Cleo
"Welcome back to another episode of 'Keeping it a milli with Millz! On today's episode we have two special guest who I've been wanting to do an episode with for a while but we finally got the chance so can we please give a warm welcome to tiktoks sweethearts, Charli and Dixie D'amelio!" I cheered.
"Hi guys!" They both said into the mic smiling.
"So on the episode, we're gonna be talking about our journey on social media as young influencers. Around the same time we all blew up on tiktok, so we kind of came into this together I like to think. But there are many things I wanna talk about stemming from sudden rise to fame, hate, mental health, the whole thing. So please, before we get started, give us a rundown on who Charli and Dixie D'amelio are."
"We'll I'm Dixie and I'm the oldest and more athletic D'amelio." She jokes before continuing.
"Um, we grew up in Norwalk, Connecticut and lived there our whole lives until recently where we actually moved out here. I grew up into the dirt bike racing kind of scene, I was that girl who always wanted to get her hands dirty whereas my sister Charli was more on the dancer side of things. We were definitely two different personalities but they somehow leveled each other out because we both wanted to be active kids."
"I grew up loving sports, I played all kinds in middle school and high school if I'm being honest. We were just normal kids living a normal life up until 2019." She finished.
"And so that's where we get into the whole getting famous thing. Where did that even come from, what was your initial reaction, lead me through it." I ask Charli.
"Well that's where I come in. So basically it was September I want to say? Or maybe early October? I don't know but I had been on tiktok for a while and I already had somewhat of a following. I just did a bunch of dancing videos or even funny videos with my friends. But there was this one day, I was at school in the bathroom with my friend and this dance had been trending on tiktok that I wanted to do. So I did it, I was wearing that pink oversized shirt with a skirt and did the dance. I posted it not thinking much of it and then within 24 hours I had went viral on tiktok all because of this one dance. From there on I just blew up on tiktok." She says.
"It's so crazy to think that, that was almost a year ago. Because I remember being on tiktok around that time. I hadn't recorded my viral video yet but I remember seeing you on my for you page just thinking, 'She went viral so quickly, I wonder if I could do it.' And sure enough I posted my video a few days after you and it went crazy." I reminisce.
"It was genuinely so scary to see how fast I started growing, especially since I had been on social media already. I was on YouTube and had a small following already but I never got as much media attention as I did now. And I loved it but as we all know now, I went through some traumatic shit at the same time I blew up and I just.... Couldn't really balance that all at the same time."
"I completely understand you. I didn't go through anything traumatic when I first started but after recent events that was the first time I was ever in a scandal or entwined with some drama that I just couldn't deal with when it started. But then I got cocky on social media and pretended to not be hurt when in reality I was so upset about what had been happening. And then when I went live showing people how I really felt, I got so much back lash of people telling me 'You should've kept it off social media', as if I was the one who brought it there?" Charli says after I continued.
"And that's the thing that bothers me about social media. I'm completely fine with people attacking me because at the end of the day, I have a thicker skin than Charli. We've tried to get her a bit more tougher for the simple fact that we're East Coasters and it should come naturally to us, but she's sensitive to these things. So when people make shitty comments about her, I'm not for it and then I get the comments saying that Charli is old enough to defend herself which is true but I'm her sister and I don't like my sister getting attacked on social media for something she didn't even bring to it." Dixie speaks up.
"That's extremely valid, and I understand it. I don't have a younger sister to defend like how you do, but I like to think of you and Charli as my sisters because when I go back home, I don't talk to anyone else but all of you guys. So naturally I'm drawn to defend you against these things."
***
"Hello! We're taking this short break in our episode to introduce you to our sponsor for today's video.
Have you ever wondered how you're going to pay for certain expenses when you decide to attend college?
Well Unidays has got you covered!
Join unidays to save you some coin at your favorite stores! All you have to do is sign up with your college email and you can start receiving deals at a cheaper cost today!
So join at Unidays.com today
Now back to the episode!
***
"I hope you enjoyed our nice little ad break... but now we're back to the more juicy stuff. So tiktok hasn't always been rainbows and unicorns. As content creators we get a crap ton of hate, that ultimately ruins our mental health. So I wanted to ask Dixie and Charli how do you both deal with maintaining your mental health?" I questioned.
"Uh, I don't really know. My mental health recently has been not so good, after everything that's happened so I've been trying to stay off of social media as much as possible but it's hard when that's what your whole life is. Like the only way I make money is through tiktok, posting brand deals... stuff like that but I guess I don't interact with my comment section when it comes to things like that. I only interact with my fan pages because there is where I know I'm loved, and I feel safe with them." Charli tells me.
"Yeah... for me I get a little bit more hate than Charli because I do music, and so when people hear what I create, they hate it so they call me talentless, they say I cant sing, they do all of that. And at first it hurt me a lot because I found something I loved doing and they completely shitted on it. But I realized that that they're going to hate on me regardless. My sister is a famous tiktoker, she got extremely successful so quickly so they say I'm just doing anything I can to get out of her shadow. I honestly can't win. But they keep talking about me so it just keeps me relevant." Dixie adds on.
The conversation had gotten so good that I could honestly sit here forever talking about our lives.
"You see, for me I can't do it. I have horrible anxiety, I'm self conscious, I feel like everyone's against me so when I read one hate comment I completely shut down. I know I shouldn't be reading them but when there are so many, you can't help but to look and see what people think about you." I take a pause looking at the both of them before continuing on.
"And then I look at you two, and I see two beautiful girls who have nothing to ever be ashamed for. I know we all have our insecurities but mine like eat me alive... I wish I could change the way I perceive myself but I don't know." I say completely stopping my thought.
"You're allowed to feel these things, Cleo. It's hard out here but just know you're as beautiful as the next girl. If no one tells you that, I will. I love you." Dixie smiles towards me .
"I love you too."
***
After today's podcast episode with Dixie and Charli, I definitely found myself overthinking way too much. I wanted to text Vinnie and ask him what about me did he like because I couldn't see it.
Here I go looking to a man for validation because I seem to not be able to find any within myself.
I fucking hate it.
Finsta
1,727 likes
urmomsfav i feel like ✨shit✨i love myself one day and then the next i want nothing to do with me.
View all 128 comments
charlidamelio i love you Bebe. you're so beautiful and strong. 🥰💖
dixiedamelio i love you my cece❤️ i wish you could see what we see about you and realize that you're one of a kind. we love you regardless.
madimonroe my baby, i love you.
milacobain HEY! YOU! YEAH YOU! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND LOVED NO MATTER WHAT! SO STOP TALKING SHIT ABOUT MY FREIND
nessabarret i don't want you to be sad, i love you more than anything :( pls call me if anything, Cleo
brycehall mf i don't know how many times I have to tell you this but I love your stupid ass. stop talking shit about my friend now, please and thank you.
thechrisdaniels I don't like you feeling this way. I love you too much to let you feel this way cece
***
With Mila being out of the house, I got back to an empty home. Without a thought in mind I took of all my clothes and changed into an oversized sweater and a pair of shorts before plopping straight onto my bed.
In times like this I needed my dads words of encouragement.
He never failed to call me beautiful, and tell me how much he loved me. I would never know if he just said it because I was his daughter or if genuinely believed this to be true, but I didn't care.
Just knowing that he thought that way of me was enough to last a long time.
I laid in my bed for a long time, watching the tv on silent, just needing something to comfort me. Soon my phone rang and it was a FaceTime call from none other than Vinnie.
I swiped the call to answer it and the first thing that pops up on the screen in Vinnie, but he's outside somewhere.
"Where the hell are you?" I laugh out, watching his eyes squint from the sun.
"I'm outside. I went to pick up a couple things and now I'm headed somewhere else. Well I'm pretty close." He says. "Nice and you called me for what specific reason."
"We'll I'm gonna need you to open the door." He suddenly states, making my eyebrows furrow.
"What?" I question.
"Um in order for you to see you have to open your house door... what are you not understanding?" He jokes, before I rush out of my bed to open the front door.
When I swing it open, there he is, dressed in black shortsleeved shirt that hugged his torso nicely. Along with the shirt he wore a pair of black sweat shorts and his Jordan 1s. I'm his arm was a cute little basket that had a whole bunch of my favorite chocolate that I loved, with lilac and blue confetti paper.
Inside the basket was this jar that was filled with papers. The jar was labled, The Way You Make Me Feel, in Vinnie's best (sarcasm noted), handwriting.
I couldn't help but tear up looking at him stand there with all of this stuff in his hands. "You we're feeling down about yourself and I felt that you were forgetting the reason why everyone loves you so I... decided to help with that. It's cliche, I know but it's all I could think of." He shrugs.
I had yet to say anything but he saw the tears in my eyes. If I'm being honest, part of me was crying because I loved the gesture that he did but the other part of me cried because I couldn't help but feel the way I was feeling. I was an emotional wreck, hating myself and not even knowing why. From the moment I woke up today my day started off bad, then I went on the podcast thinking it would cheer me up a bit because I was doing it with my best friends but in reality it just made me think of all the bad things that went on in my life and I hated it.
Vinnie walked into the house, setting the stuff on the kitchen table, before walking over to me and pulling me straight into his arms where I just cried into his chest.
Today was just one of those days where I relapsed into this dark hole of emotion, letting all my sadness overcome me, ultimately forgetting myself.
Vinnie wrapped his arms around my neck, locking me into him as I wrapped my arms around his torso just silently crying. My body heaved up and down with every cry that came. We stood there for what felt like forever but in reality it was only 3 minutes until I had stopped crying completely.
While I cried he whispered into my ear, expressing some of the things that I did that he liked or made him happy. He did the same talking about Mila, Charli or Nessa, expressing how I'm a great friend and that it's completely okay to not feel myself from time to time.
I guess I just let it all get the best of me, but I was still learning to love myself.
It was hard at times but I was okay. I was okay and I was going to be okay because I worked to hard to go back into this dark hole I was in a few months ago....
I'm not letting that happen to me again.
***
hello sweet babies
this chapter touched more on developing Cleo's character. She's not confident, She's completely insecure because of things that's been going on since she's started social media.
It's a bit hard for her to really love herself, when she gets the amount of hate she does and when she remembers the harsh words that where once said to her by a person she used to care for.
From time to time she will have these mini breakdowns because it's who she is and it just makes her real.
I would've made her a confident girl if I felt that way about myself but I guess I'm reflecting a lot of myself onto Cleo which honestly helps me communicate my feelings. I try to make all my characters relatable, so if you relate to Cleo maybe comment why? Or if you want her to be more relatable comment some suggestions :)
vote comment and share?
ilsym
mwah😘💖