C
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i want to take a step closer towards you and feel your heartbeat next to mine.
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New York had no business being this busy on a Sunday, but then, when was it not busy? The streets were packed with people from all over the world.
"Crius!" I turned around just in time to stop Mara from bumping into me with her steaming hot tea. "I need to ask you for a favour."I glanced at the time on my watch. "I have a photoshoot to get to." She smirked, which wasn't comforting at all. "What's that face? What did you do?"
She puckered her lips, "I may or may not have cancelled that photoshoot." I opened my mouth to tell her off, to be mad at her for messing with my work. But she stopped me before I could say anything. "But, but... I have another photoshoot planned."
"Planned?" The confusion was travelling from my heart to my head. "I don't understand."
"I called Alida, this is what I'm doing with her, or for her? Whatever, but I need both of us to be a part of this." She smiled widely, she was moving side to side, which was never a good sign with her. "You want me to be a part of something that you're doing for her? That sounds suspicious."
"It kinda does huh, oh well. We're late, let's go."
"I didn't even agree to it!"
"I don't care, you're coming with me. It's not like you have anything else to do." Yeah, because of you.
"Fine."
Mara takes me to our usual set. Inarah must have been there way before us, setting up. She's always there before us.
The sun was shining down on me, it was hot today. It was winter just yesterday and all of sudden the sun decides it's summer.
"What kind of photoshoot is it?" I asked. Mara opened the door for me, her huge sunglasses covering more than half of her face.
"I don't know, but it's supposed to be sexy." She takes her glasses off once the inside of the building covers us from the heat. The cool air from the air conditioning soothes the chill in my body. Chill from what? I have no idea. I'm gonna be in a photoshoot with Alida.
And it's supposed to be sexy.
"You know I can see you smiling?" I direct my question to Mara. There's a huge smile plastered on her face.
"That's the whole point of smiling." She nudges me with her hand.
"She's gonna hate it, she's not into this stuff." If anything, she's gonna take one look at me and disappear. We decided on being friends... or that was before I decided I was gonna make a move on her and forget being friends. It sounds idiotic, like I'm backing out from something I once thought of before. Being friends should be enough, but it isn't. It'll never be enough.
"Shut up, we have to get her out of her box and try new things. Plus I ran the idea with her last night and when I mentioned that you would be there, she instantly agreed on it. Now, that's suspicious." She chose to do this by knowing I was a part of this? I don't know how to feel about this. But my body does. I swallow the flutters in my throat, forcing them back down to my stomach.
"Did she really or are you feeding my heart more lies?"
"Who do I look like spending my time trying to please your heart? I'll show you the texts if you don't believe me."
"You're so annoying."
"Awh, I love you too, brother."
We made it to our usual set, and I stood corrected. Inarah was sitting on one of the broken chairs, sipping on a drink. If I didn't know her, I think she'd be drinking blood. She looks up and offers a nod, her platinum hair camouflaged with her face perfectly. I refuse to believe she isn't a vampire.
"Alida! Hey, did we keep you waiting?" My eyes waver over Alida, her hair was short. Very short, shoulder length short. It was also black, very black, very silky, very her. I thought I couldn't like her even more than I already did, but that was a lie, a very big one.
"No, no, I just came. I was waiting for you," her eyes met mine and it takes everything in me not to go up to her and touch her. "Hey, Crius."
I rubbed the back of my neck. I felt like I was a teenage boy again. "Hi, your hair..." I pointed at her hair, which seemed like a better thing to do in my head by the way her hands instantly go up to cover it.
"Hemera made me, it was a whole thing. It looks weird, doesn't it?"
"No, not at all. You look pretty... Your hair looks pretty, I mean. Very pretty hair." Yep, the embarrassment is coursing through my head right this second.
"Real smooth," Mara whispered.
"Shut up." I gently pushed her away from me.
Alida drops her hands from her hair, turning towards Mara. "So, what's the concept for today's photoshoot? I've never actually been on set before."
"That's crazy, I practically live here." Mara links both of their arms together, turning their bodies towards me.
"We both do. I spend more time on set than I do in my own bed."
"You don't even spend time in bed." Alida laughed and the sound was peaceful, solacitive, and sweet. I'd want to hear it again if I wasn't occupied with the image of her in my bed.
"Because when you and I, I mean, when I was at your house, you barely slept," she stumbled over her words and it was cute.
Mara looked between us and smirked. "Look at you two bonding over beds. My brother has grown up, who would've thought."
"I'm literally 25," I deadpan.
"Yet you act like your 12." Her sickly sweet smile made me nervous. She was always up to something. "Remember when you were in Grade 8 and you came home with a bo-"
I rushed over to her, slapping my hand over her mouth. "And that's where we stop." I take a deep breath before dropping my hand. "What are we doing here, Mara?"
She looked at Alida like I was crazy. "We're doing a photoshoot, duh. Inarah, tell them."
Inarah placed her drink on a table and walked over to us. "You tell them, I'm pretty sure I told you what they were, or were you not listening?" She raised her brows accusingly. I coughed back a laugh.
Mara sighed, "There's two concepts. The first one is euphoric gardens and the second one is Wet in bed. Haha, look at that. The irony is hilarious.
Alida shifted, her arm brushed mine. "That sounds very uncomfortable."
"It is, but it's fun since it's us. You and I will do the euphoric garden portion, I've been wanting to do something flowery and light." Mara unlinked her arm from Alida and walked over to the middle of the set stage. The sun was pouring in through the large dome-like sunroof, making it look like she was in the spotlight.
"You're making her and I do something in bed?" I instantly regretted the question as soon as it came out.
"Don't ever say anything like that in public. You're so embarrassing." She smiled with her teeth. The red stain evident from where Alida and I were standing.
"Says the one who has lipstick on her teeth," I replied.
She rolled her eyes, rubbing the stain. "Happens to all girls, get over it."
After she was done, her eyes wandered over to Alida. "You ready, Alida? It's gonna be a long day."
"I'm terrified." I wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her it was gonna be okay, but fuck if I wasn't terrified too.
"Good," Mara replied.
***
I lounged around the set. There were only four people working today, which was odd since whenever I had a shoot, the place was usually packed with people. I would have had a shoot today if Mara didn't cancel it.
One of the dressing room doors opened and out came Mara wearing a long, grey poofy dress with pink flowers stuck on.
"Woah, you look cool." She stops walking, a cold look in her eyes. "Cool? Seriously? I'm wearing Vera Wang and you're describing me as cool? Sir, I am hot. I am gorgeous. I have blinded you." I rolled my eyes at her dramatics. Leave it up to Mara to be like this.
"Your ego is big enough to push me out of the room."
"As it should," she replied. "As much as I love bragging about how good I look, wait until she comes out. She almost puts me to shame."
I grabbed a water bottle placed on one of the long tables. "Can anyone really put you to shame?"
"Nope, but maybe one day someone will."
I turn away from her and take a sip of the water. Then, I heard a whistle. "Let's get this over with."
I've seen a lot of beautiful things in my life. People, places, objects, scenes, words, and art. But none of them, absolutely none, compare to Alida.
The blue dress was poofy in a way that makes you wonder what's underneath. I was expecting her to be extremely pale, but there was a tan glow to her skin. Her collarbones were painted with glitter, just like my heart.
It was hard to look away from her, away from someone who was holding my heart in their hands so gently and looking at me like they wanted to destroy me, or hold me. I could never tell the difference.
"Matoshi dresses will be the death of me. You look beautiful, Alida." Mara's mouth was wide open. Someone has put her to shame.
"Really? I've never worn something like this and with my new hair, it feels... weird."
I take a step towards her. "You look... I have no word for how gorgeous you look."
"Thank you. I feel beautiful in this."
"That's because you already are," I replied.
"Now you're just flattering me," she blushed.
"No, I'm flirting with you." I have no idea where that came from, but her breath hitched when she looked up at me. I fisted my hands, because if I didn't, I'd be dragging her out of this room and doing something she'd regret.
The moment was gone when Mara spoke. "Sorry to break your... whatever's going on, but we have a photoshoot to do."
Mara grabbed Alida's hand and led her to the set. It was set up with flowers everywhere, it looked ethereal. There were fairytale-like lanterns hanging from the top of the set.
"Just act like yourself, be comfortable, do poses you like, if I mention something you don't, then please tell me." Inarah threw the band of her camera around her neck, turning it on and checking her laptop to make sure it was connected. "I'll try to do this as quickly as I can."
Alida looked my way, her eyes pleading to save her.
I was the one that needed saving from her.
Someone started playing music from somewhere, the first song being Willow by Taylor Swift. It should've been the most obvious song choice, considering how cottagecore some of her songs are. It fits with the shoot.
"Do I just do this?" Alida crouched down, caressing one of the flowers. She closed her eyes, taking the smell of it in. She was so beautiful, it hurt to look at her.
"Yes, just like that." Inarah moved around, catching different angles of the two women. Mara was doing her own thing. Sometimes she'd be next to Alida, one hand on Alida's shoulder and the other looking out and away. "Gorgeous. Beautiful. Alida you're rocking it." Inarah crouched to the ground, getting a sky angle of the two. "Mara, stunning as usual. Yep, oh yes, just like that. Let me get this shot." Alida and Mara went back to back, their fingers intertwined and their eyes closed. "Phew, hotness overload. Imagine you're in love, what would it feel like, what would it look like." They separated from each other and Alida looked at me. My heart thumped, what did this mean? Her gaze on me, her eyes searching for something. Something I didn't know. "Yes, yes, yes Alida! One more, stay like that. Perfect! You guys would be heartbreakers together, I think my heart skipped more beats by taking these pictures than it ever has in my relationship."
Mara grabbed the water offered to her. "You're such a suck up, Narah."
"One of us has to be. You did amazing, Alida. I'm having a hard time believing this was your first photoshoot."
Me too. She was a natural.
"This is hard to get used to, good thing I don't need to, right?" I walked over to her with a closed bottle in my hand, she smiled when I opened it and handed it to her.
"Never say never, you might just end up being on the main cover of Vogue."
She laughed, "Oh please, I would bet all my money Mara would be on Vogue."
"Wanna bet on it?" The devil herself spoke.
"Nope, because you've already been on Vogue," Alida replied.
"Scared of losing to me?"
"Yes, tremendously. I'm not afraid to admit that."
Inarah placed her camera on the desk next to her laptop. "I'll see you guys in fifteen for the next shoot?"
Mara yawned. "You'll see Crius and her in the next shoot, I will be over there sipping my margarita thank you very much."
She was already walking away when Inarah smirked. "Ooh, can't wait to see what Leonerra makes you wear. He's been working on these designs for months."
Alida went still. "Leonerra? The Leon? He's here?
Inarah looked at me and I shrugged. "Yeah... Judging by the look on your face I'm guessing you know him?"
"No, I don't know him. I'm... I'm a big fan of his work. I have been since I was seventeen." She was biting her lip. Without thinking, I reached over and took her hand, squeezing it. She barely noticed though, by the way her eyes were wandering over the room.
She must be a crazy fan of Leons.
"Woah, crazy. He'll be out for the photoshoot, I'm sure he'd love to meet the woman modelling in his clothes," Inarah said.
To lift her confidence I added, "He'd more than love it, he's been talking about having someone new for his shoots, probably got tired of Mara."
"You know I can hear you, asswipe." Mara yelled from across the room. I chuckled. "Sorry, sister. It's the truth."
Alida started walking back and forth, crossing her arms and then uncrossing them. She was thinking too fast and too far, I couldn't slow her down, I couldn't catch up. "I shouldn't do this. I'm gonna sit weird or do something odd and then he'll hate it, he'll hate me. I shouldn't..."
I grabbed her shoulders, pulling her towards me. "Hey, breathe. Leon is the coolest guy I know. He'll love you and if he doesn't, then I'll make him love us."
She took a deep breath. When she realized I was touching her, she slowly moved away. "This is such a risque photoshoot, are you okay with it?"
I cleared my throat. "Are you okay with it?
She let out a breathless laugh. "Other than the spiders crawling up my stomach, yes."
I smiled, "We got this, Alida. You and I."
She returned the smile. "You and I."
***
"She's pretty," Leon walked into my dressing room. His hair was pulled back into a bun and he was covered with a robe.
"Who's pretty?" I asked. I knew who he was talking about, anyone would know. She walked into a room and all eyes were on her. She was exotic.
"Like you don't know who I'm talking about," he rolled his blue eyes. "We need to muss up your hair or let her do it."
"What do you mean muss up? It's fine, the water will ruin it anyways." I ran my hands through my hair.
"I hope you're ready for what we have planned for you and her." He was smirking when I looked at him in the mirror.
"She has a name, you know?"
"Oh, I know and she'll tell me." He turned around, "I look forward to meeting the girl who captured your heart."
The door of the dressing room closed and I took a deep breath.
Was it that obvious that I liked her?
I drop my head in my hands, then aggressively run it through my hair.
I can do this. We can do this.
It's gonna be fine.
***
"Holy fuck." Mara whispered under her breath.
So, it was not gonna be fine.
"Holy fuck indeed," Leon whistled. I glared at him, wasn't he gay?
Inarah stared openly at Alida. "I... My... Wow."
So all of us were at a loss for words. The slip was barely covering anything other than her intimate parts. There was so much skin, so much of it. I didn't know where to look. Lace and silk, not a good combination. The only good thing about the dress was that it wasn't showing her legs, if it did... I wouldn't know what I'd do. They left her hair opened, empty, free.
"How the fuck am I supposed to control myself? Fuck." I cursed under my breath.
"Don't ask me, I'm going through bipanic right now." Mara was still in shock, so was everyone else. I wanted to tell the guys who stopped working on the studio lights to fuck off, but I couldn't, because I was just like them.
"Fuck," I shut my eyes.
"You said that already," Mara lightly nudged me with her elbow. I was caught in a dream and I didn't want this to end.
"Look at her, who made her wear that?" I asked no one in particular.
"Me." Of course it was Leon, who else would it be.
"I don't know whether to strangle you or kiss you."
"I prefer being kissed, that too on the mouth please." Okay so he's still gay. Good.
"Leon, she looks so fucking- shit, good. She looks good." I run my hand through my hair, I don't know how to control my heart, or... other places.
"Don't insult me like that, she looks scandalous, sexy, seductive."
Before I could reply to Leon, her timid voice echoed in my ears. "Are you guys gonna keep staring at me or...?"
"Excuse us, but something as exquisite as you can't be ignored." Leon made his way over to her. His charming smile would have melted hearts, and other things if he wasn't gay.
Alida's eyes widened. "Leonerra, oh my, I, uh, I'm Alida. I'm a huge fan of your designs, this is like a dream come true." She stumbled over her words and it was adorable to watch.
Leon took ahold of her hand and kissed the top of it. "Leon, call me Leon or Leo, whatever you prefer. But you are the dream, Alida. You are my dream."
Mara pulled Leon back, "Enough of that or she'll think you're not gay."
"I might not be after seeing a beautiful woman like Alida." He looked my way and winked.
I wonder what it would be like to castrate a specific part of someone's body, especially their most valued part.
"As much as I want to stand here and adore Alida in a Dior slip, you look incredible Alida, but I have somewhere to be in an hour." Inarah made her way back to her equipment.
Leon groaned, "Buzzkill."
Mara glared, "Party Pooper."
Inarah laughed, "The party has just begun."
She signalled to me, telling me to get in my place.
I hesitantly grabbed Alida's hand which she took without hesitation and walked us over to the set. Somehow, they changed it in the time we were getting ready. We were surrounded by mirrors. There was a mirror behind us, a mirror underneath the bed that was in the middle, and one mirror on the side. The sun was now setting which reflected on the mirrors.
When I looked into the mirror behind us, Alida was looking at me. Her smile was shy and nervous. She looked like an angel dressed as the devil. Her in her black slip and me in my white button up shirt. My hair was already a mess and I wanted to mess up hers.
And mess up her lipstick.
We were so captivated by each other we didn't realize Inarah said, "Water!"
Alida's eyes widened, "What?!"
"Shit," I whispered. The rain sprinklers turned on and water poured from the sunroof. I heard faint laughter escape from Alida's lips and laughed along with her. Her hair clung to her face, but her makeup was still intact. She was smiling in a way I've never seen her smile.
Unreserved.
"I love this," I heard Mara yell over the water.
Leon clapped his hands, "Cue the music."
The familiar beat got me even more hyped. "Really Leon?!"
I looked at him through my lashes and he shrugged, "Chase Atlantic is the best way to get in the mood for this kind of shoot."
He wasn't wrong.
"Plus it's slowed down, makes it sexier." She was right. OH MAMI boomed through the speakers, loud enough for both of us to hear.
"I'm soaked." Alida yelled at them.
"Oh I bet you are." Leon's dirty joke wasn't hidden from us.
"Leon!" I groaned.
He laughed loudly, "Look at them blushing, so cute. Let's get on with this!"
"That's what I've been saying." Inarah took a practice shot of us and looked at her laptop. She then looked at me and gave me the thumbs up.
Inarah never tells me what to do during my photoshoots because she knows I know how I want to do things.
Alida's hands were clung to her sides, as was her dress. "I don't know what to do." She didn't look at me.
"Put your hands on my chest," my voice was authoritative.
"What?" Her small voice next to mine was one hell of a hot contradiction.
"Like this." I grabbed her hands and led them to my chest. They laid flat on it and I sucked in a breath at the warmth of her hands seeping through my shirt.
"Wow, you're very hard here," she said.
An unknowing smirk made its way onto my face. "Hard huh?"
"Huh?" Her eyes widened.
Inarah snapped a picture, "Get a little closer, you two."
I grabbed her by the waist, pulling her towards me on the bed. "Are you okay with this?"
She visibly swallowed, "Yeah."
"And this?" One of my hands made its way up her arms to her neck. She shut her eyes at the contact, her head leaning into my hand.
"Mhm," she hummed.
My hand went a little higher, and gently pulled her hair. "Look me in the eyes."
She opened her eyes. The heat in them was unmistakable. "Start unbuttoning my shirt." She looked down at my chest, but I gripped her chin, lifting it back up.
Without breaking eye contact, she starts working on the buttons. "You're shivering," I said.
She stayed quiet, finally undoing the first button. "No, not shivering."
"Then?" My hands found hers on my chest. She sucked in a breath.
"I can do it myself," she breathlessly let out.
"I don't know, it seems like you need some help." I helped her undo the second button.
She moves in closer to me, her lips come in contact with my chin. Her breath caressing my face. "I can manage, thanks." I barely held back a groan.
"If you say so."
My hand goes back to her hair, massaging her scalp.
She stops undoing the buttons. "What are you doing?"
I stop, "What am I doing?"
She groaned. "That," I started massaging her scalp again. "Feels good," she moaned.
The sound went straight down. "Mhm?"
"Mhm."
"I'm done with the shirt," I wouldn't have been able to hear her if it wasn't for her bare hands on my chest and her eyes on it.
"Look back up at me."
She looked up, her eyes were so dark. I wasn't gonna be able to keep myself controlled much longer. "I am."
I smiled. "I can see that."
"What do I do now?"
"What would you like to do?"
"Is this okay?" Her hands on my chest? Fuck yes.
I groaned, "It's more than okay."
Her eyes looked back at my chest. "Uh uh, don't look away from me."
"You're so close." Our breaths were swaying past each other, two secrets who couldn't touch, even though they wanted to.
"I want to be closer," I said, gripping her chin.
"What?" her brown doey eyes would be the death of me. How could a strong, fiery woman like her become so small and innocent within a second?
"Do you know how beautiful you look right now?" I asked her, my hand now cupping the side of her face. "I'm trying so hard to be a gentleman in front of everyone here."
She doesn't say anything but she doesn't break eye contact either. A hot minute later, she sighs. "Don't be a gentleman, I don't want you to be one."
"Then what do you want me to be?" It was supposed to be a harmless question, one that wasn't supposed to mean much to her or to me.
"Mine." My heart shivered inside, burning with a ferocious urge to connect us in a way I know how to.
"Can I kiss you?" My voice was gravely, I'd be surprised if she didn't get scared of it.
I was scared of it.
Our eyes burned into each other, "As long as you promise it means nothing." She moved closer, if that was possible.
My heart sank in my chest, but I didn't pay attention to it. "I don't make promises."