"Home is not just a psychical address, it's an emotion, a state of mind, a feeling, a person."
2 weeks later
She had always assumed that Derek was a monster. Ever since he had lied about Addison, he had been the despicable leviathan in her life. She had known he wanted to redress his mistakes but she hadn't given him the chance to. After all, what were the odds that he would hurt her again? There was no guarantee that he would prove anything to her. But for some reason, it didn't seem like that anymore. She wanted to give him another chance. Mark hadn't slipped her mind either but he hadn't called in 2 months since he had left and she had called. He had probably given up on her. Was he still angry with her? She shook awake to find Derek's hands clutching hers. His head rested by her side and he was snoring soundly. She glances at the clock and chuckles before using her other hand to wipe the drool from his lips. He groans softly and she watches his eyes open.
"Hey. I'm sorry." He yawns and she pulls her hand away from his face, wanting to control her impulses.
"That's alright." She laughs while he wipes his eyes.
"I was looking over your chart for these past weeks and I have a few thoughts about why you keep going back into a coma." He pulls her file on the bed and she sighs heavily.
"Derek, I really appreciate it but you've explained this all to me yesterday and you are supposed to be resting still. You can't walk yet and the gash on your forehead is only getting worse." She protests as he hands her the brain films.
"I can't rest Mer. Not till I find out what's happening to you."
Before she can say anything, he pulls out a neon expo marker.
"Every time you slip into a coma, a certain part of the brain shuts down and it's always different. I think your body is trying to heal itself slowly." He says in relief.
"Then why isn't it working?" She asks softly.
"I- I don't know. That's what I want to find out. It could be a million things." He says pulling out more scans.
"Derek..?" She asks softly as he rants.
"Derek." She clears her throat.
He turns to her and smiles before gripping both of her cheeks.
"Meredith, please. I cannot sleep at night because of this." He smiles wide and she sighs, staring at the deep blue oceans in his eyes.
She nods puts her hands on his wrists. Her gaze shifts to his lips and he blinks. His steady breath has vanished and it seems like he had run far due to the panting. Her eyes meet his again and he lets himself stare at her bare lips. He leans in and they open their mouths, shutting their eyes. Her lips tingle as his land on them gently, like a cloud. Before they can move any further, she backs away, her eyes opening wide. His lips are still forming a half kiss and his eyes open slowly, his eyelids lifting to reveal the ocean blue of his eyes. His mouth stills but his chest expands.
"You weren't thinking of him this time.... were you?" He asks while stroking her cheek.
"No... I was not." She says shakily, feeling the hair on his forearms.
She swallows with each word and he leans forward again. His lips are faster against hers, the cloud moving faster into her endless skies. His fingers move into her hair and gently lay her down on the hospital bed. Hers move to clutch his torso as he pants for breath. Laying over her, their lips separate but rub against the other's skin. The evil man is gone and what's left is the man she wanted him to be. He was gentle as his hands undid the strap of her gown then the strap of her bra. She holds his head and kisses his ears carefully, eliciting moans from him. He was doubtful as his tongue ran over her collarbone, cooling it then warming it with his heavy breaths and careful kisses. Was she thinking of Mark again?
"Derek..." She gasps as his teeth dig into her neck.
"We should stop." He shakes his head and brings her head back up before taking a sharp breath. Her lips are red and she stares at him, looking for the liar that he was. Past the guilty expression on his face, she sees the reality.
He was broken, a shell of the man that he may have been... and it was all her fault. His hands move upwards and he puts the strap back on her shoulders before tying the hospital gown's string. Once he sits back, she grips his hair and pulls him closer but not enough to kiss him. He presses their noses and awaits her actions.
"I'm sorry... for everything." She says breathlessly.
"Me too... for everything." He chuckles in nervous relief.
She moans quietly and he locks their pinky's. She watches curiously as he stares into the deep green orbs that he had come to love. She looks at him and her lips curve upwards as he smiles.
"Guess what?" He asks, chuckling. the 'McDreamy' smile flashing on his face while the corner of his eyes crinkle.
"What?"
"This is the longest you've been awake."
"It is?"
"Let's get you to films, find out what's happening." He pulls away from her and gets up, forgetting that he can't walk.
He steps forward and his leg gives away. He crashes onto the floor, hitting his head against the tile.
"Derek!" She yells.
Blood pools around his head and slams her hand against the code button on the wall. Nurses come rushing in with Richard and he looks confused. She points to Derek on the ground and Richard's eyes widen.
"What happened?" He asks as the nurses lift him on a gurney.
She doesn't respond but stares as he holds a lap pad to Derek's forehead. She starts trembling and as she watches more blood dripping from his forehead. They wheel him away and she grabs his crutches. Heaving herself on them, she limps behind the team as they walk into a trauma room.
"Dr. Grey, you shouldn't be out of bed." A sharp voice states as she leans herself into a wheelchair.
"He was- and I- is he okay?" She asks frantically.
"They are trying their best."
Meredith rolls herself to the window and stares as they shock his heart. He groans loudly in the crowded room as he feels a jolt of energy run through him. Looking around, his mind recognizes no one except Richard.
"I'm fine." He says, sitting up.
The nurses push him down and he shouts again, staying down. His eyes snap open each time there is a shock and he can hear himself yelling to them that he is fine. It isn't until a few minutes later when he sees a set of mystical green irises looking through the window. Instantly, the chaos calms and the noises muddle around him. He groans as they shock again, but it doesn't hurt as much this time. Their eyes stay locked and he nods once before his breath lips curve into a smile. He gasps again, his face twisting to show a pained expression. She sees him jerking in the bed and gets up. Ignoring the nurse, she goes into the room and he reaches his hand out. She slides her fingers into his and he grips them tightly. The nurses try to pull her out but she feels dizzy and lightheaded. He nods with tears in his eyes and she laughs through her cries.
"Meredith, he has to go to surgery." Richard's voice bellows.
"Surgery?! For what?!" She shouts.
Derek gently tugs her fingers towards himself. She leans her head down as he breathes sharply. Her warmth makes him feel healthy and safe like deaths claw can't snatch him here.
"I'll be fine. This isn't your fault Mer." He whispers between heavier breaths as her golden hair flows over his face. He blinks once at Richard and the nurses pull Meredith away from him and he sees her face that is tattered with tears. She fights the nurses and he shakes his head at her. She watches him get rolled away, trying to follow him. She lets the nurses take her back to her room and she looks at the stitches on her stomach as she waits to be informed of Derek's condition. Her limbs ached from suddenly beginning to walk after so long. Breathing heavily, She prods gently and sees small trickles of blood escaping the stitches.
She whimpers softly and drops her gown as Alex walks in.
"He's fine and you can go see him. Addison has already been informed and she is done visiting him." He says gently.
She nods and smiles, waiting for him to leave. He hesitates for a moment as thinks about her before stepping inside and shutting the door. She looks confused but he sits at the edge of the bed.
"Meredith... what are you doing?" He asks.
"He was so happy... and I was too. He got excited and he tripped." She buries her face in her hands and he sighs.
"I didn't mean that. What are you doing with Mark? And Derek? I've seen the way they look at you." He breathes.
"I don't know! It's hard. Mark hasn't been calling and Derek- Derek can't stop feeling things for me." She looks deep into the hazel of his eyes and watches him smile.
"What about you?" He asks.
"I... want both of them. I love Mark but I can't feel him anymore. I used to love Derek, I used to think he was the love of my life but now I don't know." She rants as he wraps his arms around her.
"Stop it. What are you doing?" She fights him and he laughs.
"Go see Derek and take your IV."
She nods against his shoulders and let's go as he leaves the room.
Swinging an IV over her arm, she stands up straight and heads across the hall. Derek lays still, his eyes closed and his breathing even. She shuts the door and closes the blinds before sitting next to him, Her hand reaches out and strokes his forehead through the bandage. His skin is rough and his raven locks stand upright. His eyes open slowly and she starts to back away. He grabs her hand and pulls her back, his lips curving upwards.
"Hey." She blushes, hiding her eyes with her hair.
"I told you I'd be fine." He says softly making her smile.
She shakes her head and looks up from their hands. He moves over on the bed and she immediately crawls in.
He mumbles incoherently as she hugs his torso, her head resting on his chest. His eyes drift to the clock and he watches the hands move. Meredith breathes evenly and he smiles. He was winning her back. At this point, he knew something that he could have used before. He knew that she was the love of his life; his soulmate. Derek wasn't prepared to let Mark take her away. He had left her in Seattle, broken and lonely. It had been a few months now. His gaze drifts to the thin X-ray sheet on the nightstand. He reaches out and holds it between his thumb and index finger, feeling the coolness of it. The image of his kid... his baby was plastered on the picture. Tears slip out of his eyes and he wipes them fast. Meredith rubs against his chest and he strokes her head gently in an attempt to make her go back to sleep. Instead, she sits up next to him. He watches her look at the scan and shuts his eyes, not eager to see her reaction. She looks at the scans and sees the baby. Taking a deep breath, she reaches her hand out and gently rubs his jawline, stroking his cheek with her fingertips.
"I'm sorry for making you feel like this." She sighs. He shakes his head and presses their foreheads.
"I'm sorry for feeling like this." He breathes shakily. He puts the scan down before holding her head with his fingers tasseled in her dirty blonde hair. Their eyes lock; green meeting blue and mixing involuntarily. They both lean forwards and their lips meet, rubbing against each other. He gasps and pushes her lips deeper. She opens her mouth and lets his tongue rush in to dance with hers. Their eyes have shut and they are clumsily clutching each other. His hands on her head; hers on his chest. She pulls away and rolls on top of him as he lays properly. His hands move to her waist and he rubs circles around them making her whimper. She leans down and meets his in the middle of a breath. He lets out a groan, intoxicated by her lips as she runs her fingers into his hair. Her lips are wet with saliva and his tongue runs deeper into her mouth.
He was vulnerable around her and it felt wonderful, he could be himself. She loved the way he kissed her, each movement be it a flick of his tongue or an encasing of her lips with his, each movement had the same amount of passion. She knew he truly wanted her, more than he had wanted anyone else. They are gasping for breath and he rolls her on their sides again, pulling away soon after. She buries her head in his neck, letting her tongue have way with its desires. Her teeth find small spots making him grip her hair tightly. Her fingers run over his collarbone and she kisses his jawline to his chin.
He smiles wide and pulls her closer to him.
"What does this mean?" She asks.
"I don't know. Do you still love me?" He hesitates.
"I don't know. Do you?"
"Of course I do. That won't change ever."
She pulls her hand back and he locks his fingers with hers.
"I'm still..." She starts.
"It's been months." He cuts off, his jealousy making him cold.
"But..."
"He hasn't called."
"What do you want me to do?" She snaps.
"I want you and I don't care what happens to get you back."
"But you are married..." She protests.
"Then I'll get a divorce." The words leave his mouth so fast and he shakes his head furiously at what she can do to him.
"You've said that before and besides... you can't leave Addison. You two are having a baby." She whispers against his lips.
"How-? How can I call it Addison's baby when... when I was thinking about you the whole time it was conceived?" He blurts out making her gasp softly.
He holds her cheek and meets her lips hard, pulling away fast and leaving their lips red.
"I'm not ready to be anything like that. I'm not ready to be a mother or a stepmother." She shakes her head.
"Please Meredith." He asks softly.
She shakes her head and gets up before walking out of the room. She was furious with him. It was clear that she didn't even know what she wanted, let alone tossing a baby in the mix. She couldn't handle a baby. Everything was confusing, just the idea of having a baby made her sick. The responsibility of a life in her hands forever. Not just for a few hours. Raising a child into an adult made her queasy.
Her phone buzzed as she entered her room. Not looking at the caller ID she picked up.
"Meredith." His voice made her heart stop. All the panic in her system left and she couldn't breathe.
"Meredith?" He repeats.
"Hey." Her voice is hoarse and he smiles wide.
"Are you okay?" He asks.
"Yeah. Yeah no. I'm great." She rambles.
"Oh..."
"What's wrong?"
"... I miss you. I miss you so much." He breathes out.
"I'm not great... I miss you too." She sighs.
"No... I'm a terrible boyfriend." He shakes his head in denial.
"I cheated." They say in unison.
"With who?" Again, their voices combine.
"Just a guy."
"Just a girl."
"Why did you call?" She asks.
"I still love you, Meredith. I think I might love you more."
"Oh..."
What?"
"You didn't... you didn't call for months."
"I didn't know what to say."
"I thought you were done."
"I'm not. I'm not done." He says frantically.
There is awkward silence through the call and they both sigh.
"What now?" She asks.
"I'm coming back." The three words make her body feel warm and she smiles.
"Do you need someone to pick you up?" She asks.
"Yeah. I wouldn't mind. I'll be flying in tonight." He says softly as she hears a knock on her door. Looking up, she freezes as Derek walks in.
"I'll be there. Bye." She says fast before hanging up.
"I'm sorry," Derek says, on his crutches ad the door.
"You shouldn't be walking." She says hurriedly as she gets up.
"I asked for too much." He sighs as she grabs a bag.
He watches her toss her clothes in the bags and sighs.
"Meredith, please-" He holds her shoulder and she shakes him off.
"He called! Derek. He called me." She panics.
He watches her pack and waits a while.
"What are you going to do?" He asks.
"Would everyone stop asking me that question?!" She yells.
He watches as she slumps on the bed and starts crying.
"Shut up!" She sobs.
"I didn't say anything!" He chuckles defensively.
"I'm going to pick him up and I need you there." She wipes her eyes and watches him shake his head.
"No. No, no, no absolutely not."
"Please." She asks tugging on his arm.
"We can't leave here!" He says.
"Fine. I'll just come back alone with him... and-" She starts.
"No. No, I will go." He cuts in.
"Okay. Alex left my car in the parking lot. Let's go." She says.
"Have your stitches healed?" He asks.
"Yes." She replies immediately.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Is everything okay with you?" She asks.
"There are just keeping me for observation. I can leave but I need to stay on crutches." He nods.
"Get changed." She says softly before closing the bathroom door.
Airports
"Are you okay Meredith?" He asks as they pull into the airport.
"I'm fine. How do I look?" She turns to him and he smiles.
"You look wonderful." He nods as she gets out of the car.
They walk in and stand outside the gate waiting for Mark.
"Meredith... I know you don't want me to ask, but please just tell me what is going on." He asks. She sighs and glances at the time for a moment, contemplating how much of it she has.
"You and I... were perfect." She starts, making her smile.
"But you had already found the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. You kept it from me. I didn't even see anyone but you for a year after." She swallows and he nods.
"And Mark-?" His voice is cracked and hesitation fills it.
"Mark is funny and sweet and kind. Most importantly, he's available. I fell in love with him. These past few months have brought feelings for both of you. I think I just need a little bit of time for myself." She finishes.
"Okay." He replies immediately.
"Okay?"
"I agree. You've been trying to recover from us and you are still a resident. You should focus on yourself and make sure that you know what you want first."
Her timer goes off and he chuckles as she gets out of the car, passing him the crutches. As they walk through the airport, her fingers fiddle with the hem of her blouse. He pulls her hand to her side and points forward to Mark who is looking around.
He puts his bags down and scratches the hair on his nape nervously as he stares at her. They lock eyes and his breathing stops. Tears immediately flow down their faces. She is wearing jeans and a loose violet blouse which he has never seen before. He has donned a blue dress shirt with black jeans just for her rather than wearing something more comfortable. As she walks closer his heart races. Was she going to slap him? Or kiss him? He watched the freckles on her face appear into view and smiles. She is still tearing as she wraps her arms around his neck and steps into his arms. His strong arms wrap her waist and holds her close as he takes in the soft flowery scent.
"Mark." She sniffles into his neck.
"Meredith." He sighs in relief, the sound of her voice much better in real life. Her fingertips rub the hair on his nape and he smiles.
"Hey." She breaths as she pulls away from his grip.
"Hi. Hey." He chuckles nervously.
"Let's go?" She asks.
"Let's go." He nods, smiling wide.
As they walk, Derek joins them and Mark looks between them.
"What happened?" He asks.
"Nothing." They both reply.
They all continue in awkward silence to the car. He tosses his bags in the back and sits in the front while Derek gets in the backseat. They drive in silence too, just the sound of rain against the windshield. Mark's hand moves to the radio and meets her fingers there. The car jerks forward and he clutches her fingers. Derek watches them lock eyes, the view is bewildering: their pupils dilate and his hand moves to her wrist. Derek's foot presses on the seat, deeper until he is sure he is bothering Meredith. She shakes and nods before continuing to drive. Mark watches her for a bit longer and she is staring at the road so furiously. Once Mark turns to look out the window, Derek looks at the mirror and sees her eyes staring back. He swallows nervously, intoxicated by her. She doesn't stop until they get off the highway and his heart rate is elevated.
"What happened?" Mark asks again.
"Nothing-" They say in unison.
"Something happened. Derek is on crutches and Meredith, you're walking oddly." He claims.
"There was a bomb in a body cavity." Meredith sighs.
"A bomb?!"
"It blew up. Killed Dr. Burke." Derek finishes.
Mark looks at her hand on the center console and locks their pinky's. She takes a sharp breath and he rubs gently focusing on her. She parks at the trailer and Derek gets out. Meredith waves as she leaves, her hand slipping from beneath Mark's.
"Where are you staying?" She asks.
"The Archfield."
She nods and he stares at her, moving his hand on his knee. She parks and turns to him. The second they look at each other, they glance away quickly. He picks up his bags and she grabs one before heading inside.
"Meredith, I can hold my bags." He scoffs.
"I got it." She says.
He nods and walks to the counter and books a room before taking a key card. She nods as he picks up the rest of the bags and carries them into the elevator. She gets in with him and the bags making him smile. As they walk down the hall, they reach his room and open the door.
Immediately, his eyes widened at the sight of the bed. Its white sheets are bright and it has a canopy. There are rose petals in the shape of a heart on it. They start laughing sarcastically before actually laughing. It dies fast and their hands are locked. His foot kicks the door closed and she turns to him. His breathing has already faltered and her heart is racing.