by runaway_train
Summary:
"Louis? You're in charge. Don't let Harry kill my baby."
"Sure Gemz," he grins back.
"I'm not going to kill your baby. Go." Harry puts a hand on her back and starts pushing her passed the doorframe.
"OK, OK, I'm going," she says as she waves at all three boys, Louis lifting the youngest one's arm to help him wave back at his mum.
Once the door is closed and locked behind her, Harry turns around. He slaps both his cheeks with his hands, his eyes wide. He looks like something out of Home Alone. "I'm going to kill her baby aren't I?"
Louis starts to laugh and turns to walk back into the kitchen. "You're not going to kill her baby. Now come on, think someone is getting cranky and needs fed. And I'm not talking about the kid."
Or
The one where Louis knows he has something to say. He just doesn't know how to say it.
The first time Louis knows he's in love with Harry is a dreary evening in late January.
By this point they've been officially together for seven months, which seems like a long time to not already know something that important, considering how strongly he felt about Harry before they even made things official, but it's been hard to really think about stuff like that when Louis has been so stressed, particularly if you are anything like Louis and struggle to think about stuff like that at all.
The romantic part of their relationship has been really good so far, the odd fight here and there aside, but the working part of their relationship has been tough, because, well, starting up a business is a bloody mindfuck, and that's without going to war with your previous employers. When Louis had handed in his notice to Corden Winston three weeks after Harry did, they had been disappointed but understanding. When they had found out that Harry and Louis were setting up shop together they had been surprised but supportive. When they had realised that some of their other employees were leaving to go with them they had been annoyed but resigned. When they had discovered that the men were taking Dashel & Moore with them too? All hell had broken loose.
It had got really nasty. Ben and James tried to lawyers involved, but when it quickly became clear that there was nothing legally they could do, they'd got increasingly bitter and had started trashing Harry and Louis throughout the industry to anyone that would listen. Harry and Louis kept a dignified silence, despite Louis' desire to tear Ben and James a new one on a daily basis. He'd probably have ended up in jail if it hadn't been for Harry repeatedly calming him down. Luckily the whole thing had completely backfired on their old bosses, as it made Corden Winston look unprofessional and publicly bitter, and gained Harry and Louis seven new clients that also decided to jump ship. That just added to the pressure to get the business up and running as soon as possible though, and both Harry and Louis had to admit they had been a little naive as to simply how much work there would be involved in the whole affair. The launch finally arrived mid November, much to everyone's relief, and the proper work had started, once everyone had caught their breaths. And as the days turned into weeks, Louis began to really enjoy himself, never realising actually how much better life could be once he was out from under someone else's thumb.
The festive season had gone smoothly. Louis had spent his birthday, on Christmas Eve, in Doncaster with Harry and his family, waking up on Christmas morning in Harry's arms to the shrieks of children running around downstairs. They'd had to hire a car to drive up there, because Harry had gone completely and utterly over the top with presents for all the kids. In fact, they had to hire an estate car just to fit their luggage in as well. And they were only away for five days in total. It had been completely worth it though when he had watched Harry help his siblings open up and play with their presents that morning with as much enthusiasm as the kids themselves, his heart bursting with pride at how perfectly Harry slotted into his family. They had then driven the two hours to Holmes Chapel in the afternoon to have Christmas dinner with Harry's family, Harry and Louis spending the majority of the time cooing over Harry's nephew, who Harry had naturally spoiled rotten as well. The whole thing had been faultless from start to finish.
New years, on the other hand, was not so faultless. It had started as a fairly subdued yet sophisticated affair. They had gone for a posh dinner with the lads; Liam, Niall and Zayn and their respective partners Cheryl, Hailee and Perrie, enjoying good food and witty conversation for hours. The dinner had involved too much wine though and the night descended into chaos when they all ended up in some grotty club, downing shots of absinthe at the bells and forcing Harry and Louis to spend the next two days taking it in turns to rub each other backs while they emptied their stomachs dry into Harry and Zayn's toilet.
Now, Louis won't lie. The thoughts of true love had obviously popped into his head during all the celebrations of those cold, winter weeks, of course they did, he's not a total monster. But he was unsure if he was just swept up in the excitement of the holidays or the comfort of surviving letting Harry see him at his absolute worst, so he hadn't wanted to assume that his feelings are finite and make an arse of himself. That all changes a few weeks later.
***
"And if he starts crying but he doesn't need changed or fed or burped, then you can put him in his bouncer, but only set it to a maximum of level three, if you put it up to four he doesn't like it and will just cry harder."
"Got it." Harry tells Gemma.
"And I've put the number of the hotel on the fridge in case we don't have reception or something, it being in the countryside and all, so you can phone me there if there are any issues and can't reach me on my mobile."
"Cool." He says.
"And there's extra blankets-"
"Gemma will you just go. I've looked after him before you know?"
Harry and Gemma are standing at her open front door, Gemma's partner Michal already waiting in the car down the street, while Louis stands a few feet further back in the hallway, Gemma's son resting on his hip. Harry and Louis had offered to babysit so the couple could have a chance to have a night to themselves.
"I know you have but..." She trails off.
"But what?"
"Well Mum's always been there hasn't she?"
"Yeah, well, look at us two. She's not exactly a poster child for excellent parenting is she?" Harry jokes.
"That doesn't make me feel better Harry." She punches him lightly in his side.
"I'm kidding. Come on. It's just one night. And Louis is here. He's helped raise all his siblings, he's got more experience than all of our family put together."
Gemma looks over at Louis and smiles. "You're right. Louis? You're in charge. Don't let Harry kill my baby."
"Sure Gemz," he grins back.
"I'm not going to kill your baby. Go." Harry puts a hand on her back and starts pushing her passed the doorframe.
"OK, OK, I'm going," she says as she waves at all three boys, Louis lifting the youngest one's arm to help him wave back at his mum.
Once the door is closed and locked behind her, Harry turns around. He slaps both his cheeks with his hands, his eyes wide. He looks like something out of Home Alone. "I'm going to kill her baby aren't I?"
Louis starts to laugh and turns to walk back into the kitchen. "You're not going to kill her baby. Now come on, think someone is getting cranky and needs fed. And I'm not talking about the kid."
***
It's later on that evening and Louis is watching the television while Harry is changing a nappy when he hears a manly yelp and an expletive coming from the nursery. He goes to investigate.
"Harry are you alright?" Louis shouts down the hall.
"Don't come in!" Harry loudly replies from behind the door.
He stops short, hand now on the doorknob. "Why not?"
"Just don't." Louis hears him plead through the wood.
"Harry..."
"It's embarrassing."
"OK now I'm definitely coming in." He walks into the room and instantly roars with laughter at the sight of Harry, bending over and holding his stomach when he quickly becomes unable to breath. "What.." he tries to get out through his cackles. "What happened?"
"I had an accident," Harry mumbles.
"I can see that." Louis wipes tears from his eyes. He finally stands up straight when he's calmed himself enough and walks over to changing table where the baby is happily wriggling away and Harry is standing covered from head to waist in what looks like talcum powder. "Why don't I take munchkin here and you tell me why you look like Olaf from Frozen while you wipe yourself down in the bathroom." Louis tells him as he picks Harry's nephew up and cuddles him in his arms. They all walk through together and Louis settles on the closed toilet seat, bouncing the little guy on his knee while he watches Harry take off his t-shirt and shake it out over the bath.
"I was singing." Harry says. As if that explains everything.
"Riiiiiight....."
"And it was making him giggle harder the more over the top I got. So I grabbed the bottle of talc to use as a microphone and I guess I got into it too much and forget the lid was off."
"I see." Louis smiles. "And what song were you singing?"
"Just random stuff..." Harry avoids Louis' gaze as he starts towelling his face and hair to remove the excess powder. Louis clears his throat. "Fine. I was singing I Will Survive."
"Way to live up to the gay stereotype babes."
"I'm not gay." He states.
Louis scoffs. "That's funny, as I've had extremely first hand experience that you have done some pretty gay stuff."
Harry starts to run the tap, placing the plug in the sink to fill it up in order to wash his face. "Well I used to just be a equal opportunist, now I'm specifically only interested in humans called Louis Tomlinson. I don't know what label you give that." You'd think Louis would be passed blushing at shit like that from his boyfriend but he really isn't. He tries to deflect.
"What about Ryan Gosling?"
Harry nods resignedly. "OK I'm a little bit gay for Ryan Gosling. He's a handsome man, I'm not ashamed."
Louis shakes his head. "You're an idiot."
"I'm your idiot though eh?" Harry grins, his dimples showing through the remains of white on his cheeks. Yeah, Louis is pretty sure he is in love with Harry.
"That you are Gloria Gaynor, that you are."
***
"Do you want them?"
"What?" They're sitting on the sofa side by side, Harry now completely talc free and wearing his change of clothes he brought for the next day. Louis turns his head from the baby on his lap to Harry's face. He knows Harry's doing that fonding look that Zayn always teases him about.
"Kids. Do you want them?" Harry clarifies.
Louis shrugs. "Yeah, I guess I've never thought about not having kids. I don't think you could come from a family as big as mine and not want them."
"That makes sense," Harry nods in understanding, reaching out the stroke his nephew's arm. "Would you want that many?"
"Nah, don't have the energy for that. You saw what it was like at Christmas. Imagine that every day?" He laughs warmly. "Think two, maybe three would be good."
"Yeah," Harry says quietly, "Two or three would be perfect."
They gaze at each other for a few seconds, probably both thinking the same thing, until a tiny hand grabs onto Louis' jumper and yanks, ruining the moment. "Oi mate, what you think you're up to eh?" Louis says giving him a playful shake. "Here, you take him. I'm gonna go tidy up in the kitchen and put your clothes on to wash." He passes the baby to Harry and kisses them both on the cheek before getting up and heading off.
He's only out the room about twenty minutes, but when he returns, he finds both of them sound asleep, one of Harry's hand resting on the munchkin's back and the other holding up his bottom while he naps on his uncle's chest. Louis' belly somersaults at how beautiful a picture it makes, and he has the thought of 'that's how it's going to look when we have our own kids.' That's the moment that it dawns on him that he is definitely, one hundred percent without a shadow of a doubt in love with Harry. He's had thoughts about stuff like this before, a lot actually, you couldn't have a relationship like they have and not, but Louis is Louis, and he would normally shove them out his brain quickly, try not to think about them too much. This time though? This time he welcomes the thought, he embraces it wholeheartedly like an old friend or future ally. And that's the difference. That he openly and freely knows that Harry is his complete future and he can't wait to live it with him. So yeah, Louis Tomlinson is in love with Harry Styles.
Now he just has to tell him.
__________
The first time Louis almost tells Harry he is in love with him is on Harry's birthday
And Louis is cold. Really cold. Most people would argue that sitting on Harry's desk without a stitch of clothing on, absolutely nothing between his bare arse and the cool brown mahogany wood on the first day of February in Central London was obviously going to result in Louis feeling really cold, but that doesn't change the fact that Louis is, in fact, fucking freezing. And Louis hates being freezing, so he must be in love with Harry because there is no one else on this planet he would do this for, ever, just to make them happy. The fact that Louis' very probably going to get laid for it is just a nice bonus.
He's been waiting like this for fifteen minutes, ever since Harry text him to say his meeting a short cab ride away had finished and he was on his way back to the office. Louis hears him enter the main door and shout. "Hello?"
Louis can hear the question in his voice, because he imagines it must be fairly surprising to come back to an office at 2.30pm expecting it to be full of people working away and to find it deserted. Louis quickly lights the candle that's sticking out the top of the beautifully decorated cupcake that was sitting beside him, placing the lighter back on desk and holding the sweet treat in his palms in his lap and waits again, knowing Harry won't take long to find him. Harry continues loudly through the open plan work space where most people's desks are before reaching the door to his own office and starts to open it, "If this is some big joke and you're all hiding in here waiting to jump out and shout-"
"Surprise," Louis finishes for him.
Harry comes to an abrupt halt in the now open doorway, fist still wrapped round the door handle, eyes the widest Louis has ever seen them. Louis really wishes he had a camera right now, but that's an idea for another celebration. "Sweetheart. You're naked," Harry whispers into the room.
"I am. Happy birthday baby."
Harry seems to recover the use of his limbs enough to walk forward and close the door behind him, leaning back against it with a thud of the back of the skull and reaching down to flick the lock shut, his eyes never leaving Louis for even a second. "Why are you naked?"
Louis cocks his head to the side and licks his lips deliberately. "If you don't already know the answer to that then you're not nearly as intelligent as I thought you were."
A small smile spreads across Harry's mouth, and the bottom half of his body shifts a little against the door. Yup, Harry's dick knows for certain now that it's getting sex. "So I should probably get naked as well then?"
Louis shrugs nonchalantly. "It couldn't hurt."
"Where is everyone?" Harry asks as he toes off his shoes, and slips off his suit jacket. A normal person might just throw it on the ground, too preoccupied by the naked person in front of them to bother what happens to it, but a normal person doesn't wear leopard print Alexander McQueen to work so Harry naturally moves over to the small couch in the corner of the room and lays it down, undoing and removing the matching trousers and placing them down as well. He turns back around, eyes hot and fingers flexing, eager to touch.
"Gave them the rest of the day off, let them start their weekends early."
Harry starts stalking towards his boyfriend. He hasn't touched the buttons of the black shirt he's wearing yet, most likely because he knows that undoing them for him is one of Louis' own favourite past times. "Well aren't you just the best boss ever?" He says.
"I know. Joyce in particular was very excited, she's introducing Colin to Misty and Peanut tonight, practically ran out the door to go and get them ready."
When he reaches Louis, Harry stands in front of him and lightly taps his knee. Louis instantly spreads his legs wide for Harry to fit between them, flinching a little when Harry's warm hands begin to run up and down the cool, soft skin of his upper thighs. He wonders if Harry can feel the goosebumps. "Is that a thing? Introducing your cats to your new boyfriend?"
"Apparently so. Fucking heterosexuals. Honestly." Louis shakes his head in mock despair, but can't hide the smile on his lips. Harry can't help bark out a laugh. "You going to blow out your candle then birthday boy?" Louis asks, holding the cupcake up higher.
"Mmmmm." He leans down and purses his lips to blow but Louis interrupts him before he gets a chance.
"Remember to make a wish."
Harry grins and squeezes Louis' kneecaps. "Why do I need to make a wish when everything I could ever want is sitting right here in front of me?"
Louis' heart flutters furiously. "That's cute, but you get that I'm a sure thing right?"
"Sweetheart, there is absolutely nothing in my life that I am more sure about than how much I love you." He blows out the candle before leaning forward to leave a dewy kiss on Louis' mouth. He's such a smooth bastard sometimes. Louis loves him so fucking much it hurts.
Louis places the cupcake down on the desk out the way. They'll eat it later, along with the other five that are in the fridge. He got gluten free ones made especially for him. "OK, you ready for the next part of your present?" He reaches up to Harry's chest and begins undoing the buttons of his shirt.
"You're not the next part?" Harry frowns in confusion.
"I am, sort of."
"Go on."
"OK first a question. What's the one thing you've wanted to do since we got this office?" He's finished with the last button, and opens the front of Harry's shirt, pressing a quick peck to each of Harry's tattooed swallows before sitting back again.
"Um? I don't know?" He shrugs the black fabric off himself.
"Come on, think." Louis watches him place it neatly on the chair by the side of the desk. Harry's now only in his boxers and socks. Normally Louis would bitch about him still having his socks on while they're getting down and dirty, but he knows what's coming and quite frankly it's the least of his concerns right now.
Harry looks around the room as if sourcing inspiration. Louis can tell the exact second he realises just what Louis is asking him, it's written all over his face. "Oh my god. Are you? Are you gonna let me fuck you up against the window?"
"Yes darling I am." Harry had wanted to do that ever since the second they viewed the building, having zeroed in on the massive floor to ceiling pane of glass as soon as he'd stepped foot into this room, and he'd mentioned it on more than one occasion to Louis. The only reason Louis had refused so far was he wanted to settle in before possibly scaring the neighbours or getting a complaint, since the were only on the third floor and were surrounded by other high rise buildings. But he was as keen as Harry was, truth be told, and his willpower had now worn too thin.
"Fucking hell." Harry tries to reach round Louis to grab him and pull him off the desk, clearly thinking that he's going to execute the plan himself as soon as physically possible.
"Not so fast," Louis tells him, placing his palm on Harry's chest to halt his actions, "I haven't told you the second part yet."
"There's more?"
"Uh huh."
"Well can you tell me? I'm hard as a rock over here."
"Good things come to those who wait, handsome." He taps on Harry's clothed cock twice before wrapping his hands around Harry's neck and intertwining his fingers. "Now, another question for you. What's the best thing for you about getting to have sex with me?"
Harry clasps his own fingers together at the base of Louis spine. "Just being able to make love to my favourite person in the world of course?"
Louis pretends to gag. "Can you give me a proper answer, not one that sounds like you think you're mother might be listening. Seriously, what turns you on the most about me during sex?"
Harry's brows scrunch together in concentration while he thinks. "Well... I guess... um... I just like getting my come in you or on you in anyway I can." Bingo. Louis knows his man all too well, and Harry's 'Louis Tomlinson covered in his come' kink hasn't waned in the months since getting together. If anything it has only gotten stronger.
"Mmmmm. And what's the one thing that makes getting to come in me even better?"
Harry's quiet for a few beats, rubbing his lips together while he thinks on it. "I suppose when you're already filled with my come and I get you to eat or fuck it out of you, just to fill you back up."
"And there we have part two of your present." Louis grins, smug in the knowledge that he was right this whole time.
"What? You're gonna let me fuck you twice?" He seems a little unmoved by the prospect, probably because he fucks Louis twice regularly so it possibly doesn't seem like that special an undertaking.
"Not exactly." Louis unclasps his hands and pushes Harry backwards, forcing him to release his hold as well and give Louis enough space to get down from where he's sitting. He turns around and bends over the desk, placing his upper body weight on his elbows and lying his palms down flat on the surface, spreading his ankles shoulder width apart. He only has to wait a second or two before he hears Harry take a sharp intake of breath.
"Oh my fucking God. Princess, what did you do? Holy shit." Harry drops down to his knees behind Louis, and spreads Louis' cheeks wide, obviously wanting a better view.
"Bought it last week especially for you. Put it in after you fucked me this morning. I've been filled with your come all day darling."
"It's bright pink. You don't like pink."
"But you love pink. Got to be good for my man don't I?"
"I can't. I can't handle this. Princess, my angel. This is so good. You're so fucking good." Harry fingers dig into the meat of Louis bottom.
"Yeah? You gonna take me up against the window? So the whole city can watch you fuck your come back into my tight hole?"
Harry moans wantonly. "Angel, you need to stop. I'm gonna come in my fucking pants." He sinks his teeth into Louis' flesh where his hands have just been kneading, Louis crying out at the action. He doesn't stop though. Can't stop now. Not when he's turning both Harry and himself on like he is.
"I've been half hard all day. It's sitting snug up against your spot baby, your favourite spot that's just yours, that no-one else gets to touch but you. And I've been thinking about nothing but you for hours, waiting for you to come back and fuck me and get me dripping with you all over again."
Harry chokes out a sort of sob before he speaks against Louis's skin. "Can I take it out? Please? Princess, I need to take it out and get inside you right now or I might die." Jesus. And people say Louis is the dramatic one.
"Please baby, need you so much." Harry takes a hold of the end of the plug that's nestled in Louis' hole and starts to pull on it gently, moving it in small, slow circular motions to help loosen the rim enough to remove it without hurting him. It's still rubbing against Louis' prostate with the action, worse than it has been all day, so Louis' cock can't help itself from fattening up against the desk. Harry takes his time, which must be difficult because he's already panting a little just at the prospect of getting his dick in, but the one thing Harry always does, is take care of his boy first and foremost.
Once the plug is out, Harry groans, most likely at the current visual of Louis' trembling, soaked rim. Louis can feel some of the wetness trickle down his taint, but Harry makes quick work of licking his seed from earlier that morning back up onto his tongue and kissing Louis' hole softly. "You ok angel?" He asks as he slowly inserts two fingers in, his breath still close enough that Louis can feel it when he speaks. His fingers are already wet, most likely from Harry's own spit.
"Yeah, don't need it, come on." He murmurs in response.
"Lou," he growls, "I'm about to fuck you into the middle of next week, let me check you're good to go first OK? Don't want to hurt you in the wrong way." The gravelly heat in his voice and the implication that Harry is going to hurt him in the right way makes Louis' head swim. Harry scissors a couple of times at the rim, repeating the action with three fingers then pulling out completely. He must clock the bottle of lube that Louis has purposely left out on the desk beside him, because he stands up and has himself and Louis' hole slicked up within what feels seconds, and then Louis' being pulled up from the desk by his hips.
He manages to help Harry stand him up and turn him round despite his legs already feeling a bit weak. "You fucking gorgeous, gorgeous boy. How did I get so lucky eh?" Harry mumbles as his hands come round the back of Louis' thighs, hoisting him up and letting Louis wrap his legs round Harry's waist, his palms coming to rest underneath Louis' pert bum to keep him supported, while Louis' arms come to sit tightly round Harry's neck. He wiggles Louis around until his cock is nestled perfectly in Louis' crack and he walks them over to the window, slipping his tongue into Louis' mouth at the same time Louis' back hits the frosty glass. The kissing helps distract from the brisk sting of cold, as does Harry sinking his cock into Louis' heat without any preamble, because he clearly isn't prepared to wait any more. He's all the way in before he pauses to adjust Louis again, hooking Louis' knees over his arms, to ensure he's braced to take what is about to come, Louis' cock trapped between their torsos. "How do I feel Princess?" Harry questions when he pulls his mouth just far enough away to speak.
"Like a God. You're incredible," Louis pants out.
"You're the incredible one..." He pulls out and pushes back in swiftly. "My filthy little minx..." He does it again. "Everyone's gonna see..." And again. "How well you take me..." And again.
Louis moves his hands to Harry's shoulders for better purchase, nails digging in, no doubt leaving little red marks that Louis will soothe with a massage when they get back to his flat later on. "I take you so well don't I baby? Cause you always fill me up just right, always have me soaking by the end of it. Never want to be empty of you..." The words from Louis must be the final straw for Harry, because he buries his face in Louis' neck with a whine and his thrusts morph from firm and steady to purely animalistic, fucking into Louis so hard and so deep that Louis can do nothing but just close his eyes and take it, his breath practically ripped from his lungs when every single brutal buck of Harry's hips hits him right in his most sacred spot without any reprieve.
After a minute or an hour, sweat now collecting on both of their brows and the back of their necks, Harry's face comes up to Louis' and he presses their foreheads together. "Close," Harry grunts. Louis can't tell if Harry's asking him or telling him, but it doesn't really matter, because Louis' almost there, and he tightens his limbs round his perfect man, his eyes opening to meet Harry's piercing jade seconds before he comes all over both their stomachs. Louis' end ignites Harry's and he finishes as he intended; filling his lover with his hot breath in his mouth and a torrent of his release in his core.
When they've both stopped coming and returned to earth, Harry brackets his legs against the window to support Louis' weight on his hips and thighs and places both palms on the glass, one on either side of Louis' face. He bows his head slightly with his eyes closed while he fights to get his breath back, Louis slumped against the pane, trying to do the same. "You're unbelievable. Fucking unbelievable," Harry says after a minute, almost to himself, shaking his head as if trying to shake some sense into it.
"Not so bad yourself handsome," Louis returns with a puff. "You can put me down now if you want. Don't get how you're still standing. My legs feel like jelly and you were doing all the work." Harry chuckles lightly and clinches Louis' hips, moving to pull out and gently place him down onto the soft carpet, keeping close in case his legs do actually give way.
"You're OK right?" Harry runs his fingers through the front of Louis' sweaty hair and kisses his cheek. "I didn't hurt you or anything did I sweetheart?"
"I'm amazing. That was amazing." Louis rubs his palms on Harry's upper chest.
"It was."
"I did well then? Good present?" Louis asks feigning innocence. He already knows the answer, but he wants to hear Harry say it.
"Are you kidding? I've never been that turned on or come that fast in my fucking life. You are out of this world darling."
Louis pulls him in for a kiss, and they snog for a couple of minutes until the freezing temperature on Louis' back becomes too much and he pushes Harry away.
***
Once Harry's cleaned them both up and they've got dressed again, packing their naughty possessions away from preying eyes. Harry pulls Louis in close again. "Thank you baby, that was the best birthday ever."
"You know that's not all of it don't you?"
"What?"
"You're getting actual presents back at mine and I'm cooking for you too."
"You don't have to do all that Lou."
"Of course I do, it's your birthday only once a year, got to spoil you don't I?" He sucks on Harry's bottom lip with a purr.
"You're the best thing, the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. You know that right? I love you so much." Harry tells him. Louis is so close to returning the sentiment almost word for word, the declaration of his all-consuming love for the man in front of him on the tip of his tongue, but he just can't, it doesn't feel right. He wants to do it when he says it first, he doesn't want the first time he utters the words to just be an echo in a room, he wants to be the deafening voice all by himself, because that's what Harry is worthy of. So he simply nods and kisses him, silently vowing to keep waiting for the perfect moment, knowing he'll recognise it when it finally arrives.
__________
The first time Louis decidedly doesn't tell Harry he is in love with him is when Louis hates Harry.
"You're such a fucking cunt."
Harry sighs. "Do you want me to get you your stress ball?"
"No, I want you to stop being a fucking cunt you patronising fuck." Louis spits back at him.
They're in Harry's office, Harry sitting in his chair behind his desk where he had been working away peacefully and Louis standing in front of his desk after he has just stormed in and started shouting about receiving an email from a new client about coming into sign their contract. The same client that Louis thought he and Harry had decided not to work with.
"Sweetheart..."
"Don't 'sweetheart' me Styles."
"Don't 'Styles' me Louis. You know I hate it when you call me that." And he does know that. Harry had sheepishly told him once when they were cuddling in bed that it reminded him of when they weren't together and that it made him sad. Louis had called him a complete sap but had mentally vowed to not use it any more. That's the worst thing about loving someone so much, Louis realises, that you're better at knowing how to hurt them when you hate them.
"Well I could call you my ex boyfriend or my ex business partner or even both. Your choice."
"You don't mean that." Harry frowns.
"Fucking try me." Harry stands up and moves around the desk to try and get close to him, but Louis knows what his aim is. If Harry gets into Louis' space he'll try and distract him from being angry with just his touch and Louis simply cannot allow that to happen right now, so he deliberately backs away. Harry stills.
"I'm trying to have a reasonable conversation with you and you are losing your shit at me."
Louis feigns laughter. "A reasonable conversation? Is that meant to be a joke? Because the only conversation you seem to want to have with me lately is to tell me whatever decision we've made together has been superseded with whatever you've decided by yourself. That or to tell me what warm hole of mine you want to stick your dick in. You have no respect for me at all."
"Of course I respect you, fucking hell Louis, I worship the ground you walk on and you know it. But if we did everything your way, we'd be sitting here twiddling out thumbs til next Christmas. We've got to take chances sometimes you know?"
"We're not talking about choosing one of your fucking glittered suits here Harry. This is our business. And you're swanning round like you're the Wolf Of Wall Street or something. You'll be speed dialling hookers to snort coke out their arseholes next.
"Do you not think you're being a tad dramatic Louis?" Harry crosses his arms.
"Dramatic? DRAMATIC?! I'll show you fucking dramatic!" Louis picks up a mug from Harry's desk and hurls it at the wall, and they both watch it shatter and disintegrate into hundreds of pieces with a loud crash.
"What the actual fuck is wrong with you?" Harry shouts.
Niall opens the door to the office. "Is everything alright in here? I heard a..." He trails off when he spots the broken shards of crockery on the carpet and spilt remains of coffee running down the far wall.
"Niall, be a dear and give us a minute would you?" Louis asks him sweetly. "We're just negotiating my exit package."
"He's kidding." Harry says.
"I'll come back later." Niall quickly closes the door again.
"Good example to set for the employees Lou." Louis can tell Harry knows the mistake he's just made as soon as he says it but the damage is done. Louis is officially over this.
"Oh why don't I just piss off then and leave you to it, since you clearly don't need me and I'm just an embarrassment to your staff?" He starts marching towards the door.
"Louis would you please come back."
"Fuck off you fucking cunt."
***
It's 11.15pm at night when there's a loud knock. Louis' calmed down for the most part by now, particularly after phoning Lottie and ranting at her for an hour and a half, which she took in her stride bless her, but he hasn't calmed down enough to phone Harry. Harry's obviously feeling confident then if he hasn't been given the go ahead to turn up.
"You have a key you know." Louis tells him when he opens the door.
"I know. Just don't like using it when you're mad at me, it's not my flat." Harry says quietly, looking at his shoes. Sometimes he looks so young and small compared to Louis. It's unnerving. Louis opens the door wide and walks away, knowing Harry will follow.
"Why are you here then, if you know I'm mad at you?" He hears the door close and lock behind him while he moves to sit on the sofa in the large open plan room.
"Because it's Valentine's Day in less than an hour and I love Valentine's Day and I love you and I don't want to spend it fighting with you. I have it all planned out." Harry sits down on the sofa as well. He sits on the opposite end though, when normally they'd be side by side as close as possible. OK, so he's not feeling all that confident then.
"You have it all planned out?"
"Well sort of. Part of it included telling you what warm hole of yours I want to stick my dick in so I may need to have a bit of rethink." A small smile ghosts his lips.
"I see." Louis smiles in spite of himself too.
Harry looks around the room. "What have you been sanitising tonight then?"
Louis sighs. He hopes the question stems from Harry knowing him too well and not Louis being too predictable. "The oven," he admits.
"I haven't seen you use your oven in the entire time we've been together."
"Yes, well, you stress me out so often I'm running out of things to deep clean."
"I'm sorry." He look guilty. Which in turns makes Louis feel guilty because in reality Harry really doesn't stress him out that much at all. "Why don't you tell me what's upsetting you?"
Louis takes a deep breath to settle himself. He doesn't want this to turn into another screaming match. And yes, Louis is aware he is usually the only one screaming. "Let me start by saying I'm sorry I went so ballistic earlier. And that I broke your avocuddle mug that I got you for Christmas, I've already ordered a replacement. I know I'm bad at not saying anything about how I'm feeling and let it all bottle up until I explode so I'm going to say what I feel now. Calmly." He pauses and takes another deep breath. "I just think you forget sometimes how much we've put on the line. Yes we've had investment, but literally all our own money is in this, from me remortgaging this flat and you borrowing money from your mum plus all our own savings. We've also put people we care about on the line too. If this all goes to shit everyone that works for us will lose their job, their livelihood too. I feel like we need to be cautious because so much is riding on this all going well."
"I get that. I really do. But I feel like you need to have more faith in me, in yourself, in us, that we can do this. It's seems silly to me to risk all the money and time and effort that we have to set this all up to just sit back and ride it out. We've already done the riskiest part, so what's the harm in taking a few more gambles here and there?"
"OK, we need to meet in the middle, compromise, and really stick to decisions we make. The most infuriating thing about all this for me and why I get so fucked off with you is when you agree to do something and then you overrule me behind my back. It makes me feel like you just say things to shut me up and then you treat everything as if you're the one in charge and it's not 50/50 like you swore to me it would be when all this began."
"I'm sorry Lou. I'm genuinely so sorry I ever made you feel like that. I promise from now every single decision will be made together and we will stick with it no matter what. That's if you're willing to be more open to taking chances." Louis nods to convey his agreement. "And it is 50/50, always will be. In fact it's more like 0/100 because you own me completely, have since the day you walked into my life.
"Don't do that." Louis pouts.
"Do what?"
"Say cute, lovely things when I'm still mad with you."
Harrys shoulders sag. "Do you want me to go?"
"No. I just don't want to speak to you for a bit."
"OK."
Louis lies back on the sofa and puts his feet into Harry's lap. "You may rub my feet though."
"Of course baby." He hums happily as he removes the thick socks Louis is wearing and starts to massage the skin firmly. Louis sinks even further into the cushions.
It's not like Harry and Louis fight a lot. They rarely fight at all actually. Louis would like to think it's because they communicate their feelings effectively and work through their problems in a mature manner. But it's not. Of course it's not. If Louis has learned anything over the past year about himself it's that he's the fucking worst at communicating his feelings effectively and working through his problems in a mature manner. He's trying to be better, he really is, because Harry is so worth it. But it doesn't even matter because Harry is great at it. And Harry is also patient and kind and loyal and lets Louis behave like an absolute shit and most of the time barely bats an eyelid because he gets that that's what Louis needs to do to stay sane, that that's who Louis is. He just gets Louis completely. And what's more, he loves Louis for it. So you can ignore what he said earlier. Louis doesn't hate Harry in the slightest. Louis loves Harry. Because Harry's just the fucking best. Full stop.
***
"Love you Lou. Love every part of you," Harry tells him a short while later while he kisses each of Louis' toes before pulling him into his lap for a cuddle. Yeah, Louis thinks, the feeling is mutual. He still needs to find the best way to say it out loud to him though.
__________
The first time Louis actually tells Harry he is in love with him, it doesn't quite go how he planned it.
He's getting seriously pissed off with himself now. It's been weeks since he made the decision to tell Harry and he's bottled it a billion times since then, always finding an excuse as to why it's not the 'perfect moment.' He wants to speak to someone about it, to get their opinion, or in truth just be told that he needs to simply get the fuck on with it, but the problem with speaking to anyone else about it is that he doesn't want anyone else to know before Harry does. And it's now even getting to the stage where he feels guilty when Harry tells him he loves him. Like he's lying to Harry by not telling him he loves him too, or lying by omission at least. Which is ridiculous. So he's decided to just do it. Rip the plaster off, so to speak. He's going to create the perfect moment himself.
He's booked one of Harry's favourite restaurants for dinner tomorrow night. He's managed to play it off to him as wanting to apologise for last week and make up for putting a dampener on the beginning of Valentine's Day. And he's bought Harry a new ring. Not the ring or anything (calm down people), but a new one. It's pretty, just like Harry, and will go with the others perfectly, Louis thinks. And he's written a speech. Well not a speech exactly, more like an index card with bullet points on it which he has kept in his back pocket for four days and keeps reading when he's alone, because he knows he has a tendency to go off at tangents if he isn't thoroughly prepared.
So he's ready. Louis' ready to tell Harry he's in love with him. He just needs to get through the next twenty four hours without having a meltdown.
"You want to nip in here and buy something for dinner or get a takeaway?" Harry asks him as they walk back to Louis' flat from the tube station holding hands after another tiring but successful week at work.
Louis mulls over the options for a couple of seconds. "Buy it in here. I had a big lunch so don't need much."
"OK sweetheart."
They walk through the automatic doors of the supermarket and Harry drops his hand, leaning down to grab two shopping baskets, handing one to Louis.
"What you thinking? Could do fajitas?" Harry suggests.
"Yeah babes, sounds good."
"Cool. Why don't I go and get the fresh stuff and you get the dry stuff and some beers and I'll come find you in a bit?"
"Sure." Harry kisses him on his forehead and Louis watches him wander off towards the fruit and veg before walking in the opposite direction in search of the booze aisle.
***
He's trying to decide between the 'Smoky BBQ' and the 'Spicy Pepper' fajita kits when Harry sidles up to him.
"Hey. You get everything we need?" Louis asks, picking up the BBQ one and placing it in the basket with everything else he's chosen and turns to face Harry.
"I did. And look, those yoghurts you really like are on two for one." Harry replies, lifting his basket so Louis can see them better where they are lying on top. They're the healthy ones that Harry sometimes gets that Louis ends up eating most of them.
"Is it not the peach ones I like instead of the strawberry?"
"No baby, remember? I asked you try them for me and you really liked the strawberry ones and then the next time we got the peach ones and you thought they were nice but had a weird after taste? Tasted a bit artificial you said?" Louis can't believe Harry remembers even a hundredth of the shit Louis sprouts on a daily basis. He's so perfect, Louis' at a loss as to how he ever got to be so lucky.
"God, I'm so in love with you." Louis says with a sigh.
Fuck.
Louis realises what he's done the second it leaves his lips, and he drops his shopping basket on the ground with an almighty clatter. Both his hands comes up and slap over his mouth, eyes turning into saucers. Harry's face, on the other hand, opens up into the biggest grin imaginable. There is literally no way he didn't hear that.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
"Did you just-?"
He doesn't let Harry finish, he drops his hands, spins around and starts walking down the aisle passed the bottles of soy sauce and packets of Thai green curry paste, muttering to himself, "Nope. Not happening. I refuse..."
"Louis William Tomlinson. Get your cute arse back here right now."
He stops immediately, but pauses, taking a slow, deep breath because he doesn't know whether to laugh, cry or scream, before turning back around. Harry has already caught up with him, his own basket now seemingly discarded as well.
"Did you mean it?" Harry asks when he's about a foot away.
"No. Well, yes, I do love you, but I didn't mean to say it," he tells him.
"Why not?"
"Because Harry, I know I'm shit with stuff like this but I honestly wanted to do it better than standing in the world food aisle in fucking Tesco." Louis says, exasperated, stamping his foot like a four year old having a tantrum. Harry starts laughing and he reaches forward and grabs Louis by the waist while he giggles. It just makes Louis whine even more. "Stop it, it's not funny, I honestly had a plan." He still goes easily into Harry though.
Harry's arms are now fully round him, one hand reaching down to have a squeeze of Louis' bum under his winter coat and he pulls at Louis' scarf to press a kiss on Louis' neck once with the other, repeating the action on his jawline, his cheek, his nose and finally his mouth. "And what was your plan my darling?" He says against his lips.
Louis wraps his arms around Harry's neck. "I was going to take you out for a lovely meal and feed you red wine and kale and give you jewellery and list the hundreds of reasons why I love you."
"Fuck all that. This the best way you could have told me," Harry tells him while he strokes his back soothingly, nibbling at his jaw.
Louis pulls back a little to stare at him. Has his boyfriend lost his mind? "How could this possibly be the best way to tell you?"
"Because you haven't done this huge, big over the top affair with a prepared speech and said things you think I want to hear. You've said it now because it's true. And that's all I want, for it to be real and true." He leaves a plush kiss on Louis' mouth.
"It's so true. I'm so completely and utterly, disgustingly in love with you," Louis tells him, returning a kiss of his own. Harry must decide that's not enough because he shuffles Louis up against the shelving and slips his tongue into Louis' mouth. Louis can hear jars toppling over on the shelf beside his head, possibly some sort of tikka masala sauce.
After a bit of snogging, Louis is aware of a trolley wheeling passed them, and pulls back, seeing an elderly lady shaking her head but smiling warmly at their amorous display. "We're causing a scene," he murmurs.
"Mmm," Harry hums softly, flicking his eyes towards the retreating woman's back before looking back at his boy and bringing his hand up to cup Louis' face. "It's never stopped us before my love, but you're right, think it's about time I get you home."
"But what about the shopping?"
"Tesco don't sell what I'm hungry for," Harry tells him, biting at his jawline.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. The only thing I wanna be eating right now is you. So let's go." He pulls away and intertwines their fingers and starting leading Louis out the shop.
"Ok. I love you." Louis tells him.
"I love you too." Harry easily replies.
Shit, Louis thinks, he's done it. And about bloody time too. Now for the really hard part though; proving it. Louis knows that now it's out in the open and he can say it whenever he wants that he will, he's already planning to tell Harry he loves him a hundred times a day. But come on, anyone can say the words out loud can't they? It's proving it where the money's at isn't it? What he now needs to do for the rest of his life? Because that's what's going to happen. Louis is going to love Harry for the rest of his life and he needs to make sure Harry feels that in his heart and his soul and his bones every single second of every single minute of every single day as they grow old together. Because that's the absolute bare minimum that Harry Styles, the love of Louis Tomlinson's life, deserves.
***
An hour later, Harry zealously coaxes three back to back orgasms out of Louis.
***
An hour and a half after, Louis successfully asks Harry to officially move in.