"What happened while we were away?"
"What?" Penelope asked, surprised, causing her mother to raise a brow. "I mean, what do you mean, mother? It wasn't that different from any other nights we had. I don't think." Penelope looked away as she smoothed down an imaginary wrinkle on her skirts. "It was quite boring actually..."
"Was it now?" her mother stared at her pointedly. "Because I have heard from some of the house that there was a commotion last night."
"Oh..."
"I asked Briarly but he said it was a personal issue of yours and he did not inquire further." Lady Feaherington walked into her room and sat at the armchair. She looked around with narrowed eyes. "Why is your room a mess?"
"I was just looking for a book last night and fell asleep right after," she said quickly with a nervous smile. "And the commotion or, uhm, however they put it was just me accidentally kicking down the writing table on my way to the...ladies room."
"I see... But Oh! The carpet! What-" She whipped around as if she was about to go and check.
"Absolutely fine, mother. Don't worry about it." Penelope reassured her.
Lady Featherington turned to her with an upturned nose. "The carpet may be fine, but the matter is not. You should know better to be careful, Penelope! It is difficult to find such fine embroidery as that in the country as of late."
"Yes, mother," Penelope answered placatingly. "I will try to be more mindful."
"Try? You know that I'm not fond of the word."
"I will be more mindful, mother." Penelope made her way past Lady Featherington, only allowing herself to roll her eyes when she was a good three feet away. Penelope guessed that she should be thankful that her mother's unconditional love for their furniture and other household paraphernalia gave her the opportunity to segue from a more scandalous topic.
It wasn't until the clock struck 12 noon that Penelope realized she was expected at the Bridgertons' for their weekly afternoon tea. Penelope felt her stomach do cartwheels at the thought of seeing Colin again now that he knew her deepest secrets and obviously had a lot of thoughts about it, too. But the idea that Colin had already leased a house reassured her that maybe he wouldn't be there, which is then contradicted with the logic that he only signed the papers yesterday, meaning the house wouldn't likely be ready for a good while.
She sighed as she walked to Number Five. She was thinking too much, she knew, but she also could not help but wish that Colin had suffered the effects from his crapulous night, making him unable to comprehend and remember anything to do with Lady Whistledown- or just her being Lady Whistledown. Then again, there was a part of her- a tiny, small, almost unnoticeable part- that was relieved that she had one person who she did not need to hold up pretenses on. Especially because it was him.
"Penelope!"
She was taken out of her reveries, making her realize that she was already in front of the gate. "Sophie?" she said, confused.
"How pleasant it is to see you again!" Sophie Bridgerton greeted her. "I don't know if I can say the same about you, on the other hand."
Penelope shook her head then let her gaze slowly traveled from her face to her midsection. "I'm merely surprised to find you here," she said cautiously, "with your husband being so..."
"Paranoid?" Sophie supplied.
"Caring," she finished.
"That is one way to put it, I guess," Sophie sighed exasperatedly, but Penelope could catch the humour and affection in her facial expression. "Unfortunately for him, I can be terribly stubborn."
"So I have heard," she unconsciously said under her breath, to which Sophie raised her brows in question. Penelope reddened but obliged, "Eloise mentioned the 'frenzy' you put him in while he was trying so 'desperately' to woo you." Eloise told her of the stories of how frustratedly moody Benedict would get back when Sophie had worked as a lady's maid in the same house they're now standing in front of. She knew Benedict to be quite the romantic in the family, and just as strongly principled Sophie was to continuously reject him. But, then again, she didn't quite know the full story. Penelope wondered if it ever brought back memories of the courtship whenever Sophie entered Number Five.
"Woo. What a word," she said with a secret smile. "Well, then. Shall we?" Penelope nodded as they headed inside.
When they finished, Eloise and Penelope were left in the drawing room. It was a grand time, as always. All the ladies of the Bridgerton family were present, even Francesca who was supposed to head off to Scotland earlier in the morning, but decided to delay her departure for tea. Penelope thought she would be free of thinking of a particular person due to the number of humorous retellings of each of the women, but alas, Lady Bridgerton did not cooperate, albeit unknowingly.
Violet could not help but harp on the fact that the first thing her son had done after his long-awaited arrival was to look for another home. Eloise had replied that it was just so as he is a fully grown man with tendencies to keep up with his fellow aristocratic gentlemen that take pride in being independent from their mothers. She said it in jest, of course, but that did not make her mother less inclined to scold her for her statement, especially for insinuating that Colin was bull-headed enough to follow suit. Her frown deepened when Francesca agreed that it was to be expected of her brother and that the matter was simply imminent, but was diverted when Hyacinth reassured her that she still has another overgrown boy to take care of even if the other one had gone. Daphne just laughed heartily alongside Kate and Sophie, all in obvious agreement but wise enough to remain silent. They probably understood where the dowager viscountess was coming from as they were, too, mothers and mothers-to-be.
"I didn't expect this afternoon tea to be so," Penelope started.
"Boisterous?" Eloise said without looking up. She had transferred her letters and pen to the drawing room as she said that this place was much more enjoyable to write her correspondences in than her considerably smaller quarters. Among all the Bridgertons- and most other people that Penelope knew- Eloise was the most industrious and enthusiastic when it comes to writing letters to whomever. She said she enjoyed sharing and learning about various aspects of different people's lives. And to be able to reconnect with someone estranged in a single sitting wherever they may be at that moment was just awe-inspiring.
Penelope could hardly relate as she never really had wanted to engage with that many people in such an intimate fashion. Then again, she had been writing to the entire ton since she was seven-teen. "You are one to talk," she retorted. "I think you contributed to more than half of the conversations we had."
"I was merely making the afternoon less of a bore." Eloise finally looked up. "You are welcome," she added before going back to her writing.
"Please, Eloise," she shook her head. "A complete set of Bridgerton ladies is never a bore."
"What about the Bridgerton men?" said a voice.
"Colin!" Eloise greeted. "You are just in time for some crumbs." She handed him the empty platter of biscuits. "Do tell Wickham to refill this, would you."
Colin narrowed his eyes at her sister but obliged. Penelope suspected that it was more so due to his ever-present appetite rather than in obedience to Eloise. When he came back, she tried not to look his way as he most likely was doing with her.
After a few seconds, Colin finally spoke. "Eloise, why keep company if you're going to be ignoring your guest the whole time? You should have at least invited Penelope to join you." This took Penelope by surprise. She looked up and realized he was still staring at her. He raised his brows and added, "I bet she has a lot to write about..."
Her eyes grew in size just as Eloise answered, still busy with her letter. "Really? What about?" She glanced at Penelope, who just shrugged, feigning confusion. "Well, Penelope doesn't often write letters," she added nonchalantly.
Colin crossed his leg and leaned his chin on his hand, slowly moving his gaze from his sister to Penelope. "That so?" he asked with such manufactured innocence that Penelope's jaw dropped at his obvious act to vex her.
It was a good thing that Eloise's attention towards them was fleeting as it gave her the opportunity to kick him under the table. Colin flinched but barely made a sound. Penelope gave him a tight smile as she asked, "Do you already have a date for your move, Colin?"
This caught Eloise's attention. "Oh my goodness, Colin! You better thank everyone and the heavens that you were not here earlier," she said with a scandalous tone. "Mother could not stop raving on about how you chose to move the moment you stepped on English soil!"
"Which you couldn't keep yourself from using to vex your mother with," Penelope said pointedly.
Colin laughed at that. "I wouldn't expect any less."
Eloise cocked her head and waited for a moment. "Me or mother?"
"You and mother."
Penelope giggled, unable to keep it in while Eloise just rolled her eyes. "You better show me around your house the moment you're to move," she said with a huff.
"Why? Are you going to be helping me move?" His sister narrowed her eyes at him. "I was joking! Of course I'll do so," Colin said placatingly. "I don't mind showing you both," he looked at Penelope who blushed, but for once, just stared back at him. He noticed Eloise looking at him from the corner of his eye. "And Hyacinth should she wish it," he added.
Eloise blinked, shifted her eyes to Penelope, then to Colin again, and said, "She definitely would not want for anything else."
Colin wanted to dissect what had just happened. Was Eloise trying to say something? Did Penelope notice it as well? But it was not time to overthink while he was in a rather mundane conversation with a very perceptive and nosy sister. Vulnerability is not a weapon he'd willingly hand Eloise. Colin smiled charmingly. "Then I better return the presents I got her for her birthday and Christmas."
Eloise scoffed and rolled her eyes once again. "Oh please, Colin. I know you ask your valet to purchase the gifts at the very last minute."
"How you think so lowly of me!" Colin exclaimed. Penelope gave a tiny snort, then bit her lip to stop herself from laughing any further. "And why are you laughing, Miss Featherington? You seem to agree."
Penelope quickly composed herself to a prim posture one expects to see from a lady at Almack's. "Well...I don't particularly...disagree," she gave him a smile similar to the one he gave to Eloise just a while ago.
He let out a laugh while shaking his head. "Nothing as warm and welcoming as a bevy of gentle-bred ladies."
At this, Penelope freely laughed back. "Bevy?"
Eloise also shook her head at him, as if confused if she should be embarrassed or amused. "Why, dear brother, are you in short stock of beguiled ladies that you address two as a 'bevy'?"
"Stock?" he repeated with a displeased look.
"What? I thought that's how men of your age refer to us fair swans?"
"Maybe...but definitely not how they should." He could not help but think back to what had happened just yesterday. It made him feel sick to his stomach that ladies like the ones in front of him now are deduced to livestock. His sister...Penelope...
He only realized when Penelope started shifting in her seat that he had been staring at her while he was stuck in his short-lived musings. "So, Colin," she said hesitantly, "Have you already hired your household staff?"
He slowly shook his head, "No, not yet. But maybe later today or tomorrow I will be making some inquiries. I was going to ask mother if she knows any relatives of the staff here who are looking for some work."
"Unfortunately, she's out with Kate and Daphne," Eloise said.
"Well, it is quite a beautiful day," he sighed. "And it is unexpectedly warm and sunny for spring. It would be a shame if anyone remained indoors."
Eloise stared at him for a while and shook her head. He mouthed, What? But she just sighed and said, "I'm afraid I have too many letters due for sending today." She looked between Penelope and Colin. "Why don't you two take a walk, instead. I'm sure Penelope would love to bask in the miraculous warmth of spring."
Colin knew Eloise had meant something when she said that but she stopped paying them any more attention and shooed them away. Penelope couldn't do anything more when Eloise called for Penelope's maid to join them, as was required per social decorum.
They walked around at a small park, where there were less people around since Hyde Park was the expected destination for those who wish to enjoy nature and the rare appearance of the sun. "Penelope," he said.
"Colin."
He looked at her sternly. "You being cheeky will not divert me from addressing what must be addressed."
Penelope looked behind them, and when reassured that her maid was a good distance away, turned back to him. "Must you, really?"
"Penelope, are you aware of how precarious your situation is?" Colin looked like he wanted to reach out to her and, maybe, shake her to comprehension.
"Precarious is way too big of an overstatement." she said under her breath.
"Nonetheless!" Colin started to rave on about the 'precariousness' that comes along with the name of Lady Whistledown, such as being metaphorically stoned by the ton and other things that be described as far-fetched and creative had she not added 'figuratively speaking...' in her head after every warning. Warnings that she, herself, had already entertained, and are, therefore, a mere, if not amplified, recording of her postulations.
"I have been doing this for five, long years, Colin. There's really no need to be exerting such energy on this, as you have mentioned, fine day." It was terribly sweet of Colin to be so worried for her. But she may have also expected something a little bit more than a scolding when he hinted at a walk outside.
"No need?" he asked incredulously. "You should tell that to my mother, because she would gladly tell you otherwise."
"Good Lord," she sighed under her breath. Colin must not have heard because he continued on to plan out the best way they could keep her identity a secret. First, he suggested she retire (which she pretended not to have heard), then to give hints in her writing as a specific person to divert attention, just in case (which was definitely against her principles as both an author and a person, Colin seem to think so as well according to his hesitation), and some other things that are just unnecessary at the moment.
"I just fear the day you'd be forced to run and hide, Penelope," he said somberly. He was looking into her eyes with deep regret as if he had already failed to protect her. It was heartbreaking how much she hurt for the expression on his face. "These days, it takes knowing the king to be praised for your work- or one be a duchess, at least." He sighed, "Well, you do have us. It's in these situations that I greatly appreciate our name."
Penelope remained silent, reflecting on the words he said. "You- I...You think I need to be...someone else to be praised for my writing?" she asked softly. Of all the things he said, that must have struck her the most. She took pride in her writing. It was her work, her art. And the fact that it would only matter to the ton who she was rather than what she had done and given, it dismayed her, especially because she knows the truth of it.
"That's..." Colin tried to reach out to her but must have remembered they were in a public space because he let his fingers fall but not before they briefly brushed her forearm. "Penelope, I- What I think the ton might think is not my own. I know how great your work has been- maybe not even close to its whole extent." Colin shifted in his feet to stand right in front of Penelope's turned away eyes. "What you have done for the ton is unimaginable. Your writing has brought people together and made them listen, which in itself is a respectable feat for such a young woman or anyone for that matter."
Penelope was speechless, dumbfounded by the weight Colin put in every word to reassure her that what she did more than just mattered. "Thank you," she whispered as she tried to blink away the tears that were forming.
"There's no reason to." Colin looked away, looking a little red. "I was only telling the truth..." Some seconds passed and only the breeze and the leaves they carried made a sound. Colin cleared his throat, "That does not overrule the risks, still."
She put her hand on his for just half a second. "I know, Colin. And I would definitely take more caution in my writing...but I can't stop now." She looked at him with apologetic eyes but a determined mind. "Someday, I will. But not just yet." She twirled around and walked ahead. "Now enough about it."
"But-"
"For now." She turned her head towards him, "I want to talk about you."
"Me?"
"What are your plans now? Are you sailing away again soon? What country are you going to next?"
He started to crack a smile. "Well? Which do I answer? Really, Penelope. I'm just one man with one mind."
"Well, who knows when you'd be gone and how long you'd be away. Really, Colin. I don't quite think there is enough time." She tried to sound miffed, but realized there was some truth in her tone. But she was thankful for now that they've left the Lady Whistledown conundrum behind, even if only temporarily.
"You need not pout, dear Penelope." He was smiling far wider now. "I don't have any plans of leaving yet." He started to pull out something from his coat pocket. It was a leather-bound journal, an inch or two bigger than his hand. He wordlessly handed it to her.
"Wha- Colin, what's this?" She gingerly touched the cover, not fully taking it.
"A gift." She wanted to say, 'Well, I guessed that' but she was still awestruck. He had already sent the books he promised her some days ago, she didn't expect any more. He took her hand lightly and closed it over the book. "A journal. From my time in Greece."
She gasped with the journal now tightly in her hands. "You...Y-you wrote," she brought up the journal, "this?" She was going to open it but Colin held her hands again.
"Not now, please. I don't think I can handle it." She looked up at him and saw a blush creeping from his cheeks and ear to all over his face. It was endearing how someone as self-assertive as Colin could feel so shy about a journal.
"Why not? I'd love to read all about it. I might even finish it in one sitting!" She felt giddy holding a piece of Colin in her hands. A slice of his life unknown to everyone. But her.
"It's...well, my first time writing so...." Colin scratched the back of his neck. "Just, maybe, read it when you're alone."
"Oh, alright." She couldn't stop smiling that she ended up biting her lip so hard she was afraid of it bleeding. She looked down at the journal. "You must have enjoyed your travels to have written so much."
When she looked up, once again, she saw Colin staring intently at her. "Yes...among many things, Greece really made me want to start writing." She wasn't sure exactly what he meant, particularly with how he said it, but she was just so happy that he started to write. She had always enjoyed reading about people's travels, and now she could read his. As many times as she wanted. "It was really beautiful. I wish you were there to see it."
Her smile grew a little tight. "You really do love to travel...if that were the case, I might never see you married or settled down."
"I don't know about 'never'. But probably not soon."
She sighed. "Soon enough, I'll be a spinster." There really was an unfairness in the world that made it possible for men of Colin's age free to run through foreign pastures, while women her age were withering after a few short years of having blossomed.
"You don't have to be."
Penelope shook her head. "I know you don't wish to be insulting, but I thought I needn't remind you that I have no choice in the matter." She tried to be blasé but the gravity in her words as she spoke about her imminent future must have been apparent. "I am no man to take a partner of my choosing, nor am I a lady with any man to even consider."
"Which I find unbelievable as well."
"Colin. Stop." She raised a hand to silence him. The topic had gone south and her pent up emotions were pouring. Seasons after seasons of rejection and dejection were rushing through her mind. She needed to calm herself, but she wouldn't be able to if he tried to comfort her in vain. "I'm afraid I am at a sour disposition and do not care much for platitudes."
"I don't mean it that way," he said quietly.
She breathed in and sighed. "Needless to say, I am not desperate enough to be delusional as to believe in such a matter but I am sorry for snapping at you."
Colin remained silent, but she didn't want to look his way only to see the pitiful look in his eyes. "Why do you always hold yourself in such low regard?" His voice was quiet, maybe cautious.
"Because I know full well what others see of me and what I am." Five years of Cressida Cowper tormenting her for her appearance and wallflower personality, while her group of admirers snickered behind their hands were enough to remind her for a lifetime.
"What you are is a wonderful lady." He sounded so genuine, and she knew he was. He's Colin. Always seeing the good in people, always knowing what to say to make them feel like they are good.
She looked up at him, with a sad smile. "And yet no one will have me."
"Then I'll have you."