✨You are so much more than a body✨
I told Jade everything. About what he said, about how I felt- everything. But she never gave me her response, she told me she didn't know what to say to this. And I don't blame her, I feel the same way. Speechless. He didn't make me feel insecure but I don't feel secure either.
The things that Jade said to me about not having my firsts... it did take a toll on me. I was afraid to do any of this stuff. Afraid to kiss a boy because I knew I'd end up hurting by him. Afraid to have my first time with a boy because I knew I wasn't ready to give myself to someone, afraid that he'd laugh when he takes off my clothes. The thoughts- they were poison all along in my mind in the form of anxiety. I hated every second of it.
Seven days pass, we had fun on this trip. I had fun but there were moments when I genuinely couldn't stop thinking about him. Couldn't stop thinking about what he said. He didn't text me and I didn't either.
X
It was the last day. Last day of Bastia.
We had just woken up and were having breakfast in the hotel dining room. I ate a bite of my egg and Jade asked "So, what do you wanna do on this last day?" I took a sip of my coffee and said "I don't know. What do you wanna do?" She rolled her eyes, pointing her butterknife at me while chewing on a bacon "Lana if I knew what I wanted to do I wouldn't have asked you." I smiled, raising my white cup towards her as cheers "Sarcasm at eight in the morning. That's a new record, Jade." She snorted and there was a comfortable silence between us for a while.
Then she said, "I wanna do something spontaneous."
"And what is spontaneous in your dictionary?"
"Loads of things! I haven't kissed a Corsican boy yet."
"And that matters how?"
She pulls her skinny leg up against her chest, adjusting in her seat. Something she did when she was ready to explain her deepest thoughts to me "Imagine. Late night in Bastia- thirty-six hours before we get into our flight-" I looked at my watch and said, "Thirty-five." She stares at me with an expression of boredom "Will you let me finish?" I snicker "Please, continue." Grabbing my warm coffee cup and leaning against my seat, ready for her like she will tell me a story of a lost treasure or something.
"Thirty-five hours before we get into our flight. You go to a club to enjoy your last night in a sexy shimmery dress, dancing your heart out. Dancing to the last night of freedom before you need to get back home and start getting ready for college." She spoke like a damsel in distress "And as you dance, a man shows up handing you a drink. A pink glittery drink with a pineapple stuck to the brim of the glass and a pink umbrella- flower patterned. You ask the guy about who gave you that drink but he just points it at this sexy guy at the bar. Wearing a white shirt that shows off his tan-sexy chest. In blue jeans with those long muscle legs. A chain around his neck that makes you curious. His sapphire blue eyes seem to be staring into you. Into the parts where you keep all your secrets hidden. He makes his way towards you on the dance floor and dances with you all night. You don't know each others names but yet, you feel like you've known each other for centuries."
I paused her and asked, "Is this related to one of your vampire books?" She glares at me again "Alana Maria Stevenson, me dejarás terminar?! (Will you let me finish?!)" I snorted again and apologize, urging her to continue her fantasy. She cleared her throat like she was a narrator of some stereotype-type love story "As you dance, he tells you that he wants to go somewhere quiet. Someplace where there's only two of you and in the young night. He takes you to this bridge and tells you that you're beautiful as you two look at your reflection in the river underneath. And as you watch him in the reflection, he turned to you, wrapping his hands around you, kissing you gently with an appreciation for your being. And then you both part ways with this memory of the night and you get on with your life. Thinking about him once or twice a day." She bites her bottom lip, hugging herself, lost in her thoughts.
I shake my head at this creature I call a best friend. I take the napkin on the table and throw it at her, getting her out of the thoughts. She grins "I swear there was tongue involved too." I shake my head again "Thank god that guy didn't turn out to be some mafia leader who fell for you in the first night."
"Hey! A girl can dream, you know?"
I nod my head understanding and said "You know what? Let's get you that fantasy. I don't get anywhere to be. Wanna hit clubs tonight?" She squealed, getting up from her seat and wrapping her arms around me, kissing my temple numerous times thanking me. Even though I knew people were staring at us but I didn't care.
X
She looked stunning as she wore this short black leather skirt with a black full sleeve crop top. Thigh-high black boots and thick silver jewelry around her neck. Her black hair in loose waves and red lips with minimal makeup.
She stuffed me into this black dress that hugged me from the waist and flared down till beneath my knees. A deep neck that showed a little bit of cleavage and cute golden pair of heels that she lends to me. A chunky pair of gold earrings to finish the looks. She did my makeup, keeping it on the peachy side. My long hair open in loose curls that she did for me.
I pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked a little bit older for my age but surprisingly, I felt good in this outfit. A little confident. I hear the shutter of a camera and turn around to find her taking a picture of me with a smile on her face. She said "Model for me, babycakes." I chuckled, putting my hand on my hips with a smile on my face for the camera. She clicks the picture.
X
After countless selfies and pictures for social media, we finally make our way to the clubs.
It was nice. Loud disco music playing by the DJ, people dancing on the dance floor, having fun. Drinks being served at a purple-lighted bar. Jade swayed her hips left and right to the loud music. Her hand holding mine as we made our way through the crowd.
We danced a lot and even drank a little. I only had a mojito while Jade downed some strong cosmos.
I stayed at the bar as I watched her dance with two men. One behind her and the other in front of her, both interested in her. I smiled because all three of them were drunk to their bones and I kept my eyes there to make sure that none of them pulls anything stupid on her.
I was slightly buzzed and sad at the fact that even alcohol didn't shut my thoughts about him- about Nick.
Maybe Jade is right. Maybe it's time for something spontaneous.
No, Lana. Do you want to do something that'll make you feel dumb in the end?
But... I'll never know if I don't go.
I looked at the time and it was already 9 PM. I finished my drink and walked to Jade. One of the guys eyes me out with a smile as I say to her "I'm going to meet Nick, okay? You be careful." She kisses my cheek with a smile "Go get your spontaneous night." I chuckle and make my way out of the building. I call him without even thinking. And as I hear him, I panic.
"Hello? Curvy?"
Still panicking, I didn't answer. He asks "You there?" I clear my thought and went straight to the point "You up for that painting?" Not even seconds later, he starts saying yes and tells me the address of his apartment. I take a cab and get there.
X
It was an old building without an elevator.
I made my way up the stairs to the fourth floor. Door number twelve, he said. I hesitate at first but I knock gently. And a second later, he opens the door with a smile "Hey, curvy." Wearing a black muscle t-shirt that showed the sides of his lean body and blue-washed jeans with paint all over them. He holds the door wider as I walk in and says "I'm really glad you came. I was just thinking about calling you as well." I look around the musty apartment. With no rooms but a bathroom. A bed in the middle with clean white sheets and a rose-gold-pink silk fabric laid on the sheets. That same fabric will be wrapped around my naked body.
I started having second thoughts but I still pushed through them. I felt his hand on my shoulder and look up at him as he smiles down at me with a soft "Hi." I say back "Hi."
"You ready?"
I bite my bottom lip and nod. His smile gets brighter and he points at the bathroom without a door "If you want, you can take your clothes off in there." I nod again and make my way without saying another word.
Once I get in, I look at myself in the mirror and whisper "What are you doing?" But I still took off my dress, staring at myself in the mirror with only a matching set of black lace bra and panties.
I was doing this.
I heard him ask from outside "Lana, you okay?" My voice was hoarse as I reply "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little nervous."
"Having second thoughts?"
"More like fifth and sixth."
I hear him chuckle outside and moments later he asks "You wanna talk for some time?" I gulp "Talk about what about?"
"I don't know. Whatever you want."
But he asks "Why'd you come?" I let out a heavy breath and answer "Because I wanted to something spontaneous before I went back to where I live- to my life."
He speaks softly and his voice near me "You can ask me stuff if you want, Curvy." And I did "Why'd you pick me? In the crowd of hundreds- why'd you pick me?" He huffs "Because of the way you smiled at me. I'm not gonna hide the fact that your warm smile did have an impact on my heart and mind. It felt good honestly and," I found myself smiling in the mirror as I ask "And?"
"And you were the only person that stood out of the crowd. I loved the way the sunlight hit you. Making your skin glow, your brown hair too. Those brown cinnamon eyes made a shiver ran down my spine."
Seconds later he offers "If you want, you can wear my robe outside." I turned around to a white towel robe hanging on a hook. I asked, "Can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"What is the important thing in the world you love the most?"
"My freedom and happiness- they're the most important things to me. You?"
"My best friend Jade and my parents."
"Why not yourself?"
I stop, thinking about what he asked. He takes in my silence and speaks "Why don't you consider yourself important, Alana?"
"Should I?"
"Of course, you should. Your life shouldn't revolve around the people you love the most. Your life should revolve around things that make you happy, that make you confident... things that make you wanna get up in the morning and not even think once about going back to bed for five more minutes."
I unhooked my bra and push down my panties, wearing his robe and tying it around me. Tying it tighter. He asks "What makes you get out of bed in the morning, Alana?"
"My alarm clock?"
I could hear his chuckle which puts a smile on my face too but he says "This is something you make yourself learn, Alana. I won't lie to you about the journey to it. It's hard and it fucking bites in the ass sometimes but it is worth it." I gather up the courage to ask him "What's your biggest fear, Nick?" I hear him release a breath "Dying with regrets on my shoulders. Being blind to something good and not jumping at the window of opportunity that was made for me. You?" I answered with barely a whisper "Myself."
I didn't think he heard me until he came showed his face, looking at me with understanding eyes and specks of anger in them.
We stood there- looking at each other. Only a step parting our worlds. The boy who loved freedom and the girl who feared it. Two opposite people- opposite and yet, I don't deny it that I was attracted to him.
I wiped a tear away in embarrassment and laughed at myself "I'm sorry for wasting your time." He tilted his head and this was the first time I noticed that he had a helix piercing on his right ear. A thin- barely noticeable tiny silver hoop. In an instant, he was in front of me, bare feet. I had to crane my neck upwards just to look at him because I almost smiled at the fact that I barely reached his shoulders. And then he asks "Do you need a hug, Alana?"
Do I need a hug?
"Would it be awkward if I said yes?"
He smiles, reaching down and wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to his body. He smelled like mints and cedarwood. His chin resting on my shoulder.
As his arms went tighter around me, only then do I wrap my arms around his shoulder. Letting him hold me for a while as I try not to tear down in front of him. He whispers "Alana, you're one in a million. Don't you ever forget that. You didn't come into this world to doubt yourself or fear yourself. You came because you have a purpose. A purpose to do something so incredible that will make you say fuck the haters." I smile as we pull back "Thank you, Nick. I don't know you but I know you're a good person."
He clears his throat "You ready to be painted, Curvy?" I bit my bottom lip and hold onto the ropes because I was still nervous. He steps back and offers "If you want, I can get naked for you." I almost snort but he wasn't kidding when he takes off his shirt and pulls down his jeans. Covering my eyes with my hands, I try to say as gently as I could "That wouldn't be necessary." But he just says carefree "What's done is done. Come on." I hesitate but eventually, I remove my hand to find him in black boxers only. His toned and tan six-packs staring back at me and so was his v-line.
He jerks his head for me to follow him. And I do. I follow him outside and he has already set the canvas on a dark wooden easel. Paintbrushes and various colors of paints laid out on a glass table beside it. Some tubes rolled up indicating that they've been used the most. A white palette on the side was stained with various colors too.
I find him holding up the silk sheet with a smile on his face as he instructs "You just need to drop the robe and get in bed. I'll fix the silk on you, okay?" My body went stiff as anxiety coursed through my bones. I wasn't ready, I wasn't comfortable anymore. I wanted to scream and cry and run away from him. And I was certainly embarrassed for wasting his time by being a wimp. He drops the sheet and holds out his hand "Come here, let's talk some more." I looked down, curling the rope around my index finger "I'm sorry. I am." My eyes close and I only open them when he puts his warm hands on my face and makes me lookup. His thumb gently stroking my cheekbone as he comforts me with a smile "You don't have to be sorry about anything. I understand, it's not easy. It's okay. We'll take our time, even if it takes all night, okay?" He wiped away the tear on my cheek "Just don't apologize. You shouldn't apologize to anyone."
We were real close, the gentle soft strokes of his thumb never stopped against my cheekbone. His eyes looking at mine and then my lips numerous times. He speaks in a low husky tone "Can I ask you something?" I bite my bottom lip and he didn't miss the action as he continued "Have you ever been kissed, Lana?" I clench my eyes shut, my bottom lips still between my teeth as I shake my head with red cheeks and then looked at him. His brow raised "Never?"
"No."
"Not even a sloppy fourth-grade kiss?"
"None."
He gently pulled on my bottom lip, freeing it, and asks with a whisper "Do you want to?" I don't utter a single word but he tilts his head again and whispers again but this time almost breathless "I want to." He doesn't move, not until I gave him a single gentle nod. He leans his head against my forehead, our nose touching as I feel his hot breath on my lips. I close my eyes at the comfort of his touch and him. He tilts my head back, making my neck stretch, and gently- really gently puts his lips on mine. We stay still because I didn't know what to do or how to even kiss. But he gently moves his lips and I try hard to reciprocate his action, kissing him back. His lips warm and soft against mine, making a shiver run down my body. My head leans to the side on its own accord but he never breaks the kiss at all. I hold on to his elbows to balance myself before falling but he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls my body close to him, my hands on his chest and then my arms curling around his waist.
He takes a single step and I'm gently against the wall, still kissing him. He pulls back and smiles down at me "First kisses are never that good but they do lead you to amazing second and third ones." I whisper against his lips before capturing them with my own "What are you even talking about?" His smile remains as I kiss him, trying to kiss him the same way he kissed me, standing on my toes and wrapping my arms around his neck this time. He kisses my cheek and then trails his kisses down my jaw and my neck. Pulling down the sleeve of his robe, he trails the kisses down to my shoulder. My lips part as I groan at this amazing feeling. He trails his kisses up and then kisses me again.
My hands go down from his shoulder to his chest and stomach, my arms wrapping around his waist, pulling him as closer to me as I can. He pulls back and whispers with a gentle smile "You're not ready for this, Curvy."
"I'm not?"
"No, not with me and certainly not me as your first time."
"Why not?"
"Because I won't be around the next day."
He pulls back and walks to the bed, sitting on the edge. He holds out a hand and says "Come here." I ask "What about the painting?" He smiles "To hell with it." I make my way towards him but he lies down on the bed and holds out his arms. I lie down next to him without thinking twice. He wraps his arm around me, pulling me in, pecking my lips, and stroking my hair gently. My face is buried in his neck as I curl up more in his warmth. My bare legs getting cold but he puts a blanket on us and I close my eyes. Letting his warm body cradle me to sleep.
•••••
I really love this chapter. This is my comfort chapter.
Comment down your thoughts and don't forget to vote. I'll see you with new chapters soon.
Love, Hope
♥️♥️