hello lovelies! happy saturday! i woke up in the best mood this morning ☺️
just a disclaimer before we start, i'm not very good at the whole talking through grieving thing so this chapter is a little rocky so yeah🤩
happy readings and stay safe besties! -salem🤍
TW: swearing, mentions of death, slight hallucinations
word count: 3613
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Penelope: "Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart." José N. Harris.
"Stop being anxious," Carrie said as she sat on the bench with Emily. The raven-haired woman turned towards the teenager and furrowed her eyebrows.
"What are you talking about?" Emily asked and crossed her arms. Carrie's eyes went down towards her legs.
"You tap your foot and pick at your nails when you're nervous," Carrie said as she kept her eyes on the doors. Emily raised her eyebrows. Well, she just learned something about herself.
"Are you profiling me?" Emily asked and tilted her head. Carrie wore a loose smile on her face.
"Maybe. Maybe not," Carrie said and chuckled. "Profiling isn't that hard of a concept to grasp at."
"Okay. You can go chase the bad guys for me," Emily said and rolled her eyes. She swung her arm around Carrie. The teenager didn't hesitate to lean into her touch. "Are you sure you're okay with this? Are you ready?"
"I need to say some last goodbyes to them. Plus, it's a good way for me to show you around Denver. You know, before we go back home," Carrie said and nodded her head. Emily smiled softly as she pushed a strain of hair back from Carrie's face.
"Well, you know that I'll be right there with you every time you need me," Emily said and leaned her head against the top of Carrie's.
"For Emily?" the woman called out. The two of them got up from the bench and headed towards the lady.
Both grabbing their duffel bags for the trip. "We got you the Camry you requested. Here you go."
"Thank you," Emily said and grabbed the key from the woman. "You have a nice day."
Both Carrie and Emily headed towards the garage in search of the rental car. "So, does this mean I can drive?"
"Ha! Keep dreaming," Emily said and chuckled.
"You do realize I have to learn eventually right? I'm sixteen without a permit. That's lame," Carrie said and threw her head back. Emily chuckled and unlocked the car. Both of them threw the bags into the trunk.
"I'll tell you what. If we get checked into the hotel fast. Me and you can go look around for an empty parking lot and we can start trying," Emily said as both of them got into the car. Carrie's face lit up with a smile.
"Really?" Carrie asked in disbelief. Emily nodded her head before Carrie launched herself at her. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you."
Emily grunted as Carrie's weight crashed into her. She smiled as she patted Carrie's arm. "Come on, kiddo. Let's go."
Carrie had taken Tara's advice. She had made dinner for the two of them one night and made sure to clean the entire apartment. Emily's eyebrows raised as she walked into the apartment. But, needless to say, Emily was more than understanding that Carrie wanted to go see her family's graves for some closure.
JJ, however, was on the fence. She loved that Carrie was trying to be a good daughter and get her closure. But, she thinks it's too soon. It had only been a month since Carrie moved with Emily. But, no matter what, she would stand behind Carrie's decision.
Carrie and Emily had stopped at the local flower shop after checking into the hotel. The store owner recognized Carrie from the news. The sweet old lady hadn't pressed the issues when she saw Emily watching her like a hawk. The last thing Carrie needed was people poking their heads into her business.
Both of them had found their way to the cemetery. Before Carrie left, there was a fund being made by people of her neighborhood to help Carrie bury her family. Needless to say, Carrie left before that was possible. But the fund went through and proper headstones were put for all three of Carrie's family members. Even the plots were paid for and put together.
The teenager made her way to the graves, as her eyes started to water. Emily stayed a little bit back from Carrie. She wanted to give her space.
"Hey, mom. Hey, dad. Hey, Danny," Carrie said softly as she knelt down in front of the graves. She gently placed in some of the flowers in her hands in each of the flower pots. Slowly, individual tears came rolling down Carrie's face. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
The teenager took a deep breath and shook off her nerves. "I should have woken up earlier. I'm sorry. Maybe I could have—I could have done something. It's my fault."
Emily heard those words come out of Carrie's mouth and didn't hesitate to kneel down right next to the crying teenager.
"Oh, Carrie, honey, no," Emily said and rubbed the girl's back. She gently pushed back a strain of Carrie's hair behind her ear. "None of this was your fault. Absolutely, none of it."
"Then why am I not buried right next to them," Carrie said and clenched her jaw. She shook her head as she tried to contain her sobs. "I should be there. Right next to my brother. But I'm here, how is that fair?"
"Carrie. I know you don't want to believe me, but you're a hero. If one of them didn't have empathy, they would still be on the run. They would have killed so many more people. But, because you stayed alive you saved people's lives, Carrie," Emily said and smiled softly at Carrie. "You are a hero, Carrie Ortiz. Not only to people who would have been killed, but to your parents too. You're giving them the rest they needed now that the people who did this are in prison. You are a hero, Carrie. None of this is your fault. It never was, and never will be your fault."
Carrie's tears came flowing out as she buried her face into Emily's shoulder. The raven-haired woman's eyes filled with tears as she tried to stay strong for the weeping teenager. "I'm not strong enough to be a hero."
"You are. I promise you that you are," Emily said softly as she held onto Carrie tighter. She wishes with everything in her heart that if she held onto Carrie long enough, all the brokenness would come back together. "I'm so sorry, Carrie."
"Emily," Carrie cried out as she wrapped her arms fully around her. The teenager finally letting out all her tears of grieving that she had been holding in. Emily couldn't say anything as she held her tighter, and just tried to calm her down by running her hand up and down her back.
"I've got you," Emily said softly. "I've got you now."
The two stayed in each other's embrace for possibly an hour as Carrie softly told Emily stories of her parents and brother. All the while, she didn't want to let go of Emily.
"My dad got so mad, Danny threw his ice cream cone at him, so he'd have to cool down. Of course, he was like four so, he couldn't be mad at him for too long," Carrie said and chuckled as she wiped some tears away. Emily shook her head as she laughed. "And then there was that time that my mom totally embarrassed me at my middle school dance. She was doing the electric slide front and center. She was practically leading the dance. I didn't even know she was a chaperone until she started dancing."
"Well, that's one thing your mom and I have in common. I have pretty good dance moves myself," Emily said and wiggled her eyebrows. "I'll happily chaperone at your prom."
"Please dear God, no," Carrie said and shook her head. Emily and her both chuckled as they looked over towards the graves again. Carrie grew eerily quiet as thoughts filled her head. Emily had noticed and sat up a little bit.
"Hey," Emily said as she ducked her head down. She dangled the key in front of Carrie. "You want to go start her up? I'll let you drive back to the hotel."
"You got it," Carrie said and smiled widely as she grabbed the key. Rule number one of someone having overwhelming thoughts: don't let them get pulled into them. A distraction was always good. Emily got up and took a few steps away from the graves. Carrie leaned over and placed a kiss on her hand before placing it on each grave. "I'll be back soon. I promise. And, I'll make sure to bring more flowers and a picnic and stories from my new school. I love you guys. And I miss you, so so much."
"We miss you too, Carrie," a woman said softly. Carrie turned her head towards the voice and furrowed her eyebrows. Nobody was there. But, Carrie swore it was her mother's voice. They were here. Whatever that meant. "Go."
Carrie wiped away her tears as she nodded her head. She looked down at the car keys in her hands, and then back over at Emily.
"Go start her up," Emily said and tilted her head towards the car. Carrie walked away as Emily stayed behind. The raven haired woman smiled down softly at the graves. "You raised a good daughter. I promise to look after her now. I'll put her through college just like you wanted her to. I'll make sure she's okay now."
Emily smiled down at the graves one last time before turning and seeing Carrie throw her fist up out of the window as she had managed to turn on the car. The raven-haired woman smiled as she made her way to the car.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
JJ looked up from her file and saw Penelope there. She furrowed her eyebrows. "What are you doing out of the cave? Is it my birthday, or something?"
"No, just came to check on you," Penelope said as she sat down in the chair across from JJ. "So? Have you heard anything?"
"About?" JJ asked half-mindlessly as she flipped through the file in her hand. Penelope rolled her eyes as she leaned her elbows on JJ's desk.
"About Emily! Is Carrie okay?" Penelope asked. She had a worried look on her face.
"Emily just texted me that they were on their way back to the hotel. Carrie is driving. Apparently, Emily needs to start carrying puke bags in her car. Luckily, Carrie pulled over in time," JJ said and chuckled. Her eyes were still on the file in front of her as she messily read through the paperwork.
"Why aren't you looking at me? You're doing the thing," Penelope said and squinted her eyes.
"I am not doing the thing," JJ said and pointed a finger at Penelope. The younger woman smacked her hand out of the way.
"You so are. You're doing the half reading paperwork to get out of a conversation! Jennifer Jareau, I have been slaving away all day, the least you can do is give me the decency of your undivided attention," Penelope said and grabbed onto the pen from JJ's hand. JJ set down the file and sighed as she smiled forcefully. Penelope winced. "That was painful to watch."
"It was painful to do," JJ said and threw her head back as she sank into her seat. JJ was bored beyond belief. Emily being gone, JJ was a little down. It was obvious to everyone. But, Emily being gone wasn't what bothered her. "I hate this shit."
"Vent, please, so I know you're still a human with emotional things in you," Penelope said and gestured towards JJ's entire body. JJ sighed as she shut her eyes.
"Will turned into a workaholic all of a sudden. Usually, he'd hate to work the overtime. He always said that if it came down to it, no money was worth the quality time we'd have instead," JJ said and crossed her arms. "But, now, he's just distant and exhausted all the time. I don't know, Pen."
"Well, maybe he's working on something special for you, and that's why he's working overtime," Penelope said simply and shrugged her shoulders.
"That's what I'm afraid of," JJ said and ran a hand down her face. Penelope's ears perked up at the new gossip she was about to get. JJ shook her head to try and collect her thoughts. "I don't know if I want to marry him if that's the case."
Penelope's eyebrows raised as JJ had her full attention now. "You're serious?"
"You know I've never found the appeal of a white dress and commitment," JJ said and glanced over at Penelope. "I don't know, Pen. I'd be nice to have a wedding, don't get me wrong. But, I don't know if he's the one I'm going to marry."
"Then, why are you with him still?" Penelope asked and pursed her lips.
"I mean, he's not—"
Ring. Ring. Ring.
"Give me a second," JJ grabbed her cellphone and answered it. "Agent Jareau, speaking."
"Uh oh, someone's having a day," Emily said and chuckled. A wide smile took over JJ's face as she visibly relaxed. "You okay?"
"Yeah, just here with Penelope," JJ said and looked over at the woman. She didn't say anything as she walked out of the room, leaving the two alone. "Well, she was here. Did you miss work already that you wanted to call me?"
Emily chuckled as she sat at the edge of the pool. Carrie dove right off to the deep end. Emily chuckled as she came up and shook her head to get rid of the water. The teenager held a thumbs up as she swam over to Emily.
"Something like that," Emily said and smiled softly. "I just wanted to check in."
Penelope peeked over JJ's window to see that bright smile she had been missing from her. The blonde woman was noticeably missing Emily. Just from one phone call, JJ was already glowing. The younger woman wiggled her eyebrows as she walked quietly away from the office. JJ's laughter was heard from down the hallway.
It was the following day, Emily was walking down the street with Carrie underneath her arm. "This place has the best gelato in town. It's a place called Glacier ice cream. Come on!"
"Slow your pace, kiddo," Emily said as Carrie pulled her into the shop. When the boy behind the counter heard the bell ringing, he turned. His eyes widened at the girl standing in front of her. Carrie's jaw dropped.
"Hi, Trevor," Carrie said shyly as the boy stood there with a loose smile. He was so caught in a trance that he almost fully dropped the ice cream tub in his hand. He caught it before it could fall and chuckled nervously.
"Hi, Carrie. How are you?" Trevor asked and placed down the tub onto the counter. The boy interlocked his hands in front of him as he was looking at Carrie. Emily's eyes flicked back and forth between the two teenagers. She missed a couple of things, apparently.
"I'm good," Carrie said and smiled widely. The two were just staring there blankly at each other. Emily cleared her throat loudly which snapped the two teenagers out of their trance. "Right. Right. Uh, this is Emily Prentiss, my...my guardian Emily."
"Nice to meet you," Emily said and smiled widely. Carrie was blushing. The raven haired woman raised an eyebrow and nudged Carrie forward.
"So, what would you like?" Trevor asked nervously. Emily tilted her head at the boy.
"You know what, my phone is ringing. I gotta go answer this. Get me whatever you're getting," Emily said and clutched her purse. Carrie furrowed her eyebrows.
"But your phone isn't—"
Emily shoved Carrie slightly towards the counter as she walked out of the shop. Carrie formed a tight smile with her lips.
"Uh, the passion fruit one. Thanks," Carrie said shyly. Trevor nodded his head and turned to grab two cups. Carrie's eyes flicked over outside the window.
"Talk to him," Emily mouthed as she faked her phone call outside. Carrie was about to mouth something back when Trevor turned around.
"So, where do you live now? I heard you moved. So, I've been meaning to message you or something. I just didn't know if I could," Trevor said as he scooped the gelato into the two cups.
"Oh, I live in DC now with Emily. She gladly took me in after everything," Carrie said and ran a hand through her hair. Subconsciously, she twirled a single strain between her fingers.
"That sounds cool. So, can I?" Trevor asked as he slid both the cups towards Carrie. She tilted her head.
"Can you what?" Carrie asked and furrowed her eyebrows.
"Message you or something?" Trevor asked and scratched the back of his neck. "I've really missed you around here."
"Y-Yeah. You can message me," Carrie said and smiled shyly. The teenager girl was about to grab a twenty Emily had given her earlier.
"I-It's on me," Trevor said as his eyes softened. Carrie's wide smile slowly crept up on her face. "I'd just need your number."
"Thank you," Carrie said and grabbed one of the pens on the counter. She grabbed onto his arm and gently wrote down her new number on his arm. She smiled softly before setting the pen down and grabbing both the cups. "I'll be back in DC tonight. You can message me then?"
"Yeah sure," Trevor said and gulped nervously. Emily knocked on the window. Both turned to her and blushed slightly as she pointed at her watch.
"Bye, Trevor," Carrie said softly as she walked out the door. The teenage boy took a step forward and stumbled, but caught himself against the counter.
"Bye, Carrie!" Trevor said rather loudly. As soon as she was out the door he huffed. "Fucking idiot. You're too awkward to even talk to her. Jesus."
As soon as Carrie walked out, Emily wiggled her eyebrows. The teenager didn't say anything as she made her way to the car. Emily's laughter can be heard not far behind her.
"Oh, Trevor! Hi, Carrie," Emily mimicked both of their voices as Carrie got into the car. The teenager rolled her eyes as she handed Emily her cup. "If this is good, can we keep him around for free gelato?"
"Don't we have a flight to catch?" Carrie asked sarcastically. Emily chuckled.
"Oh, be nice. I'm just teasing over the young Zac Efron who practically almost fell for you, literally," Emily said and backed out of the parking space. "So, are you going to tell me who he is or am I going to have to drag it out of you?"
"Him and I almost dated. He was the star freshman football quarterback but he transferred schools during the second semester. He had just come back to my school before everything. But he's really nice, you'd like him," Carrie said and smiled softly at the thought of the boy.
"We'll find out if I do once I get back to Quantico," Emily said and chuckled as she looked over at Carrie.
"Don't tell me Penelope is already looking him up," Carrie said as her jaw dropped.
"You thought that phone call was fake? Ha! She's got everything to find him. Now she just has to just find him," Emily said and happily took a small bite of her ice cream at the red light. Carrie sank back into her seat with a groan. "What? I worry and go all protector mode!"
"Oh my God. You're totally going to embarrass me with this!" Carrie said and threw her head back against the headrest.
"Oh! If you think I'm going to embarrass you, just wait until Clara finds out," Emily said and laughed cynically. "That'll fucking embarrass you."
"I'll call JJ," Carrie taunted. Emily gasped.
"You little shit," Emily said and squinted her eyes. Carrie grabbed her phone and went to her contacts. "Okay fine! No more Zac Efron jokes."
Emily sighed heavily as she stepped on the gas slightly as they headed towards the airport. Carrie was thankful that the subject was dropped. That was until Emily cleared her throat again.
"I don't have to have the talk with you, right? About, you know," Emily said and squinted her eyes. Carrie's eyebrows raised. "Birds and the bees. The talk. Bumping muffins. The donut and the celery stick."
Carrie held a hand up and scrunched her up her face. "I will throw myself out of the airplane if you try to have the sex talk with me on there. I'm good."
"I don't know whether to be worried or not that you already know all about sex at sixteen. Alright, just making sure," Emily said and put her hands up in defense. Carrie furrowed her eyebrows.
"The donut and the celery stick?" Carrie asked and had a look of utter confusion on her face.
"Clara," Emily said simply as they pulled into the airport parking lot.
Emily: "The wound is the place where the light enters you." Rumi.
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wish me luck today. i take a quiz and have a paper to do. i hate school work 🧍♀️
i'll be updating soon! -salem🤍