISA!" she's speaking between her gritting teeth. Screamed in between her clenching jaw as if she wanted to wake up something in me
"She.. she told us everything.. every single details Lisa.. and in that every moment she was crying infront of us.. hurting her own self because she hated every second of hurting you.. she.. she's hating herself for a very long time"
She shake her head, looking at me with those disappointed eyes "Lisa it's not easy to change yourself, to change the things you used to. And Jennie has been trying her hardest the moment you said yes to her"
"Do you know how painful it is for her? Growing up like a robot, everything must be perfect.. you are the wife, you are entitled to know everything about her But Did it ever cross your mind of asking her past life? I bet No!" She chuckled sarcastically, mocking me in a way that it's almost meant to insult me
"Because you are the one who is self-centered Lisa. You know? We are so mad at you, but if we keep being mad at you then Jennie will be mad at us. It fucking hurt! We are her friends but she's always choosing your side to the point that she's okay having nothing as long as she have you!" she yelled again
Everything she was saying was all truth and I couldn't do anything but to cry. Because she's right, they are all right.
"The night you left, she called us over. She was crying.. funny right? Because all you know was her being manipulative, bitch, heartless, inhumane.. and all of that is because she was so fucking inlove with you. She is stupidly inlove with you!"
She's inhaling deeply like she'd just run a marathon
"Then your absence became days, weeks, months and we all know she won't last" she glared down at me "Do you know how many times she tried to kill herself?"
I shot my eyes open up to her, widening my eyes at the revelation
"Four times Lisa.. and all because of you. We needed to be by her side all the time, we needed to keep everything in ourselves even hiding it from her own mother. We endure the pain when it should be You feeling it all!"
"I..."
"You were in pain, yes. You were hurt, yes. You had a valid reason to act like that, yes. But the pain you're talking about were nothing compare to Jennie's pain!"
Every word she's spatting was all true and I'm so stupid to just realized it all by now. I was blinded by my own hatred, letting myself drowned by my own reason of pain.
"We always remind Jennie to live for your son. To live for herself and it's okay if it's not for us but for herself"
She shake her head "The moment you asked why I let her get drunk like that, that was the moment I almost lost myself and wanted to punch you in the face. Why don't ask yourself?!"
She hit the table, furious "SHE'S NOT SICK IN THE HEAD, LISA! SHE'S JUST MISUNDERSTOOD!"
"I'm n-not thinking that way Irene. I.. I just, all I know is that she's being unreasonable and- and I.. I-I swear I'm trying to understand her-"
"You don't!" she yelled "Lisa in every person there's always a hidden pages and they were so afraid to speak it out that's why they called it untold story! And they were just waiting for someone that could understand them the most! Jennie just happened to found a life with you, A DAMN LIFE WITH YOU LISA! WAKE UP!"
I sobbed, looking down at my lap "I'm sorry..." I whispered
She let me sob my heart out. Because I knew.. I've realized, For some time that I wanted to understand Jennie and she would say she's fine I never push through.
I know from the very beginning that her world was revolving around me and I was so stupid that I hate it but I let it be...
And I'm so fucking fucked up to realize... All these years of our marriage, I do care for her.. but I never ask her how was she..? How was my wife?
She's right. I wouldn't ever understand how my wife loves me. A stupid thought of my wife's love for me was sick but it was actually because she was just scared... Because she grew up like that. Scared of being left alone.
"Heal each other. It's not too late Lisa"
I cried, all the memories with Jennie started to flashback in my head. The beginning, the unforgettable moments, the life with her...
"This is not just all about you, Lisa" she turned her back to me, leaving me with full of regrets
"There's so much more to know about Jennie, so many things that you cannot even imagine "
~
I don't even know how many times I cried in that same position. All I remember was me crawling to reach Jennie's hand. To hold my wife.
"I-I'm sorry... I'm sorry I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry..."
I am kneeling on the floor, holding her hand while stroking her hair with my free hand.
"I'm sorry Jennie... God! I'm so sorry.."
I don't know if my sorry was too late or I'm a fucked up wife apologizing just now.
She moved, I remember she still have a flu. I wipe my tears then stand up to fix her blanket because she's shivering
"I won't let you keep your pain alone" I kiss her forehead "Let's start over again..."
I lie down beside her, hugging her waist. Inhaling her intoxicating natural smell. It was like she recognized my body that she pull me closer, hugging me tight.
"Lalisa.."
I chuckled dryly realizing she was calling my name in her sleep.
I have so many things to be sorry and It's just a wishful to bring the past back
But It won't ever be too late to make everything up for the many moments that has been wasted.