He quietly places his shoes on the ground after slipping them off. He hoists himself up on the ledge, looking down at the ground that called to him. He looks up to the sky, whispering his defeat. He mentally apologizes to his mom, dad, and his sister. He thinks of his pet cat, and he almost hesitates. He was tired though, and the pain was too much to bear at this point. Hopefully they all won't miss him.
He turns around, raises his arms, and he slowly tilts backward. He closes his eyes, feeling the air go through him. He smiles as he imagines himself flying. A dream any child would have.
It'll finally be over.
All the pain.
You sit in your classroom, wondering why your entire school suddenly got a week off. It wasn't a holiday or anything. Your classmates wonder the same as they gossip with one another. Maybe it was a special occasion.
You turn to the two seats in the middle of the class that were empty. You raise an eyebrow. It was normal for Len to not show up to school sometimes, but it was rare when Rin did. You look at your phone, and there's no message from your friend. Without being caught, you shoot her a quick message.
[8:12] Hey where are you?
She usually responds fast, maybe in ten minutes she'll respond? You look back one more time at the seats with a weird gut feeling. You turn back after you hear your teacher sigh, and the whole mood of the classroom suddenly shifts as your teacher speaks.
"Your classmate Len Kagamine is dead,"
Your peers shoot worried looks at one another, and your ears feel like they're ringing. You all stare at the empty seat he used to sit in. There was no way he was dead, right?
"It happened...on a Friday afternoon. His sister isn't going to be here for a while either. Her family is mourning. When she comes back, please treat her kindly. Don't mention her brother either." Your teacher continues.
Your classmates continue to murmur. They all connected the dots. The week off was because a student had passed away at school, not some spontaneous vacation. They had to take his body and clean up. You frowned at the thought.
You stared back at the seat one more time. You were wrong. Of course, Len was going to kill himself. He came in every day with another wound. Whether it was the bruises he was hiding with his sleeves or the bandages on his face, he was always hurt.
You didn't know why, but he was often bullied by the boys at the school. Rin often defended him, but he'd get mad at her for it. Maybe he didn't want the girls to begin targeting his older sister.
After first period, you were all sent to the auditorium for an assembly. You sat there as the teachers spouted complete bullshit about suicide prevention. You scoff. They acted like they didn't witness the severe bullying that was going on campus. They acted shocked just like Len's bullies.
Were you any different though?
You had witnessed it on several occasions, but you chose to turn a blind eye to it, hoping someone else would help him. The bystander effect really was a bitch.
"Killing yourself isn't the answer. It makes you a coward who runs away from their problems. Imagine the pain you're going to pass on to others!" One of the school staff cries out.
What the fuck was this? How is this advice? That's the worst possible thing you could tell anyone who's thinking of taking their own life. How stupid can these people be?
"I'd like us to take a minute and remember Len Kagamine for how kind, smart, and how he touched us all. Please, let us take a moment of silence." They say.
The whole auditorium goes silent. That is, until you hear the soft cries from a group of girls. You narrow your eyes, immediately recognizing them as the girls who'd also pick on him. They acted like they were personally affected. They acted like they cared about him or knew him.
"Oh please," You roll your eyes.
They turn to look at you, "What did you just say?"
"I know all of you aren't crying over Len, right? After what you contributed to?" You spit.
"Fuck off," she says. "Don't listen to her guys."
"I know you out of all people are not opening your big ass mouth, Meiko." A boy with red hair comments.
"Fukase, shut the fuck up." A boy with two colored eyes hisses.
"Piko's acting bold now, huh? Of course with you up Kaito's a-"
"Can you all shut up? Be respectful." A girl with purple hair scolds.
It's halfway through the day. It's finally lunch, and you sit next to your only friend, besides Rin. Her eyes are puffy, probably from crying her eyes out in the bathroom. She's quiet as she eats her food.
"Rin's having a hard time..." She mumbles.
"You called her?" You ask.
She nods, "She can't stop crying. She's thrown up over anxiety, and her family doesn't know what to do. She might switch schools..w-who knows."
You notice her slowly curl up, about to start crying again. You pat her back gently, "Miku...please calm down. You've cried enough."
"Why was Len so stubborn? Why didn't he want us to help him?" She cries.
You hold back your tears and you clear your throat, hoping to drive away the lump that was forming. You shake your head, "I don't know."
Miku Hatsune. The girl who knew Rin and Len Kagamine through both their mothers being high school friends. She often played with them when they were all little, and they practically considered each other family. When you met them in first grade, they were always together as a little group of three.
It was no given that she'd be upset as Rin. She saw the two twins as younger siblings since she had none of her own. She mourned him like a family member. She cared about the two with all her might.
"They're holding a memorial after school. They're going to release a bunch of balloons in his memory. Do you want to go?" You ask.
"No," she shakes her head. "Why would we even hold that here? This place was the equivalent to Hell for Len. The kids who bullied him would show up. I doubt he'd want them to be there." She fumes at the memory.
"I'm sorry for asking." You frown.
"Oh (Y/n)," she grabs your hand gently. She wipes her tears with another hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come off like that."
You shake your head in protest, "No, you're right. Do you think Rin will show up?"
Miku clicks her tongue, "Rin thinks the way I do. Her family isn't going. Everyone here saw Len get tormented. A bunch of hypocrites."
After school, you pass by Len's locker. It was adorned with flowers, sweet notes, stickers, and pinwheels. You furrow your eyebrows out of anger. Underneath all the decorations, were nasty words written on his locker. Words mocking him, making fun of his appearance, making fun of him in general.
You pass by it with a sigh. You walk home, and your parents immediately notice your somber mood. Your sibling doesn't even bother to pick on you. They'd probably ask what happened later at dinner.
You head to your room, and you throw your backpack. You don't even bother changing into regular clothes like you always do. You hop on your bed with your uniform on. You stare at the ceiling, and you lift up your arm as you study your hands.
All you do for the next few hours is just ponder on your thoughts. Maybe if you had talked to Len on Thursday and invited him out that Friday, he would have not taken his life. Maybe if you stuck up for him when Kaito dumped milk on him in the cafeteria that one time, he wouldn't have jumped.
Maybe...
You suddenly hear a knock on the door, "(Y/n), dinner is ready."
"I'm not hungry, mom." You respond.
She stays silent for a minute. She sighs, "Well if you're hungry, there will be a plate for you, okay? Don't forget to do your homework and brush your teeth before bed."
You smile, "Thanks, mom."
You sit up as you notice her shadow peeking underneath the door leave. You walk to your bookshelf, picking up an old photo album you had. It was from your childhood up to your now high school life. You open it, looking through your baby pictures.
You skim through that phase of your life to hit your early school days. You see a picture of your first day in first grade. You look through that section to see Rin, Len, and Miku suddenly pop up in pictures. Your eyes begin to tear up, looking at how happy he looked.
It was a picture of seven-year-old you and Len with a toothy smile. Well, Len was missing a tooth since he was still a little kid. His hair was wild, cheeks bright pink as he lifted up a peace sign as he was building a sandcastle with you and Rin. You purposely made a funny face to make your mom laugh as she took the picture.
You kept flipping through the captured memories. You stopped at the picture of your eleventh birthday. Miku, Rin, and Len pointed at you as they laughed at your face covered in cake. It was the aftermath after they all had shoved your face in it. In the picture, you were wiping yourself off with a paper towel with a smile.
You looked closely at all the presents they had given you. Miku helped her mom choose some cool sneakers for you to wear. Rin had saved up to buy you a stuffed animal you had your eyes set on. Lastly, Len had given you a diary to write in. You remember he cried as he gave it to you because Rin and Miku pulled a prank, saying that you were moving to another country.
You remember cherishing that notebook since you had developed a small crush on little Len. It lasted up until you entered high school. After that, you began dating other boys. It was on and off. It never got serious.
The last picture was of your first day of high school. The four of you adorned with your high school uniforms, excited to start this new chapter on your lives. Little did Len know, this new start would be the end of him. Tears fall on the picture. You quickly close it, not wanting to look at it anymore.
"Len, I'm so sorry." You whisper.
You continue to look through the shelf, searching for the diary Len had given you seven years ago. You found the pink book with a heart lock on it. You look at the back of the book. It was a cute little message from Len. It was sloppy but still legible.
'Happy Birthday (Y/n)! This isn't much, but I hope you like it! I'm gonna miss you! Don't forget to talk to Rin and I after you move! :)'
You laugh at the message. You run your fingers on the writing, and you immediately break down. You squat down, hugging the diary with such strength you didn't know you had. You begin shaking as you wail out your emotions. Why were people so mean? Why did it have to be Len?
"I'm so sorry." You cry out.
You walk towards your bed, and you flop on the mattress. You roll over, looking through the cabinets of your nightstand lazily for the key. You find it quickly, later opening the diary. The entries lift up your mood a bit, but it doesn't completely help.
Most of the entries are about how much you hate the popular girls at school. How much you hated certain subjects, especially physical education. Some of the entries are about how you had fun with Rin and Miku.
Some of the entries are about Len. They were rather innocent. How Len smiled at you during lunch. How Len chose you instead of Mayu to be on his team for dodgeball. How Len held your hand even though he was dragging you to make the bus in time. How Len made your heartbeat go at an exhilarating speed when he lifted you up as he hugged you for lying to his mom that he indeed passed his test, and the teacher somehow made the mistake of giving him an F.
How did things get so bad for him?
No one could answer you. You're unsure if Rin knew. You're sure Miku had no idea. The only person who knew was Len himself. He knew the reason for taking his own life.
"Len, I wished you would have at least waited." You murmur.
It was only two months until graduation. Len wouldn't have to see these assholes afterward. You couldn't blame him. You didn't know what he was going through. Maybe Len knew he couldn't hold on for any longer.
You fall asleep, diary in your embrace as you sleep. Crying for sure tired you out. You didn't bother changing or anything. Your head hurt from all of this. You couldn't imagine the pain Rin and her family were going through.
Your eyes slowly flutter. You take one last yawn as you finally drift off to sleep. Perhaps your dreams would bring you some sort of happiness. Something to numb the pain you were feeling.
Your alarm suddenly blasts through the speakers of your phone. You jolt awake, the diary falling from the bed. You get up quickly, and you groan in annoyance as you were still in your school uniform. You quickly go to the bathroom to freshen up, and you quickly set your things for school in your bag.
You eat your breakfast, and you notice how cold you are. It made sense, the weather would often fluctuate. Sometimes it was cold and sometimes it was too warm for your winter uniforms. Rin often complained about it, but she wasn't going to be here to thank the weather for being colder today. You sigh at the thought.
Your parents were off to work by the time you finished your breakfast. You couldn't apologize to your mom about dinner or tell her the news about Len. You wondered if the Kagamine's called your parents to tell them the sad news. That's probably why your mom didn't mention it to you last night, and she couldn't mention it this morning since she was gone.
Your sibling was still in the middle of freshening up as you left them to lock the house. You walk to school, noticing the icy sidewalks. You click your tongue, annoyed. You walk back in the house for a coat and a scarf. Curse the school for making girls wear skirts.
"Why is it snowing all of a sudden? The weather for this week was going to be cold but not this cold." You grumble.
You look up to the sky. If it snowed, it would be a worse walk back home. You look at the tips of your fingers. They were pink and you gently breathed on them, making them warm. This weather could suck as much as the summer heat at times.
You remember how much Len loved the snow. When you, Miku, Rin, and Len would walk home together during winter, you'd all hope it would snow. When it did, you'd all play in the snow. You'd all come back with a scolding from your parents for taking a long time to get back.
Ah, good times...
You walk into your classroom. Everyone seemed a lot brighter. It was a complete switch from yesterday. Jesus, so much for being sad. Whatever, all you needed was two more months until you could never see any of their faces.
You sit down, and you put your head down. Mr. Hiyama still wasn't going to walk in yet, so you had time to yourself. You could get in a few more minutes of sleep in. God, you hoped your eyes weren't puffy from all the crying you did last night.
"(Y/n), are you okay?" You hear a voice next to you.
You lift up your head, "Miku, leave me alone."
She pouts, "Rin and I wanna catch a movie after school. I was thinking of inviting you, dummy."
You lift up your head with a confused look, "Why is Rin here?"
Miku points at Rin's seat, "Dude, that bitch is always here. Her ass never misses a day. What the hell."
You turn back to see Rin playfully throw up a middle finger towards you and Miku. She continues to have a conversation with Yuuma and Momo. They make her laugh really hard. You smile at her laughter. She recovered rather quickly. At least some people are trying to make her feel better.
Your teacher walks in, and Miku scurries to her seat. You all have to stand up and bow to him before sitting back down. He begins to take attendance, and he calls on the students one by one. You carefully listen for your name as you look around the classroom.
The door opens suddenly. It was Fukase like always. This kid was always late. It's not like he cared though. You remembered about the work you two were assigned. You were going to berate him if he hadn't done his part.
Your eyes stop at the door.
Your mouth goes agape.
Len Kagamine had walked through the door.